


On Your Doorstep

by ThirteenSocks



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Domestic Violence, M/M, Mpreg, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Rape/Non-con, Pregnant Keith (Voltron), Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 89,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21700909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirteenSocks/pseuds/ThirteenSocks
Summary: Shiro settled on Earth. He settled with a husband. He settled for a big home with plenty of land.Only now he’s divorced. His house feels empty. And he’s not so sure he should have left space and adventure.Or Keith.One day, when Keith shows up on his door, ship crashed outside, bleeding and needing help, Shiro comes to realize that what he left behind may not have left him behind.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Lance & Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 81
Kudos: 236





	1. Chapter 1

A knock pounds at Shiro’s door and there’s little sound to compete with it. He’d settled his lips upon his glass of wine and mind into the zone of his tinkering. He stares at the pieces of the motor on his counter. The knock pounds again-

“Middle of nowhere and still people seem to find me,” he mutters to himself and takes a gulp.

He should have stayed in space.

Sighing, he carefully places down his flute amongst the greasy parts and tools laid out on the kitchen island. 

”Comin’!” His says rough,” ‘M not as quick as I used to be.”

With a push off the edge of the counter, he ambles towards the door and opens it. When he does, Keith falls inside. The hand that had been poised for knocking beats against his chest. It’s a scramble to wrap the man in his arms.

”Shiro,” Keith says, voice watery, like the cough that follows, ”Help,” he tries using Shiro’s hold to pull himself upright but just falls against Shiro. 

Shiro reaches behind them and surveys the outside before closing the door.

Keith resists his attempts to be brought upright with whimpers. After a few tries, Shiro gives up and inches them over to the couch. 

”I- hh, was on my way- I wanted to see you and-” he coughs into his hand and blood drips between fingers, ”-bandits.” He pulls his hand away with a grimace.

He hasn't seen Keith for ages. The man next to him is hardly who he remembers. Gone is the sheen to the hair that cascades down Keith’s back. Gone is the dew of his skin. Gone is the proud stance. Keith has never looked so broken. 

” Fuck, Keith.” He wishes he’d downed the entire glass of wine. He calls for an ambulance and rips off his shirt to press it tightly to the wound on Keith’s side. Keith cries out but schools his face quickly. “Where is he?” It’s a fight to quell the malice on his tongue.

”Handror?” Keith says with effort and raises his bloody left hand, wiggling the ring finger. His _ringless_ ring finger. His lips press hard and he looks away from Shiro as he cradles his hand to his chest.” He hit me, so I left him.” 

His expression doesn’t make it look as simple as such but Shiro drops it. Now isn’t the time. And the man never did well with prying.

He makes a choking sound and spits up onto his lap. With a voice weaker, he asks,” Curtis?” 

Shiro laughs pained even to his own ears. He raises his own ringless finger from Keith’s shoulder and holds it in view” Didn’t hit me. But I still left.” 

Keith’s eyebrows furrow and mouth twitch but he doesn’t speak. He tentatively places a hand atop the one Shiro’s holding pressure to the wound with. 

Shiro continues, ” Didn’t really even know him when we’d gotten married. He was great. I just wasn’t in love with him,” he searches Keith’s eyes, he wants to comb the blood-matted bangs away from the man’s face but steadies the impulse, ”I’m sorry about Handror. I’m glad you got out, Keith. That’s not easy to do.”

Keith smiles for a second and winces, doubling over where their hands are. 

”They should be here soon, baby,” fuck he didn’t mean to say baby, he hopes Keith doesn’t notice, ”Hang in there.” Too long had the man been ‘baby’ in Shiro’s mind.

Keith chuckles, barely lifting his head, ”If anything happens to me, I want you to take over Voltron.”

Shiro chuckles back. ”Stop it. I’m the one who’s supposed to make those jokes.” 

He’s scared for Keith. But he’s even more afraid to show it or even try and process it. He’s not blind. Keith had always been so in-tune with how Shiro feels and what he thinks. He doesn’t want Keith to panic. 

The paramedics knock as Shiro is telling Keith about Lance’s plans to visit in a few days. He’s reluctant to get up, to move his hands, and Keith tightens his own grip too.

”It’s not locked,” he yells, ”I’m afraid to move my hands from his wound.”

The door opens and the paramedics enter along with a stretcher. They ask questions and take quick diagnostics, but Keith holds Shiro’s eyes through it. At least until they shine a flashlight in his eyes and force him to look away. 

It’s inappropriate but Shiro does notice that Keith still looks good, even with the wounds and bruising.

They get Keith on the gurney and for once Shiro’s glad for the fame that Voltron brought them; nobody questions as Shiro follows them into the back of the ambulance. They whisper about, ’the red and black paladins,’ and he figures they’ve asked Shiro’s relation to Keith. If they care for Keith with the same level of awe that they have for their former positions, then he doesn’t mind the celebrity.

Shiro watches Keith fight to keep awake. He takes Keith’s hand gently into his own.

This whole time it’s been Keith. If there ever was going to be anyone for him.

That someone would be Keith.

After so long, the man had shown up on his doorstep. After so long, the man had wanted to see him. After so long, he had found a way to still need Shiro.

He really should have stayed in space.

They arrive at the hospital and file out. Nurses meet them as they rush inside and by-pass the front desk. Shiro keeps up with them, once more grateful that no one would stop the former Black Paladin. He waits on a chair in the corner of the room as they take care of Keith. They pay him no mind until a nurse leaves and returns with a doctor. She tells him they must do emergency surgery. 

Even if the circumstance were that he could watch, Shiro would never be able to stomach seeing Keith get operated on. So, he heads out into the cafeteria to grab a cup of expensive but subpar coffee. 

If he doesn’t see it, he doesn’t have to think about it

* * *

He dials up Lance.

”Yo, ’sup?” The man’s voice sounds ragged.

”Are this a bad time?”

”No-” he huffs, ”-Just, have to get the gate closed, before- uh, the rabbits get out and eat everything.”

Shiro looks down into his cup. The coffee was kind of nasty, if he’s being honest, but he drank it anyway. ”You should’ve followed her.”

Lance scoffs, ”I’m happy here,” his voice wavers and Shiro can hear the laboured breathing pick up.

Shiro waits.

He’s known Lance long enough to know silence from others draw the full story from Lance.

”I- I was afraid, ok? What if I missed home? I thought I would miss it here.” There’s the sound of a gate swinging shut and it’s lock clicking.

”And now you miss out there?”

”Yeah, I do. It’s like... Man, I don’t know. Do we even belong anywhere anymore? Home doesn’t feel like home.”

Shiro paces the small, empty stretch of hallway between the cafeteria and the vending machines.

”Now that you’ve let me redeem my free therapy for the day, it’s time you cashed in on yours.”

Shiro smiles. There’s a kinship he has in Lance. The others stayed in space. He doesn’t admit it outloud but coming back ’home’ was another way for him to keep running away. Lance would join him in denying it. ”Keith’s back.”

The sound of the phone getting dropped from the other end is painful in Shiro’s ears.

”What? Uh, you wanna run that by me again?”

_Not really._

”Keith came to my door. He was... shot by bandits.”

”Why do you sound calm? Shiro, this is Keith. _Keith_. Remember, the man you lo-”

”I’m calm _because_ it’s Keith. He’s part Galra.”

”Or, you’re calm because you’re not actually calm and you’re dying inside and terrified and that’s why you’re using the phone that you always conveniently have on silent when I call.”

Shiro tilts the phone away from his cheek so he can sigh. Lance’s people reading skills are too uncanny some times. Only Keith can read him better.

”Listen, Shiro. I’m also sure he’ll be fine. He’s _Keith_. I’m just worried about you. It’s ok to be scared. It’s ok to love him, Shiro.”

”He left his husband. He didn’t tell me everything -he was kind of bleeding and busy coughing up blood- but...” Shiro curls a fist tight and barely controls it on its way to impact with the wall, ”he was being hit. Maybe more. I don’t know. Keith... He doesn’t let things go easy. I... Can only imagine what it took.” He bounces his fist lightly off the wall over and over because it’s a better alternative to shattering his fist.

Lance curses.

A nurse is hurriedly approaching him. He lets Lance know he’ll call the man later.

”Mr. Shirogane? Please follow me.”

He gets that they can’t discuss patient information in the open but that just set his pulse racing. He follows her down the hall and back into the ward. He’s glad he drained the coffee because he accidetally crushes the cheap styrofoam in his fist.

They walk into a room and it steals the air from his lungs.

There’s Keith, lying on a hospital bed, hooked up to IV drips and- Shiro hasn’t seen Keith so weak since the war. Nothing can keep the man in bed, so lifeless, so calm, except injury.

”Were there complications? Did something happen in surgery?”

The nurse shifts from foot to foot, a chart is tucked beneath her arm. ”Yes. No.”

Shiro inhales.

”The surgery was a success, and he’s already healing so fast,” she pauses, and continues in a smaller voice, ”It must be his... _genes_. But he’s doing well.”

”What were the complications then?”

”Well, speaking of his genes, we’ve found something rather, uh, beyond our scope.”

”What’s wrong with Keith?” Shiro nearly barks, and it startles even himself.

”He’s...,” she rubs her lips together.

There’s a loud crashing noise outside and someone yells, ”Bomb!” And then an explosion, followed by, ”Aliens!”

The room clears out and as the medical staff run out, Shiro runs in. He apologizes to the sleeping Keith as he pulls the IVs out. He hoists Keith up on his shoulders in a fireman carry and dashes out of the room with Keith.

He balances Keith’s weight so that he can fish into his pocket for his phone. He opens it and calls Lance long enough to tell him to, ”Get Blue ready. University hospital,” and then stuffs it back in to concentrate on getting out of there with Keith.

He takes the emergency stairs down, wincing at how much it’s jostling Keith. There’s the sound of panic outside the stairwell, but thankfully there was nothing else to indicate more explosives or destruction.

He reaches the lobby and dodges through the crowd that’s starting to form.

It’s when he’s outside that he understands what’s got everyone paralyzed. A mid sized ship is hovering in the sky above the hospital. Where it blew a hole into the building is a platform thatis extending down from the ship.

Shiro turns away and swallows the dread that’s creeping its way up his throat.

”Sorry, Keith, just a little further. Lance is on his way.” Keith’s in no condition to be bounced around like this. Shiro hopes Lance arrives soon, so he can stop running, and they can get Keith hooked into Blue’s emergency pod.

He’s at the edge of the parking lot when Blue dives through the clouds and scoops them into her mouth.

He spares a quick greeting at Lance as he rushes to the pad to release the pod. Carefully but quickly he shimmies Keith from his shoulders, to his arms, and then lowers him inside. Keith’s eyes are still closed and Shiro’s willing to bet he’s sleeping off the anesthesia. He closes the lid. And, realizing he can do no more, he finally joins Lance who’s at the controls.

He stands behind the command chair with a hand firmly on the head rest. Lance is such a capable pilot now, maneuvering them away from the ship and out of Eartj’s orbit with skill and haste.

He’s quiet, letting Lance navigate them through the Solar System. It’s only when they pass Kerberos that he starts conversation. But not before a glance back at the unconcious Keith.

”Thanks, Lance. Uh, how’re things?”

Lance snorts. ”Oh, you know. Dandy.”

Shiro chuckles humorlessly and walks over to a wall, sinking down it with his back.

”Ok, Shiro. For real now. Spill it.”

”Keith’s...”

”Oh god, Shiro, don’t you dare. Don’t tell me- Keith... he can’t be. He’s stronger than that! And the pod isn’t even screaming at us or flashing red- I mean could it have broken? Oh God. The pod’s broken! Keith’s dy-”

”He’s pregnant.”

”-ing.”

Blue lurches upward for a moment, Lance’s hand on her controls having yanked down. ”Oh.”

”Yeah, oh.”

Silence.

”Wait, ok. Sorry. Run that by me again.”

Silence.

”Keith is... pregnant.”

Lance shakes his head like he’s nodding, like he understands, like he’s accepting it, like it’s no big deal. ”Keith is pregnant.” He repeats Shiro’s words, only with less hesitation. ”We have to go find the Blades. They’ll know what to do. They’ll know. They’ll- I mean it’s a Galra thing obviously. So, like. They’ll know.”

Shiro buries his head in his hands.

”Shiro, why was Keith being pursued?”

Shiro just makes a noise.

”Ok. Good talk.”

* * *

Lance calls Krolia.

Shiro gets up and stays by the pod, watching Keith breathe in and out as glowing writing appears and scrolls on the see-through encasing. He can’t read it. It’s in Altean. But occassionally it displays the figure of a body and there are arrows pointed at the side and the abdomen. Shiro lays a hand over it.

”Hey Shiro, Krolia said she can meets us at the next moon.”

Shiro hums to let Lance know he heard the man.

”Ok, Shiro. Get over here,” Shiro leaves Keith reluctantly, ”I know this is a lot but we have to focus. It’s... _Keith_ , I get it. But if you don’t pull yourself together, well. This is Keith and he needs you right now.”

It works to sober him up. ”Sorry, it’s been... so long.”

Shiro sits down in a chair that Blue conjures from the floor. He looks out at the blackness surrounding them. There are some stars but it’s right out of the Solar System, so it’s going to be awhile.

Lance turns to him and smiles, ”Yeah. I guess heading back to Earth after everything didn’t exactly help us keep out barings.”

 _Why’d we do it_? He smiles sadly.

”Do you think Blue can pick up Earth radio signals?” Lance says after the quiet settles in. There’s nothing but the low hum of Blue, the occassional, quiet beep from the pod, and sprawl of distant stars.

The years seem to have taken their toll on Lance, too. There’s so much to talk about and the man is staying mum. It’s as much growth as it is a warning sign. The Lance he knew, back when they called this empty expanse their home, was loud and couldn’t control his mouth. Even their chatter on the phone and their hangouts held more conversation and vivacity. And unlike back then, Shiro wasn’t sure if he should bring anything up, if Lance wanted to talk. If _he_ himself wanted to. ”By now? The signals will probably be older.”

”It’s ok. I like retro.”

Shiro looks on the control panel and fiddles with the dials. He doesn’t tell Lance the reason he knew it was he had done the same. Only he’d done it for Keith.

Music came softly through Blue’s intercom system.

Lance announces that it’s going to be a few more hours before they reach where Krolia will be. Then he turns her on autopilot and bows his head.

Shiro moves to the pod and Blue provide a seat from her floor. He drapes over it and closes his eyes.

He’s not asleep long before an alarm sounds.

”They found us!” Lance exclaims as he runs to the control panel and flips various knobs. ”Shiro, can you handle piloting?” The lions were made capable of being piloted solo, but they’re both rusty and they don’t know the threat yet. It says a lot of Lance that he passed the controls; Lance really worked to comb his ego. Shiro takes the controls, pride blossoming inside him.

The ship looks different from the one they’d seen on Earth. It’s smaller, sleeker, more agile. It has the look of Lotor’s old ship but the coloring and material is changed.

It shoots a beam at them but Shiro rolls Blue away from its path.

The ship follows.

”Lance-”

”On it!” Lance sends a beam out from Blue’s mouth.

It knicks the other ship, knocking it sideways.

The two ships begin to dance around each other. They trade lasers and while Blue doesn’t get another hit in, neither do they.

As they’re battling, Shiro feels... something go through him. When he goes to tell Lance as much, Lance is already asking him about it.

It distracts them just long enough for the other ship to ram against Blue. Lance grabs onto the handles at the control, Blue shoots out straps over his feet from the floor and holds him down. Shiro grits his teeth and his eyes squeeze shut involuntarily.

Shiro braces for more but when he opens his eyes the other ship is gone. His hand is still white-knuckling the control stick when he gains his voice, ”They weren’t intent on killing us.”

Lance falls on his palms on top of the control panel. ”I’m not the strategy guy. But- Something wasn’t right. I- We need Pidge. We have to find them after we meet Krolia.”

Shiro rises to failing knees but picks himself back up by using the chair as support. His limbs don’t feel solid. His nerves don’t feel solid. But the fear helps him get upright and walk over to the pod.

Keith is inside, still sleeping. There’s no indication on the display that the fight even affected Keith.

Shiro curls his fingers into a fist atop the clear surface of the pod.

”Why’d you let him go?” Lance asks, coming up behind him.

”I don’t know,” he provides the same answer he always does when Lance asks. ”He deserved better.”

Lance scoffs. ”After all this time you’re still pulling that? Whatever, Shirogane. I love you man but I can’t do your pity party right now. Why don’t you take a nap? I got it from here.”

Shiro sighs. Lance wasn’t there when burned the flesh on Keith’s cheek. ”Ok. Wake me up when we get there.” He pulls out a blanket and pillow from Blue’s supply hatch and settles on the floor beside the pod. He falls asleep wondering if it’s too late to head back home at least until he hears the soft beeping from Keith’s pod.

* * *

The first thing Krolia does when she sees Shiro is move to slap him.

”I stop only because my son is in your arms right now.”

Shiro still feels like he was slapped.

She leads them over an open medical pod. Unlike the one in Blue, this one is on the same capacity as the ones they got used to in the castleship. Shiro lowers Keith into the pod. Once the lid closes, there’s a bunch of noises and lights and text all along the control panel.

Shiro waits.

Krolia spits something in Galran. ”You will tell me everything you know.”

Shiro stumbles through the details. Krolia’s anger is apparent on her face and it’s unnerving. Unnerving because Keith _really_ takes after her. They look so alike. Unnerving because Keith really takes after her; Krolia could have him face down on the ground quicker than he could even comprehend she’s moved. There’s a furrow in her brow.

Lance breaks the silence, ”So? Is he gonna be ok?”

”If you’re inquiring of his injuries, yes. But there is more there. Something beyond my capacity to handle. I shall send for a proper medic. Rest in the meantime, we are safe here for a few nights.”

She gestures down the hallway which looks to be the living quarters of the moon base. There are plants lining either side and between rooms. Above it hangs a sign that has writing is a few languages, none of which Shiro can read, and then a picture of beds. That, at least, is fairly universal.

Lance happily accepts the invitation, punctuating his wave with a yawn.

Shiro looks at Keith before turning on his heel.

Krolia yanks him back around. The glare on her face has lessened and the softer her expression becomes the more tired she looks. Her gaze is steady but not as biting.

”I left because I had to protect my son and husband. You left out of cowardice.” It’s a statement but feels more like a question. ’ _Why_?’, she asks without saying.

Shiro wishes he had the answer. He wonders if Lance is right.

Krolia clucks her tongue. ”You love him,” he does, ”but you left.” She lets go of Shiro’s arm and breaks their eye-contact. ”I won’t pretend to know your reasons. But know this, there is no leaving now. Not if he wakes and sees you. Maybe you were able to run away so long ago, but now.”

She squares up. ”You run away again, and he knows it, that you chose to, and you’re gonna kill him. You got that?”

He’s frozen and it’s not just because she’s a terrifying woman.

”He has maybe a few hours before he wakes. So you best make your decision. You’re either gone when he does, and I will kill you if you ever try to return or contact him or in any way try and make him aware that you are alive. Or you stay here with him through what lies ahead. _Whatever_ lies ahead.”

Shiro goes to bed, physically, but he doesn’t fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited:  
> 08/09/2020


	2. Chapter 2

Multiple medics are shuffling in and outthe base. Not a thought is spared to translating anything to Shiro and Lance despite the near constant stream of Galran flowing from all of them. Even Krolia seems to have forgotten the two. At least until she orders them to the communications room to call in the former Voltron team.

They move to the room but realize they need someone Galra to work the controls and go retrieve someone. The Galra mutters, so that they can understand him, that he wonders how Team Voltron had gotten anything done.

Shiro holds his tongue but Lance speaks up, ”We had Keith.”

Shiro looks to Lance.

The Galra continuesas he leads them back into the room, ”If you had needed him, why was anything of this allowed to happen?”

Neither Shiro nor Lance have a retort.

The Galra unlocks the panel with his hand and flicks through different screens. A picture of Pidge displays on the screen and the two wait as it connects to her.

”Lance? Shiro?” It’s Pidge, and she’s with Hunk. They look to be in some type of conference room. There’s tablets and computers and all manner of tech behind them. Seated behind them, around the table, are many species Shiro doesn’t even recognize.

Pidge herself has shortened hair and she looks sharper, more musclar, with small scars across her face.

Hunk grew out his hair, it’s resting in a small ponytail behind his head. He too has pink lines littering his face and exposed arms. He’s not slouching like he used to.

Lance immediately dives into greeting them and asking them questions. Questions about themselves, lige, what they’re up to.

Shiro takes a look at Lance from the courner of his vision. Where Pidge and Hunk look strengthened, Lance, and no doubt himself, look gaunt.

”It’s nice to see you Lance, Shiro. We’re just wrapping up here. We’re on our way.” Hunk waves at them.

Pidge elbows him, ”Don’t let his cheerful demeanor fool you. They’ve targeted us too. Allura is already headed to your guys with Atlas.”

After the war, the MFEs had stayed on Earth. It was not a human war. Without Voltron, there was no need for human involvement, save the former paladins. So, rightfully, Atlas had become Allura’s. It had only responded to Shiro out of necessity anyways.

”We look forward to seeing you,” Shiro finally pulls himself together, ”Even under less than ideal circumstances.”

They return to where Keith is- or, was-

”Where’s Keith?” Shiro dashes over to the spot the pod was in. The other Galra are gone, too. Only Krolia remains. She’s leaning against the wall with her arms folded.

”Are they coming?” She asks.

”Yes, but-”

”Good. We need supplies. You two shall come with me to the market.”

She leads them to another hallway, this one has windows at least. Space is still pretty empty outside but it’s nice to see things other than silver metal walls. They go into a room where the uniforms are warehoused. She navigates to the section with the smallest sizes and waves the two over.

It seems plain; a brown tunic, some loose fitting pants and black boots. Shiro’s surprised that this is what will make them fit in. He likes it.

Lance just scoffs and mutters about things being too loose.

Shiro sees Krolia send Lance a look and is glad Lance doesn’t catch it. He’s too busy inspecting the fabric.

Krolia leaves them to get changed.

”Man, why do these aliens have no sense of style? Or color? It’s like, when do we meet the aliens who use more than khaki or black? I mean, the Galra have purple, at least.”

Shiro changes slowly. Leaving behind his Earth clothes feels like he’s shedding the final bits of his life back there. The last time an alien had forced him to shed his clothes he was given the uniform for fighting in the arena.He folds up the jacket he was wearing, the same one Keith gave him, and makes a note to drop it at his room before they left. He didn’t want to lose track of it.

”I guess maybe they just see color different?” Lance had continued his rant even without Shiro’s active participation.

”Maybe. C’mon, let’s go before she comes back and decides we’re taking too long.”

”Yeah, you really pissed her off, dude. Whatever you did, she looks ready to gut you.”

Shiro swallows. Good to know he wasn’t imagining things.

* * *

”This moon is under Blade territory. The threat level is low, but as a precaution we have changed garments. You two will keep your hoods up and remain silent. Low doesn’t not mean nill.”

The market is open-air and it’s packed with Galra and other species milling about. From each stall they pass there’s a shopkeeper waving them in, calling out to them. Every sign they pass, every word they here, falls indecipherable to Shiro. One of the stalls is wafting out the most delicious smell. It draws him in and it repulses him; the smell of Galran food reminds him of all the times he had to eat it. And he’s only ever eaten it when he was declared victorious in the arena. Despite all the wonderful Galra he’s met, he’s never had the opportunity to replace all of the bad memories he’s had of them.

Shiro wonders how Keith felt. Was it easy to adapt? Did the man feel at home with Galra? Does he now?

Krolia silently leads them around, picking up fresh ingredients. What little he’s learned of their culture is that food and meals are important.

It eases him a little; if they’ve ventured out to get food then the situation with Keith and the bandit must be stable for the moment.

They head back to the base, Lance and Shiro helping carry all of the many bags. They drop them off at the kitchen. Krolia talks with the chefs passionately. It’s the first time she’s smiled since Shiro and Lance have seen her since landing. It’s still all in Galran.

A tall, stocky Galra enters and interupts her and she tells Shiro and Lance to head back to living quarters as she leaves with the Galra.

”Shiro, _whatever_ you did, you have to fix it. I’m sick of this,” Lance plops down on his bed. Rather than split up, Lance told Shiro to, ’come hang,’ in Lance’s room.

”I didn’t-”

”Shiro. That’s _Keith’s_ mom. I love you man but- you left Keith.”

Shiro pounds his fist against his thigh, ”We all did. We all abandoned Keith!”

Lance purses his lips. He opens his mouth and then snaps it shut. Finally he settles on shaking his head.

”God, we abandoned, Keith.” Shiro feels faint.

”Yeah. We did.”

”Lance, I think we made huge mistakes.”

Lance chuckles without humour.

”Yeah. We did.”

”Fuck.”

* * *

Hunk runs at them and sweeps them into a hug. The hug lifts both Shiro and Lance off their feet.

Pidge chuckles and calls out for Hunk to put them down.

In person they’re even more... grown up.

Shiro smiles warm at Pidge, ”You’ve really grown. You and Hunk.”

Hunk leans his forearm on Pidge’s shoulders, ”She’s still Number Five,” he tries immitating Coran’s accent.

Pidge punches him.

Lance joins them in their rough-housing and teasing.

Shiro watches them feeling warm and, for the first time in so many years, like he’s home.

Pidge puts her hands on her hips and points at Shiro. ”What’s that goofy look for?”

”It’s good to see you again.”

”Yeah, yeah. You always were a sap. But, ya. Likewise.”

”Wait. What do you mean-”

But Pidge has already dashed off with her arm linked in Lance’s.

Hunk hooks an arm around Shiro’s neck. He’s not as tall as Shiro but pretty close. ”We better go check on them in a little unless we want this base to explode.”

Hunk and Shiro find a couch that’s in front of a long window outlooking into the city. The base in on a hill so they’re watching the town from above. It’s a modest one but then the moon itself is modest.

Hunk is still beside Shiro. He’s far from the anxious boy he was. A soft smile is on his face as he looks at the view before them.

”Space never gets old,” Hunk finally says, sweeping his arms wide as he talks. He pauses a beat like the universe has taken his breath. ”How’s Earth nowadays?”

”It’s good.” Shiro sees one particular star sparkle. He wonders if it could be the Northern Star, but then the stars out here may have no relation to the ones seen from Earth.

”I heard about Curtis. Lance told me. Sorry, buddy, that’s- know that we have your back, dude.”

”It was pretty mutual. He’s a kind man. Had a lot of love to give. Still does. So, no worries.”

Hunk hums.

”It’s Keith, huh?”

Shiro nearly shoots out of the seat, ”What?”

”Nothing. But really. We’re here if you need anything.”

Shiro chuckles, ”Do I really look that bad?”

”Hey your words not mine.”

They share a laugh and Hunk cups a hand on Shiro’s shoulder.

Shiro asks Hunk how things have been going for him. Hunk breaks out into story after story, his movements become so lively that he ends up on his feet as he regales things. There’s adventure. There’s romance, and then break ups, and then romance. There’s planets and entire systems and tech that Shiro has no idea about. Shiro is pulled in just watching him.

Pidge and Lance join them.

Lance bounces down on the couch.

Pidge stands next to Hunk, providing input into Hunk’s stories and soon enough it’s like watching a peformance. The two are acting out a scene where they went in, guns blazing, and they duck and roll and dive behind the couch.

Pidge makes gun noises, shooting her imaginary laser gun, ”Pew, pew!” She aims it at a spot where she’d established an enemy was in her story.

”-and it was like, Pidge! _Our_ Pidge jumped out from cover, ready to blast them to pieces!” Hunk shakes his head as he exclaims the story with excitement.

”And I-,” Pidge pauses, sliding to a knee and closing an eye to aim her laser, ”-BAM! They didn’t see it coming. Pidge saves the day.”

Hunk cheers like he’s a crazed fan sitting audience to his favorite fighter.

* * *

The voices of Coran and Allura echoes and all of them jump up from the couch.

Shiro steals a quick look at Lance, who is fussing with his outfit and hair.

Allura is still the picture of poise and grace. Her hair is shorter, falling just above her shoulders and she’s dressed in a suit that is similar to her old dress. As she approaches Shiro can see the hint of smile lines at the courner of her eyes and despiteher glow she has circles beneath them.

Coran is Coran, with maybe a few more wrinkles.

”My paladins,” Coran brings his arms wide and one-by-one the four dive into the hug. Coran laughs joyfully as he squeezes them. ”Oh look at you lot- Number Five, you look like you could take on a welliput bare handed- And Number Three! You’re quite the handsome halduler. Number two, you’re nearly Number One!” He trades warm smiles with everyone. Then he turns to Shiro and his smile drops a little, falls a little sad, as he places a hand on Shiro’s shoulder, ”Number One, my boy,” his gaze feels almost invasive, ”It’s good to see you. Shall we chat this evening?”

”I’d like that, Coran.”

”Good, good.” He turns to Allura. ”Sorry Princess, I got a little worked up there, I imagine you have things to say.”

Allura waves her hand as if waving away Coran’s need to apologize. Everyone stills, waiting for her to speak. ”It’s no trouble at all, Coran. Now, where to begin?” She looks to each of the former paladins, smiling a smile for them individually. ”It is wonderful to be with again. Though, perhaps, the circumstances are not ideal, I can’t help but feel joy to see you. Now, there will be time for us later to discuss those circumstances, but for now I would just like to-” she chuckles, ”hang out, as I remember you call it.”

Pidge whoops and just like everyone except Coran and Shiro settle on the couch, trading more stories.

Shiro walks over to the window and continues to look out at the city. Coran joins him, silently doing the same.

Eventually they’re called to dinner.

Shiro understands why they had so many bags. Set on a long table, at floor height, is a plethora of dishes that span nearly the full table. He smells sweet and spicy and savory and suddenly he realizes just how hungry he is.

He sits down and as he does he sees Krolia enter. But she has Keith, who’s a little folded in on himself, leaning against her, held by her arm. His hair is stuck wildly outside its braid. He’s wearing the clothes they put you in for the pods. He’s walking slow. He doesn’t look up.

Krolia helps him lower to the ground and one of the Galra rush in with a seat that can support him upright while sitting. Keith seems to protest, but Shiro doesn’t know because it’s in Galran, but Krolia lifts him while the other Galra places the support’s bottom under Keith, then she puts him back down. He scowls and moves to fold his arms across his chest but winces halfway through the movement and drops his arms back down.

Shiro can’t seem to look away from Keith. He’d never heard the man speak Galran. He’d never seen Galra be so _doting_. He really hadn’t been around them outside of the war, outside of battle, or planning.

Keith was content to keep to his own at the other side of the table.

For so long they’d known Keith was Galran. But this was the first time that it really hit Shiro.

Kolivan’s voice snaps Shiro’s attention away from Keith.

”Our friends, we welcome you. There is much to discuss but there is time enough. It is our wish to first dine amongst another, before we speak of what is on our doorstep. That is our way in times outside war.”

And like that Galra file in and pour drinks.

Shiro looks around him to try and discern if there is any custom surrounding serving their plates but the Galra have already begun reaching for the food and piling their plates. He notes there is no silverware. Something he’d thought they’d only done back at the arena for control purposes. There seemed no order to who grabbed what, when they did, and even from where, he realized as Krolia reached over a few others to get something. So he followed suit.

The food was as good as it smelled, and the company better. Save for Keith, who wouldn’t look Shiro’s way.

When they were finished Kolivan led them into a conference room. What had been surprising warmth from the others was now quiet seriousness.

”Someone is targeting former paladins.” Kolivan says. ”Two have come us from a base a few systems over. That base was attacked at their departure. The princess here no doubt has stories,” he pauses and looks to Keith, but Keith doesn’t return it, ”And another has just escaped capture.”

Shiro leaps to his feet, ”Keith?!”

He swallows, realizing his surroundings and sits back down.

Keith doesn’t look up.

”He is right to be concerned. For now, we need to plan our move to the next base. No doubt we have limited time of secrecy left here and as such we must expect that our leave will be met with what is chasing you.”

 _Captured_. Shiro wishes he hadn’t eaten so much. He knows what happens when you’re captured by them. But Keith isn’t like Shiro was. Keith isn’t some member of a foreign species to them. Keith was captured as a former paladin of Voltron. Shiro’s stomach is crawling.

Keith finally looks up.

_We all did. We all abandoned Keith._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some day I’ll be one of those writers who makes legit, 10k chapters.   
> : | 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for all of your support!! <3 I’m glad y’all’re enjoying it so far!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for attempted rape, allusions to past rape, domestic violence, and abuse
> 
> -This chapter has undergone major edits on March 23, 2020-

Coran takes Shiro for a walk in the base’s courtyard. Despite the low atmosphere and aridness of the moon, the courtyard is environmentally controlled and so there are various trees and plants flourishing around them. As they walk, Coran makes the occasional comment on a plant but is otherwise quiet.

Shiro’s mind feels numb. The past few days have been too much to process. His steps are stiff, feet shuffling nowhere, just following Coran’s lead. He can’t bring himself to reply with words so he just grunts and hums in acknowledgment.

They reach a bench and Coran settles on it with long, dramatic noise. ”Not as youthful as I once was, I suppose,” he laughs, spreading himself wide on the bench. His arms loop over the top and hands press palms to the cool metal.

”I want to agree with you.” Shiro remains standing, choosing instead to walk over to the glass wall facing Coran. He leans against it and lets the weight of his head fall back, the thick glass supporting it. His own palms push against its surface, arms spreading wide.

”Then do. My boy, you’ve experienced in your short life cycle more than I ever could.”

”I’m tired.” Shiro turns around arms folding across his chest and looks out at the sky. It looks like nighttime, but he hasn’t seen the sun here at all.

If he could catch his reflection he knows he’d see purple marks beneath dull eyes. He lets the window catch his forehead.

”As could only be expected.”

Shiro lays a palm against the clear barrier between them and the open air.

”Shiro, listen. I know this is difficult but I also know you can pull through.” Coran’s tone is gentle and he’s speaking without a hurry. He’s giving Shiro space like he knows there’s a storm inside that’s threatening to knock Shiro off his feet. It’s a footing Shiro fought hard to keep firm.

”What if I don’t want to pull through? What if I’m sick of pulling through? What if I left Earth because I was done with it?”

All Shiro had done this whole time was pull through. He pushed and kicked and pounded his fists against fate. He was not going to let his illness stop him from living. And, for a time, he was victorious. He did everything he could to get the Garrison to take him seriously. Then, he did everything he could to get noticed, then promoted, then sent on missions. Then, he pushed through as a prisoner, and then a paladin, and finally as Captain of the Atlas. 

He had married and settled down with Curtis because he wanted the quiet. He had put away his old life. He was no longer, nor ever, - not really -, a paladin. 

Coran climbs to his feet with an audible breath, Shiro can see through the reflection. The movement is fluid and graceful despite the noise. He walks up behind Shiro and reaches a hand out, lightly touching his shoulder. Shiro jumps despite expecting it. He hadn’t realized how tense he was until the touch. 

Shiro turns back to face him. 

”Make no mistake, it is unfair for all the universe has placed on your shoulders. It’s natural being overwhelmed. No need to stay with us or adventure again. But-” Coran smiles and the corners of his eyes crinkle. He lets go of Shiro and steps to the side, facing out at the broad expanse of the stars, ”I do know that if you decided to go home, you would lose him.”

”What do you mean?”

Shiro never had him to begin with. Did he?

”Ah, come now, Number One, I’ve watched you, all of you, for the whole of the war. When you had left us - left the team, and died - he refused to believe it and he refused to fill your place on the team. He also worked tirelessly to find you; I’ve never seen someone so devastated, not in the whole of my time on this plane.” He folds his arms behind his back, left hand cupping into his right. His breath is visible in its expansion of his chest. For a moment, his head tilts up and his eyes fall closed and there’s a sad peace about his face.

He turns back to Shiro, ”Then, of course, there’s you. I don’t believe I need to tell  _ you  _ how you are when it comes to him. But if I might, let an old man have his say.” Light plays in the subtle sheen in his eyes.

”Shiro, my boy, you love him. Not like you love the team, nor I, nor anyone or anything else in this universe-”

”Yeah. I do,” Shiro interrupts.

He loves Keith. He’s lost without Keith. He’s empty without him. The storm raging at the shores of his mind began forming in the wake of their separation. Nobody is more acutely aware of his feelings for Keith than him.

He licks across his lips, suddenly they’re so dry and his eyes feel wet. He squeezes his arms where they’re entwined over himself. He moves his gaze to the left, somewhere far in the garden, away from Coran. Away from here.

But then he realizes Coran is right. 

Keith is here. 

”You could gather everything in the universe and nothing would be worth it compared to love. I won’t tell you what to do but once; Don’t let him get away.”

Shiro closes his eyes and breathes in the sweet aroma of the flowers; It’s nothing like the flowers from Earth but it’s somehow just as comforting. He gently plucks a flower that's color reminds him of Keith’s eyes and carefully places it in his pocket.

”Did you ever want to marry, Coran?”

Coran twirls his mustache and barks out a laugh, ”Ah, my boy, perhaps at one time. It has been so long since that season of my life... Alas, I am happy where I am, serving the princess.”

Shiro smiles.

”It’s alright though, my boy, to want it even after what you’ve been through. It’s alright to want to marry and settle down with a family. Perhaps with the right man this time?”

Shiro doesn’t want to admit that aside from space, it’s all he’s wanted. He imagined both, of course, that he’d have a husband and they’d both be exploring the galaxy. It was why he’d chased marriage twice now. He knew the universe would be there when he was ready to explore again. But marriage? It terrified him. Love was not so easy as boarding a ship and never looking back. 

Shiro goes to tell Coran as much-

but he sees a ship rip through the atmosphere.

The ship from earlier.

”Coran! It’s headed this way!” He shouts as another ship, this one larger and with a more defensive build than the other. He watches them both streak across the dome of the window above and realizes they’re going to land nearby. His senses are sticky; old reflexes that carried him into many a battle are failing him. As his breath quickens, his pulse shoots up like electricity zapping across a pond. 

“We should-” he begins before the thoughts really settle in, “-Let’s go check on the others. I think they’re going to try and infiltrate the base.”

Coran loses all the careful ease and slow movements he’d taken to earlier. His back straightens and his eyes sharpen their focus as he nods at Shiro. “Alright, Captain, lead the way.” 

Shiro turns towards the door and inhales deep through the nose. He can feel the oxygen filling his lungs and his nostrils flaring as he tries to re-grip instinct into his fist. 

Panic helps nothing and no one. 

“Come on, Coran, let’s head them off.” He takes off back into the base, feet slapping the ground and impact aching through his joints. All that’s playing through his mind right now is Keith. Keith- and Keith’s safety. 

The door back inside whooshes open as they approach and Shiro’s steps are almost fast enough that he collides with it before it clears the way. The sound of Coran running, his boots striking the sleek carbonite of the floor, and heavy breathes, are all that tells him the man is following. Being fair- they’re what reminds him Coran is there. The door slips shut with a mechanical whir.

Down the hallway he goes, zipping past other Galra who simply stop and turn to him. They watch him but don’t follow. If things felt less urgent he would stop and call for their help. His feet move quicker than his mouth, quicker than his brain. 

They run down two hallways- making turns where they need to, ducking into and trailing through rooms as they need to.

Finally, as he spots Lance, who is bent halfway in front of an aquarium, finger tracing the air where a fish is following, his brain catches up to his footsteps. He stops but can still feel the inertia rip past him like his spirit has gone before his body. There isn’t time. “Lance, the ship is back. I think they’re breaking in.” 

Lance’s shoulders jump up to his ears and he spins on his heel. His eyes are wide and Shiro can see the understanding as it settles in. 

“Hurry!” He calls, starting to run again. He’s not the only one who hasn’t faced danger like this in a long time. 

The base all looks the same, the same sleek, dark purple walls with sharp geometric shapes and indigo purple glowing lights. Each door they slip through is a half-hexagon that automatically parts when they approach and shuts just as they pass through. It blocks the vision of what’s ahead and what’s behind. Shiro only knows his way by following the occasional sign and by who he’s run into already. It’s massive- even for being a smaller base on a moon- and impersonal. It strikes fear in Shiro; it’s too easy to lose track of space and time here. His eyes are burning from staring at all the neon. His breath stutters and his vision sways.

Huffing, he stumbles over his feet, arm shooting out to the nearest wall to keep himself from falling. 

He curses- Keith needs him right now but he needs to catch his breath, if only for a second. 

“Shiro?” Lance is right behind Shiro, his body heat suffocating as it radiates so close to him. It’s not at all the comfort it is when Keith does it, and it’s all he can do right now to keep himself grounded. 

“‘M fine,” Shiro chuckles and tries to swipe at his own face with his hand but it misses its target and lands on the wall. “Just out of shape. If my dad bod wasn’t a giveaway.”

“Shiro… you’re still pretty ripped.” Lance says quietly and there’s a hesitation to his tone. He knows what he’s implying. He knows that Shiro can pick up what he’s implying. But he’s almost resigned to the fact that even after all these years, Shiro hasn’t opened up to him. 

Coran asks if he’s alright.

“We have to keep going.” Shiro squeezes his hands into fists against the cold metal wall and grits his teeth as he pulls himself back upright, eyes opening with renewed focus. 

They push through, taking the next two lefts at Coran’s direction. The living quarters are thankfully on the way, and they run into Pidge and Hunk. Lance explains the situation- which is fine by Shiro, who doesn’t know if he has the strength to speak right then.

Pidge and Hunk are quick to pass Shiro, but at least they slow down as they first do, sending him a look of sympathy before returning to their earlier speed. 

They had never left this world. 

Shiro lags behind.

”Where’s Krolia?” He pants.

Breathing is hard and his muscles ache but he has to keep going. He can’t stop again.

There’s a collection of grumbles behind him and in front of him. Nobody knows where she is. 

The team continues on; Hunk takes the lead and navigates better than Shiro had. Finally, they spot her. She’s talking calmly with a few other Galra that Shiro’s never seen before; their uniforms are much different from the Blades’. In fact, the colors look similar to- 

”Krolia! Watch out, those are the guys who were chasing us!”

The paladins fall around her, positioned to fight even without weapons. Pidge lowers into a stance with wide legs and fists raised. Hunk mirrors her, their backs turned toward each other. Shiro looks to Lance, who looks back to him, and they assume the stance together. It feels unbalanced without Keith- more unbalanced than his hands feel to not have a weapon.

Krolia raises a hand to Shiro and says something to one of the Galra in Galran. Her voice is without waver or distress. She then turns to Shiro and says, ”I am aware. This is Keith’s husband, Handror.” She says it like Shiro should know his face.

Handror turns to Shiro, looking down at him from an upturned head. He’s at least 7 feet tall- maybe more, Shiro doesn’t have much to compare to beyond his own 6’4”. No matter that actual numbers, the Galran man is imposing and Shiro can guess that his head would only reach the bottom of Handror’s chest. From what he remembered from the wedding, Keith came only to his stomach. Not just tall- the Galran man was also broad and without fur. His face is sharp and eyes sharper, fixed into a squint. 

He’s clad in a uniform that’s cut is like those of the Blades but the color is those of the Empire.

Nothing comes across his face, not that Shiro could recognize anyway. But his face is deformed with several deep, raised scars and that scar tissue seems to make it hard for his face to move. Though Shiro is positive the Galran man wouldn’t show expression if he could. 

”Ah, the former Black Paladin. And-” his voice is haughty, words patronizing on purpose, as he looks around at their group, ”the whole of former Team Voltron, I see. Except, of course, my husband.” his nose scrunches at them. 

“Krolia, Take me to my husband at once. The scan we performed earlier on him through their ship brought great concern-” he switches to Galran.

Krolia leads him away without a glance at anyone.

Shiro’s teeth clench tightly as he watches them walk away. He turns to Lance and is glad to see he’s not the only one feeling uneasy. And yet, he doesn’t know what to do now. Something about Handror has him paralyzed. The Galran man was too alike the generals who had overseen his capture. Try as he could, he couldn’t help but feel so small at the gaze he was sent. Handror could have easily crushed Shiro’s entire head and neck with a fist. 

Handror can easily crush most of Keith’s upper half with those hands. 

”So,” Lance begins, the vein on his forehead popped, and words shaking along with his clenched hands, ”I guess we’re just letting them in?” 

”Krolia trusts them.” Shiro crosses his arms over his chest, his voice betraying his disbelief. He doesn’t want to question her judgment but he doesn’t trust Handror either. 

“Yeah, well, I don’t- did you see the way he looked at us?” Lance gestures angrily with his hands.

”Uh, guys? What’re we missing?” Hunk asks.

Lance updates them about the past few days and all the while Shiro keeps watching down the hallway that Krolia and Handror went through. 

He doesn’t move until Lance gently steers him with a hand at his shoulders.

Shiro eventually goes back to his quarters, but not before Lance takes him to the mess hall to eat something. He isn’t hungry but Lance manages to coax him to take at least a few bites.

When it’s time for bed, Shiro just lays in his, staring up at the empty ceiling with his hands folded across his chest. His thought of Handror, and Keith, keep him miles away from being able to close his eyes.

* * *

Shiro hadn’t ended up falling into any restful sleep and had given up trying, so he got to the floor and did push-ups until his muscles buckled and he crashed to the floor. Which is where he stayed, rolled onto his back until the dawn-chime rang through the speakers of his room. He left his room and knocked on Lance’s door, knowing his friend wouldn’t wake for something like a chime. Pidge and Hunk were quick to leave their rooms, dressed, faces fresh and posture upright. 

It was a far cry from their days back on the Castleship as Team Voltron.

After incessant knocking, Lance finally emerges, grumbling and still clad in his pajamas. Everyone files into the room, Lance taking his things into the bathroom to ready himself. 

Pidge plops onto the bed. Hunk pulls out the chair at the desk and settles onto it. Shiro remains standing, back supported by the wall and arms folded casually over his chest. It’s more to balance his weight than close his body off. His arms are still burning and he doesn’t have the strength or energy to let them dangle.

“You look dead,” Pidge remarks, her legs dangling off the bed and kicking. Despite all the years, she never grew to the same height as her personality. 

Shiro’s head dips as a chuckle overtakes him. He’s missed Pidge and her no-holds-barred way of interacting. 

Hunk gasps and flails his arms at her, signaling her to stop.

“I’m pretty sure I looked better when I was dead. I was definitely better rested.” 

Pidge throws her arms wide at Hunk, mouthing, “see?” and then turns back to Shiro. “Seriously though, dude. What’s up?”

The playful nature leaves her tone and her eyebrows drop, her legs still in their shuffle.

Shiro shakes his head and does his best to smile. “How’d you sleep?”

The three fall into easy, shallow conversation and Lance eventually comes out of the bathroom, skin glowing and hair tidy.

“So, should we wait for Coran and Allura?” Lance asks as he’s stuffing his dirty laundry into the bin in the closet.

“Nah,” Pidge waves her hand, “I heard him get up and talk with Allura a few hours ago; they never came back. I’m sure they’re meeting with Kolivan or something.”

Lance shoos Pidge from the bed, complaining that he has to remake it and does just that, and they all march out to the mess hall together.

The Blades turn to them, everyone already sat down and tucked into their meals. It’s unsettling seeing them with their masks off; it really makes Shiro feel like they shouldn’t be here, that they don’t belong. And with the way the Galra have been looking at Lance and him during the meal times, he’s sure they feel just as unsettled at being seen without their masks. 

He spots Keith. Not that it’s hard- he looks so tiny amongst the group he’s with, especially next to Handror, who’s running Keith’s long, pleated hair through his giant hands. 

Shiro snaps his head away, wanting to preserve his desire to eat.

The four of them grab trays from the counter and Shiro leads them to a table facing away from Keith.

“Man, I’m not used to seeing so many Galra all at once,” Hunk ducks his head and leans closer to the table, voice low- or as low as the man can speak. His voice was never a quiet one. 

Pidge hums her ascent as she swivels her spoon into the unappetizing looking gray soup they got. Her face scrunches up as it sloshes off her downturned spoon. 

“But- I mean… Aren’t Galra everywhere? And the Blades, they’re supposed to be helping with the humanitarian effort, right?” Lance looks around the room like at any moment the Galra will expose their ruse. He seems still wary of them.

“Lance,” Shiro admonishes while braving the soup that the others are making faces at. It’s not actually that bad- it’s savory and a little spicy, peppery, but mostly it’s bland. So even if it were awful there isn’t much there to taste. It’s warm at least and that’s enough for Shiro to decide it’s a bit comforting.

“Ugh, Lance, of course they are. But they’ve been a rebel organization operating in the shadows for, oh I don’t know, like 10,000 years? They help out in the background. Though sometimes we’ve worked with Keith. At least, before he got married. From what I understand, he had to retire because his husband got too worried about him being out on missions. Now he’s mostly seen in diplomacy meetings together with his husband. But fuck that, I’d rather be boots on the ground,” Pidge sticks her tongue out and winks.

“Yeah, man. Who'dve ever thought Keith would rather sit in boring meetings? Weird how things have changed.” Hunk moves his head, watching something behind Shiro. Shiro just knows it’s Keith. “She’s right though. I really love the work we do! We get to see so many places all while helping people.”

Pidge snickers.“He’s leaving out the part where he has his own fan club now. You two have missed it but- he’s become quite the public figure. Literally. You can buy his action figure at just about every mall not still under empire occupation. There’s a whole set and so far I’ve collected 10 of the current 12.”

Hunk groans and smacks his forehead. 

“I usually take one with me on our missions and set it in random places in our tent so that he wakes up to it- staring ominously, soullessly, with its handsome plastic eyes.” 

Lance had been mid-drink of his juice- which is now sprayed all over the table. He’s coughing and Shiro reaches over to smack him on the back, a grin matching Pidge’s growing on his face. 

“Up to the same trouble I see,” Shiro says.

Hunk and Pidge just share a look of amusement which falters as they turn back to Shiro and Lance. “Yeah, we’ve had a lot of fun. It’s been hard and-” Hunk pauses and lets a breath out, “We missed you.”

Shiro buries a genuine smile beneath his fist and a cough. “Well, we’re here now so- I’m sure there are antics to come.” He tries to keep the waver from his voice and the shake from his hands and the shine from his eyes. He’d forgotten how much they all felt like family. He’d forgotten how much he needed to be with them. It feels both like they’ve traveled back in time and nothing has changed, and like they’re all totally different people, having to learn each other from scratch.

“So, like, there was this one time we pranked the rest of our team-” “-omg, is this the one with the sho-” “-Pidge, omg, don’t ruin it. Ok, so, we decided to prank the team right? They know nothing about Earth's culture or our Wiley human ways. So, anyways, whilst everyone slept peaceful Pidge and I quietly kidnapped everybody’s shoes and made a shoe mountain. Now, it may not seem epic, but let me tell you the chaos it caused at everyone’s boots looking all the same. Of course, we weren’t on a critical mission- just the tail-end of a clean-up, so, it wasn’t  _ so  _ bad that they all spent an hour figuring out which boots belonged to whom.” 

Scoffing Lance shakes his spoon at them, “Pfft, amateurs. Shoe mountains? God, you guys were clearly so lost without your leader.”

Pidge’s head snaps to Shiro but her eyes remain on Lance.

“Me, duh! Oh my god, since when has Shiro ever been in on our pranks? No offense Shiro but, you were _ kind of  _ stiff.”

Shiro sputters around his spoonful of soup.

“Dude.. yeah, he is kind of right.”

“I’m  _ plenty  _ of  fun, I’ll have you know.” He’s fun. Definitely. 

He’s a real fun guy who does all sorts of fun stuff like-

…

Things that are fun. Of which he does. Absolutely. 

“We’ll just have to see about that, mister,” the corner of Pidge’s mouth curls up and her brows dip and lower against her eyes. “Welcome to the club. You’re just here on probation though- so you’ll need to prove yourself, rookie.”

They begin planning their next heist, as Pidge calls it when Kolivan enters Shiro’s vision as the Galran man heads for their table. 

The other three snap to, immediately quieting as Kolivan stops just beside Shiro. 

His posture is as tight as his expression and as devoid of emotion. His seriousness awakens tension in Shiro’s body, a drawing together of shoulders, clenching of jaw, and theft to his voice. 

“Captain,” the way he addresses Shiro pulls him back into his days at the Garrison, when he was an officer under Commander Iverson. It both warms and terrifies him to have that he’s being looked to as their leader in Keith’s absence. “I hope that you have slept well. There is a meeting in the conference room in 20 minutes, all of you are to attend. We will be discussing our plans to relocate your team.” He bows his head minutely and turns around, hands folded neatly into each other behind his back as he walks away.

“He’s such a buzz-kill,” Pidge mutters. 

“All Galra are like that- Keith got lucky being raised by humans. Though he’s his own type of odd.” 

“Lance!” Shiro bumps Lance’s shoulder with his own. 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

They all begin standing up, scooting their chairs out and collecting their dishes and silverware onto their metal trays. They bring them to the dishwashing counter and are met with a sneer from the Galra worker, who looks a bit comical wearing a hairnet and gloves. Shiro just keeps in check his instinct to apologize. 

He can’t wait for this meeting, he’s ready to leave this base- as ready as the Galra here are for them to leave. 

Pidge helps them find their way over to the conference room- “I learned the basics of Galran,” she waves Lance off when he asks her how she can tell where they’re going. 

Inside they’re met with the same reception they had gotten in the mess hall. Only they’re wearing their masks here- save for Handror and his team. And Keith. 

The room is large, with several rectangular tables set up around it. Two tables are put together to fit all of the people, though it’s filled mostly with Handror's men. The only exceptions are two Blades sitting next to each other at the end of the table where Kolivan is. Shiro recognizes one of them as being Krolia due to her uniform and the rank insignia on it, marking her as a Lieutenant. 

Kolivan greets them with a nod of his head and introduces them as the Paladins of Voltron. 

Handror interrupts him as he starts to introduce Shiro as the Black Paladin, “Kolivan, with due respect,  _ my husband  _ is the Black Paladin- although he has since retired,” Handror raises his arm, revealing a large hand linked with Keith’s, and kisses the back of it,” That man,” he turns his head towards Shiro but doesn’t move his eyes from Kolivan, “is the former Captain of the Atlas.” 

Shiro feels Lance’s gaze burning at the side of his face but refuses to meet it. He’s not going to rise to Handror’s bait. He’s not even sure why he’s being baited in the first place. “I am the former Captain,” he agrees and then closes his mouth- letting Kolivan proceed through the rest of introductions. 

Shiro tries to follow Kolivan. He tries to listen to him- but all he can do is watch Handror and Keith, who are sitting across from him. Handror returns his stare when he’s not looking at Keith.

The Galran man is touchy with Keith. He first puts an arm across Keith’s shoulder but Keith nudges it off. Then he turns to Keith and whispers something while brushing his knuckles down Keith’s cheek at which Keith shakes his head and Handror chuckles. When a hand moves below the table and the arm crosses Keith and the man flushes, Shiro has to look away.

Handror’s deep chuckle sets Shiro’s pulse jumping. It’s taking all his diplomacy and patience to not throw his chair back, stomp over to that side of the table, and shove him away from Keith.

Lance whispers, startling Shiro, ”You ok?” He wags his head toward Keith and Handror.

”Of course.”

”Your palm is bleeding.”

Shiro looks down and sees that his fingernails are digging into his hand. H

He’s bleeding.

Lance gently rests his fingers on Shiro’s fists. ”We’ll talk later.”

Shiro tunes back into Kolivan long enough to glean how they’re going to leave the base. Everyone is to prep for that night at the earliest, or the next morning at the latest.

Handror tries to get them to let him take Keith. ”I can take us to one of my estates on a planet a few systems over. I’ll call in all of my security to guard us until this threat passes. After everything, my husband needs to rest from all this excitement. He’s fragile right now, Koli.” He turns to Keith and brushes his knuckles down Keith’s cheek again.

Keith’s jaw visibly sets but he remains quiet.

”With all due respect,” Shiro begins despite having no respect for the Galra, ”splitting up sounds like a bad idea. I don’t doubt your ability to keep Keith safe,” except he does and Keith doesn’t need to be protected, not like this, ”but there’s strength in numbers and we don’t know what we’re up against.”

Handror’s eyes slowly find Shiro from his peripherals.

Shiro doesn’t want to break the gaze; he feels like if he does, he’ll lose. From the corner of his vision, he sees Handror drape an arm around Keith.

Handror isn’t backing down either.

Kolivan breaks it, ”The Blac- Captain, is right. There is no need to introduce any more risks. Perhaps your security can join us?”

”But of course, I shall acquiesce to this, although their priority m should be my husband, so these people will have to defend their own. Though it is ideal he will not be amongst them- as they are clearly being targeted- he shall be in my care and the care I can provide.”

Shiro must look like he’s about to do something he’ll regret because Lance squeezes his forearm.

”With that settled, we shall begin our transfer once we hear back from the other base. Be ready to move with haste.” Kolivan dismisses them.

Shiro and Lance meet in Lance’s bedroom where Lance offers the bed to Shiro who instead decides to remain standing.

Lance takes the bed, plopping down on it with a hearty, “oof,” remaining upright on it. 

Although, he doesn’t stay still for very long. His feet itch to move and it’s an itch that must be scratched after having to sit still and silent while Handror had said all he had. 

Lance is quiet, letting Shiro pace.

”He’s back- I- He’s back and with Keith- Did you see him? The way he talked about Keith? And now they’re, God, they’re alone together right now. I don’t trust him- Keith was clearly uncomfortable.” Shiro groans and slaps his hands against his face. “What was he even trying to pull? And in a meeting? He needed to keep his hands to himself. Keith isn’t property.”

”Hey, Shiro. I get it but you need to breathe. You can’t help Keith if you don’t calm down.”

Shiro nods and stops his movement. When he inhales through his nose, long and deep, he realizes how starved for oxygen he’s been. He realizes how shallow his breath has been and breathes into his stomach letting the air fill it. 

He pauses... and then releases it.

”What do we do?” His voice is small. 

Lance’s eyes fall to the floor and his eyebrows push together and he chews his lip. ”We can’t let Keith-”

”Ok, hold on. Lance, that’s just it. You- we- can’t  _ let  _ Keith anything. That’s us being no better than Handror. At least, I think. Keith looked like he didn’t dare speak without Handror’s permission. Keith must have been living a life where he needed to be let to do anything.” The thought boils in his stomach. Keith never needed permission for anything and would regularly disregard orders and superiors if things didn’t align with his morals and how he thought action should be taken. 

”No better? Shiro, I’m not hitting Keith!” Lance hops to his feet and throws his arms down. 

”No, but you’re acting like he doesn’t have a choice in this. We need to…” he trails off, he’s not sure what they need to do. He’s not sure what they even can do. Or what Keith would want. Keith had told Shiro that the reason he’d run from Handror was that he was hit. But it had to be more than that, people don’t just hit their husbands. Good people don’t. And Handror was so much larger- how terrified must Keith have been? 

Terrified enough to remain silent as Handror had patronized him at the meeting.

”He’s hurting Keith.” Lance jumps to his feet and steps in front of Shiro, he tilts his head up and looks into Shiro’s eyes.

Shiro balls his fists but the wounds on his left hand from earlier make him uncurl them immediately. ”I know.”

Lance sighs. He closes his eyes and lets out an exaggerated breath. A sad smile reaches his lips. ”I’m sorry, this… must be harder for you.” He turns his face away. “I just can’t stand the thought of this. I want- I just want to do  _ something,  _ you know?”

Shiro reaches forward and squeezes Lance’s bicep. ”It’s ok, Lance. I get it, believe me. We just can’t be like Handror and treat Keith like he’s weak. If there’s anyone in the universe who isn’t weak, it’s Keith. So. I’m sure he’s got something planned. All you- we- need to do is watch. Wait. Keith will let us know how and when he needs us.”

He hopes it’s the right decision. It seems like but it doesn’t feel like it. Shiro wants to march into Handror’s room and lay into him. He wanted to beat Handror like he was the Champion again and Handror was his opponent. 

The shock coming across Lance’s face pulls Shiro out of his head. 

He’s balking at Shiro. ”I’m treating Keith like he’s weak?”

“Let Keith handle this and be ready for him to call on us. Keith’s gonna kick that man’s ass and I am not gonna miss it for anything.” Shiro chuckles despite the deep pit still in his stomach. He knows Keith can-  _ should-  _ handle this. But it’s still hard to not feel like he’s just walking away when Keith needs him.

He smiles weakly at Lance, slowly releasing his shoulder. He then pivots on his foot stiffly, a perfect shuffle of feet, because it’s really only the soldier in him that’s keeping him from crashing into Keith’s room and... and doing something. Anything. Anything other than holding his tongue and staying his hands.

He’s halfway out the door when Lance calls after him, ”It’s not your fault. Just like it’s not his.”

He swallows the words along with the lump in his throat as he drags himself back to his room.

Kolivan had instructed them to pack and be ready by nightfall. He busies himself with that. He packs, unpacks, and repacks until it’s become mind-numbing and his thoughts go back to Keith. Finally, he gives up and knocks on Hunk’s door and spends some time with him. 

Night comes and the team, plus Handror and his people, follow them to the entrance. It was decided that they travel light in numbers and divide into as many groups as possible to try and divert attention and throw off any pursuers. So Handror’s men would not accompany them, but rather would split up and possibly sacrifice themselves for diversion. 

Shiro is immediately drawn to Keith.

Krolia hugs Keith tightly and Kolivan shares a meaningful look with him, but he doesn’t turn Shiro’s way. Otherwise, the affair is curt- 

Team Voltron and Handror pack into Handror’s ship. Lance complained about not taking Blue, but Kolivan had said nothing would be more obvious than taking a Lion. Nobody had a refute to that.

Krolia and Kolivan stay behind to field intel.

The rest of the Galra load onto various ships and scatter.

* * *

It’s a relief to be off the base and not have those Galra glaring at them. Shiro spends time with each of them. He enjoys getting to know what Coran and Allura had been up to. Allura has countless stories about the relief effort and how things are developing on New Altea. He gets up to antics with the other three; mostly they prank Handror- but stop when his patience runs thin. They fear he might take things out on Keith. Scarily though, when Keith and Handror are together, it seems normal. Handror is doting and it sets Shiro on edge.

It’s great being around his former team but Shiro can’t help the buzz at the back of his mind that has him worrying over Keith. No matter how much fun he has with the others- it feels empty without the man.

As expected, Handror has Keith remain by his side. The team barely sees Keith but when they do he’s never alone. Keith looks just as exhausted as he did when they were at the base. Shiro wonders if that’s Handror or the pregnancy. Or both.

The only bright spot amongst the darkness has been that they haven’t run into anyone looking for them, nor anyone trying to harm them.

”It’s weird. It’s just... dead.” Pidge is sipping on her juice box, facing the wrong way in her chair and swinging her legs back and forth. ”I’ve intercepted a few signals here and there from the Empire and nothing.” She mumbles to herself as she types one-handed on the laptop on the table in front of her.

Hunk and Keith are horse playing at the counter. Their spatulas are full of cookie dough and there’s more dough on each other than in the bowls. They’re laughing and chatting just below where Shiro can make out what they’re saying. The smile on Keith’s face is bright and his face is glowing.

Shiro wonders when they became such friends. Maybe when he died? Some parts of his memory are fuzzy and some parts don’t belong to him. He thinks he’d remember something like this, seeing Keith just enjoy himself... having a friend other than him. 

He watches them fondly. 

At least until he can’t ignore the hard stare from Handror, who’s seated a few seats over on the island.

He returns the stare but doesn’t say anything.

Neither does Handror.

They break only when Keith snorts loud with laughter. Somehow he’d slipped and the entire bowl of dough had come down on him.

Handror rises and the mood drops. ”C’mon, kit. Let’s go get you cleaned up.” He walks to Keith and bends down, carefully bringing the man to his feet. He places a hand at the small of Keith’s back when Keith gets upright. It spans from hip bone to hip bone.

Keith looks back at Hunk and shrugs.

”I’ll have some done by the time you get out. Then you can make some more dough,” Hunk shoos Keith away, grin still wide on his face.

Keith spares a quick glance at Shiro before Handror leads him away.

”Hey Shiro?” Hunk nods Shiro over to the oven where he’s standing. His smile doesn’t break as he whispers, ”Give them about 5 minutes and then follow them. Something’s off about that man.”

Shiro didn’t know Hunk had noticed. It’s not his story to tell, but looking into Hunk’s eyes, Shiro thinks Hunk already knows what’s going on.

”I’m glad you want to help but we have to respect Keith’s privacy.”

Hunk opens his mouth and then closes it. Confusion knits his brows. ”Shiro, that’s Keith...” He looks over to Pidge and Shiro follows. Pidge is wearing the same expression.

”Why aren’t you worried?” Hunk plays with the straps on his apron.

”I am. I’m very worried. But we can’t take any more choices from Keith. Keith doesn’t need that right now. He needs us to support him.”

”If you say so. I guess. It just doesn’t feel good, y’know?”

”Yeah, believe me, I know.”

Hunk invites Shiro to help him make the cookies.

Shiro follows Hunk’s instructions, not one to be good at anything in the kitchen. Hunk puts him at ease, telling a funny story of a mission Hunk had gone on.

As Shiro is scooping out the cookies he notices Hunk is staring. He looks to Pidge and then back to Shiro.

”So, I gotta know. Are you still in love with him?” He speaks softly, like he’s afraid of the words or Shiro’s reaction. 

”What?” The words catch him by surprise. 

”Oh. Right. Well, I guess you did sort of dance around it but, we knew-”

”Yeah, we knew,” Pidge chimes in.

”I mean you two would just wander off together. And man, when you talked to him, your voice just softened. And you had this thing where you always had to be near him whenever he was in the room. Oh, and you’d touch his should-” Hunk gestures with his hands as he’s rambling. His words speed up the longer he goes on.

”Ok, I get it.” Shiro didn’t know he’d been doing that. He’d just liked being around Keith, the man was a comfort to him, and he felt like he also provided comfort. Hearing them talk about it- he gets to see themselves as they look from the outside. Maybe it really had been that intimate. 

He hesitates; it’s too vulnerable for him that they know... that they’ve known. He rests his eyes and focuses his breathing through his nose. The oven crackles with its heat. There’s the soft clicking away at a keyboard coming from Pidge’s direction. He watches the clock counting down on the oven. 

Is he still in love with Keith?

The seconds tick down and the answer comes to him without any more thought. Only 2 seconds pass.

”Yeah, I am.” He’s tired of keeping everything inside.

Pidge stops typing at her laptop, the abrupt end of the clicking of keys draws Shiro to look at her. She’s looking up. ”Is that why Curtis didn’t work out?” Her eyebrows are bunched together and her eyes are shining like she’s just about to be handed the answer to a complex problem she’d been trying to solve for a while. Shiro supposes that could be just it.

Hunk reprimands her, ”Pidge, you can’t just say stuff like that!”

She shrugs. ”It’s true- I’m sure. I’m just curious. Didn’t it suck being married to someone who wasn’t Keith?”

”Pidge,” Shiro admonishes, ”Curtis is a great man and it was a privilege to be married to him-”

”Yeah, see? Knew it. Again, the question stands.” She closes the lid to her laptop and places her arm on the table, propping her chin on her knuckles.

Shiro has to remind himself that he wants to be open. ”It didn’t work partly because Curtis wanted to stay on Earth. And -yes- also partly because I couldn’t stop thinking about Keith.”

She squints at him and then nods. But she nibbles on her lip like she’s chewing over some thoughts. ”Man, you guys were so gross. We had bets on when you’d finally kiss. I hope you can be gross like that again soon, even if that means I have to endure it.” She opens her laptop back up and goes back to typing.

Shiro and Hunk attend to the cookies when the timer goes off. 

Keith doesn’t come back. 

Not until the cookies are already cold.

* * *

A week on Handror’s ship and Shiro finds out there’s a training room on board. He invites Hunk to join him one evening.

”There aren’t places like this on Earth unless you’re on base at the Garrison,” he shyly admits. It has been some time since he’s done much more than basic physical training.

When they get inside the room, Shiro freezes up. It’s not an exact match but it still looks like the rooms he’d have to train in when he was captured.

Hunk’s voice breaks his paralysis. ”Man, these Galra have like one aesthetic. Like, in the tens of thousands of years, they could only find one designer.” He lightly shoulder-checks Shiro and heads across the room to get a sparring weapon from the rack. 

Shiro follows his lead.

Hunk’s a lot faster than Shiro remembers. That or Shiro is just that out of practice because each fight lasts only a few minutes and Hunk wins every time.

”Sorry, old man,” Hunk is at least doubled over as he flashes a victory sign.

”I was just warming up. I didn’t want you getting bored from losing.”

They erupt into laughter and trade firm claps on the back.

Hunk goes to shower in his own room.

Shiro brought his things with him, being one to like cleaning up as soon as he gets dirty. He waves Hunk off and heads to the adjacent shower room.

As he enters and sets his things on a bench, he hears humming.

Keith.

Keith’s in one of the stalls, humming as he’s showering.

Just like in the ring, these showers have no curtains- Galran comfort with nudity is greater than humans.

For a moment, all he can do is stare. But instead of feeling tenderness or longing, his stomach feels tight and nauseous.

Keith is covered in scars... Scars just like the ones Shiro carries around on his own body. Deep, jagged keloids raise from what was once smooth, perfect skin. There’s no telling how Keith had got them. It was unlikely Keith had been made to fight in the ring, but then there was little doubt they had made some form of entertainment of the man. What bothers Shiro the most is the cluster of scars around Keith’s thighs, hips, and backside: they look like claw marks...

Keith changes tune to whatever he’s singing and Shiro looks away.

He quietly collects his stuff and goes back to the doorway.

”Is someone in there?” Shiro calls out.

Keith’s voice immediately cuts. It’s silent for a moment, save for the rushing of water. ”It’s me.”

”Is it ok if I shower here?”

”Go ahead. Uh- Have you seen Handror?”

”No, sorry.” Shiro places his things back down and pulls off his clothes. He turns the faucets hotter than he should.

There’s a heaviness in the air that makes Shiro want to speak, or makes him think Keith does.

He scrubs his skin raw.

”Shiro?” It’s soft, just barely capable of being heard above the shower.

”Yeah, Keith?”

”Do you... know anything about pregnancy?”

Shiro braces a palm against the wall and leans his weight on it. He squeezes his eyes shut and cups his other hand under the water and splashes his face. ”Not really. Sorry, bab- Keith. Is everything ok? Coran might know. Or maybe Lance, he’s had to live with pregnant sisters before.”

”Oh.” A beat. Two. Three. ”Do you think it’s normal to not be hungry?”

Shiro lightly pounds a fist against the wall. ”That doesn’t sound it, Keith.” Not at all.

”Oh. ’Cus I’m not really hungry.”

”Keith?”

”Yeah?”

”Is everything ok? Y’know, with- with Handror?”

Shiro hears the shower shut off and the sound of Keith gathering his things and walking away.

Shiro vomits down into the drain.

* * *

They finally see action some days later.

They’re drifting through an expanse between galaxies with little debris or stars.

They’ve taken to playing Monsters and Mana and they’re in the middle of a game when the ship rocks and the sirens blare.

Allura shoots out of her seat but then pauses; after all this time her reflexes still seem tuned to her piloting her own ship and leading her paladins.

Shiro smiles at her knowing what it’s like to have a purpose stolen.

Handror yanks Keith to his feet by his forearm and tugs him out of the room. ”Follow me,” he orders the rest of the room. Keith stumbles as he’s led.

They take off down the hallway and to the command room. The ship jolts again before they reach it.

”You,” Handror points at Coran, ”Steer us.”

Keith bristles next to Handror and growls something in Galran.

Handror replies in English, ”Why would I let you pilot? You wouldn’t have been captured if you hadn’t run away. Nor would you have if you hadn’t flown your ship into Empire territory.”

Coran rushes to take the controls with a glance back at Keith and then Shiro.

”Evade that shot!” Handror slams his fist on the console.

Coran veers the ship away so that it only skims against them.

Handror lays a palm on the scanner and a holoscreen projects some Galran text. He selects something that Shiro can’t tell but figures is the shield when he sees the barrier glimmer to life.

Shiro feels his fingers itch to take the controls if only to do something but Handror doesn’t address anyone but Coran and an angered Galra has him incapable of moving.

His mind starts to numb and all he can process is that Coran is piloting them well out of danger.

They volley shots at the other ship and the other ship at them.

Vaguely Shiro realizes the other ship doesn’t look Galran.

Eventually, the others roll out of firing range and disappear, likely using a pocket dimension to do so.

Handror crashes both fists against the pane of the window and snarls.

”One of us will remain here at all times. Enough of these silly games.”

”That you were playing, too!” Keith barks.

Shiro holds his breath, hands already curling into fists. He can feel the others tense, too.

”Ah, You would know all about games. You lie in my bed at night, in my ship, fed, clothed, and protected, but have the gall to continue this pregnancy?”

”I- That’s not-”

”Leave him alone!” Pidge steps forward. Then Lance. Hunk. Coran. Allura.

Shiro can’t move.

Handror turns around and narrows his eyes. ”This is not your concern.”

Pidge lunges forward and Shiro dives to her to keep her in place.

”Come,” he grabs Keith by the shoulders, his claws extend from atop his fingers and he sets everyone with a look as he leads Keith out of the room. There’s no mistaking the meaning; try anything, and he’ll rip Keith with his claws.

No matter how brave or impulsive the team is, it seems understood that Keith’s safety isn’t worth it.

”Shiro?” Hunk asks barely above a whisper. ”Are you sure we shouldn’t do anything?”

Shiro watches the empty doorway from which the two left. ”No. I’m not.

"I’m not sure at all.”

* * *

They decide to have a meeting about Keith and what to do.

Not wanting to alert Handror, they plan to meet that night when the Galra is asleep.

Lance volunteers for the first shift of watching at the command deck. ”The only thing I have to add is that I say we throw this guy out the airlock,” he shrugs and lets them know to tell him the plan when they’re done.

Hunk brings out the last of the cookies because it’s the way he knows how to care for people. That’s what Shiro’s come to learn anyway.

He eats one out of respect for Hunk. And eating gives him an excuse to not be talking.

”I’ve been watching the cameras and so far nothing.” Pidge opens her laptop and turns it so the rest of the table can see. Handror is lying behind Keith, curled around him, arm holding Keith tightly.

”Pidge,” Shiro regrets the cookie already, his stomach churns, ”You can’t-” he stops because Keith opens his eyes and turns his head back then looks down at the hand on his chest, and tries to pry it off but it’s not budging, ”spy on people. How do you think Keith would feel if he knew?”

”It’s better than doing nothing. Besides, what if Keith needs us? To be honest, every time I open the feed I’m scared shitless I’m gonna see Keith getting the snot kicked out of him.”

”Yeah, man. I mean it’s good and all to try and let him handle it but like... can we really leave it all to Keith?” Hunk twirls his thumbs, hands resting on the table in front of him.

Shiro looks around; everyone is looking at him for answers. If not for the circumstances he’d feel touched; they still saw him as their leader. But this wasn’t deciding tactics on navigating a battlefield. ”I really don’t know,” he hates admitting, ”I thought we should just stay back. I still kind of think we have to. But I also don’t want Keith getting hurt. I’m-,” scared, ”-just not sure.”

Coran reaches over the table and pats Shiro’s shoulder. ”My boy, this is a tricky situation. We all want to see Keith safe. I wish I had answers but I don’t believe there are any. Not perfect ones. But nobody knows Keith more than you and I say we need to trust your instincts when it comes to him.”

Allura sighs, ”I cannot believe I did not know this was happening. Coran and I had met with them so many times. We could have done something-” she scrubs at her eyes, despite being one to not show a hair out of place. ”I could shapeshift. Maybe I could become Keith and then when I’m alone with Handror...”

Shiro waits but she doesn’t finish. ”Princess, this isn’t your fault.” He tries to meet her gaze but she doesn’t look up from watching the table. ”I appreciate that you’d be willing to do that. But something like that would be taking away Keith’s choices.” He licks his lips as his throat goes dry, ”Keith may still love him. All we want is for Keith to be safe and happy, and killing his husband might only cover the first part. It’s hard because of the circumstances but we have to trust Keith... trust that he’ll leave when he needs to.”

Pidge snorts, ”No offense but he needed to leave like, at the aisle. Who’s to say Keith will even choose to leave? You keep saying it’s his choice. So what happens if he doesn’t?”

”We support him.”

”Alright. I guess. I’ll stay hands-off, but I’m not gonna stop monitoring them.”

”I don’t really know Keith,” Hunk looks sheepish, ”I’m not sure anyone but you does. But I trust you. And so I’ll trust him if that’s what you say to do.”

Coran and Allura look at others and then nod at Shiro.

When they part, Shiro feels no better, no more sure, than he did before. He goes to the training deck and works himself to exhaustion- it’s all he really can do. Though he doesn’t agree with Pidge’s methods, he does like that there are eyes on the two; if Handror does escalate things, Shiro thinks it’s acceptable to step in.

Before he goes to sleep he messages Pidge, asking her if she can install the surveillance on his laptop, with a silent apology to Keith.

* * *

It’s Shiro’s turn to watch at the bridge.

It’s night time, for him at least, and the ship is sleepy. Since their meeting, the team had taken to spending most of their waking hours on the training deck. Shiro is no exception and he feels the ache deep in his muscles and all he wants to do is sleep. But it’s his turn to watch, and not just for the other ships.

Since he got on board with Pidge’s monitoring, the whole team decided that the person on duty would also watch the feed for Keith and Handror.

Unlike other nights, Keith and Handror aren’t in bed.

Shiro plugs in his headphones but it’s useless. Whatever they’re talking about it’s in Galran.

They’re standing on opposite sides of the bed. Keith’s arms are crossed over his chest and Handror is gesturing widely. Keith’s expression sours and he crosses over to where Handror is, walking past him.

Handror spins on his heels and drags a hand down his face before coming to stand in front of Keith, blocking the man from leaving the room.

Handror walks forward.

Keith walks backward.

Keith’s back hits the wall.

Handror’s palms come to the wall on either side of Keith’s face.

Shiro inhales sharp. He doesn’t have an ear for Galran, so he can’t parse anything our from what they’re saying. But Keith’s face is going from hardened and defensive to shocked and scared. Handror’s back is to the camera and Shiro wishes he could see the Galra’s face.

Handror utters something and Keith shrinks, shaking his head.

The palms near Keith’s face curl into fists.

Shiro’s pulse spikes and his fingers tremble where they are on the keyboard.

Keith ducks down and slips away from Handror. But it’s short-lived. His braid gets snatched and he’s raised to his toes by it. His hands are swatting at Handror’s arms but to no avail. Keith’s being drug to the bed by his hair.

Shiro’s numb. His eyes have trouble focusing and his breathing seems to stop.

Keith is thrown onto the bed. Handror grabs his face and turns him onto his stomach by the grip. He holds Keith’s head down. All the struggle Keith had earlier drains immediately as his clothes are being ripped off.

Shiro can’t quite get his hands to work. He knows there isn’t time. He knows there’s no way he’s going to snap out of this soon. But he reaches into his pocket, for however many swipes of the hand it takes and gets his comm device. He opens it and rings Pidge, hanging up as soon as she answers.

He watches. He can’t look away. He just has to trust Pidge. He has to trust Keith.

Handror removes his hand from Keith’s head, shouting something at the man. He reaches beneath his waistband and pulls himself out. But as he leans back over Keith, Keith kicks him.

He stumbles back.

Keith pushes from the bed smoothly and hops to his feet.

Handror steps in and takes a swing at Keith but Keith drops to the floor before it can connect.

Keith reaches beneath their bed and comes back up with one of the training swords.

Handror screams and lunges for Keith again.

Keith tries to roll under the hit but Handror must have anticipated that because he kicks out, his foot landing in Keith’s stomach and throwing him across the room.

Keith cries out as his back connects with the wall.

He uses the sword to climb to his feet.

His steps are unsure, unsteady.

Handror walks calmly to Keith.

Keith has the sword positioned to strike. But he isn’t moving.

Handror stops just in front of Keith, his hands raised as he says something to Keith.

Keith seems frozen from whatever Handror said.

Something gets their attention and Shiro realizes what before he sees it.

Keith takes the moment to bring the sword crashing against Handror. It’s not a hit designed to kill, but one to stun.

Handror clutches his head.

And Keith runs.

Shiro can finally move but as he’s leaving the room he pauses. Something moves in his vision and then the ship rocks.

He closes the laptop and tucks it beneath his arm and takes off into the hallway.

The rest of the team meets him as he’s taking off, heading to catch Keith.

The ship rocks again and it nearly has everyone off their feet.

Vaguely he can hear them asking him what happened but he’s too focused on Keith.

On getting to Keith.

Keith.

”Keith!” Shiro dashes faster as the man comes into view and catches him before he falls to the ground.

”Shiro.” He falls into Shiro’s arms.

Shiro works one-handed to remove his shirt and helps Keith into it.

”C’mon, we gotta go!” Hunk yells at them.

”Where?” Shiro scoops Keith into his arms. ”Handror-”

”Run!” Pidge comes bounding from the corner and Handror shortly after.

They turn around and run back towards the other side of the ship.

Handror is yelling in Galran.

The ship jolts again.

Then there’s a loud screech of metal being torn into.

Shiro calls for everyone to brace themselves.

There’s a hiss as the pressure in the cabin is leaking.

Shiro hadn’t realized he’d dropped to the floor, body sprawled protectively over Keith. He brushes a hand over Keith’s cheek.

Keith brings a hand up to cover Shiro’s.

”Uh, Shiro?” Hunk says.

He looks up and nearly chokes on the inhale.

It’s Red.

”Quick, everyone in the lion!” He springs to his feet, helping Keith up, then gently pushing him to get to Red.

He looks back. Handror must have hit the wall when Red tore through because he’s clutching his head and struggling to gain footing.

”You!” He shouts as he locks eyes with Shiro.

Shiro doesn’t wait for him to move or say anything else; he bolts for Red.

As soon as he’s through her jaw and in her cockpit, she takes off.

He falls to the floor, legs made of jelly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard for me to write. It was very heavy and very personal and I could only write snippets here and there. I have no sense of how the flow was because I wrote it in little chunks.  
> This really just hit home. 
> 
> The other day I was doing laundry and my mom came up behind me and I didn't expect her. I yelled and put my back to the washer and raised my leg to kick. Very thankfully I didn't actually kick. But, man. My mom is announcing when she's behind me now. I feel bad for scaring her.
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading! I appreciate all the support you've been giving me (I'll get to replying to comments soon; this chapter really had me in a stronghold). If you have constructive criticism, please feel encouraged to share, as I'm always looking for ways to improve.
> 
> Hope your week is going well so far <3


	4. Chapter 4

Keith slowly comes to. It’s gentle at least. Gentle like weaving through a meadow of ankle-deep grass and the warm kiss of sunshine. He’s tumbling through the flowers on his way to wakefulness. A gentle breeze caresses his bare skin. He opens his eyes to the soft light of the Atlas. Projected on the walls of his room is the same meadow he dreamt about.

Pidge had installed the modifications to his room on the ship. Along with the scenery, soft ambient nature sounds played, and somehow, she’d even got the room to smell like whatever was in the image. Though that last one had to be coded to be very faint, because his nose was becoming more sensitive.

He drapes an arm over his forehead and watches the sun on the roof, obscured by fluffy, white clouds.

It’s dumb but the whole thing has helped calm him.

”I’m 26, and I have murals on my walls,” he groans as he rolls out of bed. It’s not like he had murals in the homes at least.

His legs protest when he comes up on them but that’s pregnancy he supposes.

_Pregnancy._

Oh God.

He goes to find Hunk so he can get some breakfast.

Hunk’s in the kitchen with some music playing soft from his comm device. Ever since Pidge found how to pick-up radio the ship has been livelier. Hunk is mixing ingredients with a pep in his step, moving along to the song. It’s in Galran, but the man seems to be enjoying it anyway.

It’s one of Keith’s favourites, too.

”You really love cooking, huh?”

Hunk jumps and then clutches his chest, laughing warm. ”God, Keith. What are you gonna do when you have to waddle and can’t sneak up on people anymore?”

Keith walks to the sink and begins washing his hands. ”I guess I’ll never know fun again.”

Hunk barks a laugh. ”Oh my God, y’know, dude, I don’t know where you hide your hilarity but I’m always impressed. As for your question?” He cuts a slice of what they’ve deemed is a butter substitute and flicks it into the pan. ”Yeah. My family is really big on it. And, in my culture, men do the cooking. I just love getting to feed people, though. Food makes things happy. Or it can. That’s what I want to do, make people happy. Nourish their body and their soul.” He cracks open some eggs into the pan. ”Speaking of, Keith. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’re skipping meals. No judgement, don’t worry, just wanna make sure you’re ok.”

Keith gets beside Hunk and starts measuring the beans to make coffee, or their space equivalent.

”I’m just not feeling well. I think my stomach is too sensitive. I think it’s- you know.” He’s glad to be faced away from Hunk when he says it. It’s hard to acknowledge. It’s embarrassing. Shame-inducing. But most of all it’s kind of weird. It’s definitely not something he ever expected to go through.

Hunk hums. A quiet Hunk is a thinking Hunk.

Keith is happy to take the lull in conversation and watch the coffee drip into the pot.

”I don’t know off the top of my head what’s good and bad for you, to be honest. Not just with the pregnancy. I’m not sure if Galra have any special dietary needs. Tell you what, give me today and I’ll find out. ’Cus you gotta eat something, Keith. Ya?”

Keith turns and rests his back against the ledge of the counter. His arms fold across his chest. Not as a defensive measure but just comfort and reflex. He can feel his own smile as he looks at Hunk, watches Hunk get engrossed in measuring some spices, and remeasuring until they’re level.

”Thanks, Hunk.”

They spend the rest of the time cooking and joking and they apologize when Lance comes in, cranky, groaning that their laughter woke them up. But Keith plates breakfast for Lance, and Hunk holds it under Lance’s nose, and at least he can’t complain with a full mouth.

Not well, anyway.

One by one the rest of the kitchen becomes filled out. Except for Shiro. They all dig into their food with gusto and Keith realizes what Hunk was saying earlier. But he can’t help noticing Shiro’s absence. If anyone needed to be eating right now it’s him.

”I’m gonna fix Shiro up a plate.” Keith reaches his hand out to Hunk, his fingers stopping just before they make contact. It’s still not something he’s used to, touching people, hugging people, it’s never been an instinct for him in the same way it seems for others.

Hunk looks down at Keith’s hand and then back up to Keith with a tender smile and eyes shining.

Keith returns the smile as he squeezes Hunk’s forearm.

”I’ll save some, just in case you feel up to eating later, Keith.”

Keith makes a plate and walks over to Shiro’s room.

It hurts him that after all this time, after all the attempts from Shiro, the man seemed unable to break away from Keith. Like some sort of parasite, Keith had infected Shiro’s life.

The guilt at Shiro having to see what he did, the guilt that Shiro had worried about him, the guilt that Shiro had to re-live through some of his traumas, all because of Keith, was a good part of why Keith didn’t want to get up in the mornings. Of all the people to get caught up in Keith’s mess, Shiro was the least deserving.

But probably worse was that Keith couldn’t hold back his relief that Shiro cared. That despite all the time and distance and circumstances, Keith still had Shiro. It was selfish, and he knew it. But just the same he couldn’t not love Shiro, nor enjoy his company and concern.

Keith stops in front of Shiro’s door.

He raises a fist to knock and lowers it but then sees the food and gathers the courage.

Shiro had missed the last few meals.

”Come in,” Shiro’s voice is scratchy.

When the door opens, Keith sees a Shiro like one the one who’d come back from the vacuum of space, gaunt, eyes dull, and face unshaven. He’s staring at a spot on the floor. He looks haunted. He’s sat in his chair like he probably hasn’t moved all morning.

Keith readies the plate and hesitantly steps into the room.

”I brought you breakfast. You need to eat.” He rests the plate on the desk behind Shiro.

”Thank you. I guess I do,” Shiro chuckles like it’s funny that he’s starving, it’s unnerving how accustomed to death the man is. ”But I heard I’m not the only one. Have you eaten today?” That finally gets some emotion to come to his face. His movements are slow but his eyes come to focus on Keith and his eyebrows press together the skin between them. He looks Keith up and down, stopping at Keith’s stomach. A frown tugs at his lips.

Keith moves his hands to cover himself, though he isn’t showing yet. Somehow it’s like a pregnant belly were an intimate nudity, something far more vulnerable to him than his simple naked body.

”Shiro, you changed the subject.”

Shiro looks back up to Keith’s face and then he turns his head away.

”I.. Have. I’m sorry, Keith.” He scrubs at the stubble on his chin.

”Don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong.” Keith steps forward and cautiously touches Shiro’s forearm where it’s resting on his leg.

”Keith, I think you should join the others.” Shiro gingerly takes Keith’s hand from his arm and slowly returns it back to Keith’s side. He hangs his head and runs at his eyes with his palms.

”Ok.” Keith replies quiet and leaves the room. The door shuts him out.

But he was honestly shut out the moment he entered the room.

He returns to the kitchen at least sans plate.

”Keith, may I borrow you? We are trying to figure some information out and we could use your assistance,” Allura calks her head slightly to the side.

”Sure thing, princess.”

She smiles and turns to Coran, asking him to go ahead and pull up their data and get Kolivan on call.

It’s the second time he’s seen Kolivan since they fled from Handror. Keith has nothing personal against him, it’s just hard because he knows Kolivan was told everything. He’s just glad his mom is away. He hasn’t been able to speak with her yet because Kolivan wants her to stay focused.

It stings sometimes that Krolia’s mission always comes first.

He gets it. But it still stings.

Keith feels the pressure, the three are looking at him. He swallows. He already forgot what they asked him, and it might be on purpose.

”Sorry, what was that?”

Kolivan frowns. ”I understand that this is sensitive information but we need to know what happened in your capture. We haven’t ruled out that whoever is after you paladins isn’t part of Zarkon’s former empire.”

Keith rocks on his feet. ”I understand.”

”Then, please, Keith, tell us.” The name sounds strange from Kolivan.

Keith closes his hands into tight fists. He hates to cry but tears are pouring down his cheeks hot and immeasurable. His body is shaking but there’s not much he can do about it other than try and get air through a choked throat. He bangs a fist against his thigh.

Allura speaks softly, ”Take your time, it’s alright. It’s alright.”

He swallows. He wants to get this over with. He wants to go lie down.

”I was trying to leave Handror and I took a ship and I just... flew anywhere. The ship was small.”

”It lacked proper navigation then? Perhaps that was only an emergency escape pod.” Coran says.

Keith nods and scrubs at his eyes with his forearm. ”I didn’t know I was anywhere near where I was- didn’t know who was around me. Until suddenly I’m surrounded. They must have seen me and scanned me and when they found out it was me... They took me in. As soon as the hatch to my ship opened they were on me. I didn’t grab a weapon when I’d left- I just needed to leave. They surrounded me. I couldn’t fight them-”

”Keith, breathe,” Allura says.

Keith didn’t know he was running out of air.

”They took me and experimented on me. I was there for months. It felt like years.”

The other three fall silent.

Keith looks down at his shoes. ”Can I go now?”

”We appreciate your cooperation, _kit_ ,” Kolivan speaks the nickname in Galran, ”There is still much for us to learn but please take rest. We shall use this information to try and look into what the end goal of these experiments, whatever they may be, are.”

Keith mutters a thanks and starts walking from the room. He stops and turns back when Kolivan speaks again, in full Galran.

” _Kit_ , when or if you are ready we have a medic primed so that you may discuss concerns with them. It is your choice to initiate contact, but I only ask that you consider the consequences of going through this uninformed.”

Keith nods and excuses himself to go lay down.

As he leaves the hallway where the conference room was he realizes that, though he’s exhausted, he doesn’t want to be alone right now.

He grabs his blanket and pillow from his room and sets up on the couch in the rec area.

Lance, Pidge, and Hunk are playing Monsters and Mana at the table. They look curiously at Keith but don’t say anything as he settles down.

He’s almost asleep when he hears Lance whisper, ”My sister used to do the same thing when she was pregnant. Any couch was free real estate. Man though, didn’t envy her when she got big and had to get back up from those couches.”

He falls asleep comforted by their voices.

The next few days Shiro continues to take his meals in bed, only he asks Keith if Lance can do it, saying he doesn’t like burdening Keith.

Keith bristles, ”I’m pregnant, not incapable of walking or carrying plates.”

Shiro winces at least and denies that that’s was what he meant.

Keith can tell there’s something more but he knows Shiro well enough to know the more he pushes the more Shiro withdraws.

Hunk, at least, is willing to have Keith by his side.

They’re in the kitchen trying out the recipes Hunk found that are supposed to be gentle enough for Keith eat.

The first dish reminds Keith of oatmeal.

”So, dude, I get this might be too personal but... is it weird?”

Keith snorts before taking a spoonful of the not-oatmeal. And, yup, it’s near the same, except for some of the spices, which are light in application, are clearly from Galran dishes. He chews and swallows. ”Very.”

Hunk nods to that and leans back against the counter, watching the ceiling, deep thought evident in his brows and tight lips. ”I gotta admit, same. No offense.”

He appreciates the honesty. ”Thanks for not dancing around it. It feels like everyone else is talking about it, but in whispers, or when I’m not there. I get that it’s weird. But it’s hard to process everything with everyone being how they are.”

”I mean we are in space, so. There’s bound to be weirdness from time to time. I’m just sorry that it’s you again. First you learn that you’re Galra and now that you can get pregnant. Yikes, dude. That’s a lot to take in.” Hunk brushes down his apron. ”I was gonna ask if you always knew you could but... I guess this is news to you too.”

Keith grips the spoon in his hand hard. ”Yeah, it’s... new, alright.”

Hunk nods.

”So, Hunk. You seem pretty fearless now.”

”Well, I’m still afraid, but I sort of do things anyway.”

”Do you ever miss home?”

”Yeah. But I video call the fam every few days. And I try to visit once a month, give or take when there are missions. But there’s just so much out here. Maybe when I’m older I’ll go back and settle down. For now though, I enjoy the adventure.”

”I’m not sure where home is for me. I don’t think it’s Earth. And it’s probably not with other Galra.”

”Home isn’t always a place. Some of my family still lives on the islands. I went back and forth a lot, until I made it into the space program at the Garrison. Sometimes the only home I had was the homemade food they’d send me in those care packages.”

Keith smiles.

”Thanks Hunk.”

Hunk sweeps Keith into a tight hug.

They try some more recipes out to find what Keith likes.

At the end of it, Keith feels much better. He hadn’t realized he’d been so hungry.

Kolivan sends a message that he wants them to touch down on a nearby base. They’ve figured out how to cloak the Lions from detection inside Atlas. ”When the ship is finished being outfitted, you must retrieve the rest of the Lions.” Blue is still on the first moon base, Green and Yellow are where Hunk and Pidge had been stationed, Red was in Atlas, and Black’s location was a secret parsed into many pieces amongst many people to make sure she wasn’t stolen. No one person knew all of them, not yet. The former paladins are tasked with changing that.

”Finally,” Lance says as he stretches his arms when they get out of Atlas, ”some sunshine that isn’t just a light show. Man, can we visit the beach here?”

The planet is a lush, tropical one.

Keith silently agrees that it’s good to be in actual nature.

Shiro walks passed him.

”Sure, I don’t see why not. The upgrades to Atlas won’t be instant. So, as long as we stay within where the Marmora guard, I don’t see why not.”

Some Galra come to greet and inform them of what they’ll be doing. They ask for Pidge and Hunk to stay behind, ”It is wise that you travel with mechanics who know how to repair what we are installing.” Allura, pilot and commander of the ship, has to stay aboard to open her controls.

Which leaves Keith with Lance, Shiro, Coran, and the stupid beach he wants nothing to do with.

He dresses for the stupid beach he wants nothing to do with. He brings a shirt to cover up with but it’s hot and humid and a wet shirt pasted to his chest doesn’t seem fun to him. Stopping by the mirror on his way back out he’s grateful there’s nothing to see yet, save the _slightest_ bump that no one would think anything of. Except him. Because no matter how long he looks and sees that he’s still basically flat, he _feels_ like people will see otherwise.

And if not his stomach, then they’ll see his scars.

The stupid beach is actually pretty nice.

He slathers on sunscreen, lays down a blanket, and sticks an umbrella in the sand to shade his spot.

Shiro and Lance rush out to the shore and both dive fluidly into the water. They splash each other and play rough, wrestling above the water.

It’s nice to see the unguarded smile and laughter and joy and warmth on Shiro’s face. He’s loud and obnoxious as he’s messing around with Lance in the water. He’s the Shiro that Keith remembers when they were alone together back in the Garrison.

There were always two Shiros. One who stood tall and spoke succinct and charmed. Then the one who was rebellious and goofy and preferred smaller groups than larger crowds.

Keith supposes it’s wrong to say there’s two of him, especially after everything that happened. But it was still shocking to see how different Shiro was when he wasn’t in the public eye.

Keith shifts on the blanket and fusses with the umbrella.

Sometimes he liked to pretend he was one of the only ones who got to see that side of Shiro.

”Hey, Keith,” Shiro calls out from the shore, ”Wanna join us?”

”Dude! He’s, y’know-” Lance smacks him and yells something that Keith can’t make out. But he’s sure he knows what.

”Oh, actually stay there.” He shouts.

Keith grumbles. He’s gonna pop Lance in the face.

As soon as he wakes up from the nap he didn’t know was happening until his eyes close and the warmth lulls him to sleep. When did he even get tired?

Keith wakes up to Lance shaking him and it’s a bad move on Lance’s part. Keith lashes with fists, springing to his feet in a singular motion, and Lance is dodges, his only saving grace that Keith is still disoriented from his nap.

Wakefulness comes upon Keith like a tidal wave, swallows him out and drags him into the middle of the ocean to drown. Thinking is hard through the thick fog rolling over the waters in his head. Everything is spinning.

He expects Lance to step forward and slug Keith back like old times. Lance doesn’t back down when Keith’s involved. Or didn’t. But now Lance is just staring with his palms raised open in front of him.

”Sorry, Kei-”

”Don’t.” Keith stops Lance before the man can patronize him. ”I’m fine.” It feels rough coming out and he doesn’t really mean it to be but he’s still a little spooked.

He’d pulled rough from sleep too many times, in places terrifying, by ungentle hands, for reasons he’d rather just keep his head swimming at sea than think about.

He wasn’t mad. He just wanted normalcy. And Lance taking careful steps around Keith was not that. Neither was Shiro’s continued avoidance of him.

Lance takes a few slow steps back and slowly returns his hands down to his sides. ”It’s lunch time, so we figured the three of us could check out the local cuisine?” It’s a question it doesn’t need to be.

Keith isn’t sure he’s up to eating anything that isn’t the blander food Hunk had showed him how to make. But it’s a chance to be around Shiro and maybe, just maybe, they can at least talk about something. Anything. Well, as long as it’s not related the pregnancy, of course. Good god. He’d rather ignore that topic for as long as he could get away with. The more he wanted to not think about it, the more the thoughts inundated him and the more his teammates had curiosities or advice. No one seemed to get how uncomfortable the very idea of being pregnant made him.

They get seated at one of the restaurants that Keith helps them pick out. He’s the only one who can read Galran and even understand what the food might be. He settles for a place with soups because soups are comforting.

Their waitress looks less than impressed to see humans. The Marmora bases are generally only Galran, or at least mixed Galra, and near all of them speak the tongue. There are virtually no need for translator devices outside of the conference halls. So it’s no surprise when she seems to struggle through asking their orders in English.

Keith takes pity on her and orders for everyone in Galran.

Her relief is palpable as she sighs and begins to jot down into the notebook she got from her apron.

When she walks away Lance whistle.

”Man, what would we do without you, Keith?” Lance elbows Keith in the side.

”Flounder about doing charades until you’re removed from the base.” Keith smirks feeling better now that he’s sipping on some tea. It was easier asking for ’pregnancy tea,’ when his friends couldn’t understand him.

”Although, it makes me feel kind left out, to be honest. Like, ’what is Keith saying? Oh well I guess I’ll never know.’”

”That’s kind of the point,” Keith shoots Lance’s own finger guns back at him.

Shiro finally chimes in after the two banter a bit more. ”It is impressive, Keith. Did it take you long to learn?”

Keith tucks his hands beneath his thighs and rocks on them a little. The first time Shiro’s acknowledged his existence since Keith brought him breakfast and it’s praise. He can’t look at Shiro because he knows the look that accompanies that tone of voice. ”I had two years with my mom. It got pretty boring pretty fast out there on the space whale. So I asked her to teach me.”

”I respect that. I grew up with Spanish and English in my home. There’s really something different about being able to speak to someone in their native language.” Lance props his elbows on the table and weaves his fingers into a net for his chin. ”Like our waitress. She was so tense until Keith spoke Galran. Man. Keith, I _know_ you’re Galran but it’s really hitting me. You’re _Galran_.”

Keith scoffs and turns to Lance, about ready to give him a piece of his mind for bringing this shit up again, but Lance continues before he can.

”It’s not bad. I think it’s kind of amazing actually.”

And he scoffs again because maybe the praise is actually worse.

”Y’know, Keith, if your dad could do it maybe I could-”

Keith untucks his hands from under him and shoves a napkin in Lance’s mouth. ”Keep your weird thing for aliens to yourself!”

Lance sputters around the napkin and rips it out. It leaves some bits of paper on his tongue and he gulps down water, probably trying to just swallow it down.

Shiro laughs rich and smooth.

Keith’s head snaps to Shiro as if the man had reached and guided his chin that way. It’s so unguarded. Genuine. It makes Keith feel bubbly, his pulse twitching wild and rushing his body with warmth. He could lay down a towel and bask in it.

Lance gestures wildly to Shiro, look pleading, ”C’mon man, back me up here. I mean some alien cheeks are just so _clappable,_ right?”

Keith’s head snaps from Lance to Shiro.

Shiro’s cheeks light aflame and he scratches the back of his head. He looks between a rock and hard place. Quickly his eyes flick to Keith’s and then back to Lance. ”Uh, I mean. They can be attractive.”

Keith’s hand are buzzing with pins and needles beneath him. He’s caught. Caught between hope and jealousy. Shiro wasn’t his but the thought of Shiro with another man, especially an alien, still felt like an open-palmed slap against his cheek.

The waitress returned finally with their food not a moment too soon.

Keith tucks happily into his soup.

The other two fill out the rest of the conversation for their meal. Keith half pays-attention as they talk about how it feels to be in space again. There’re apparently things they two are still adjusting to. Keith can’t help but feel the small voice in the back of his mind asking why they ever left.

They head back to the ship after eating. Lance sneaks off to the shower, leaving Shiro with Keith. And when the two find the rest of the team they get shooed away.

They’re on their way to the living quarters when Shiro stops Keith.

”Keith, wait,” he reaches a hand out to touch Keith but stops. His expression tightens and Keith can see Shiro biting on the inside of his cheek. He looks at Keith and then away, then back at Keith. Then sighs. Keith doesn’t know, he can’t know, but he swears that whatever Shiro was going to say is not what he ends up saying. Especially when it’s so...

”Have you always been able to get pregnant?”

Tactless.

Keith blinks and then again he feels that need to cover himself. He’s starting to get to irritated with everyone’s fixation. His jaw clenches, and he only doesn’t snap because it’s _Shiro,_ and he’s finally getting talked to by him, and it’s so clear that wasn’t what Shiro was going to say. ”It’s.. a long story. The short answer is no, Shiro.”

Shiro doesn’t look like he knows how to respond to that.

Which is fine by Keith, because Keith still doesn’t know either.

When Shiro doesn’t go to say anything else, Keith continues to walk.

”Keith, I- Listen, I’m not mad at you or anything I just think it’s best we have some space. For our own good.”

”Speak for yourself,” Keith rushes the last of the way to his room and hurries inside, locking the door behind him despite knowing Shiro will leave him alone. If Keith wants distance, Shiro gives it to him. If Keith doesn’t want distance but still acts like he does, Shiro gives it to him.

As his back is sliding down the door he chuckles without humour. He’d just affirmed Shiro’s claim that they needed space.

They finish installing the cloaking device on Atlas and Keith is just happy he can go to the training deck again. It had been hard being banished to his room. What he needed to do right now was lose himself in the fight.

So he does.

He turns up the level of the sims and trades blows with the bots.

Their fighting is ruthless. Wave after wave, they advance on him and there’s no time to think as he’s dodging their mock blades. They’re strong and if they land a hit it could still shatter bone. But that’s not why he ducks. To him, this is real. He needs it to be, or his thoughts won’t fade away.

With a crack that he hears before feels, a bot delivers a hit against his thigh. It knocks the wind out of him and he loses footing. He had gotten distracted. He rolls away as one strikes his spot on the ground. Using his good leg he springs back to his feet and back into a defensive position.

He’s back into the flow of it.

At least until a sword crashes against his lower back and sends him flying across the room.

He cries out in pain as his face connects with the floor, nose snapping, and back still stinging.

Then he cries out like an animal as he pushes to his feet. He spits out the blood that’s dripping into his mouth.

Finally he’s not being treated like a glass doll.

It goes one until he’s so bruised and weak he can’t pull to his feet. Panting, throat raw, he calls the simulation off and panels open on the floor and the bots return beneath it.

He rolls gingerly to his side, the side without a snapped rib and lets the cool metal of the floor be balm against his cheek.

He’s not one for pride, not the type that requires confidence - over-confidence -, but as he lay feeling blood pumping out of wounds and skin tender, he feels that rare surge of it. He’s not weak. He’s gonna walk to dinner like this. Clean up his face a little, make him a bit less roughed up, but he wants the others to see this. So it can dare them. Dare them to think he’s incapable.

But then another thought, one he’d been stuffing far away from consciousness, creeps on him. It turns his stomach and makes his hard fought for injuries feel like marks of shame. If he had the strength he’d push up to his feet and run to the nearest waste bin. But he doesn’t. So he at least presses up with his hands and vomits.

If he’s so strong, why didn’t leave? Why didn’t he fight back? Why didn’t he cleave Handror in two like he’d done to a bot just a little while ago?

He pulls achingly to his feet and orders a bot to clean his mess. He’s too exhausted.

He limps into the showers and lets the water scald his body as he scrubs roughly with the soap. The grime is long gone but he keeps scratching until his nails are raking and he doesn’t stop until he’s raw.

He’s dirty beneath the skin.

Touched and taken and so dirty.

He bangs his fists against the wall and grits his teeth to keep from making a noise.

And he kind of let it happen, didn’t he?

He’d just proved to himself that he could’ve fought back. But he hadn’t. Not past the first few times.

He’s so dirty.

He finishes his shower, goes to his room to change, and then heads to the kitchen.

Hunk is turned towards the stove, stirring some soup on it. It’s the same one that they made the other day; the one that Keith liked the best.

”Woah, what the fu- Keith?” Pidge sputters on the mouthful of juice she just drank.

Keith suddenly doesn’t feel as confident about this. He reaches up and covers his nose and ducks his head.

”Keith! We need to get you to a pod,” Hunk says as soon as he turns around. His eyes are wide and searching Keith’s face and then any uncovered skin.

”I’ll go later.” He growls and pulls out a stool at the island. He sits down with a grunt, propping an arm along the counter to slow his descent, making it easier on his broken rib.

Pidge and Hunk trade expressions.

Hunk opens his mouth but Pidge fixes him with a look that tells him to be quiet.

When it’s clear Keith isn’t going to say anything, and she isn’t letting Hunk, she continues with what must have been the conversation before he came in.

”My laptop is still hooked up to the cameras in Handror’s ship and I’ve been watching the feeds and so far there’s been no sign of him.”

Keith stiffens, first at the name, then her words sink in ”The what?”

”The feeds? Yeah, I haven’t seen him anywhere. Not anywhere in the whole ship. Not the bedroom-”

Keith slams his fists down on the table and immediately regrets it because his hands are already bruised. ”You put cameras in the ship? In _our room?_ ” He’s to his feet and the stool clatters behind him.

”Yeah to save your ass, dude.”

”You put cameras in our room?” He’s trembling now, his fangs have slipped down from his gums.

Pidge puffs up, ”Someone had to watch out for you. You clearly weren’t gonna. How else do you think we knew to come get you?”

Keith deflates at that. His skin is crawling, he’s wondering what all they saw. ”I was handling it.”

”Keith-” she holds her hands in front of her like she’s trying to placate a wild animal, her voice goes soft, ”We were worried. And we had a right to, it seems.”

”I had it under control.”

”Keith... He was about to rap-”

”I know! Ok.” He folds his arms over his chest. He looks to Hunk. Hunk looks apologetic. ”That’s why I had the sword under the bed.”

Pidge doesn’t seem to have a reply to that.

”I didn’t plan on him coming back. Or for us to be on his ship. What was I supposed to do? Only _he_ can pilot his ship.”

”You could’ve let us know. Let us help. Keith you didn’t have to shut us out.” Her eyes are shining.

Hunk finally speaks. ”We’re just glad you’re safe. We’re sorry for not trusting you, Keith. But, ya, I hope you’ll talk to us in the future. We’re here for you.”

He steps in front of Keith and opens his arms in invitation.

Keith nods and lets Hunk sweep him into a hug. Pidge joins it. Keith

winces and must make a noise when his broken rib gets bumped against between them.

”Keith, will you please let us take you to the pods?”

”Fine.” He’s just too worn out to protest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about these longer chapters.   
> Were they better shorter?
> 
> Thank you for reading and hope y'all take care this holiday season, I know it can be rough.


	5. Chapter 5

There’s a loud, frantic knock at Shiro’s door that jolts him out of his bed and has him on his feet. He calls to the other side of the door that he’s coming. A part of him hopes it’s Keith, but then he’s been trying so hard to keep away from the man. He wants Keith to finally realize that Shiro isn’t worth his time.

Shiro presses the button to open the door and it’s Hunk and he’s hunched over, hands fidgeting with each other. When he sees Shiro he looks somehow more anxious. ”It’s Keith.”

The floor seems to roll beneath his feet even though they’re planted. He speaks but his mouth feels like it’s full. ”What happened?”

”We just got him into a pod but- Shiro, it was bad.”

His vision trembles and he can feel the blood in veins pounding against the surface of his skin.

”Take me to him.”

Hunk nods and turns, taking down the hall and Shiro follows as quickly as his strides let him.

The ship’s hallways feel longer than he remembers, he hears the sound of their feet striking the metal of the floor barely over the rushing of blood in his ears.

Hunk leads them into the pod room where one of the pods is occupied and beeping.

”Keith...” Shiro crosses the distance and lays a hand on the surface of the pod. How many times is he going to have to see Keith like this? He looks at the monitor next to the pod. The silhouette of the body is lit up in so many places.

”He went to the training deck and came into the kitchen and he was like this.” Hunk’s tripping over his words. ”Shiro, we think you need to talk to him. You’re the only one who can get through right now.” Hunk quietly excuses himself when Shiro doesn’t respond.

He’ll apologize later but right now every part of him is focused on Keith.

Shiro touches the little courner on the monitor that brings up more detailed images of the injuries. The feature was made so any species could use the pod and understand its read-out, Coran had told him once. It shows a looping image of a cartoonish bone cracking as it highlight a rib on the overall silhouette. Then it cycles an animation of a bone cracking, a fracture likely. That one lights up on the lower back and shoulder. A knife draws a cut and droplets fall down and there’re too many for Shiro to focus on a single area, except for the leg which has a larger dot.

He waits with held breath for something to show up to indicate pregnancy, and the injury to, but it just cycles back to the bone. He hopes, but doesn’t know, that that means the baby (babies?) is (are?) still safe. Keith seemed to really want to go through with the pregnancy when he was arguing with Handror. But that’s another thing Shiro just hasn’t talked to Keith about yet.

Does Keith even want this? The baby would probably be a constant reminder of his (ex?) husband.

Shiro couldn’t see Keith ever giving up on a child though. Not after all the man had been through growing up. But caring for a child out of duty and caring for a child out of love, out of desire to do so, were separate things.

”Oh, Keith, baby,” Shiro lowers to his knees so he can rest his forehead against the encasing of the pod. His hands joins his head on either side of him.

He’d planned so thoroughly on doing everything he could to get away from Keith. Just so Keith could get away from him. But right now? Keith needs him. At least selfishly, Shiro wants to believe Keith needs him. And if there were any weakness Shiro had, it would be that he’d do anything to make sure Keith has all of his needs met. And wants. And dreams.

Anything Keith so much as spared a look to into interest, Shiro would trade the universe for to get, so he could wrap it up for Keith.

”Baby,” his fingers curl into his palms and he lightly bangs those fists on the encasing. He’s not a crier but tears pour hot from the courners of his eyes in frustration. In anguish.

This was exactly why it hadn’t and could never work out with Curtis.

It was only ever Keith.

Lance brings him a plate of dinner. He sets it down on a rolling tray in front of Shiro.

”You doing ok?” Lance pulls up a chair next to Shiro, which is right in front of Keith. ”I know you had to watch when Handror... y’know.”

Shiro turns his attention to Lance. ”Keith’s safe so I’m fine. I mean, I know it’s not over for him - and that hurts - but I’ll help him as best I can.”

Lance shakes his head and presses his index finger lightly in the center of Shiro’s chest. ”Are _you_ ok? You had to watch to another Galra lose his shit,” he pauses and rolls his lips between each other, ”I know you hate it when I bring it up, but I don’t want to watch you - either of you - continue to explode because you can’t talk about things. God, you two are so alike. So, again, are you ok?”

He shifts on the uncomfortable cushioning of the stool. Lance is staring at him, body as tall as can be when sitting, lips tight and straight, eyes more hardened steel than soft ocean blue.

Shiro’s posture wilts a little.

”It was terrifying,” he chuckles until Lance fixes him with a look, ”It was like I was both me and Keith at the same time. I never went through... what Keith did, but I do have enough memories of getting tossed around that I could easily have been the one in that room. I can’t sleep. I keep looking around me, sure there’s a Galra lurking around the courner. I can barely keep down food,” he gestures towards the plate. ”And nothing I try seems to work. Nothing helps.”

”Except Keith, huh? He used to help you through it. I remember that.”

Shiro nods and clasps his hands in his lap and squeezes his fingers tight.

”So, why the distance? Keith would do anything to help you. He’s, no offense, kinda dumb when it comes to you.” A smile, a small one, blooms slow at the courner of Lance’s mouth. His eyebrows raise, furrowed together. ”I’m honestly a little jealous.”

Shiro nearly falls off the stool at the admission. ”You like Keith?”

Lance barks out a laugh and claps Shiro on the back, ”Calm down, Big Boy, I’m not after your man. Or you - again, no offense. I just mean what you have. That’s what I want. Though I hope when I get it I don’t act as stupid as you two.” The smile is back and he turns it on Keith.

”Keith isn’t- he’s not-”

”God, you two are so alike.”

Lance draws shapes with his fingers on the encasing of the pod. His eyes seemed locked on Keith’s face.

”Lance?”

Lance hums a noise letting Shiro know to continue.

”You’re gonna make someone so happy.”

Lance scoffs. ”Damn right! I mean, I’m not called Loverboy Lance for nothing.”

Shiro laughs.

”Don’t hate the player, hate the game, my man.”

”Lance?”

”Yes, Shirogane?”

”Thanks.”

Allura manages to pull Shiro away from Keith if only because she needs him for strategy. Nothing else had been able to get Shiro to leave, not even having to sleep overnight curled by the base of the pod. He kept hoping Keith would get up, but the man just didn’t. He was fighting coming back to them. It stung.

The command hull feels strange. There’s memories of having stood behind those controls while Voltron fought without him. Sendak had been right, the thought bitter, he wasn’t a paladin in the end.

Allura navigated through the room with grace and when she stood behind the controls, and they flickered to life, she looked in her element. The clean white and blues of the ship matched her silver hair and opalescent blue eyes and Altean markings.

She pulls up a holoscreen that displays the five Lions.

”I thought I should ask you. Perhaps this is overstepping my bounds, but I wanted to discuss this with you before Keith.” She ducks her head and busies herself with something on the control panel. A rare tinge of pink dusts her cheeks. ”It’s about Voltron.”

He stiffens. Since Kolivan had told them about finding the Lions, he’s been wondering when they’d have the conversation.

”The Red Lion came for Keith.” Her voice is hesitant, words slow as she traces a finger along the panel. When she looks down, the purple beneath her eyes stands out. ”We don’t have the Black Lion right away, as you know. But it would seem that the Red Lion, at least, has chosen her paladin. As Blue had chosen Lance when you escaped from Earth.”

Shiro folds his hands behind him and walks to stand in front Atlas’ broad window to look at the expansive starscape. There are no constellations he can recognize out here. He clears his throat, wincing as his voice shakes a little, ”Do you suspect Yellow and Green will take Hunk and Pidge back?”

”As far as we are aware, their connections are still active.”

”Which just leaves...” Shiro startles as a thin but strong hand squeezes his shoulder. He turns to see Allura watching him with worried brows. ”Black. But we don’t know who she’ll take, do we?”

Allura nods, ”She may want Keith back. She may want you. Or maybe someone else entirely.”

He doesn’t think Keith would want to be back in the Black Lion. But all he has to go off are long gone talks where he asked Keith to fill his place, and Keith wanted nothing to do with that. In hindsight, maybe he’d forced Keith into leading. He was just so sure he’d die; and he did. But he hadn’t gotten to the chance to ever ask Keith, not then, not now, if that was something he wanted. No matter how similar Keith and he were, Keith was and would always be his own person.

But could Shiro even lead again?

Would Black even deign him worthy to be at her controls after all he’d done? He’d almost killed Keith. If not for Keith slashing off his arm, Shiro would’ve sliced through Keith’s throat. And sickly? He wonders if that would have been kinder. _”You don’t have to fight anymore,”_ he’d told Keith. If Keith had died then, he would’ve been spared been captured, whatever that entailed. Should he have killed Keith?

How could Black take him back now with thoughts like those?

”I understand, princess. Thank you for telling me.” He tries his best to smile but knows it’s lackluster.

Allura returns it still, though the sadness on her face doesn’t seem to go away.

He excuses himself back to Keith’s side by saying that Keith will probably wake up soon.

_”_ Keith... come back to us.” He bangs his forehead against the encasing. ”Is this what it felt like?... When I did this to you? God, I’m so sorry. Wake up so I can say that to you, ok?”

The light of the ship dims; they’re going into another night, Keith still far and away from them. He checks the monitor to take stock of the injuries but only some of the minor ones have healed.

”I’m not giving up on you.” He draws his fingers over the glass, pretending he can actually touch Keith. He wants to cup Keith’s cheeks in his palms and rubs the soft skin with his thumbs. He wants to re-braid that messy hair after having finger-combed those silky tresses. Most of all he wants to taste those lips, crush them between his, but also just press lightly against them. He wants to hold Keith.

”Please wake up, so I can tell you that I love you.”

Keith wakes up. But it’s before Shiro. And where Shiro expected the moment to be something... more intimate. It’s impossible for him to say all he’d wanted to with the room full of the team. It was Coran who had woken Shiro up, where he’d fallen asleep for the night draped over the pod (and then slid to the floor, judging by where he woke up.)

Keith’s eyes are wide and jumping around from each person as they overwhelm him with questions and words of relief and support. He’s propped up against pillows set up at the head of the pod. His moments are jerky and he’s swaying a little a bit.

”Now, now, Number Two, Three, and Five, the pod appears to have left the poor boy quite out-of-sorts. It’s best we all take a moment and inquire in singular fashion,” he twirls the tip of his ginger mustache, ”starting with me. Number Four, how are you feeling?” Coran steps forward and to the side of Keith, reaching to place his palm on Keith’s forehead.

Keith groans and his eyes close. His face is pale and skin flushed beneath. ”’m ok.”

Coran moves both hands to Keith’s bicep, ”You’re quite the gront flower in the breeze right now. Are you certain you are alright? The pods can’t fix everything, you know. And if you require medicine then I can whip you up something right away.”

Keith’s nose scrunches up and his eyebrows come down atop his shut lids. He blindly reaches a hand out to Coran’s forearm, probably looking for more stability. ”Yeah, I’m dizzy. And-” he grits his teeth, inhaling sharp through clenched teeth, ”headache. Nauseous.”

”I have just the things for that, my boy. Give me a fraction of a tick.” He carefully release Keith while guiding the man back to the pillows so that Keith is sitting up against them. Then he walks over to the cabinets and opens them, shuffling through it.

The other three look at each other, each of them beckoning one of the other to Keith. Then Lance looks at Shiro and they stop, looking at him expectantly.

He shakes his head. What he wants to say to Keith he wants to say only to Keith.

Lance, Pidge and Hunk check in with Keith, as much as Keith allows. It’s nice to see them make small talk with him. Keith is slow in his responses but Shiro thinks he’s enjoying their company.

Coran interrupts them to give Keith some medicine.

Eventually the group clears out and it’s just him and Shiro.

Shiro pulls his stool closer to the pod and Keith wiggles on the pillows until he’s on his side, facing Shiro.

Looking at Keith like this, the man’s hair mussed out of it’s elastic, his blinks slow, and gaze glossy, Shiro can’t find it in him to ask the questions he wants to, or say what he needs to.

”Hey,” Shiro exhales a little breathless as he reaches over to try and tame Keith’s hair, away from his face at least.

Keith leans into the touch, closing his eyes and letting out a shaky breath. ”Hey,” his voice is that sweet, honey-soothed rasp that melts Shiro.

”Feeling any better?” He tucks particularly errant strands behind Keith’s ear, letting the tips of his fingers brush the soft skin there. Then, a little guiltily, he brings his knuckles to ghost along Keith’s cheekbone. Guilty because Keith is a little numbed from the medicine, as Coran had warned them he would be. Why else would Keith be looking at him that way? Shiro allows himself one last thing.

He brings his thumb along Keith’s plush bottom lip, marveling in the feel of it dragging against the skin of his fingertip. It follows his thumb and then bounces back as he removes it. Looking up into Keith’s eyes, he can just barely see those pupils blown wide against the deep indigo. His mouth parts.

”Shiro,” he rasps barely above a whisper.

Shiro realizes he’s leaning in and snaps away from Keith. He was about to take advantage of Keith. ”How are you feeling?”

Keith’s head cocks to the side and confusion descends upon his brows. He brings his fingers up to his bottom lip and traces where Shiro had.

”I’m ok.” He says but it sounds like a question.

”I’m glad to hear that, but Keith,” he runs a hand down his face, pulling the skin, it breaks the moment and distantly he’s sure that’s why he did it, ”it’s not good to go off alone like that. Something more serious could’ve happened and no one would’ve been around to call of the bots. And you could’ve hurt the baby.”

Keith looked ready for retort until the last part. His gaze falls down his lap and his hand rubs gently along his abdomen.

”Oh baby, did you really not- Keith,” Shiro chews on his lip, ”I won’t presume to know what you want to do with the pregnancy. I - all of us - support any decision you make. But if this is something you want, then you have to be more careful.”

”Shiro, did I hurt the baby?” He looks back up to Shiro and the fear and pain in his eyes are heart-wrenching.

”We watched the pod for that and it doesn’t seem that way. But Coran said these aren’t really set up for that. They’re made to heal battle wounds. The pods that would’ve helped with maternity are gone with Altea. Maybe the Galra have something like it? I don’t know.”

Keith looks back down. ”I’m hungry can you help me get to the kitchen?”

It hurts that Keith shut him down but he gets it. It’s not really his place anymore to be who Keith leans on. Keith was married. Shiro was married. If he wants anything with Keith, if even just the close friendship they had, it’s gonna take time. Especially with someone like Keith, who trusts rarely but far too fully when he does.

”Of course, let’s get you some breakfast.”

Shiro stands up next the pod and then bends down to give Keith his hands. Keith takes them and with a groan uses Shiro to pull himself up and off the pod. His legs shake a little, not quite sticking the landing at first. After a few tries Keith is standing and he links arms with Shiro, shuffling a bit erratically as he’s led out of the room and to the kitchen.

Hunk lights up when he sees the two of them.

”Hey, you two, just in time for breakfast. Although, Keith, I didn’t-”

”Thanks Hunk, but today I want what you’re eating,” he leans forward and sniffs audibly, ”it smells good.”

Hunk looks at Shiro and then back at Keith and shrugs.

Shiro helps Keith over to the booth, thinking it’s better Keith have support for his back right now. He doesn’t want to risk Keith falling off a stool. The others, save Coran and Hunk, who are plating, move from the island to squeeze in the booth around Shiro and Keith.

”Yo, Red. Didn’t think you’d make it outta the room today. Lazy butt,” Lance bumps shoulders with Keith.

Keith scoffs, his expression drawing tight like he’s readying to fight but then confusion takes over.

”Red?”

”Yeah, I mean. It suits you, don’t you think?” Lance shrugs. ”Red like, well, fire. Like the Red Lion.”

Pidge snickers, ”Don’t let him fool you into thinking he casually chose the nickname. He was dead set on Hot Papi until Hunk and I convinced him otherwise.”

Lance nearly jumps across the table to press a hand to Pidge’s mouth. ”Hot like hot-headed.” He tries to recover.

But Keith already caught the unfortunate implications, judging by the smirk that curls the courner of his lips. ”Hot, huh? And what was that- papi?”

Lance’s face erupts fiery beneath his tan skin. ”That’s so not what I meant and you know it, _Mullet_.”

But Keith can’t stop the laughter. ”Papi! Hot Papi!” It’s evident Lance isn’t going to live it down for awhile.

Even Shiro lets slip a few chuckles.

To which Lance turns to him, mortified, ”You too? Shiro, I trusted you.”

They quiet down as their plates are set in front of them. Keith especially tears right into the food while Shiro just watches fondly, his own plate forgotten before him. He makes the mistake of looking up and sees that between bites the others are watching him watch Keith. It’s enough at least to get him to tuck into his food.

They’re weary to keep moving with Keith still a little out of sorts but Kolivan sends them a call, warning them that there’s been an attack on the camp where Green and Yellow are.

Making haste, they set Atlas on the fastest course to the camp.

When they arrive, they find an alarming amount of it to be in shambles.

One of the aliens there, a short pink one with spikes like a porcupine, approaches Pidge and starts rapidly into the story of being ambushed and the demand for the paladins of Voltron, along with their Lions.

”Did they take them?” Pidge demands as soon as it seems appropriate to; which still lands a bit flat, considering she asks that before she ask about the inhabitants of the camp, but Shiro is quick to jump in and smooth things over.

”We apologize for bringing such damage to your camp. We’ll help rebuild in any way we can. Are the Lions still here, by chance? They would help speed up the efforts.”

The alien soothes down her spines at his words. ”Whoever they were, they didn’t bring a large enough nor capable ship to evac the Lions. They seemed more interested in the paladins themselves.” She looks around the group.

”Well that’s a relie-” Lance begins before Pidge cuts him off.

”No, Lance. That means they’re after _us._ Not Voltron. This is personal, whatever it is.”

They go quiet.

Shiro looks to Allura and Allura is looking to him.

Keith scoffs and throws his hands up, walking away from the group and joining a couple of aliens who are picking up large debris from the floor and piling it in buckets.

Shiro thought he’d worked things out with Keith earlier but something was bothering the man still.

With a frown, Shiro follows in Keith’s lead, though not following the man himself, and gets to work cleaning up the camp. The work keeps him and the others busy for hours. He sees Keith stop and wipe sweat off his brow and knows he can’t single Keith out if he wants to keep working on regaining Keith’s trust and respect.

”Ok team, we’ve been at it awhile. Let’s take a break and hydrate.”

The alien who had first approached them saunters over and lets Shiro know she’ll fetch them some rations to snack on.

”Oh, no, we couldn’t impose, ma’am. We’re here to help, not drain resources.”

But she swats up at Shiro’s arm and insists the team has some food. She squeezes his forearm, ”Got to nourish your muscles, dear, lest you lose them,” and with a wink disappears into one of the supply tents. This part of diplomacy, he thinks, is one of the few things he doesn’t miss about space.

The team settles into the dirt in a lop-sided circle. Hunk and Pidge are rambling to each other about the repairs they did on Atlas. Keith and Allura are discussing what they should do next here when Lance butts in, like he can’t stand Keith talking to Allura alone. Coran is humming a cheerful tune as sips at his juice pouch. It seems amicable, but Shiro can read the subtle tensions on everyone’s faces and body language.

Pidge’s eyes keep darting around the camp. Hunk is rolling his hands within each other. Allura keeps taking pauses in whatever she’s saying to look behind and around her. Lance whose sitting with his knees propped up, taps his toes into the dirt. Keith is absently rubbing at his abdomen with one hand, his head tilting everywhich direction like he’s listening for something. Coran-

”You ok there, my boy?”

Shiro jumps at the hand suddenly at his shoulder before laughing nervous and rubbing the back of his neck.

”Yeah, just- A bit on edge. We’ve been targeted before, but it’s usually for the Lions. The only times it’s been personal...”

Coran nods, “Was when Hagar went after you. Yes, I dare say, though our princess and your Keith felt that same focus at one time or another, none of us had been pursued with such purpose and intent.”

Shiro swallows. He’d been maimed, killed, forced to kill, cloned, and mind-controlled to try and murder his team - no, not the whole team. She wanted him to take Keith’s life specifically. Hagar had known that Voltron would fall apart without Keith, who had been in Black at the time, and she also knew how exactly to lure Keith away to end it. Maybe the other things would scar and heal over easy enough. But what wouldn’t would be seeing Keith beneath him, struggling to keep Shiro from beheading him, and the screaming out in unimaginable pain as Shiro’s arm scorched his skin from chin to cheek. That was Shiro’s greatest nightmare.

It shouldn’t’ve been. Not with all he’d done in the arena, not with all he’d had done to him.

But it was.

Keith’s plea would repeat over and over in his head, ”Shiro, please. You’re my brother,” and then, when those words hadn’t gone through, hadn’t been enough to break the fog of control Hagar had over him, he said what would be the sweetest and more painful words Shiro could ever receive from Keith. ”I love you.”

”Shiro,” the rarity of his name coming from Coran gets his attention. ”We’re here for you. I understand that it can seem like, when out pain feels too great to lift, the best thing to do is conserve our energy for lifting it. But, you may find that, asking for a little help can in the end make our burdens bearable.” Coran removes his hand after a squeeze and then, to Shiro’s surprise, goes to lie on his back in the dirt.

Shiro laughs and Coran grins in return.

They look away and warm silence comes upon them. Shiro watches Keith smile at Allura and Lance. A genuine smile. And Lance playful shoves Keith, not hard at all, but enough to make Keith sway a bit. With a loud snort, Keith turns to Lance and mimics his actions. Allura sighs and throws her hands up in defeat, but the curve of her smile undermines the gesture.

”Hey, Coran?”

Coran hums a short noise for Shiro to continue.

”Sometimes I look at Keith and I see the scar and-” Shiro joins Coran lying on his back, ”I’m terrified of what I’m capable of. Terrified of what I’ve done. And I think a part of me wanted to get away from Keith because I was afraid of what I’d do. Afraid and ashamed."

"What if Keith sees me and he sees the me that had hurt him? God, and he went to Handror after what I’d done - what if he thinks that it’s ok for the men that claim to love him hurt him? Fuck. Coran, that’s why I left."

"I couldn’t handle facing my mistakes, not when they’d almost got him killed.” He pounds a fist into the dirt at his side. ”I’ve murdered so many in the arena. I’m a monster and Keith, he’s- he deserves not a monster. Not after all he’s been through. So I just thought I could leave and he’d eventually forget me.”

”Oh, Number One. Did you really believe that?”

Shiro’s face scrunches up. ”I- no. No, but I’d hoped. I mean it was the best option.”

Coran takes a moment before speaking. It primes Shiro, at least, for what he knows is going to be gutting and no doubt true.

”Best for who? Forgive my stepping over bounds but, from here, I’m not sure it was better for either of you. But I’m not you, nor him.”

Shiro closes his eyes. It _hadn’t_ been good. Not for Shiro, not for Keith.

Shiro speaks soft a truth he’s never admitted to even Keith. ”I tend to run away from things. Not on purpose, but I don’t attach to anything. I’m afraid to. I guess I did have reason to, even. Everything’s been taken from me."

"I wanted to be out here, because nothing tied me down. Nothing could or would. And I still don’t think I ever want to be tethered. But- Keith’s different. He didn’t hold me down or back, only encouraged me forward, wherever I wanted to go. And that scared me. With him, I got everything I wanted and more than I could ever dream of wanting."

"And I was afraid that I’d lose it, lose something so... _perfect_ , as perfect as any human could experience. And in my fear, I guess I have.”

He supposes it’s time he admitted it to Keith, too. Maybe not right away but definitely soon.

Coran pats Shiro’s cheek. ”I think perhaps the best word for this situation would be ’had.’ That is, if I’m right in reading that you want to fix things.”

Shiro chuckles and it contains tears.

”My boy, if you allow me out of place once more, I think that’s the best decision you’ve made.”

They get back to work because it wasn’t just empty words that they were there to help. But, renewed, the group works with a speed they didn’t before, and it’s only about two more hours before the camp is, as Shiro is informed, better than it had been before.

After a celebration feast, which is really just more of the aliens’ version of the MREs they’d eaten earlier, the team collects the Lions into Atlas and bids the camp farewell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't read my other fics, the short of it is: I'm really, really struggling mentally right now. I LOVE all of your comments, I treasure them, they give me something to look forward to and any interaction with me right now is grounding. So I sincerely thank you for all of it. I hope to be able to respond soon, but the words lock up in my throat and I just feel so sick right now.
> 
> If I don't have a new chapter up in time for the New Year (I don't think I can bang out 5k+ in a day, I have ADHD and trauma that flairs up when I lose reality, which includes things like getting lost in books, fics, writing, and drawing, but I did bust out Put Me In Coach so, not rulling it out), then Happy New Year. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me and reading my fics. Hearing that what I write means something, if even just to take your mind off a pain for as long as you're sat in front of this, then truly I am blessed. I hope your year hasn't been trying like mine was, but if it was, then may this new year hold everything you need to heal your hurts, to mend your weariness, and bring you new friendships and found family members. 
> 
> If you create, then continue to create. Two years ago my biggest word count was 12k, and I'd only ever written a few times a year. Now, I am around 300k words across my fics (factoring in the large chunks I removed from The Reasons I Scream at Night). And I've only been allowed to because I allowed myself to create, even if it were messy and horrid. Create so you build that muscle, the one that has you creating as often as you can or would like to. Gain that muscle first and then you can worry about fine-tuning. 
> 
> Feel free to come say to me on tumblr (marshmallow-fireside-keith) or twitter (fireside_keith), I'm a listening ear should you need, as well.
> 
> Thank you for the year.


	6. Chapter 6

They’re all still a little shaken from the revelation at the camp. There’s an unacknowledged tension that Keith finds himself all too happy to train away. Though someone always seems to want to be training at the same time as him and they don’t let him go as hard as he needs to. Try as they might to be sneaky, Keith sees it for what it is. They’re treating him as delicate.

Which only makes him want to increase the level in the training battles.

Today he’s been knocked off his feet twice, taken a hit to the arm, and had his cheek nicked.

Lance calls off the bots.

”Oh of all people- Lance what the fuck are you doing?” Keith whips around from where he was about to swing his sword crashing into a bot. His lips curl back into a snarl and the motion has him wincing as it tugs on the cut at his cheek. He wipes at it with the back of his hand, pulling away with grimace not having expected as much blood.

”Keith...” Lance starts and it’s soft and his hands are carefully hovering in front of him like he’s trying to placate. His feet are wide and crouching a little. Keith must look vicious.

”Well?” Keith gestures and belatedly realizes the training sword is still in his hand. He tosses it away when he sees Lance eyeing it. It clatters loudly.

Lance’s voice gets high-pitched and bubbles with nervous laughter as he speaks. ”Oh it’s- I heard the comms. Guess we missed an announcement. We should go check it out.” He jabs his thumb toward the door behind him but keeps his other hand in front of him.

Keith couldn’t hear anything when he’d been fighting but it might have been when his ears were ringing from the smack to the face. He sighs and lifts the bottom of his shirt up to wipe at the cut. ”Well, let’s go then.”

”We should shower first.” Lance steps in front of Keith to stop him mid-stride.

”What if it’s urgent?” Keith tries to walk around Lance.

”I don’t see the alarms blinking, and besides the team would be in here by now if it were.” Lance tracks Keith’s movements.

Keith sighs. A quick shower should be alright.

”So... How’s it goin’?” Lance says from his stall.

Keith groans. All he wants to do is shower. He grabs the soap and starts lathering up. He pauses at his abdomen. There is a bump there now. It’s slight but firm and undeniable.

”Keith?”

”Good,” he snaps and then sighs, ”I’m ok. You?”

”Well, I’m still adjusting to space again. Man, it’s nice up here but it’s weird to not have the sun anymore. I mean Pidge’s work in our rooms is cool, I’m glad I can wake up seeing Veradera. But _sunshine_ , y’ feel?”

Keith rinses off the suds and then starts shampooing. He could ignore Lance, but he’s been trying to build good relationships lately. He wants friends. ”Yeah, it is kind of hard. There were two suns where I lived with Han- where I was. It would be sunny all the time for a few days, and then no sunlight at all for the next few.”

Keith indulges Lance in a bit more conversation before he’s turning the water off and throwing on his towel.

”Wait- Keith! Uh. I.. don’t wanna be alone. I’m almost done. We’ll go together.”

Keith sits down on one of the benches and waits for Lance.

* * *

”What alarm?” Hunk looks to Allura.

Allura looks to Hunk.

Then back to Keith and Lance.

”There was no alarm. Although, perhaps we could have you take a look at the room, Hunk?” Allura asks.

”Yeah, I guess, there could be faulty wiring or maybe when we were installing things we messed up a circuit.” Hunk shrugs. ”Mechanics can be tricky on ships this size.”

Lance chimes in, ”Oh, definitely. Easy to fumble. So, I guess there we go, Keith. Hunk and Pidge messed something up, so we should stay out of the training deck until they can take a look at it.”

Keith’s eyes narrow at Lance.

Hunk scoffs, ”I wouldn’t put it _that_ way, and the deck itself should be saf-”

Keith watches Lance draw his fingers across his throat and shake his head at Hunk. Something dawns on Hunk’s face.

”Actually, good idea. Who knows if the bots will go rogue. Yup. Allura, can we make an announcement over the comms that the deck is down for now?”

Allura’s lips are thin and she flashes Keith sympathetic eyes. ”Of course, Hunk. I’m sorry, Keith, I know you love to train but I’m sure they’ll fix it soon.”

”That’s ok, princess.” It’s really not but Allura’s too kind for him to say so. ”I’m going to go-” he can’t train, ”do something,” so he’ll figure it out as he’s walking. ”If we can’t train then we need to figure out how to get prepared for the next attack.”

Lance, thankfully, doesn’t try and stop him, claiming he’s lonely or needs escorting.

* * *

He ends up doing laundry. Which doesn’t feel great knowing that any minute could be the one they get attacked. But it’s better than sitting on the couch.

Shiro’s laundry is still in the dryer when Keith goes to change the washer out. As he’s pulling a sheet from it, he pauses and raises it to his face without thinking about it. He’s been doing things lately that unnerve him, things he’s not sure why he’s doing them, but they happen automatic. There’s only one cause of it that he can think of and he’d rather not.

Underneath the scent of the detergent is _Shiro’s_ own and it fills Keith with a tickle from head to toe. He presses the sheet as hard as he can against his face. He wants to pull all of Shiro’s laundry out and bury himself into it, arrange it around himself, build some sort of... _nest._

He scoffs and tosses the sheet into an empty basket and follows suit with the rest of the clothes.

”Oh, sorry about that, I was just coming to get-” Shiro appears in the doorway, he must have heard the sounds Keith was making without knowing who it was, ”-Keith?” Shiro’s got a basket balanced on his hip.

He looks shocked and that’s reasonable, Keith usually waits until nighttime to do laundry to not waste day.

”Your stuff is there,” Keith points to where Shiro’s clothes are and turns back to his own to load them in the dryer.

They’re still not really speaking. Shiro had only talked to Keith when Keith was in the pod, and it was necessity. Which worked out well for Keith, who’s starting to get lost in his feelings for Shiro again, if the blanket-sniffing were any indication.

”Thanks.” Shiro mutters and scoops his laundry into his own basket.

But Keith still feels Shiro behind him, well beyond the time it would take to get his things and leave. He tries to ignore it as he pulls his shirt up and over his head and into the washer with the rest of his clothes. He shuts the lid and keeps steady, hands balanced on the top of the washer. If he turns around Shiro will see.

”Keith...” Shiro breaks the silence.

Keith grits his teeth to hear Shiro be unsure and almost broken. This is why he’s avoiding him; all Keith can do is bring Shiro hurt. He’s a nuisance that Shiro is too kind to let go of.

Keith wants to just whip around and scream at Shiro, tell him he’s already done so much for Keith, he’s already saved Keith, that he was free to go now. But he didn’t have the strength to watch Shiro follow that through.

So he just drums his fingers along the top of the washer, taking comfort in the soft clinking noises of nails tapping metal.

It becomes clear that Shiro isn’t leaving. Keith moves away from the washer and faces him. ”Yes?”

And just like he expected, Shiro’s eyes fall on his bare skin. They trace across collarbones to nipples to abs, and down. Keith steps back against the washer, until the washer meets his back. He’s being courned by the gaze and the support of the machine is helping him not shrink away.

Keith swallows because it’s still quiet. Shiro’s staring at his abdomen, at the swell. His eyes are focused intensely and his tongue peeks out to wet his lips. He raises a hand, his prosthetic one, and then raises his eyes to meet Keith’s. Their pale grey is shining in the dim light of the wash room. Keith’s eyes fall down to Shiro’s lips as they open to speak, ”May I?” The question needn’t be asked, because Keith can never seem to deny Shiro anything.

Keith nods.

Shiro’s palm comes to rest on the swell lightly, slowly.

It draws an involuntary groan from Keith to feel the contrast of the metallic hand against his warm skin.

Shiro is capable of getting the prosthetic to body temperature but he seems too entranced to remember needing to do so.

Keith has to close his eyes so he doesn’t have to see Shiro touching him, watching him transfixed. He’s feeling a bubble of desperation form low in him.

Shiro smooths his hand in all directions across Keith.

When he speaks his voice sounds like his throat is raw, his chords drug through gravel, and it’s low. So low. ”You’re growing.”

Keith laughs airy, ”Yeah,” his hands come to join the one on his stomach. He still hasn’t opened his eyes.

”Keith,” his name sounds delicious when spoken like that.

”Fuck!” There’s the sound of someone tripping and like that Shiro’s pulled away to leave Keith breathless and unable to move. ”Didn’t mean to interupt-”

It’s Pidge. Or, it’s her for a second, because she’s sprung from the room before Keith can utter an, ’it’s not what it looks like.’

As if he even knows what it looked like. Or even what it actually was.

”I’m gonna go,” Keith stumbles a bit, still dizzy.

”Keith, wait. We should talk,” Shiro’s cheeks brighten with a flush as his eyes quickly snap down to Keith’s stomach and then back up, ”later. Tonight?”

Keith angles away from Shiro feeling exposed. Shiro’s touch is a lingering ghost atop his exposed skin. ”Sure.”

The smile that blossoms on Shiro’s face makes Keith’s stomach do flips. Shiro lets out an audible breath. ”Great, wanna meet me at the observation deck after dinner? We’re supposed to be passing in view of a space dust cloud. Allura said it’s one of the universe’s best sights.”

Keith nods. ”See you then.”

A few hours after, Kolivan calls the team to let them know they are ready for the Blue Lion to be picked up. The Blades had wanted the former paladins to wait. Kolivan had planned on using the Blue Lion to bait out whoever was following them, to head them off with the might of a team of elite Blades. But the weeks that had followed from the camp attack saw only silence and ill ease. No such attack was carried out.

”We cannot bide time any longer. Whatever reason they have for not coming here, we do not know. But Voltron must be whole again. There are rumblings of a resurgence of those who were loyal to Zarkon. We need Voltron.”

That’s all Keith needs to go back to the training deck. Hunk’s closing be damned. They can’t afford it if Keith freezes up or he misses a hit during battle. He needs to be ready.

He doesn’t need in a pod again, but when the team walks in, Pidge screaming at the sim to stop, he knows they aren’t happy with what they see.

Pidge stamps over to him and makes to shove him but stops herself as her hands touch him.

Instead of pushing, her fingers curl into fists on Keith’s chest and steps in closer. She rests her forehead against Keith and lightly pounds her fists.

She pulls away and her eyes are red. She steps back and finds her words.

”You’re doing it again! Keith, stop acting like you’re not a part of the team, that we don’t need you, and you can do whatever you want. Remember the last time, when you left us for the Blades? We can’t have that again!” Pidge spits and crosses her arms.

Keith bristles. ”Oh but it was ok to go off and look for Matt? I leave and it all goes to shit. You leave and it’s ok?” He’s still thrumming with unreleased energy and the frustration of having to stop mid-fight.

Shiro comes between them, a hand on either of their chests.

”I need us all to take a few breaths, ok? Keith, I agree that it wasn’t fair that Pidge was allowed to go off on her own, and she didn’t get yelled at for it. In hindsight, we should have applied the same expectations for both of you. We just can’t help that the timing was not in your favor as it was for her.”

”The timing is never in my favor, is it?”

”Keith-”

”No! Don’t _Keith_ , me, Shiro. You didn’t have to face your team looking at you in disappointment. I’ve never looked at you like that.”

Shiro looks away. ”Keith, I know you think this isn’t our business. But we’re relying on you to be able to fly your Lion in battle. Your health _is_ our concern, as much as it is yours. If something happens out there-”

”Guys, I’m fine. Look- I’ll go to the stupid medic just to prove it. Just stop with all this. I’m sick of being treated like I’m gonna break.”

* * *

Allura was right about the beauty of the view.

The cloud is a mixture of purples and reds. It’s glowing and looks as if it’s swirling. Amidst the cloud is a cluster of stars that seem to twinkle. The light of the starscape enters the observation window and bathes softly the otherwise dark room.

Keith stands in front of the window, looking out.

He sees in the reflection before he feels Shiro’s hand reach out and envelope his shoulder. He closes his eyes and lets the weight of it take him back to all those times past that he’s found them like this. He knows how Shiro’s voice is going to sound before he speaks, knows it’s going to take on that soft tone that Keith hasn’t heard Shiro use for anyone else. He knows the first word before it’s spoken.

 _Keith. ”_ Keith.”

Keith hesitates because after all this time, it seems like somethings haven’t changed - won’t change - between them. But that revelation makes him feel like as soon he turns around, things are going to. There’s something different in this because it’s not different. Because it’s like time has gone back and they aren’t two men who got broken through war and married other men and drifted away. They’re still in pain, still lost, still fighting, but they’re not as devoid of hope as they are now.

Keith turns around and Shiro bends down and their lips press together.

It’s a single, chaste kiss, but Shiro lingers after it, hovering his lips near Keith’s.

”Shiro.” He rasps and shyly brings his eyes up to Shiro’s.

Their lips meet again and it’s neither slow nor chaste. It’s feverish and hot and wet and desperate. Shiro crowds Keith against the window. The clank of metal against glass rings from above Keith. Shiro’s other hand grabs Keith’s wrist and pins it beside his head.

Tongues slide against each other. Teeth click. Lips bruise. Keith groans. Shiro ruts against him.

They break when they’re breathless and fall into laughter.

”Fuck, sorry. You just- you looked so kissable.” Shiro manages between chuckles as his laughter slows down.

”I can’t believe you just kissed me. I kissed you.” Keith draws his fingers across his lips, feeling their swell, chap, the small cut from Shiro’s nipping.

”Ok, now that we- that happened - I.. I still have to talk about some things.” Shiro steps out of Keith’s space and sighs. The flush drains slowly from his face. ”That... kind of might have complicated things.”

Keith’s stomach squirms and the delight of their kiss runs cold. ”Oh.”

”No, no, it’s not bad-” Shiro smacks a hand to his forehead and groans, ”just. I really shouldn’t have jumped to any conclusions. I guess, first, was it even ok to kiss you? Did... did you like it?”

Keith crosses his arms over his chest and his shoulders fold in on himself. He’s not sure where this is going. Despite Shiro saying it isn’t bad, his walls are coming back up. ”Yeah.”

”Yeah it was ok? Yeah you liked it?” Shiro chuckles nervously.

Keith shrugs. ”Both, I guess.”

”Keith, please, work with me.”

Keith purses his lips and kicks off from the window where his back is against it. He starts to pace a short cycle in front of it. ”It was nice, Shiro. I liked it a lot.”

”Ok, thank you. That- that makes this easier, I think. Well, Keith, before I confess anything, I want to apologize. I’ve been distant lately. I’ve really been ignoring you and I’m sorry. I had thought that keeping my distance would help things.”

It’s so rare that Shiro talks at length and Keith can tell from the firmness in Shiro’s brow and the erratic waving of his arms that Shiro needs to say whatever it is he’s leading to. So Keith stops and waves Shiro over the couch that’s set up facing the window.

They both settle in close but angled towards each other.

Shiro’s hand comes to Keith’s shoulder and doesn’t leave.

”I’ve been avoiding you because I... I thought if I stayed away, that, maybe you’d forget about me.”

Keith shifts, having to bite the inside of his cheek to not refute Shiro.

”After all I’ve done you wouldn’t have been in this war if it weren’t for me-”

”I would’ve still been back on Earth, alone. I wouldn’t know that I’m Galra, or my mom was out there. I might have even died when the war came to Earth. Don’t you dare blame this on yourself.” Keith turns and ends up practically in Shiro’s lap. ”Shiro, none of this is your fault.”

”None of it? Keith, I’m looking at the scar on your face right now.”

”Yeah? And? That wasn’t your choice. You were mind-controlled! And when it counted - when... when I told you I loved you.. you were still in there. I don’t blame you, Shiro.”

”I left you. So many times-”

”And that wasn’t your fault.”

”Maybe not, but the last time was. Keith, I left you. I left you so I could get married and go retire on Earth. That was my choice.”

Keith knew that but it still hurts to hear. ”I didn’t stop your wedding with Handror, despite wanting to.”

”You couldn’t have known. And.. that was _my_ choice. I’m glad you respected that.”

”He hurt you, Keith. I could have-”

Keith huffs and slaps a hand against Shiro’s chest, ”Stop. You’re not responsible for me. Yeah, maybe you could have, but then you’d have taken away my choice. And Handror’s done enough of that. I’m not saying you’d be him, but... Shiro. Let me make my own decisions.”

”Sorry, Keith. That’s part of why I wanted to talk with you. I realized that I’ve been staying away, trying to get you to give up on me, and that felt like I was deciding something for you.”

”Keith, the truth is, I’ve been in love with you for so long now. I ran away because it scared me. These feelings scare me. I feel like all I end up doing is hurting you, that there’s no way I could ever deserve you, so I settled. I settled with Curtis because it was new and exciting but also easy. We had no history. I didn’t have to face any of my past. That’s also why I went back to Earth.”

Shiro tentatively moves his hand from Keith’s shoulder to curve around Keith’s neck. He waits, looking at Keith.

”Shiro,” he chuckles and shakes his head, ”I kept away because I felt like I was dragging you down. And then the diplomatic opportunity came and - I didn’t love Handror, but he was a distraction. I didn’t get how someone like you could ever look at me and think I’m worthy of anything, especially your friendship. I figured once you’d left, I’d lost you forever.”

”Keith,” Shiro gently pulls Keith close by the neck, Keith is stretched across his lap, ”I want to do all I can to make you see how full of worth you are.”

Keith wets his lips, ”Then be with me, Shiro. I love you.”

Shiro kisses him again, a slow, deep kiss.

It says all Keith needs to hear.

It may not fix everything. They have so long to go, so much to work through, individually, and together. But it warms Keith and it comforts him and it sparks hope and joy. It makes him feel that things will be ok.

”God, Keith,” Shiro pants against Keith’s lips, ”I love you so much. Will you be with me, please? Please?”

Keith captures those lips again before breaking away and answering, ”Of course. It’s all I’ve wanted since we first came out to space.”

* * *

They arrive at the Marmora base on the same moon they’d met Krolia on. They get led into the conference room for debrief, but there’s nothing really new to report on either end.

Kolivan dismisses the others but has Keith remain. Keith asks for Shiro to stay, preparing himself for what he knows is going to be a tough conversation.

”Kit, Are you certain?” Kolivan switches to Galran.

”Yes,” Keith continues in English, ”I want Shiro to be here.”

Kolivan nods curtly at Keith and then Shiro. The others clear out of the room.

”The motives are still unclear but we’ve received intel that the section you were imprisoned on has been shut down. There don’t look to be any experiments similar to what they did with you.

Keith is glad for Shiro’s presence beside him. ”So you know what happened then?” His hands tap the sides of his thighs.

”Our apologies, Keith. We had given you the opportunity, and had wanted for you to be the one to tell us, but we had no choice.”

”Happy now?” Keith’s hands ball into fists.

Shiro lays a hand at the small of Keith’s back.

”We are glad that you are safe and will do all we can to help you.”

”Yeah? How about keeping mom from missions so I can see her? Or leaving this whole - _thing_ \- alone?” Keith’s voice breaks in frustration.

”If you wish for this, ’thing,’ as you call it, to go away, then please bring that up with the medic.”

Keith blanches. ”That’s not- I wasn’t saying-”

”Then, it is a matter best acknowledged.”

”Fine!” Keith growls and stamps a foot. ”Take me to your stupid medic.”

Shiro moves his arm in front of Keith’s chest and whispers for him to take a breathe.

”He’s right, Keith, you’re pregnant. You can’t keep going like this, like you’re not. It’s not good for you or the baby.”

Kolivan leads them out of the room and down the hallway to the med-bay.

Keith fidgets with the everything from the edge of his shirt, to scratching his cheek, to pulling his braid over his shoulder and flicking it back then repeating.

This time when given the option of being alone Keith takes it. They stop just outside the room and face each other. Shiro’s hands rest on either of his shoulders.

”Shiro, I’m sorry,” he starts but Shiro smiles.

”I know there’re some things that you can’t tell me. Just know that I’m here, ok?” He bends down and kisses either of Keith’s cheeks and then his lips.

* * *

”You weren’t born like this,” the medic notes.

Keith squirms where he’s sitting up on the bed. He stares at the white, matte finish of the walls.

_No, he wasn’t._

”There’s been no organ damage, and the womb is sitting well, but there is quite a lot of scarring along the walls of your rectum.” He says in an even-tone. He’s a Galra, a Blade, a medic, and this is just business for him.

Keith can’t be bitter though because he knows he wouldn’t be able to take the news if the medic were to get emotional or apologize. It’s better getting it cold.

He smoothes the blankets over his legs, waiting quietly for the medic to continue.

”Your baby is healthy, though there are some vital nutrients they need that your body doesn’t seem to naturally produce. This is likely due to your heritage, and that is probably the source of your ill-feelings lately. This is nothing supplements won’t fix.” He walks over to a cabinet and procures a bottle and places it on the bedside table.

”Now, Galra have adapted around war other these many thousands of years. Our bodies are tough. They’re built to handle both combat and child-bearing, at the same time. But the price is steep; our young have to come into the world developed, as developed as they can be, so they don’t endanger the parents and so they can defend themselves.”

”My research into human pregnancy tells me that they carry for just 9 months. That is not enough time for our young. 9 months is where our babies slow down their growth in size, but they continue to develop their brains and other necessities from that point on. In total, you can expect you’ll give birth at the soonest about one and half a human’s pregnancy. ”

All heat drains from Keith and he has to reach a hand out to the wall to stay upright. ”I’m gonna be pregnant for 1 and half years?” He eyes around for a waste-bin in case he can’t tamper down the roll of his stomach.

”We cannot know for certain, but that is the best guess we have, yes.”

Keith whimpers and is glad when the medic shoves the bin into his trembling hands. He sicks up into it.

The medic shifts on their feet and hesitatingly, Keith can see from the courner of his vision, reaches a hand out and lays it against Keith’s back. It’s huge, spanning from one side of his rib cage to the other. That just makes Keith vomit more.

How’s he going to carry a Galra child? A 3/4 Galra child is not going to as much a runt as he is.

”Unless, you wish to not be with child.”

Keith gasps into the bucket, his fingers tightening around the cool metal. It’s acrid and he shoves it away from himself and hangs his head.

The medic pries it from him and walks away to empty it. He returns with a clean one and makes to hand it to Keith but Keith shakes his head. The medic gets him a glass of something to drink, ”this will clean your mouth and calm your stomach,” and Keith gulps it down without protest.

Keith pulls his knees up to his chest and cradles them there.

”How far along am I?”

”A few months.”

Keith nods.

”Can the baby... think? Feel?” He says with a little desperation and fear.

The medic shakes his head. ”The baby is growing in size, their body is developing, and rapidly. But their brain shall take much longer. If you terminate, the baby would not know nor feel it.”

 _Terminate_. He chokes on his spit.

”Do I have time to think on it?”

”Of course. The growth tends to come in waves though, so I must warn you that the baby is coming into their first one, as you already are seeing. You will be stretched quite suddenly, painfully, and given your stature it’s likely to show heavily. I generally advise that termination happens around this time, for the comfort of the mother.”

Keith nods and brings his forehead to rest on his knees.

The medic goes over more do’s and don’ts, but lets Keith know he’ll send over this information through the comms, probably sensing that Keith isn’t hearing anything now.

”Either decision, I need to see you in a few weeks, for either a check-up or the operation.” The medic offers a moment of a sympathetic smile and then excuses himself, letting Keith know he is released.

Shiro comes in. ”Did it go ok?”

Keith turns so his cheek is pressed on his knee. He watches Shiro, whose hands are stuffed in his pocket, their shake visible, approach him and sit down in the stool next to the bed.

”That bad, huh?” Shiro brushes Keith’s bangs away where they’ve fallen in his face. The prosthetic hand is a welcome coolness on the skin. ”You’re burning up.”

”’m just tired.” Keith sighs as Shiro continues to smooth a hand over his hair.

”You wanna talk about it?”

”I’m gonna pregnant for 18 months.”

Shiro, no matter how diplomatic and in control he is, loses his face for a moment. His hand stops at the base of Keith’s neck where it’d been smoothing Keith’s hair. His eyebrows raise and then draw together, like he’s waiting for Keith laugh at the obvious joke, but when Keith doesn’t they fall back down and Shiro’s gaze goes tender. It’s not pity but it is soft. ”That’s a bit more than human pregnancies.”

Keith chuckles, it’s comforting seeing Shiro be just as confused as him. And then he stops chuckling. ”That is, if I go through with it.”

Shiro’s head tilts slightly, and the hand at Keith’s neck moves from the hair to cradling the base of Keith’s head, his grey eyes are hooded by worried eyebrows. ”Keith, you don’t have to have this baby. It’s not an abandonment if you don’t.”

”How’s it not? How is it any different from what mom did to me?” He pulls away from Shiro’s touch.

Shiro’s face and voice don’t falter. ”I don’t know exactly how you got pregnant but I know it’s a sore subject for you, so I have my guesses. Keith, the circumstances of your birth, and what happened, aren’t the same.”

”What do you know?” He barks.

”You’re right that I don’t know anything. We haven’t talked about anything. I’m sorry for presuming, Keith.”

”I’m sorry, Shiro. This is just so hard. I don’t want to end the pregnancy. But I’m terrified. I don’t know if I can be a dad. I didn’t have parents for so long- what if I end up ruining my child’s life? I can’t-”

He shushes Keith. ”Breathe, baby.”

Keith takes evening breaths that shudder his whole chest.

”I’m pregnant and I never thought that was a possibility. Which is scary. But I’m also kind of happy?” He says it like it’s a question, ”As stupid as that sounds. I shouldn’t be happy, this baby was- I still have nightmares - I shouldn’t want this child.”

”But you do, don’t you?” Shiro asks softly.

”Yes! No? I don’t know. I think I do, but I’m scared. I’ll be responsible for a life, Shiro.”

”You’ve always done everything you’ve set out to do. This is just gonna be another challenge. But Keith, for what it’s worth, I think you’re gonna make an amazing father. And you won’t be alone, Keith. You or your baby.”

Keith breaks down into tears and Shiro holds him through it. Keith hates that he’s crying, but he’s glad Shiro is there with him.

* * *

As soon as the two rejoin the group, the team finds Kolivan to let him know they’re off. It had been an uneventful trip, save for Keith. Keith knows they wouldn’t have stayed as long if not for him and he’s silently grateful for their support.

They head off the moon and make course for another, one with a larger swap mall. Keith didn’t remember much of what the medic had said but there were some supplies that he recalled being told he’d need. And with four of the five Lions obtained, they needed to begin their hunt for clues on the whereabouts of Black.

The eerie calm on the front of their pursuers blows into full panic and realization as Atlas rocks suddenly, struck by a laser.

”They’re weren’t dumb enough to attack the base, that’s why they waited to attack us on another planet. They knew they wouldn’t have the fire power to take on the Blades.” Hunk pants as he tries to right himself, but another blow just knocks him, and the rest of them, back off their feet.

Allura barely makes it to the controls and gets Atlas steady in time to dodge the next hit. ”Paladins,” she calls out to the room, the word foreign now but the command not.

“Get to your Lions.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an active twitter now, hit me up @fireside_keith. I post chapter previews, doodle writing threads, and hc's.
> 
> This chapter was extremely dialogue heavily, which was new. Let me know how it worked!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to my new beta reader [eionpointebreak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eionpointebreak) for helping me!  
> We're working on fleshing this all out, so, bare with us if it's going a bit slow right now.

They scramble to the Lions.

There’s a moment where Keith looks at him, right in front of Red, but Keith waves him in.

Shiro notes that Keith didn’t put his armor on, he’d taken it off for the medic, but decides not to say anything.

Red takes immediately to Keith behind her controls and Shiro’s heart.

To be flying with Keith again.

Keith takes back to Red like he was born to fly her. Determination settles into his brow and the corner of his mouth draws up as his hands flex around the control sticks.

The ship seems to toy with them though.

Keith makes for them.

They dodge.

When there are openings for them to fire, they just don’t. They only seem to bait Keith as if they know he’ll take it.

He does.

”Keith,” he has to call the name a few times before the man responds, ”Keith, they’re trying to take us down to that planet-”

”Shiro, wha-” Keith dashes Red as the ship rolls towards them, ”shit. How do we shake them off? I can’t stop, if I do they’ll-” on cue the ship lunges for them. If it weren’t for Keith’s lightning reflexes, it would’ve barrelled straight into them.

Shiro breathes deep and closes his eyes. He notices his fingers are gripping the back of the pilot’s seat and that his teeth are gritting. He needs to focus. He needs to trust that Keith’s got this. It’s shocking to realize that he didn’t.

He needs to think again like he’s-

Like he’s in Black.

”Keith, keep dodging. I’m going on the comms.”

Shiro walks to the side of Keith and clicks the button to turn on the comms. It’s strange to hear the crackle of it again and even more so when the others sound off.

”Hunk, Pidge, Lance, it’s Shiro. Listen, I think they’re trying to lure us. We have them busy right now. But I think a few shots from you guys will send them away- their ship doesn’t look capable and they waited until we were gone from the Blades.”

”Roger that, Captain!” Lance says into the comms.

”Got it, Captain!” says Pidge, while Hunk says, ”On it, Captain!”

That title burns but Shiro puts that away for later.

Shiro turns to Keith, ”They’re gonna fire right on us, be ready. Get us out of trajectory for that planet.”

”Yes, sir,” Keith’s hand refreshes its grip on the control stick.

Shiro’s not proud to say that he braces himself - There was a time when he’d trusted Keith implicitly - but his mind seems to have forgotten that.

He shuts his eyes as he sees the light of their beams heading towards them.

Keith dodges it.

When the beams clear, there’s no ship.

He looks to Keith and Keith is looking at him, only his expression is sour.

Oh no.

”Keith-”

”No. I get it. You don’t-” he trips on the word, visibly swallows around it, ”trust me.”

”I- that’s- Keith, please, I’m sorry. It’s just been a while.” The words are all wrong. He’s eating his foot. He knows the moment he’s finished talking that he’s struck something.

Being in love, kissing Keith, was not going to be enough to reverse what they’d been through and done to each other.

Keith continues with a cold voice and even tone, ”Yeah, it has been a while, Shiro.” And then he waves Shiro away from the comms and calls the team back to Atlas, not sparing Shiro another glance.

As soon as they’ve landed in Atlas, and left Red, Keith storms off.

Lance walks over to Shiro and motions towards where Keith just left. ”I thought you guys made up?”

Shiro shrugs, ”Me too. But I don’t think it’s gonna be so easy.”

”What did you even do?”

”I.. don’t know.”

Keith is missing from the debrief but no one makes to get him. It tugs at Shiro, in the same way being called Captain had. Despite going through all that they did, in some ways they felt almost like strangers, they were all segmented. Pidge and Hunk stuck together, and Lance was with them a lot, but Shiro watched them talk their way over Lance’s head sometimes, to the point the man walked away.

When Lance wasn’t with them, he was a bit aimless; he’d wander about the castle without anyone to talk to or hang out with.

Keith used to be with Shiro all the time. But his memories told him that Kuron had slowly distanced himself, and so had Keith. And now that Shiro was back- well, it seemed like Keith had erected the very same walls Shiro had worked so hard to tear down.

Allura, of course, spent much of her time with Coran.

”Wait,” Hunk’s voice threw Shiro from his thoughts, ”I’m gonna go get Keith. Or, y’know, check up on him at least.”

Pidge shrugged, followed by Lance, and Allura nodded at Coran and then Hunk. Hunk turned to Shiro and his eyebrows pushed together before he shook his head and went to Keith.

Neither Hunk nor Keith shows up and Shiro leads the debrief without them.

As he’s closing, a thought pops into his head: they need a team bonding day. Maybe after they’re done at the mall they can find something to do. At least Shiro hopes so.

”I think we’re clear of them for a little while. I don’t think they’re going to attack us if we’re close to the Lions. As long as we don’t go very far, we should be able to go get supplies as planned,” Shiro dismisses them with praise for their performance.

Pidge and Lance head out of the room.

Allura smiles at Shiro softly. ”Is everything alright?”

He tries hard to meet the smile with one of his own but he can tell it just looks tired.

She sighs lightly and tilts her head, ”Oh, Shiro. Give him time. You two were always-” she hesitates like it’s not her place to say what they were, ”close.”

Coran comes up beside her. ”Have you tried talking to him, my boy?”

Shiro looks to Allura, then to Coran, deciding having one more head in this would be better. ”I did.” We kissed. ”But something happened in Red. I don’t really get it. He was flying and, even though I know how capable he is, I choked up. And Keith saw.”

”Oh dear, Number Four is quite touchy. I don’t imagine he took that well.”

He shakes his head.

”Coran, please be a bit more sensitive. Shiro-” Allura steps in closer, distancing Coran from him just a bit, ”Keith probably saw this as a lapse in trust. Now, I won’t get in your affairs, but after all this time, for all of us, trust has inevitably faded. We don’t mean it, but we haven’t been fighting side-by-side in years, so the trust will take time to build up again. Especially when there is,” she winces a little, ”more to it than combat.”

”The problem is I don’t know how to earn back his trust.”

”My boy, trusting him first might a good start.”

”But I do trust him! Other than this...”

”Do you? Not to overstep the line Number One, but just the other day you realized you had assumed what was best for him, what he wanted. Trusting isn’t just about letting people act and make mistakes, it’s also about trusting that someone can work through the mistakes they make.”

Allura reaches to Shiro and takes his hand, ”I cannot speak, nor imagine, for what it will take for him trust you. But I think you cannot ask of him first what you cannot give.”

Her eyes sparkle with wisdom and her expression is alight with compassion.

”Thanks, Princess.”

He seeks out Keith right away. Keith isn’t about the ship, not that he can see, so he heads to the man’s room and tentatively raises a fist to the door. He knocks.

”Hunk? I- thanks but, I said I wasn’t hungry. I meant it,” Keith sounds just behind the door, ”I’m feeling kind of sick.”

A stab of jealousy hits him lightning-fast but dissolves into a grudging appreciation. It’s not nice feeling anything but love for his friend Hunk, but Shiro wants the same easy relationship the man and Keith have shared lately. And he can’t not be grateful that Keith has a friend, and said friend is taking care of Keith.

God, shouldn’t that be him though?

”Keith, it’s not Hunk-”

”Apparently.”

Shiro clears his throat. ”Can I- Is it ok to come in? I wanna talk.”

”Talk? Or did you want to just kiss me to try and make up for everything? Because you seem to think you can just come right back into my life as if- Oh forget it,” the door whooshes open and Keith is standing with his arms crossed over his chest, ”what?”

Shiro was used to seeing a Keith like this, it was just never him being the cause.

”I wanted to apologize.”

Keith wrinkles his nose.

”So, I’m sorry for earlier. I shouldn’t have taken contro-”

”That’s what you think this about? God, Shiro, you really don’t know me, do you? I never wanted to lead! I told you that the first time you brought it up.”

”I thought you just didn’t want me dying.”

”That too! I didn’t want you to leave. Everyone always leaves. I couldn’t handle it if- But you left. Fuck. You left. And then I had to lead. I had to take your place, like it wasn’t yours, like you weren’t gone- dead. I hated it. I hate it. I never, for a second, wanted to lead.”

”Keith,” Shiro reaches his hands forward to hold Keith’s shoulders.

”I’m no leader. I mean- I can lead. I did lead. And yeah it was alright, but it wasn’t me. I only got through it by pretending to be you, by asking myself what you would do. I was dying inside while you were dead but I had to go on anyways. And then- then Kuro... he... he wasn’t you. But I wanted him to be, so I let him.”

”A-and then the factory, and all those other clones- and you fought me. And yeah I saw it in the Quantum Abyss but nothing could prepare me for... you were... you were on top of me and gonna kill me but then your arm...”

Shiro recognizes in Keith’s eyes what he’s felt shake himself too many times before. ”Keith, take a breath for me, ok? Concentrate on my touch and look around you. Can you tell me where we are?”

Keith stutters over a breath and shakes his head rapidly, ”That’s- that’s dumb. Shiro, I don’t-”

”Keith, baby, please. You’re having a panic attack or a flashback. Where are we?”

Keith grits through clenched teeth but nods. ”We’re-” he breathes a shuttering breath, ”Atlas. My room.”

”Good, good. Ok, then-” Shiro looks around the hallway. The nearest window is their entertainment room. He wonders if it’s a good idea to try and get Keith there. But then he sees Keith, eyes looking around wildly without focus, tongue darting over his lips, body shaking, and he knows Keith needs to see anything but the dull walls of the ship. ”I’m gonna bring us to the entertainment room, ok? We’re gonna sit down on the couch and watch the stars, ok? Keep breathing. Keep talking to me, if you can.”

Keith stumbles and would fall if not for Shiro helping him steady as they walk.

Keith babbles about what he’s gonna buy on the planet. When he tries to talk again about the factory, Shiro gently redirects him.

”Y’know, past the original shock, I’m- it’s actually exciting a bit,” Keith laughs and it’s a touch off, but Shiro doesn’t comment on it, Keith is fighting getting swallowed by the flashback and anything to bring him to present is hopeful. ”I’m having a baby, Shiro. I’m growing a baby! In my- in me. I’m-” Keith trips over his feet and Shiro lunges for his arm to keep him upright. They’re almost there. ”I’m pregnant and having a baby.”

It’s a little unnerving, Shiro’s got one of Keith’s hand in his, while the other guides low at the small of the man’s back. Keith is out of breath, speaking with a tone that’s just a touch hysterical, talking about his baby. It feels like Keith’s going into labor and Shiro’s leading him to the spot to do it.

”Keep breathing. Look, we’re here. I’m gonna set you down and let’s look at the stars, ok?” He just hopes that will calm Keith down as much it had always calmed him down.

Keith comes down from the panic like Shiro thought Keith would and he’s glad he put them on a couch. Keith brings his legs up and curls sideways against the back of the couch.

”’m not done,” Keith mumbles against the plush cushions his face is half-buried in, ”you... hurt me, you know. And I deserve to tell you all the ways how.”

”I think so too.” Shiro rests back into the couch.

Keith huffs.

”I’m sorry about earlier. It’s been so long since I’ve flown, much more in a Lion.”

Keith shifts, ”You didn’t fly on Earth?”

”No, I retired from all this, and went to fixing up cars and bikes.”

”You retired?”

”In hindsight, no, that wasn’t a good decision. I didn’t realize how much I missed this until I got back out here.”

”Why’d you leave then?”

”I thought it’s what I needed to do.” It sounds to even his own ears like he ran away. He ran away from Keith to avoid running away from Curtis. But he only ran to Curtis to... run from Keith.

”Maybe instead of thinking you’ll talk about things next time?”

”I probably should, yeah.”

Keith murmurs that he’s ready to go back to bed.

”Were you still feeling sick? Should I bring you some medicine?”

Keith narrows his eyes briefly and then shrugs, as much he can while snuggled into the couch. He slowly pushes off and gets to his feet. ”Yeah and have Hunk bring-” he purses his lips, ”You can get me medicine and a plate.”

Keith’s come a long way, Shiro realizes. ”Sure thing, I’ll bring it to your room.”

Keith hums his approval and walks a bit unsteady out of the room.

Keith used to idolize him and hang on his every word. Keith had grown into his own when Shiro had died. All the years in the homes, of abuse of every type, and neglect, had not allowed Keith to develop esteem or confidence. Shiro had hoped that Keith leading would change that.

It had changed Shiro.

Leading had been where Shiro found himself. But it evidently hadn’t been the same for Keith. Whatever was giving Keith confidence, Shiro was just happy for it.

They land on the moon. It’s a relief getting out of the ship and stretching his legs.

Shiro looks to Keith, waiting to see if he’ll say anything, before he gives any orders. Keith stares back expectantly.

”Nobody is to go off alone. We’ll keep our comms turned on and if we need to go elsewhere, we’ll re-pair up with someone willing to go.”

”Where is everyone headed?”

Hunk and Pidge immediately, simultaneously, exclaim, ”The parts shop!” Then turn to each other and high-five.

”I would like to peruse shiny things,” Allura smiles.

”Yeah uh, totally what I was gonna look for, too.” Lance steps close to Allura.

Coran states that he’ll be staying with the Atlas just in case.

Shiro turns to Keith. ”Where we headed?” He asks softly.

Keith’s face erupts into red and his gulp is visible through the bob of his Adam’s apple. He looks away, ”The ma- uhm, maternity store.”

It’s a little awkward being with Keith. They haven’t quite made up, not fully; there seems to be something Keith is dying to say but is keeping it in. Shiro’s feeling the tension start to wear at himself.

The mall is crowded and instinctively Shiro reaches a hand out to the small of Keith’s back, pulling him closer, as a tall alien nearly barrels into Keith.

They stay like all the way into the shop.

When they get inside Keith stops and looks around with wide eyes and steps so that he’s pressed against Shiro.

Keith grabs a handbasket.

A friendly-looking alien approaches them. ”Well, aren’t you just the handsome pair. Is there anything, in particular, you’re looking for?” Their eyes fall down to Keith’s bump, which is still fairly small but definitely standing out with the skin-tight shirt of his Marmora undersuit. Their clothes had gone away with Handror’s ship and part of the day’s agenda was obtaining more. ”Ah, our prenatal section is right over there, and maternity wear is just in front of it.” The alien gestured toward the corner.

Was it wrong that Shiro didn’t want Keith to hide his belly?

”We’re not-” Keith looks to Shiro, waving his hands frantic, ”I’m not-”

”Thank you for your help,” Shiro nods at the alien and starts heading to where they pointed.

Shiro stops at a rack that has a plain black shirt. The only thing about it that says maternity is that the sides are darted and there’s extra fabric between them for the belly. The size selection is much greater, much more varied, but he supposes it would have to be out here in space with all shapes of species. He pulls out one that he thinks would fit Keith and holds it to Keith’s front.

”That looks nice.” Shiro smiles and Keith looks away but nods and puts it into the handbasket.

Keith picks out a few more shirts, seeming more enthusiastic that the selection isn’t all frills like it would’ve been on Earth. He glares at the pants though but still picks up a few pairs. Though his face scrunches when they pass some that have a large elastic band at the top.

”I’m glad our suits are designed to change shape.” He wrinkles his nose at the pants before moving on.

That image punches Shiro in the gut; Keith, heavy into his pregnancy, in his paladin armor. Even worse (or better, depending) is the thought of him in his Blade suit.

Keith walks into the next aisle and Shiro follows, trying to clear his imagination. What he can’t seem to clear is the realization that he’s developing a thing for Keith being pregnant.

God.

Keith gets a pillow that allows him to lay comfortably when he gets bigger. Some pain-numbing balm for his breasts, which, Shiro hadn’t considered were going to develop. As well as pumps that he tries to hide behind his back as he slips them into the basket. Shiro has a lot of questions on those but respects Keith enough to not seek answers.

The only answers Shiro is seeking right now are regarding the Black Lion.

The group all meets up for lunch in the outdoor food stalls. Keith helps everyone read the menus but the aliens must have translators on because they can order without a problem. It makes sense for a swap moon.

The others share their purchases while they eat. Keith’s bags remain under the table at the man’s foot.

Lance and Allura got matching necklaces that have a tiny circle of an iridescent comet piece on them. They also got various cheap rings. They’re smiling and laughing as they show off each individual one.

Hunk and Pidge launch into a story about a project they want to undertake.

Shiro understands the basics of engineering and had a knack for mechanics, but a lot of what they say goes over his head. Still, he tries to listen.

When they look at Keith expectantly, Keith scowls and continues eating his soup.

”We got what we came for.” Shiro offers and they back down. ”Though, team, I was wondering if we shouldn’t spend a little time together, as a whole. It’s been years since we’ve worked together and I think we could benefit from some bonding.”

Pidge cocks her head to the side, ”What do you mean? We work fine together. Hunk and I have been working on a project.”

Hunk nods.

”As small groups-”

”-Yeah, like you and Keith-” Lance interjects but then covers his mouth, his cheeks heating up. ”Sorry.”

”As small groups, we get along. But I feel like we’re all still a bit distant. We all live together, we all get along but- I don’t think we really know each other. I’d like us to spend time with others from the group.”

”Not that I’m not for it,” Lance ducks his head, ”but why now? Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

It’s a fair point. They’ve been together again for a few months and it’s only been just recently that he’s noticed. And besides, ”It wasn’t really my place to say.”

Keith slams his fist on the table, spoon and all, he whips to Lance, teeth bared, ”He thinks he’s not our leader, that’s why.”

Lance scrambles to his feet, leaning over the table and toward Keith, ”Someone has to lead us. Whether he’s officially it or not.”

Shiro feels the backhand of the comment, mortified to know now that leadership is one of Keith’s sore spots. He holds his breath, trusting Keith enough to let the man respond.

Keith raises to his feet, mirroring Lance and slamming his palms down on the table. Their plates and bowls rattle. ”I’m done being your stupid leader. I never wanted to be in the first place.”

The table goes silent and everyone stills.

Keith looks around the table, ”Don’t pretend you saw me like you did Shiro. You barely followed me.”

Pidge scoffs, ”What the fuck, Keith? Yeah, when you have an attitude like this, of course we aren’t going to follow you. All you ever did was bark orders.”

”Well good, at least you’re finally owning up to not wanting to follow me.”

”You know, you can be a real bastard. You just told us what to do, never really built anything that would make us want to. You could be so heartless, too focused on the mission to care about anyone or anything.”

Shiro watches the exchange, they need to air their grievances.

”You were never Shiro, and you could never be.”

Tears fall down Keith’s cheeks as he grimaces. ”I never wanted to be.” Keith pulls out from the seat and begins to run.

But Shiro is quick. He runs after Keith and catches the man by the arm. ”Don’t leave, please,” the words still Keith, even if the man doesn’t turn around, ”Please, Keith, don’t leave.”

”You did what you had to do. Black chose you and there was nothing any of us could have done to change that. Please, come back. I’ll remind them of that.”

Keith lets Shiro gently tug him back to the table. They sit back down. The others look like they’re cooling off from the heat of the discussion.

Allura reaches across Shiro to place a hand on Keith’s where it’s resting on the table. She squeezes once and then lets go.

”Black saw something in you, Keith. Shiro saw something in you. We couldn’t help what her decision was, but we could have reached out to help you. It was so obvious that you were mourning, and that being in the Lion who was piloted by Shiro was devastating. You left for the Blades because you wanted Black to take Shiro back, didn’t you?”

Keith nods.

Shiro’s head is swimming.

”You had to pilot Black, but the responsibility to lead, in Shiro’s absence, that didn’t need to fall on your shoulders. Not entirely.”

Hunk chimes in, ”I’m sorry, Keith, for not realizing that we were giving you too much.”

Keith is trembling and Shiro places a hand on his knee.

”As your leader, I felt like I couldn’t be myself. I don’t- I’m not a thinker. I just do things. And I do get overly focused.”

Shiro smiles, ”And those aren’t bad things. They’re what made you such a great right-hand. They’re what made you and Red a perfect match. And I’m sorry that we made you have to try and change, and then got mad when you couldn’t do it.”

Keith sniffles and grabs his napkin from the table.

”Me too, I’m sorry, Keith. I guess I’m a lot like you-” Pidge wipes at her own tears, ”I don’t always think before acting. I was just- I was mad at the situation. Shiro’s right, it’s not fair that we dumped it all on you.”

Hunk agrees with her.

Lance sighs, crossing his arms, refusing to look at Keith, but Shiro can see his eyes are wet, ”I’m sorry, Keith.”

Hunk stands up and announces a group hug before descending upon Keith. Everyone follows suit and Shiro can’t help his own tears at seeing Keith surrounded by his friends, being squeezed by them, loved by them. Shiro hugs Keith, glad to be at his side, Keith snuggled against his chest by the group.

They finish up their meal in relieved peace.

Pidge and Hunk share that they’ve been doing research and there were rumors they found about a nearby planet containing clues about Black.

”Should we ask Kolivan about it?” Pidge asks.

”He may know something we don’t. Or maybe he can get us more intel?” Hunk says.

Allura is a bit skeptical that Kolivan would have anything more for them, considering they’d inform the team if so, but agrees to call him anyway.

After the long day, Shiro falls into bed and right into sleep. He hasn’t thought about the arena in so long, but the day had brought him reminders of everything that’s happened. He sees the faces of all those he’d slain.

He wondered now, as he sat in the chamber where he’d been chained, waiting for the next fight, if any of those he murdered had families. Surely they had friends. Maybe they were married. Maybe they had a home and-

He looked down and there was suddenly blood on his hands and clothes. The dream had skipped the fight, but he still knew what he’d done. Could still see the terror in the alien’s face as he bisected them.

How could hands like these ever touch anything again?

How could he- why would he- want to defile something- someone? He’d clapped friends on the back with these hands. He’d touched Keith with these same hands. He’d held Keith’s face. He’d wanted to make love to Keith, and that meant he’d have to use his hands in some way.

He’d rested these hands on Keith’s stomach, where a baby was growing.

Shiro jerks forward and vomits.

They come to get him from the chamber and he’s hauled to his feet, shackles removed, and tossed out into the arena.

He wakes up with a gasp that rips him from his nightmare.

He grapples around the side table for his comm device. His hands can’t help their blind input, ”Keith?” He whispers into it as soon as the screen lights up.

There’s a sleepy groan, ”It’s like 3 in the morn- Shiro?” The instant sobering in Keith’s voice gives Shiro whiplash, ”What happened? Are you ok? Shiro?” Keith’s in hysterics.

”Keith, shh, it’s ok. I just-”

”Ok? You woke me up at 3- why are you awake? Hold on, I’m coming to your room now-”

”Keith-” but there’s a click.

And then hard knocks.

Shiro opens the door as Keith is knocking and nearly falls in. Shiro catches him before he does.

They stand for a moment, Keith leaning into Shiro’s chest, looking up at him. He looks terrified, like someone had come into Shiro’s room and hurt him. He searches Shiro’s eyes. Their indigo is raw and rich and intense.

Despite the energy still thrumming in his veins, the horrid anxiety running through him, he feels calmer. ”Keith...”

”Yeah?” His voice is hoarse.

”Can you take me out for a flight in Red?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started the semester last week, so, forgive me if I'm slow. : V  
> I know I always get behind on comments, but thank you again for them! 
> 
> We're officially in the mid-half, woohoo!
> 
> I've been posting a lot of twitter fic threads, to stretch my brain out between working on this. So if that interests you, feel free to come check me out at [fireside_keith](https://twitter.com/fireside_keith) on twitter.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3 I'm so happy to share this story with y'all <3


	8. Chapter 8

”I’m sorry, Keith. It’s not like you haven’t been through a lot.”

Keith looks out Red’s windshield.

”This isn’t about me though. And it’s not a competition. What you went through... Shiro, that’s traumatic. Have you even given yourself time to process it?”

The hum of Red’s engine is the only audible reply.

He turns to Shiro, who’s standing behind him.

Keith looks first to Shiro, whose face looks carefully neutral; no bend in the brow, no drag up or down of lips, no shine or lack of in the eyes. It’s the face of a diplomat, one holding everything to themselves in their discomfort. Keith can read much on Shiro, except when the man is like this.

He’d asked the question already having known the answer. But he’d needed to bring it up. He’d needed to get Shiro to acknowledge it, or work towards acknowledging it.

The team hadn’t given Shiro an ear. He had always just been an idea to them; not a man, but a symbol. How else had the team moved on so quickly in his absence? They were so eager to throne Keith with that same crown they’d laid upon Shiro’s head at the start of the journey. Shiro was nothing more than a figure-head. A servant King without needs of his own.

Shiro was Keith’s Black Paladin because he’d seen the bond between him and Black, and because he knew how much Shiro got out of flying her. Shiro had wanted Black, and that’s why Keith wanted Shiro in Black.

To the others?

He was their Black Paladin on principal. Because they needed someone to fill her pilot’s seat, and Shiro was the best, in their minds, to do so.

Shiro had no ear amongst them. But even having Keith’s, the man still kept his pain to himself.

”Would it help to talk about it?” Keith kills Red’s engine and lets her drift.

It reminds Keith of when the two were still on Earth, back before all of this, before Shiro had left for Kerberos. They would often drive far away from the Garrison at night, one of the few things Shiro pulled rank to get away with. Shiro would lay out a blanket in the sand that had cooled from its day beneath the sun and place a telescope beside it, along with snacks and a thermos of hot cocoa of which its steam was visible in the cold nights out there.

They’d watch the stars for hours. Sometimes in silence. Sometimes they’d get too lost in conversation to even look up or out, anywhere but each other.

Young Keith always felt such pride and warmth to have Shiro’s attention. His heart ached for Shiro when he could tell the illness was getting to him, or he’d had another fight with Adam, but he never pushed, never pried. Just like Shiro never pushed, never pried. He’d seen the faded scars and marks on Keith upon entering the Garrison, he had to have, but he never said anything.

Now, as he watches Shiro, with that emptiness on his face, he wonders if he should have pried.

”I’ve never told anyone what I did in the arena. I figured it was pretty obvious.” Shiro steps in front of Keith’s chair and gets to his knees. He places a hand on either of Keith’s legs and makes eye contact. His eyes are dancing fearfully. ”I don’t want you to hate me,” he laughs humourlessly, ”not like I hate myself.”

”You can’t help what they made you do while captured.” Keith wants to move, to reach out, to smack him for being so dumb, to pull him into a hug for being so full humanity despite it all, but he’s afraid he’ll lose Shiro.

”I could have though. I could have let my first opponent take me out.”

Keith reaches forward with shaky hands, unable to fight the instinct, bringing them to cup Shiro’s face, ”It’s not your fault for wanting to survive. And, not that it should matter, but you being alive has saved so many people. Voltron couldn’t have done what it did if it weren’t for you. And, you’re right, it wasn’t fair that those others died, and you got to live. _No one_ should have died, and that includes you. You are not responsible for anything that happened in the arena.”

Shiro brings his head forward, weeping on Keith’s thighs. His large body looks so small curled around him at his feet. His body trembles with the effort of the tears.

Keith lets go of Shiro’s face in favor of running soothing fingers down his hair. He has to swallow his own sobs. This isn’t about him, he can cry later.

Shiro’s cries turned into growls and frustrated desperate screams. His hands beat down upon the hard metal of Red’s floor. He doesn’t raise his head, only buries it further against Keith’s legs. He chokes on his cries and Keith can feel the snot and tears wetting his suit.

”Let it out, Shiro. Don’t keep holding the pain,” he whispers and knows his voice, scratchy and rasping and wobbling, gives away his emotion. But Shiro needs to hear it. He needs to know that tucking things away for a later date isn’t going to work anymore.

Eventually, Shiro calms down, making no more than little hiccups and sniffles of tears and vocalizations.

Keith feels Shiro’s whole chest heave against his legs.

Shiro looks up at him with a trembling smile before wiping at his face with his sleeve.

Shiro takes a moment to clean up his face and compose himself.

He looks back at Keith, eyes soft, eyebrows gently pressed together, and the tenderness makes Keith uneasy. He has a guess where this is going.

”Keith, whatever happened to you-”

”This isn’t about me.” Keith’s back pulls straight.

He doesn’t want to talk about what happened to him. It’s hard enough there’s a baby on the way.

”Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”

Keith stares into Shiro’s eyes, which are red and still watery.

He has a decision to make.

After all the vulnerability he’d just coaxed out of Shiro, would he really not give the same in kind?

He thinks about those nights in the desert, about how, maybe, they’d have been spared so much pain had they only spoken.

Would Keith have known about Kuron if they had only spoken back then?

Would Keith have known that Shiro had loved him had they only spoken?

Keith swallows beneath the stare.

He’s not ready to give it all up, not yet. But he realizes they’ll have to start communicating things like these if they ever want to overcome what made them drift apart.

”Sometimes I wake up and it takes me a little to realize I’m not still there. I’m terrified I’ll wake up back there. They knew who I was, and I think that made it worse,” Keith bites the soft inside of his cheek for grounding, ”I still have a lot of scarring. It’s not something you can see, either-” he shuts his eyes to avoid seeing the realization come to Shiro’s eyes, ”If... If we keep going with this relationship- You’ll know what I mean eventually.”

”I was afraid of that, that recognizing you made things-” Keith hears Shiro sob and then immediately clear his throat like he’s trying to hold it in. Keith still won’t open his eyes. ”Difficult.”

”They chained me down to a bed.” Keith didn’t mean to speak but the words are flowing anyways, like water spilling atop an over-taxed dam. ”Between when they’d-” he refuses to say that- he can’t -so he skips to what he can, what won’t tug at the last thread keeping him stitched together, ”They liked coming in to taunt me. One time a stupid Galra put his fingers in my face and I bit down, ripped it off with my teeth,” he chuckles as if it were funny, ”they muzzled me after that.”

”Oh, Keith...”

Keith shakes his head, ”I can’t- I’m sorry-”

”It’s ok. Keith, please look at me, it’s ok.”

Keith does. And it hurts.

He feels humiliated that someone knows, even if not in full. But if it had to be anyone, at least it was Shiro.

They let silence take over as Keith takes Red out of autopilot and takes them back.

* * *

It’s cleaning day in Atlas.

Keith is grumpy at being woken up by Coran’s overly chipper voice declaring such over the comms.

He hadn’t slept well the night before. Which wasn’t to say he didn’t get enough rest, more that he got too much. He groans and rubs his eyes.

”C’mon work with me here,” he says softly into the room. He flops his arms out on either side of the bed. ”You can’t have _all_ my energy. I can’t feed us if I’m too tired to get up and go to the kitchen.”

There’s no response, not that he expected one. He’s been reading the pamphlets cover to cover every night. The baby isn’t big enough to start moving yet. But he’d read that talking helps with brain development, though he’s still a little unsure when he addresses the little one.

Coran makes the announcement again, asking for everyone by number, except him. Keith’s come to accept that there will be some amount of coddling, which, in this instance, he’d welcome as he took a while to really wake up.

”Let’s go help them out.”

He wiggles out of bed and stretches full-body, arms wide, head thrown back, and loud yawn.

He makes it down to the kitchen and everyone turns to him.

”Keith,” the smiles that light up Shiro’s face twists Keith’s guts, ”Good morning. We just finished eating and were gonna start. Go get yourself a plate.”

Keith walks into the room proper and heads over to the stove. In the pot is a breakfast soup.

”Ugh, how come Keith can just show up late?” Lance mutters.

”Well next time you’re pregnant-” Pidge snickers.

”Wait,” Lance cuts her off, ”Coran, is there a surgery for that?”

Keith freezes mid-ladling.

”Not that I am aware of. Although there have been attempts, certainly. Shall we look into it?”

Keith snorts, turning around with bowl in-hand, ”I am not dealing with a pregnant Lance.”

”I’m with Keith.” Pidge says and raises her fist out for Keith to fist-bump.

He bumps it with his free hand, explosion and all.

Not everything is forgiven, but they’ve all been trying.

He sits next to her, which feels strange, but he’s been trying to spend time with people other than Shiro, which was Shiro’s idea, and Keith had thought it was a good one.

They all had a lot to work on.

Keith digs into his breakfast.

”So, what’s it like being pregnant?”

Part of what Pidge needed to work on was her tact (to be fair Keith got the struggle. His first instincts were often not the most polite or considerate.)

Part of what Keith had to work on was being comfortable with her endless thirst to parsethings until she understood them. Which meant her focus was on the biggest mystery in the ship right now, that, unfortunately, being him.

It’s starting to help him feel comfortable about it. Of all of them, it turns out Keith was the one most judgemental about the situation.

”It’s... weird. Right now, I’m just tired more. I’m sure that’s going to change.” He dips his spoon into his soup. The dish is yet another case of the team modifying things for him. Hunk wasn’t big on making soups until now.

”Feel free to take your time Number Four, we can start dealing out tasks while you eat.”

Keith’s starting to think of it less as him being babied and more that they just care or are starting to.

He’s paired up with Lance to wash the windows.

”We’re gonna be here forever.” Lance whines and tosses his sponge at the window. It connects with a wet splat and then slides down with a squeak.

”If we throw our supplies like that, yeah.”

They really hadn’t hung out much in their entire time as Paladins. Or even when they were at the Garrison. Beyond the rivalry that was one-sided from Lance, they were basically strangers.

Where Keith got by on talent, Lance worked hard to gain the skills. He also had a way with people that Keith just _didn’t._ A way that no amount of training or exposure could teach Keith. Working with people seemed to come to Lance as easy as breathing.

”Easy for you to be so calm, Mr. I Got to Sleep In.” The jab really lacks any bite.

Keith grabs his sponge and continues working on his corner. ”Why don’t you find a nice alien girl to put a bun in the oven.”

He sees through the reflection that Lance starts to laugh but sobers immediately. Seeing pain on the face of someone who’s always goofing around causes Keith to ache. And it pisses him off, a little, that Lance is still treating him like glass.

”Look, it’s ok to laugh. It makes it easier on me, actually.”

He watches Lance approach, not moving from where he’s facing out the window. Lance reaches a hand out to Keith’s shoulder but stops halfway.

”Keith?” He sounds broken.

”Yeah?”

”Can I hug you?”

Keith nods and prepares himself to be touched. Touch has always made him a bit nervous; it never came as natural to him. But someone like Lance? It seemed to be how he communicated. And if Keith wanted to build a relationship with the man, he’d need to comfortable with being touched.

Lance wraps an arm around Keith from behind and just holds him.

Keith stiffens despite preparing himself. It’s an awkward hug for him, requiring vulnerability but it’s somehow less intimate than if they were chest-to-chest. And Keith can see Lance while facing the window. He won’t admit it but it kind of feels _safe_. But he’s not really sure what to feel.

”I never thanked you for all you did. I’m sorry we - I - didn’t help you back then. Not as much as I should of, anyway.” His voice is small and drained of its usual bravado. He tightens the arm he had slung around Keith and drops his forehead to Keith’s shoulder for an instant and then presses his face against the back of Keith’s head.

”One thing I’ve always hated about you was not just your talent, but how humble you were,” Lance scoffs, ”It’s like, you never really could acknowledge all you were good at. And- even worse, you just took to heart whenever anyone said something bad about you. You were so quick to believe it. Even now, you should be punching me - all of us - but instead you’re really trying to be friends with us. I think you’d have done this whether Shiro asked us to or not.”

Keith feels Lance sigh, it ruffles his hair.

He looks at themselves in the window. They’ve come a long way, have more scars than they did when they were fresh-faced and ignorant to the war.

Lance is _hugging_ him. And he’s taller, his chin buried in Keith’s hair.

Keith reaches up and pats Lance’s arm where it’s linked around Keith’s shoulders.

Lance releases Keith but keeps the hand on his shoulder. He looks into the reflection, sharing eye-contact with Keith through it.

”He really loves you, you know. ” Lance smiles soft, smiles sad, ”Shiro loves you. You should’ve seen how lost he was on Earth without you. He didn’t mean to drag Curtis along, but honestly, once they’d settled back in, with no war to focus on, Shiro just... he didn’t mean to but I could tell he’d watch the stars, wondering about you. He’d talk about you a lot.”

Keith was eager to hear what Shiro had been doing on Earth. They hadn’t talked about it yet. It hurt as much as it gave hope to hear that Shiro had missed him.

”I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but- maybe I can ask a favor? For you, and for him. Keith, give him a chance. I really don’t think he’s ever stopped loving you. I don’t think he ever could. And that? It’s something special. You don’t want to throw that away.”

Lance chuckles and removes his hand, shoulder-checking Keith. ”You”d have to be an idiot mullet head to let him go.”

Keith smirks, ”It hasn’t been a mullet in years.”

”Exactly.”

They get back to work on the windows. They finish the command deck and move on to the common room.

A few hours pass, the two both quiet as they work which is odd for Lance, but Keith thinks it’s Lance’s way of repaying him for the hug earlier.

About halfway through cleaning the large, sprawling window, Keith decides a little social discomfort would be worth actually making friends.

”So, Lance,” Keith drops the sponge in the bucket and stretches his back. ”I’m not really good at this stuff. But I want to be. So uh, can I ask what made you come out here? Again, I mean.”

He turns to Lance, who mirrors Keith in putting the sponge away.

Keith’s not good at reading expressions, not micro ones, anyway, and there’s a mixture of them on Lance’s face. Of all the rest of the team, Lance had always been the one easiest to read. Now, he’s maybe the hardest. Maybe the most changed of anyone. Keith wants Lance to get his spirit back, he doesn’t know what to do with the Lance he sees right now.

Lance doesn’t answer, it unnerves Keith

”I’m sorry,” Keith says hoarsely, ”Was that not ok to ask?”

Lance shakes his head. ”No, it’s ok. I just- man, that was _a question_. I’ll answer it, I just need a few moments, I think.”

Lance also didn’t use to take time before talking, except for when he’d come to Keith, concerned about his place on the team.

It seems Shiro was right, that none of the team really knows each other.

Not yet, anyway.

”I came because I really don’t think I should’ve left here in the first place. I was really homesick, so I thought I needed to go back, but then I went and... There wasn’t anything left for me. I moved to a farm away from it all, thinking I just needed a new start. But, being out here again, I think I was isolating.”

”I can’t imagine you being alone.”

”I wasn’t _alone_ alone, I did keep in contact with Shiro, saw him occasionally- ” Lance huffs, ”Ok, yeah. I kind of was alone.”

Keith hums.

Lance puts a hand on his hip and cocks it to one side, ”I can’t really imagine _you_ surrounded by people, to be fair. From what it sounds like, though, that’s how it was for you.”

Keith groans, ”Oh God, the endless meetings and parties we attended were enough for a lifetime. Stuffy clothes, stuffier people. And I can’t tell you how many times I met Galra who weren’t exactly... on-board with Voltron.”

”I bet you’ve beat up a few Galra you shouldn’t have.”

”Sometimes Handror had to pull me off them. He’d just say that humans were a _spirited species_ , and then-” Keith grew quiet,

”I’m sorry. None of that was your fault, I hope you know. What Handror did, that was abuse, Keith. I... You know that right?”

The ’a’ word. It’s a harsh word.

”I wasn’t exactly the easiest to be married to,” he chuckles, ”c’mon, you of all people should believe that.”

Lance doesn’t return the laugh. He doesn’t smile. His face falls. ”Keith, that’s... that’s not funny. Nothing warrants being hit - or... or anything else. Nothing, Keith. That’s abuse.”

Keith rubs at his own bicep. ”Please don’t say that word.”

Lance seems to get Keith’s discomfort at least, because he changes the topic, ”You wanna go sneak a peek at what Hunk and Allura are doing?”

”We’ve got, like, 2 windows done.”

Lance gestures to Keith, and speaks with a dramatic inflection, ”Washing them is so hard being pregnant. You’re soooo tired and your ankles must be swolle-”

”Finish that and I dunk your head in the soap bucket.”

Lance grimaces and salutes.

”But that’s not a bad idea.” Keith smirks and pats his stomach.

He’ll think about Lance’s words later. He knows the man is right, but he’s not ready to call what happened- what it was.

* * *

”There’s no way-” Shiro folds his hands, elbows propped on the table, and brings his forehead to rest against them.

”-C’mon, live a little-” Lance sing songs.

”-We are not going to take you-”

”-But we’re all of age!-”

”-It’d be irresponsible-”

”-Live a little!-”

Shiro sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. ”Keith’s pregnant. I’m not taking him to bars.”

”But that’s not our fault!” Lance winces as soon as the words leave his mouth, ”Sorry,” he looks to Keith, who doesn’t let his face show anything as he shrugs a single shoulder, then continues, ”I just- I mean he can drink soda or whatever space juice that isn’t alcoholic. Come on Shiro, we need this. You know we do.”

”Keith?” Shiro looks to him like his opinion in this should weigh more than the other three paladins’.

Keith rubs a hand behind his neck. The whole group seems to be holding theirbreath for him, and he’d rather theynot.

”I think it might be nice for us to get out.” After all the tension lately, he _does_ think it would be nice for the team to let loose. ”I agree with Lance, I can just have some soda.”

Shiro’s eyebrows raise and he searches Keith with an expression of wonder. Like it would be so surprising that Keith agrees with Lance. He blinks it away and his mouth moves from side to side like he’s still mulling the thought over.

Yeah, maybe it was surprising of Keith to do.

”Alright. Coran can you search the planet for _decent_ bars?”

Coran salutes him and immediately heads over to his pad to start looking. ”It will take me a while to comb through - gotta check reviews and all that - so perhaps we meet back here after the evening meal?” Coran says without looking up from the screen. He gestures vaguely with the hand not holding the device. The hand returns to stroke his mustache.

”I’ll take dinner duty,” Keith says and chuckles at everyone’s reactions. Hunk pumps his fist, Pidge grimaces as her shoulders raise to her ears (she hates chores), Lance looks incredulous, Allura’s eyes brighten, and Shiro smiles.

Pidge steps up to Keith and gets to a knee, offering her hands above her head, waiting. It was her day to help out with dinner.

”You are safe now, my sweet child,” Keith says, quoting the vintage image that Pidge had shared with him the other day.

”I owe you my life,” she completes it and then hops to her feet, punching his forearm. ”Thanks, man. Really.” She grins and skips out of the room.

Hunk tells Keith he’ll see him there.

Lance gives the two-finger salute from his temple as he turns out of the door.

Coran is mumbling to himself as he leaves the room, head still buried in the tablet.

Allura takes one of Keith’s hands and squeezes, ”Do not tell Pidge but I am glad you will be cooking for the night.” With Hunk’s help, Keith has blossomed as a chef, and Allura is maybe his biggest fan.

Keith thinks he’ll convince Hunk to make something Altean tonight.

”Thanks, Princess. I’ll make it just how you like it.”

She wiggles her shoulders in uncontained delight and bids him well for the next few hours.

They’re all gone.

Except Shiro.

”What?” Keith asks with a bit of laughter at the end of the word.

Shiro’s watching him, from a few paces away, with the fondest expression. His eyes are crinkled at the corners from the breadth of his smile. They dance with joy and pride and _love._ It’s sweet but intense and Keith can’t help but fidget with the darts on his shirt; the one Shiro had picked out for him, held up and knew it would fit him; suit him.

Keith favored the shirt.

”Nothing. No- everything, Keith. I’m proud of you.” Shiro finally steps closer into Keith’s space. He brings a large, shoulder-engulfing hand upon Keith. ”You’ve been really making an effort. Even if - when- we may not deserve it. Barring the worst of things, you never could hold a grudge. Not when Krolia came back into your life. Not when you met James again.” _Not when Shiro married Curtis and abandoned him._

Keith turns his head towards the hand on his shoulder, follows it with his gaze from fingers to wrist, to forearm, to bicep, to shoulder, to chest and, finally, up to Shiro’s face. It felt like those many quiet, two-person meetings they’d have so long ago. Meetings with whispered voices and tender touches. It was so obvious now that they’d be in love back then. Nobody could whisper Keith’s name like that unless they felt something more than just being teammates.

Keith doesn’t have to speak.

Just like back then, he’s able to say everything he needs to with his body language. Shiro’s so attuned to him that they don’t often need words.

It’s what made them such a fierce duo. What made them perfect for being the head and right-hand of Voltron. What made them the only two capable of forming Voltron’s most powerful weapon.

”Keith,” Shiro whispers, the same weightless tone Keith had just been thinking about. They’re not the men from so long ago who would continue to dance around each other for years, dance around each other even through marriage. Shiro leans in, ”Can I kiss you?” And maybe to this day still continue to dance, around kisses and confessions and glances and touches. Weeks, maybe a month, passed since they bared their truths, but just like them, they still hesitated and walked around the subject like glass they couldn’t afford to break should they tread wrong atop it.

Keith meets him halfway, closing his eyes and bringing a hand to rest on Shiro’s neck and a hand to rest on his shoulder.

Maybe it’s better they keep it slow.

He feels the hand on his shoulder inch to take hold of the back of his head as those lips, rough from their worrying between teeth, pressed upon his.

He moaned lightly as they took their first brush along his. The chap in his lips caught along the soft skin of Keith’s lip causing a spark of delight, making Keith’s nerves sing and start to light the fires of flames that would grow as their kiss did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biggest thanks to my lovely beta <3
> 
> Anyways,  
> it's rather been addressed already, but I do want to let people know to not bully in my comments. This means don't bully me* and don't bully other commenters.  
> I appreciate that y'all wanted to defend me, and meant well, but it also kind of hurt to see my comments section become anything other than about this fic. I don't think this fic is for everyone, it tackles topics that are very dark (and it won't pull any punches; but I will warn at the top of chapters) and topics that, for many, are just straight up squicks. You don't have to read this. But please respect the amount of work and heart I'm pouring into this, and keep your comments relevant. 
> 
> I welcome const crit. That comment, which was removed so that the poster would not get any more replies that were scathing, actually did help me take a look at my writing. It's what inspired me to chat with my beta and to reach inside myself to see what was going wrong with my writing, and figure out how to fix it.  
> So please, absolutely, provide feedback! It doesn't have to be all sunshine and sweet! But also don't attack me as a person. You don't know which countries I've lived in (3 thus far in my life), my race (I'm mixed), my cultural background, my beliefs, my friends, my stances on politics and culture, etc. 
> 
> My fic is not a place to post meta either.  
> I appreciate we all have different takes on canon. As someone who obliterated my friend's list due to me becoming a part of the VLD Crit community around s4, I'm no one to stop anyone from critiquing the show. Or loving every minute of it! But my fics reflect my stances, they try to undo the hurts done to me by canon, and I'm not here to change my mind. Not after being kicked from the sheith community at large back then, being told I was overreacting, or not being allowed my very real, valid feelings from how the show treated me and people like me. 
> 
> I hope my writing accurately portrays what I felt about canon.
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for reading! <3
> 
> I post little fic threads on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/fireside_keith) quite frequently if you'd like to keep up with me there.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not Beta'd yet, but in the interest of providing things to read, I am going to release it now and edit later.  
> I am working on a major edit to the earlier chapters, starting with chapter 3- and I plan to replace it today or tomorrow. So if you're really attached to that chapter as is, please download it now. What I will do to handle edits of old chapters is I will post a new chapter here pointing out which chapter has been replaced. So pay attention to the word count of the chapter in your email to not get excited for a ''new'' chapter, until I'm caught up. 
> 
> I am also trying a completely new style of writing, please let me know what you think! I've tried to slow the scenes down and develop the sensory details more. I welcome all constructive crit! So don't be shy if you have something more 'negative' to say. 
> 
> Big thank you to [@Stubborn_Hero](https://twitter.com/Stubborn_Hero) for providing me with nearly all of the Never Have I Ever's, [@lionpilots_](https://twitter.com/lionpilots_) for suggesting going to a bar as team bonding, and [@ragdollrory](https://twitter.com/ragdollrory) for suggesting the escape room! I could not have done this (or the next chapter) without you!

There’s no such thing as a good bar, not really.

No matter how fancy the building is, how classy its customers are, or how expensive it is to get drinks there, there’s just no such thing as a ’good’ bar.

The bar’s set up reminds Shiro of an Earth diner back in the year 1950.

If there’s anything he’s learned in his travels it’s that despite the vastness of the universe, life tends to repeat itself, as if there were some invisible forces controlling the exponentiation of variables; if he’s found it on Earth, he’ll find it in space.

Not always in the form he’d expect it in though.

The bouncer had taken one look at Keith(’s belly) and said they couldn’t let him in. Which had primed the man into a fighting stance. Shiro had to remind Keith why he shouldn’t fight the alien.

Seeing him calm Keith down must have made something light in the alien’s head because they turned to him and said, ”My apologies. We do not wish to cause distress by separating mates.” Keith kept his lips tight. If he knew anything about _mates_ he wasn’t going to say.

Shiro doesn’t say it but definitely thinks it, and Lance does too if the look in his eyes is anything to go by.

_Galra are space cats._

The bouncer had waved them on in and Lance brought it up the second they were inside.

”So like, you feel physically pained if you’re away too long from your space mate?” Lance had asked.

Poor Keith looked like he needed a drink.

Lance was staring at him with demanding eyes, so Keith, the smart man, seemed to realize he wasn’t wiggling out of this, ”If one is _space_ pregnant, yeah.”

Thankfully Allura was just about to sit down and that drew Lance over to take her coat before she slid into the booth.

The lighting is dim and Shiro can’t make out much. Keith leads them around confidently- he remembers that Keith had once told him of being able to see clear in the dark. Now, having learned what he has of the man, he wonders if it’s not part of Keith being Galra. Their senses were more attuned than humans, Coran had told him once. Many species, including Alteans, shared the trait. Humans really were the odd ones out.

The floor is a checkerboard of squares. The stools that line the long counter are round and have plush seating. They’re tall, too.

It’s loud with music and the sounds of glasses clinking and people chatting. 

Keith’s nose scrunches and he places a hand at his stomach. The smell of sweaty bodies and alcohol hit Shiro after but it’s faint, for him at least. He reaches over and rubs a few times at the spot between the man’s shoulder blades. Keith’s little pamphlet had said his senses would be heightened- more than humans’ senses, which would be compounded with being Galran.

Shiro and Keith go to order their drinks first.

The bartender seems up to his ears in orders, all six of his arms moving about pouring things into glasses, so they decide to sit on the empty stools while they wait.

Shiro looks at Keith, who looks between the counter and stool with a hand flat on the growing bump. Shiro pulls it out and extends a hand out, which Keith takes, and holds the man’s weight as he uses Shiro and the counter to pull himself onto the stool.

Keith motions for Shiro to lean down, to speak in his ear. ”Can you get me a virgin?”

Shiro chokes on his spit.

”A virgin _drink_. Something creamy, ’k?”

Shiro turns and his lips accidentally brush the shell of Keith’s ear. ”I always imagined you’d be a whiskey on the rocks type of guy.”

Keith moves to reply but Shiro hadn’t and they’re left staring at each other, inches apart.

Keith licks his lips and brings his thumb and forefinger to Shiro’s chin. He rubs lightly over the stubble on his face before turning Shiro’s head. ”You’re right, normally. But the baby is telling me they’d prefer something creamy over a fizzy soda.”

Shiro nods and he can feel his own Adam’s apple bob tightly beneath his neck.

He hasn’t had a sip of alcohol yet but he wishes he had as he’s forced to swallow around the idea that Keith wants something virgin and creamy. And he hadn’t looked like he meant to imply anything by either of those things.

The bartender finally starts taking orders again and Shiro climbs off his stool to go flag them down to place their requests.

From the corner of his vision he sees Keith rest an elbow on the counter and cradle his cheek in his palm, his other hand smoothing over his bump.

It fascinates Shiro, as he waits for their drinks to be ready. He wonders what it feels like to be pregnant. He wonders if it ever scares Keith. He wonders if Keith feels ready to have a child, if that was always his plan. Handror didn’t make it sound like it was mutual but Keith seemed adamant that he wanted this child.

He wonders, letting himself have just one last uneasy thought before he would lose himself to inebriation, how the child was going to be three-quarter Galran. They will look more Galran than human.

More like their other father.

 _Keith,_ he says only in his thoughts, _I’m so sorry._

When all of them sit back down at the table, drinks acquired, Hunk raises his glass and calls out for a toast.

”A toast-” he says, ”-to friends, teammates, our survival-” he looks around the table, eyes landing at Keith, who’s sitting shoulder-to-shoulder next to Shiro. ”And the team’s first baby.”

Keith ducks his head into a palm.

Pidge exclaims, climbing to her feet as she lifts her glasses up to click the rim against Hunk’s ”And cheers to getting absolutely shit-faced!”

They repeat the toast and clink their glasses.

Shiro gulps down half his drink in under a minute. He can’t remember the last time, if ever, he’d been able to let go. He’d normally be afraid to, but with Keith pressed against his side, body warm, the man tucking into his (non-alcoholic) drink, Shiro felt-

 _Safe_.

Maybe even protected.

Keith wouldn’t let anything happen to him, and that was enough to soothe any of his fears.

Pidge gets up on the stage to sing.

It doesn’t matter that none of the songs are in a human language, or that she doesn’t seem capable of making some of the vocalizations the song calls for. He’s just impressed she seems to be mostly keeping up.

Her singing is alright, it’s off-pitch, but most of the other patrons don’t seem to mind, except one, who is glaring at her. The rest of the bar is busy with their own drinks and conversations. A human doesn’t cross their radar.

When Pidge sits back down at the table it’s to rounds of applause and Lance giving her a good smack to the back.

She grins and flashes dual peace signs as she settles into the booth.

Allura turns to Shiro, ”It’s quite amazing that a human would learn to speak Tragorian. It’s rumoured to be one of the more difficult tongues to learn if you haven’t been raised by it.”

Shiro whistles and turns his gaze to Pidge, who’s laughing about something with Hunk, her elbow jabbing him in the side.

”She must have learned it with the rebels,” Allura thinks out loud, her finger drawing through the condensation on her glass, ”But it’s been a few years since the war-”

Pidge had spent that time out here learning an alien language.

Shiro can only marvel.

Lance bangs the bottom of his beer bottle against the table, accompanying it with a pathetic warcry, an attempt to garner the whole table’s attention.

His cheeks are reddened even in the sparse light inside. There’s a goofy smile on his face that refuses to droop for anything.

Pidge raises her glass in haste, the contents sloshing over the lip and dripping onto the table below.

Hunk slowly mirrors her without spilling his drink.

Allura tips her head down but Shiro can see the giggle erupting on her face. She picks up her shot glass. Seeing her mirth makes him smile as wide as his lips will allow him.

Shiro looks at Keith expectantly and Keith takes hold of his drink.

Shiro is trying to hold back from touching Keith but his mind is comfortably fuzzy and his hand is already moving before he can decide if he really wants it to.

He curls his fingers around Keith’s small wrist and pulls his arm up so that his glass is raised and they are toasting together. 

”Gentlefolk-” Lance calls out and scans around the table, ”I propose to you a game, familiar to most here, but not all of us (he casts a glance at Allura from across the table)-” he tips his bottle back against his lips, keeping eye contact with the table as he does so. ”Never,” he begins only to pause, lips quirked up behind the rim of his beer, ”Have I ever.”

Pidge roars a cheer loudly, smacking her fists down on the table in a sloppy rhythm, chanting the name of the game as she does so.

Her enthusiasm carries as far as the bar, because a staff member comes over to their table, sauntering with purpose. Only they stop as soon as they get there, survey their faces, and head back to where they came from.

Shiro barely registers it as his focus is on the group.

Lance explains the rules, and it’s really just for Allura’s benefit.

When he finishes, he starts it off, ”Never have I ever experimented,” Lance waggles his eyebrows.

Shiro hears Keith sigh next to him and raise his glass to his lips to take a small drink.

Shiro himself doesn’t, he knew he liked boys since he was old enough to talk, and had escaped any pressure (or didn’t give into any) to try things with girls.

Pidge takes a dramatic gulp and makes a noise after finishing.

”Keith!” Allura exclaims, ”I did not know you were a scientist.”

Shiro raises a hand to his mouth to cover up his snickering.

”That’s not what he meant, princess. And- before you guys ask-” Keith looks particularly to Lance, ”I... Girls are pretty and I just really _wanted_ to like them- _Like that_. So I went on a date with a girl, and afterwards we went back to my room. But I stopped as soon as I realized she expected me to top her.” He grimaces and curls his hands around his glass. 

Shiro’s stomach squirms a little at the implications Keith gave.

Pidge snorts, ”So, if she had a strap-on, you would’ve been down to get pegged?”

”I’d still have closed my eyes and pretended she was a guy,” Keith shrugs, and Shiro is a bit dizzy thinking about Keith on his stomach- ”Alright. Never have I ever had sex under the influence.”

Shiro curses- that one was unfair, he knew Keith had been a virgin, at least until Team Voltron split up. Shiro had had quite a few drunken romps in the bedroom. He knocks back a gulp. 

Surprisingly, Allura follows suit. They all turn to her, eyes wide, but she waves them off, refusing to elaborate. 

“Well,” she begins, “never have I ever skipped to the end of a book before reading it.” She smiles looking proud of her question. Until Hunk, Pidge, and Keith drink. Then she scoffs and her expression turns into one of being appalled. 

Hunk raises his glass, fixing Pidge with a look, “Never have I ever worn a dress.” Allura takes an easy drink. Pidge glares and holds eye-contact as she drinks. Keith slowly, in what must be an attempt to be stealthy slurps a bit of his drink, which brings all eyes on him. Though Shiro sees Lance take a furtive drink from the corner of his vision. 

“Stop looking at me like that- it was a stupid diplomatic meeting and the customs were… different. Handror was higher ranking in their eyes, so I had to wear a dress. Big deal,” he folds his arms over his chest. He squints and his mouth purses as his eyes move towards Lance. “Never have I ever used my status as Paladin to get favors or partners.” 

Shiro snorts at the affront that crosses Lance’s face, even as he has to take a shot. 

Pidge throws hers back with a satisfied noise, “Alright losers, you made it so boring. How about, never have I ever made a sex tep?” 

Keith rubs the back of his neck, gaze meeting Shiro’s shyly for just a moment, before he drinks. Shiro is going to ask him later. 

“Hunk?!” Allura exclaims and Shiro turns away from Keith. 

Hunk has his arms raised in defense and shoulders practically to his ears. “Listen, I-”

“Oh my god, you prudes,” Lance groans and takes a shot, “ _Some_ of us like to live, right Keith?” Keith flips him off. “So then, let’s see, you virgins,” he searches around the table and then meets Shiro’s eyes. He’s gonna play Shiro so dirty. “Never have I ever caught someone masturbating and, instead of letting them know or walking away, I just stayed there watching the show.”

He absolutely played Shiro dirty.

The team looks around at each other- no one moves, and then to Lance, who is holding Shiro’s gaze. They look his way and he steels himself, tells himself to be as cool as ice, and throws back his shot down his throat. 

“Keith, I caught you in the showers one day when everyone else was off ship. You were biting your lip to keep from making noises, even though you were alone- or you thought you were. You were so beautiful, I couldn’t look away.” He feels vaguely like he shouldn’t be admitting that but he’s had too many shots by now to stop himself.

“Aww, how romantic, he creeped on you,” Pidge chortles. 

For his turn he says that he hasn’t had a family member catch him having sex. He doesn’t want to risk Keith taking another drink and the motion drawing Shiro in.

Lance drinks. Allura blushes, but she doesn’t ask.

“How about having sex with more than one person at a time?”

Keith drinks. “I was on a mission with the Blades. We were bored.” Maybe Shiro hadn’t known just all he thought he did about Keith. That answer- though it intrigued him- was not one he felt he could stomach hearing more on.

“I haven’t played a video game to the end.” That one gets Lance and Pidge.

“...Called out someone else’s name during sex.” Pidge says.

Shiro and Keith drink in unison. 

“I was with Curtis. I didn’t mean to but... “ 

“Was it Keith?” Hunk asks. 

Shiro turns to the man and has to take a breath. It’s not exactly noble to admit, but he doesn’t refuse Keith’s eyes which are searching his face. He nods.

“It was Handror.” his posture sinks and he does the self-soothing gesture of rubbing his stomach, eyes falling to the table.

That cleared up some of why the Galran had been so vile towards Shiro when they’d first met.

“Never have I ever cooked a five course meal.” His voice wavers as he says it.

That one goes to Hunk.

From there, the whole table seemed to get that there’s a need for a change in questions. They’re lighter from there- more about embarassment and things wholesome, than sex or anything that could potentially bring up bad memories.

It’s all fun and laughter from there on out.

Their trip to the bar really helps lift some of the weight off their shoulders.

* * *

It’s just Lance and him in the entertainment room. They just finished a round at one of the new games Pidge had bought. 

She was currently sleeping having stayed up late into the night (early morning) playing. Keith was also sleeping, he hadn’t stayed up, it was just, as Shiro understood it, part of pregnancy. Which was another thing the pamphlet had talked about; making a baby was hard work. Hunk said he’d join them after he finished up walking through some repairs with Allura and Coran.

Shiro places his controller down on the side table next to the couch and Lance stretches audibly and bends forward to lay his on the ground.

Lance smacks him good-naturedly on the back, ”Dude, I can’t remember the last time we went and got drinks and we didn’t-” he stops and his arm flops, hand dragging down Shiro’s back. His head bows and his eyes close.

”-Didn’t get black out drunk or get kicked out of the bar?” Shiro offers, his gaze moving from Lance to his own feet, clad in their fuzzy Black Lion slippers. He shuffles his feet.

”I was gonna say 'need to run from our problems,' but that too.”

He chuckles at that, ”I don’t know that I ever really stopped.”

”You know man-” Lance bumps shoulders with him, ”There was a lot that happened to you but... I think you have a lot more going for you than you realize. Like, hear me out but, this whole time you’ve had Keith at your feet just waiting for you to give the go-ahead-”

”Don’t talk about Keith like that.” Shiro doesn’t meet Lance’s gaze, doesn’t want to frighten Lance with the fury he knows is in his eyes right then. He’s aware of how he drug Keith along. 

”...Right, sorry. I just meant that he’d been so obviously in love with you and you kind of took that for granted.”

Shiro can’t deny that.

”I- it would just be nice to have that is all.” Lance whispers before bending to pick his controller back up and fiddling with the joysticks with his thumbs.

”Wait, are you saying you want a Keith?” Shiro chuckles. Lance and Keith would make for an intense couple. 

”I want the love that you two have. Even after you two fucked up so royally- _You_ especially dude- it’s still so... I don’t know, real? I want that.” He whispers the last words, stilling his fingers and his grip tightening on the controller is audible. 

”What about Allura?”

”What about her? She’s- she’s wonderful and kind and so smart and strong and...”

”And?”

”How could she- why would she look at a man like me? Shiro, you don’t have to do anything but be in the same room as Keith and he’s looking at you like you created all the galaxies and stars and the universe all bends itself around you. I- Allura, _she’s-_ but I’m just. _Me_. And she’s not dumb like Keith.”

Shiro whacks his shoulder.

Lance raises his hands, controller and all, in defense, ”You know what I mean though. I just don’t have her attention the way you have Keith’s. And that’s fair, really. I’m not like you. But it still hurts.”

Lance chuckles and gives Shiro a gentle punch on the shoulder, ”You’re a stupid jerk and I love you man. Take care of what you have with Keith, because I’ve never seen you as happy as I see you when you’re with him.”

Shiro smiles at his hands that are resting on his lap. He flexes his human hand, articulating each finger.

”Between you and me, Allura seemed pretty smitten at the bar.”

Lance grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him, demanding to hear everything.

Shiro indulges the man, sparing no details of how she acted towards Lance that night.

* * *

The spirit of their outing kept them abuzz for a month or two, but when they were attacked again, it was still like nobody was in sync.

Lance and Keith squabbled over who was Red’s pilot, Allura stood outside of Blue trying to coax her to let her in, and Pidge snapped over her comms for them all to get in their Lions.

Red took Keith (Shiro had figured she would) and Blue took Lance (It pained them all to see Allura dash off in frustrated tears).

Shiro stepped down from behind the controls of Atlas and urged Allura to take them. She assumed command, with Shiro as her right hand, and it was no slight on her skills, not after the years it had been since she last took the bridge, but the team worked as messy as they had that first time in their Lions.

Even as they’d chased off their attackers, whom had once again just fled when the team was about to get the upper hand, Lance had gone over the comms to reprimand Keith flying in his ”condition,” to which Keith snapped that they didn’t have a choice and even if they did it wasn’t Lance’s business.

”You could hurt your baby, Keith! What if Red loses control or you get hit and the straps put too much pressure on you?”

Keith went quiet at that.

Pidge had just scoffed and told them both to knock it off.

Keith spoke again though, barely audible, voice trembling a little as he asked, ”What do you mean, Lance? What would happen?”

”You could miscarry, Keith.”

They’re all silent from then on until they make it back to the hanger.

They still don’t know who’s after them or why.

* * *

”We can’t continue like this,” Allura sighs and slumps into the booth. They’re planet-side, it’s been about a week since the attack and Coran has all but booted them from the ship in the name of boosting morale. Allura props her elbows on the café’s table, her fingers massaging her temples.

”Princess,” Keith begins, ”It’s not your fault.”

Shiro loves a lot about Keith, and the man’s rush to comfort people, if maybe not always graceful, is heart-warming.

”But we haven’t floundered around like this since we were first coming together as a team. And Blue-”

”-Still not your fault-”

”She didn’t... I’m not her paladin anymore,” she sighs and grabs her smoothie, taking a long sip of it. ”I feel like I have failed you all. Again.”

Lance reaches a hand out and brushes his fingers at the back of hers. ”Red kicked out Mullet before and Red and Blue have kicked me out. It’s ok, Allura. It’s not a reflection of you.”

”Yeah, he’s right,” Hunk chimes in, ”I mean like, the Lions know more than we do, ya? They’re just doing what they think is best at the time they think is best. You’ll always be a paladin to us.”

”And our commander!” Pidge shoots her a thumbs-up.

”You all...” Allura swipes at her eyes with her sleeve.

Shiro squeezes a fist against his thigh. There’s a pain the others can’t understand, to be separated entirely from Voltron. His heart breaks for her. He knows what that emptiness feels like; to go from having the background hum of the Lion’s energy in your head, in your being, to the empty quiet-

It’s hollowing.

Keith’s hand on his thigh startles him.

He looks over to the man, whose eyebrows are scrunched together and lips pulled into a frown. He’s leaning over, twisted as much as he can towards Shiro with the growth of his stomach. His eyes shine and those violets are watching him, reading his thoughts.

A quick glance around the table sees the team continuing their conversation, oblivious to him, to Keith.

”You ok?” Keith squeezes his thigh reassuringly with strong pressure for how delicate the hand looks against him.

”Ye- Actually, not really. Just thinking about Black,” he speaks as low as he can to be heard by only Keith.

Keith leans into the hand on Shiro, eyebrows drawing tighter.

”I miss being a paladin. I can relate to Allura a lot on that. It hurts- it’s like the Lion filled you with their energy and then, all of a sudden, it’s gone and it’s cold and empty. Why would Black reject me like that? Why do the Lions keep doing this?” He looks at Allura. There’s a smile on her face now, but it doesn’t fully reach her eyes. The other three have a hand somewhere on her, comforting her.

”You know...” Keith huffs a sigh, ”I was so upset when Black took me when you left. I wondered a lot- ’Why?’ I’d ask myself, and I’d ask Black, everytime she let me into her cockpit. But she never answered. It wasn’t fair and I’d resented her and- and then I found out you were, well- you were her consciousness for all that time.”

”It’s... I wish I could remember that time, Keith.”

Keith shakes his head, ”I don’t. I can’t imagine how lonely and terrifying that must have been. But I think the reason Black took me, was more you than me. I think _you_ chose me, not her.”

”What do you mean?”

”I mean that all my life you’d trained me up to be your successor and this was that.”

”Keith...?”

”Listen- I... I still kind of... resent you a bit. It’s not fair what you tried to dump on my shoulders. I’ve never been and will never be you. But the point is that... we can’t really know what’s going on with the Lions and why they do what they do.”

He takes a breath, ”I didn’t know why I was Black’s pilot, and no amount of spite or confusion stopped it from happening.”

”That’s not exactly comforting, baby,” Shiro moves a hand behind Keith and weaves fingers into his hair.

”I’m sorry- I just meant that, we have to wait and see. I’m sure we’ll find out why Black didn’t let you back and why Allura couldn’t be in Blue. Red’s been kind of... clearer in my head now and- she’s really apologetic for locking me out. So I don’t think they did this on purpose. I don’t think they had a choice of things.”

Shiro tugs Keith in. It’s a bit awkward, the belly doesn’t let him pull Keith in as much he’d like, but his lack of bicep helps Keith slot against him easier. It would have been better to have a more human prosthesis, but there have been a lot of ”would have been better”s in this war. For now, at least, the lack of arm is allowing him to hold Keith. He cradles Keith’s head against his chest.

In the end it’s about making the best of these worst situations.

”Alright, my little Numberlings, whilst you were down there tucked into your meals, I took it upon myself to find our next outing!” Coran waves at the screens behind him. They’re displaying various rooms. 

”Are those escape rooms?” Pidge asks with wonder raising the tone of her voice.

”Indeed they are. Well spotted, Number Five. There is a bit of a wait- the novelty of old alien attractions- but I’ve got us a booking for a few weeks out.”

She pumps her fist in the air and cheers loudly.

Over the next few weeks , Shiro sees Lance do all he can to comfort Allura. He’s happy to see them spending more time together.

Shiro and Keith start watching the stars together at night. They get cozy on the couch and turn the castle’s artificial lights off and quietly admire space. Occasionally they break the silence- but it’s mostly just thinking their own thoughts, comfortable in each other’s space. Keith even lets Shiro play with his hair, braiding it and unbraiding it. And Keith rubs Shiro’s stomach. 

It’s nice. 

The day comes for them to go to their escape rooms. Coran divides them up into two teams of three: Shiro, Hunk, and Lance on one and Allura, Pidge, and Keith on the other. 

Shiro’s disappointed to not be on Keith’s team- but he’s glad that the man will get time to bond with Allura and Pidge. 

He places a gentle kiss to the crown of Keith’s head as they separate and enjoys the soft pink that warms the man’s cheeks. Keith curls in on himself shyly and wishes Shiro good luck.

“Ready team?” Shiro waves Hunk and Lance over.

“Aye, aye, Captain!” Lance nudges Shiro with an elbow and a wink.

They enter their room and it promptly shuts behind them, the door closing with a loud thunk as it seals off and shows no seam. Shiro has a feeling these were a lot less intimidating back when they were a thing on Earth.

He expects the room to be... well-

He doesn’t expect the room to look so _cozy_.

They’re in what looks like a living room, which has two other rooms attached. One appears to be a kitchen from the fridge that can be glimpsed from the corner. The other is a bedroom, or has a bed in it at least.

At first glance, everything seems like it’s a normal home. 

There are windows that display a sprawling meadow of colorful flowers.

”Well, I don’t see anything.” Lance places his hands on his hips and cranes his head about.

Hunk chuckles, ”That’s kind of the point.” 

There’s a tall bookshelf that’s packed with things. Shiro goes to inspect it.

On the top shelf is a collection of figurines of various alien species. They’re all heavily muscled and wearing spandex suits. He picks one up that had fallen over and winces as he recognizes who the figure is meant to be-

It’s Keith-

Shiro turns it over in his hand.

It’s uncomfortably well-modeled.

”I never really noticed that action heroes wore such...” _homoerotic_ , ”... tight clothing.”

He places the Keith figure down, feeling a bit dirty for having touched it, and for realizing that their paladin uniforms were unnecessarily attractive. Closer inspection yields that all of their figures are accounted for.

Shiro’s still uncomfortable with the attention Voltron got.

Other knick-knacks and random items fill out the rest of the space on the first shelf. There’s a framed picture of a young galra wearing a paladin costume, with what looks to be a real knife, pointing it at a dummy that’s been sliced up and its cotton stuffing falling out from the slashed fabric. The kid has a wide, proud grin on, other hand settled at their hip.

There’s an urn at the corner and a Blade knife resting by it, weighed down by the figures, along with a medal.

On the second shelf are books; they’re all in Galran, so Shiro can’t tell what they are from the spines.

He removes one. The cover has a lush garden on it along with some gardening tools resting in the grass.

Still another book opens to reveal various weapons and military insignias.

None of the books stand out but he’s not sure if that’s because he can’t read Galran or if they aren’t meant to.

Some office supplies fill the bottom shelf.

He hears Lance grumble as he walks past, heading over to the fireplace mantle. More framed photos are set up in a line atop it. That same kid from the bookshelf is pictured, only they’re no longer a kid. They’re tall and broad shouldered and wearing a Blade uniform. The knife beside the urn is fastened to their belt in the picture.

Next to it is a picture that looks dated, it’s yellowing a bit, and the contents are slightly out of focus.

It’s-

Shiro’s fingers tremble as they pluck the frame up.

The Galran woman has long black hair, weaved into a braid and wrapped around their neck a few times, and is pregnant. He wonders how Keith is going to look-

He sets the picture back down and hangs his head, burying his face into his hands.

”Ugh, it’s all just a bunch of junk,” Lance groans and flops onto the couch. 

Hunk strolls over to the kitchen and pokes his head in, half of him disappearing into the doorway. ”Hey, guys, c’mere.” The hand not on the frame waves them in.

Lance shoots Shiro a look and throws his hands up, muttering, ’figures,’ as he pulls himself up from the couch and into the kitchen.

On his way in, Shiro takes note of a crooked portrait above the mantle of the fireplace.

The kitchen, like the living room, _appears_ normal. He gets Lance’s complaint. The thought that they’re locked in here, that secrets and clues and mysteries are hidden about, but it appears ordinary on the surface, has the hairs along his arms raised and the skin goose-pimpled.

There’s a stove and fridge and a table and-

For a second Shiro sees a flash of Curtis, the man’s broad back is bare, and the dense muscles beneath shift as he raises a coffee mug to his lips. The smell of whiskey tickles Shiro’s nose even from the doorway. There’re teeth marks on the man’s shoulder, the bite much smaller than Shiro’s.

Shiro himself raises his fingers to where he remembers there’s a bruise on his neck. He'd gotten it from a man small in stature, but built sturdy, beautiful face, long silken, inky hair.

He looks to the fridge and-

There’s a picture of a man, woman, and child.

The same child as the one whose picture was hung on the mantle and the bookcase. The same woman who was pictured pregnant. 

He looks back to where Curtis is but the man isn't there.

There’s no Curtis sitting at the table.

Hunk mutters to himself as he shuffles through the cabinets, taking things out and placing them on the counter. It looks like food boxes at first glance but when Shiro squints he sees they’re boxes of the same type of MREs that they’d eaten at the camp where the Yellow and Green Lions were.

”Hmm,” Hunk holds one in his hand, inspecting the back, ”All of these seem to be expired.”

Lance pops from behind Shiro, startling him a bit, ”You can read Galran?”

”Nah, dude. Numbers are, thankfully, universal. Can’t say that about the rest of what’s on here though-” he trails off, setting the box down and grabbing another down from the cabinet.

Lance yanks open the silverware drawer and the metalware clatters against its holder. ”Oh, spoons. Wow! This is going to help us so much, so glad I checked,” he digs through them, ”Look it's a fork. One, single, stupid fork,” he plucks it up and dangles it from its handle.

Hunk tuts, ”Dude, chill. And set that on the counter- that’s an outlier. We’re looking for those.”

Lance throws it onto the counter and it bounces against it, then the wall, and finally settles with a loud clunk.

”Lance, I know this is frustrating but you’ll be able to think easier with a clear head and open mind. You did find something, so have a little more faith in yourself, ok? And Hunk-” Shiro crosses his arms over his chest, looking back and forth between the two, ”You’re doing a great job. But- we can’t all get things right away, so have a little more patience with us? Yeah?”

Shiro closes the distance to the fridge and opens it.

”A hairbrush?...” there’s a single blue, plastic hairbrush stuffed in the door. There are jars of various foods, most of which Shiro doesn’t recognize. 

He opens the freezer.

”There’s just bags of frozen waffles.”

Shiro turns to Hunk, “You get anything from these?”

“Other than the fact that they were a family? Not really. You were out in the living room for a while though, at the bookshelf, did you catch anything there?”

Shiro brushes the bags aside- nothing, just the ice tray. “I saw this kid,” he shuts the door and points to the picture magneted to the fridge’s surface, “But they were older. They had a luxite knife, like Keith’s, in one of the pictures. That and a Blade uniform on. I think… I think they died in the war.”

“Oh well that’s just great. Fantastic. So, the story of this room is that their kid died in the war?” Lance pulls open the pantry door, ”Hey there’s... booze? Guess they had to drink away the pain.” He grabs a bottle off the shelf, its glass clinks as it's lifted from the shelf. He turns around and sets it down on the table with a thunk. ”Gotta be something, right? I mean what are we going to do with a hairbrush or waffles?”

“Shiro, I think you should put that brush on the table,” Hunk turns from the counters and plucks the bottle from the table and turns it over, inspecting it. ”It’s like... there’s only about a shot or two left. And man, after the bar, I’m fine if I don’t see alcohol for a few months. There’s nothing on the label here, either.” He sets it back down on the table.

“I know, it’s almost like I already checked, Hunk,” Lance grunts and stamps off back towards the living room.

”Let’s follow him.” Shiro whispers to Hunk and walks back out.

Lance plops down on the couch sideways, bouncing a little on the cushions and making it creek. ”This all feels so... domestic. Kind of makes me think of Allura.” He pillows his head on interlocked fingers and kicks the backrest with the side of his heel. ”Well, not _exactly_ like her- You know. And we don’t have a dead child-“ Shiro winces and Hunk’s shoulders flinch-“ I wonder what happened to the couple... this place feels...” he trails off.

”Dissonant?” Hunk offers as he strolls over to the fire place, sinking down on knees and poking his head in and craning it up. “It’s dirty up here, don’t think it’s been used in awhile. There’s no firewood, either.”

Shiro folds his arms across his chest and looks back at the picture on the wall.

The crooked picture shows a heart encased in ice.

The house looks nothing like what he shared with Curtis but it has the same haunted feel. There’s a thickness to the air that’s settled in with the dust along the tops of frames. There’re very clear hints of a once happy family; trophies line the walls, they had pictures of their kid, and they were beaming in the picture on the fridge. The decor is beautiful and minimal, in place and clean. The arrangement of furniture and wall hangings can be nothing but intentionally designed. It seemed at one point joy had echoed its laughter down the halls, but had since vacated. And it struck Shiro that he recognized this-

Not the location, nor the people, but- he recognized the hollow feeling.

Behind the beautiful decorations, the paintings on the wall, the snow globes atop the fireplace mantle, the cabinets, the fridge, the pantry- everything was empty. Not physically- it appeared like it was full on the outside, but on closer inspection, it was a collection of meaningless things. Something died in here, something without a body.

_”We should adopt,” Curtis had whispered into Shiro’s ear one evening after their passion. They had spoken before about children, but never so directly. The couple was a go-to for babysitting the children of their neighborhood as well as those currently and formerly stationed at the Garrison._

_They were naturals._

_Shiro doesn’t like to feel pride for anything, doesn’t like to go down the road of thinking highly of himself, but he loves kids. He does all he can to take care of them and make them happy. Of all he’s ever done in his life, that is what he’s most proud of. And Curtis was just as nurturing. They made a great duo._

_Shiro wanted kids of his own some day and, when Curtis approached him like that, he figured it was time. They’d been married a few years then with little more to show for it than the cat they’d tried to raise but had run away._

” _I’m... not sure.” It didn’t make sense why he wasn’t. He dreamed of a family for so long. It’s what got him through the war for so long. Curtis and he had proven themselves as good parents for so long. And yet- something in Shiro twisted at the thought of raising children with Curtis. It hurt to admit and made him feel disgusted with himself._

_He’d been honest at least, without being harsh. A child was a big responsibility and he wasn’t going to bring one into their lives unless there was no doubt in his mind about doing so. Their children deserved to be loved._

”I’m going to check out the bedroom,” Shiro says as he heads that way, steps quickly. He can’t stay staring at the picture with the knife.

The bedroom seems standard. There are dressers on either side, a little night stand on the right, and a short storage box at the base of the bed. The family pictures continue in here. It’s _all_ standard- except the bed is split in half, mattress to spring board to frame, the halves are balanced on the ground, dipping in towards each other.

Shiro laughs, “A broken marriage bed, huh? Maybe their kid dying wasn’t the only reason for the booze.” 

The room is painted two colors, they meet each other where the bed is in two. One is a light purple and the other is a teal blue.

The nightstand on the lilac side has something on it that’s glinting from the light overhead, the light catching on it, bending from it. He goes over to inspect it.

On the cherrywood surface is a small, golden ring. A wedding ring. It’s intricately carved with delicate swirls. Shiro picks it up to inspect it. He finds nothing- it’s a standard wedding ring.

This one is light in his hand. Lighter than gold and yet – he presses his fingernails into it- much, much harder. It must be made of some type of space metal and not gold. It brings back memories of wearing one like it, except his was a white gold. He can remember how it had constricted his finger so that, once it was on, it didn’t come off easily. So, he had never bothered with it. He just left it on.

The day he finally took it off there were deep groove marks from where it had suffocated his skin, tarnished it with a loop of gray.

_”We should get a divorce,” Curtis had said one evening as they ate dinner. It was said casually, as if he were telling Shiro he wanted to go out to eat. There was no bitterness, just resignation. If even that._

_Shiro wanted to say it crushed him. He wanted it to devastate him; that would mean that their marriage had meant something to him- or still had, in the end. But they were more housemates than husbands, and had quite some time ago agreed it would be alright to share their bed; never together, but separately, they sought physical comfort elsewhere._

_Shiro couldn’t remember the last time he’d lain with Curtis. Shiro had all but moved into one of the other bedrooms. The ones they had insisted on having for when they started their family._

_”That’s cold.” Shiro chuckled like it was funny and stuffed a spoonful of soup in his mouth. He always made a joke out of things when he was uncomfortable, scared, or unsure, ”Kind of like this soup.”_

_”A soup that is cold is just sad-” Curtis snorts. At least he matches Shiro’s humour._

_Though maybe that was part of the problem. There was no one to tell Shiro when it was time to stop joking. No one to one to make him be serious when he needed to be._

_”Hey now! No need to go for my cooking skills. I tried my best- (” Did you?”)- Babe, c’mon, don’t be like this.”_

_”You’re the one that’s like ice, Shirogane.” Curtis chuckles._

Like ice.

_Ice._

Shiro dashes from the room, pocketing the ring that was in his hand. He books it back to the freezer. Hunk sputters and Lance squirms from the couch as he zips by, ”There was ice!” He exclaims as he rips the handle open and shimmies the tray out of the maker. He plops it onto the table and digs through, ice spilling onto the table and floor, and-

He barks laughter.

”Ha- guys! Look!”

There’s a large chunk of ice, more of a block, and inside of it is a ring.

Hunk says, ”but what do we de-thaw it with?”

An escape room will have everything its participants need to get out but Shiro doesn’t wait-

He activates his prosthetic before the others can begin to look for something.

It glows hot, though it’s not the Galran purple his last arm would take on, this is Altean blue. It doesn’t look as threatening , but all the same it still melts the block within seconds, leaving the ring to clatter into his palm.

He gingerly takes this ring in his fingers and inspects it. There’s an engraving on the outside and inside, it reads, ”see through the bottom,” on the outside and, ”of the bottle,” on the inside.

”Hunk- we need to take those shots.” Shiro mutters as he keeps turning the ring over in his palm.

”Woah man, why don’t we just, I don’t know, pour it down the drain?” Hunk asks.

”Yeah Shiro, uh- going to the bar was fun but you kinda have _that_ look right now-” Lance had watched Shiro tuck himself into alcohol’s embrace back on Earth, ”Like... the one I saw you wear at the end of your marriage.”

_What he really means is that he’d watched Shiro drink himself numb whenever they’d meet up as his marriage crumbled. He had to be on the phone when Shiro would cry to him, in those hours beyond nighttime but not quite morning._

_Shiro liked to laugh away the pain. He also liked to drink it away._

_He just wanted to forget._

Shiro shakes his head, ”I’m ok, Lance. It’s not that. It just says- I really think... I think we need to drink it.”

“If you’re sure this house isn’t _reminding_ you of _things_ ,” Lance flicks at his bangs, ”I trust you, Captain.”

Hunk sighs, ”Look it’s not that _I_ don’t trust you, it’s _this place_ I don’t trust. And, I mean, it makes sense yeah? Look- You two can try the whole drinking thing, and I’ll inspect the bottle afterwards. That way, both bases are covered.”

Lance snorts, ”and you won’t have to drink.”

”Yeah, and I won’t have to drink.” Hunk crosses his arms and nods.

Shiro drinks what he guesses to be half and passes the bottle to Lance.

Once the bottle leaves his hand, quicker than he’d have thought it would hit, his limbs stiffen and he crumbles to the floor; he can’t move them. Panic rises in his throat. That wasn’t alcohol. Whatever was in the bottle wasn’t alcohol.

”I can’t move-” Shiro begins, chest heaving. He’s thankful he can still breathe- still speak. He doesn’t know when he won’t be able to. Have people died in these rooms before? Is anyone watching over them? Will they intervene?

”Fuck- me either!” Lance curses.

”Shiro? Lance?”

His throat is tight and air refuses to enter his lungs. His rib cage seems to stick with each of the short breaths he takes in. His vision goes fuzzy. His fingers and toes tingle with static. And he’s so aware that they’re trapped inside here. He doesn’t want to close his eyes, in case he’ll see the prison behind his lids, even if he can’t really see anyway.

_It’s like he’s a prisoner again; when they’ve just injected him with a serum to drain the fight from his body. Or it’s his childhood and adolescence, where he’s fighting his body for control of his muscles. Fighting and losing. Wasting away._

_He’s back at the Garrison in Iverson’s office. He’s there to let the man, who had once been his CO, that Curtis and he had separated._

_The office had seemed so big when Shiro was young, just a cadet, and even up to when he’d left for the Kerberos mission. Now? It was small. Or maybe he was just so big? He feels cramped, like if he stretches out his arms they’ll reach either side of the walls._

_“We divorced.”_

_Iverson just shakes his head, tone defeated “Oh, son.” He looks around the room and cranes his neck to see out the window. When he sees, or doesn’t see, whatever it was he was looking for, he punches in some numbers onto the lock on one of the desk’s drawers. It pops open and he stuffs his hand inside, pulling out a bottle of some liquor that looks both expensive and hardly touched. “Sit down, will ya? Don’t need ya hoverin’ for this.”_

_Shiro takes a deep breath, closing his eyes, and the room is bigger once he’s opened them._

_He pulls up an empty chair from a desk in the corner. Iverson shares the office with a few other people and even though the man had already looked around, Shiro finds himself scanning the room as well. He sets the chair in front of Iverson, a little desk that’s affixed to the wall serves as an elbow rest for him. During his time in these halls as a student, then NCO, he had heard the rumors of Iverson taking in a weary soul and sharing a swig with them. Because Shiro had never wanted him in trouble, he didn’t follow those rumors, just let them be birds twittering past his ears, their songs hopefully reaching those who may need to hear them._

_“Christ, Shiro. Take a breath. There’s no need for the hunch in your shoulders-“ he fishes back into his desk and unearths two shot glasses that have the Garrison logo on them. The irony isn’t lost on Shiro. Iverson pours a shot or amber-brown liquid that’s scent fills the air the second the top is unscrewed._

_“You know this was how I got through it?” he asks, but really, it’s not a question. Iverson doesn’t know. No one except Lance and Curtis do. Shiro drank alone._

_“Boy, I can see the zipper on your lips zipped. Let’s not choke on our own vomit.”_

_Shiro takes the offered glass and knocks it back._

_There’s a silence that Shiro appreciates as he swirls the empty glass in his hand, collecting together the things he wants to say . “You remember Adam?”_

_Iverson laughs short, humorless, “I don’t forget a single cadet that comes through here. Least not when I have those two in my office every few days for their, what had Montgomery said, “fraternization?”, yes, Shiro. I remember him.”_

_“And the rumors?”_

_“That you broke up because you refused to stay grounded?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Between you and I, I had nothing against the kid- but, really, what was he expecting from Takashi Shirogane? I think he meant well, but nobody who’s ever known you would say you give up.” Iverson takes his shot and stares into the empty bottom._

_Shiro holds out his glass, signaling for it to be refilled._

_Iverson obliges._

_“I gave up this time.” Shiro throws it back down his throat, and makes a noise as he feels it drop fire down his throat and set ablaze his belly. “Like I always do. I’ve looked so ambitious because the truth is, I’ve always been running away. I just knew how to make it productive, how to run from myself without damning everything. Who leaves the planet, on a voyage they know will take close to 2 years, with just two others, if they don’t have attachments back home? Sam and Matt had each other. That’s what got them through, but they missed their lives back here so much. Me? There was nothing left back here for me.”_

_Iverson leans back and looks up to the ceiling and then back to Shiro. “Except, maybe, Kogane.”_

_Shiro sets his glass down and rests his elbows on his thighs, hanging his head and rubbing it through rough, calloused palms. That was the exact problem wasn’t it? “Except him.” He’d loved Adam as much as he’d allowed himself to, but there were deep parts that he kept hidden and, as such, they were places Adam could never touch. And Shiro couldn’t love the man from a place he’d never even entered. Nobody went as deep into Shiro as Keith had. That was the problem. “I just wanted a normal life-“_

_“No, you wanted an_ idealized _life, Shiro. You wanted the white picket fence, and the two and half children, and a big house in a nice neighborhood. Or so you thought.”_

_Shiro groans and claws his fingernails into his forehead._

_“But Keith- he didn’t fit into that did he?”_

_“No, he didn’t. Adam and Curtis- they were… things were normal. They were safe. They never asked much of me, not really- shit- or if they did then they stayed even if I didn’t give it to them. But not Keith. Keith was a wildfire and I couldn’t contain him; he couldn’t contain himself. He unnerved me, Iverson. That’s why I chose Curtis. Curtis was safe and contained and he could give me all those things I thought I wanted. Fuck- I just drug Curtis along. I’m so fucking selfish.”_

_Iverson hums, seeming to mull the words over. He pours himself another shot and drinks it. “And where is Keith now?”_

_Shiro clenches his fists where they press against his face. He tries to breathe but he’s beyond the point where breathing can calm him. Keith is out there, somewhere, and Shiro hasn’t seen him since the wedding. He swings his arm out and it slams the glass against the wall. It doesn’t shatter, it was made of very thick glass, but it rings loudly as the force of hitting the wall vibrates through it. “I don’t know,” he hisses through clenched teeth, “I have no fucking idea where he is or what he’s up to- except that he’s married and he’s being taken care of and loved and- and some man is laying him down-“-“Woah, boy”-“I just… God. God damnit. I let him slip through my fingers all because I was a coward.”_

_His fist beats against the same spot his glass had knocked against. It rattles the wall and all the pictures and hangings adorning it._

_Then nothing. A pause. A beat._

_“Woe is Shiro,” Iverson says, “Alright. So, you did. You messed up, is that what you want to hear? That you’ve been a dumbass and let that man go. Arguably the only man you’ve ever really wanted, who would be actually good for you. Fine, there it is. Now what?”_

_Shiro raises his head, looking into Iverson’s eye, there’s a fire behind the gaze that’s so like Keith it hurts. Doesn’t he get it? Shiro’s done playing with fire. He’s settled at the bank of a river, dangled his feet into its cool waters, and let the stream pass over and under his torched skin. He doesn’t have the strength of his youth anymore. He just wants the water to wash him away._

_Something comes across Iverson’s face, sadness, and the fire extinguishes. Shiro’s drug the man into the river with him._

_”You kind of just let things happen to you now, don’t you? You used to never give up. Made people do what you wanted- just from spirit alone. Seen so many in my day strong-arm people to get them to trust them or follow them or believe in them but you?-” he scoffed, ”Everyone took your lead willingly. What happened Shirogane?”_

_Keith._

_Keith happened._

_No- he can’t put this on Keith, not any longer. It was his cowardice, it was his selfishness, and fear._

_What happened? Shiro had just been himself. And the rest had just followed after._

”God, you were right, Hunk,” Lance groans, snapping Shiro back to the room around them. “Shiro?” He turns his head to Shiro.

Whatever they’d drunk, it must not affect their heads.

Even if it’s messed with Shiro’s mind.

”Sorry I led you astray,” the words feel sticky on his tongue, though his mouth is dry from panting so heavily through it.

”Hey, don’t talk like that. We did what we thought was best and now- Wait. Shiro, do you see that?” Lance snaps his head forward and his eyebrows worry in concentration, gaze chasing something along the wall.

”I- oh. The wall...” Shiro squints and he can just make _something_ out…

Hunk turns around to where Shiro is looking. ”I don’t see anything.”

”There’s writing. It says, ”it broke where it began.” Lance, does it say that for you?” Shiro asks, squinting to read the faint writing. It pulses with color, the script swirling blue to purple to red and back again. He’d say he’s hallucinating, but Lance confirms he sees that too. And looking around the rest of the room, nothing is distorted or off.

”... What broke?” Hunk clicks his tongue like he does when he’s thinking, ”The bed?”

Lance gasps, ”The marriage! The marriage broke- and the bed is, well, the marriage bed. But I don’t think the ’it’ here is the marriage _or_ the bed... Hunk, can you-“

“Already got it, thanks,” Hunk goes into the room. Shiro can hear the opening of drawers and the movement of objects inside them. He concentrates on that- it reminds him that they aren’t all paralyzed and that there’s hope they’ll get out of here.

Hunk comes back, shoulders slumped, and he sighs using his whole body, “Yeah, I got nothing.”

“Figures,” Lance drops his head back and blows out a puff of air, “You know, Hunk. Maybe you don’t have everything figured out like you think you do.”

Hunk fixes Lance with a hard stare and Shiro can see the words forming on his mouth, his body language saying he’s getting ready to chew Lance out.

“Let’s all take a breath, breathe in-“ Shiro instructs them and inhales sharp through his nose, “breathe out-“ he lets the air out through his mouth. “Alright, five more times. Then we’re gonna close our eyes, give that a count of five, and only then can any of us speak.”

Hunk settles down into the chair beside the table.

A quick look over at Lance and Shiro sees the man’s eyes are already closed.

Shiro leads them through the exercise. The atmosphere in the room clears up, as does his head. In the new stillness, he can hear the soft melody of a song weaving gently through the air of the room. It’s quiet. _Rest down, weary bones,_ a woman’s voice calls soft over the rich strings of a cello. It plays over and over.

Shiro tries again to wake the nerves in his limbs but they refuse to move. He lets the song soothe the anxiety of that.

”Man, this song is so repetitive,” Hunk groans, repeating the lyrics, then declaring , ”I’m gonna go check the room again.” He rises from the chair, its legs groaning in their drag across the tile. He walks to the entryway of the kitchen, pausing at the door frame. Shiro can’t see his expression, but he’s sure that Hunk is thinking.

He leaves Shiro’s sight.

There’s a soft, ”oh,” from the room, followed by, “The song is different here.” He hums and, sure enough, it is different. “ _Find solace on our throne_.” His voice quiets, meaning he must have gone into the bedroom, “And here, too. ”

_”What are you looking for Shirogane?” Curtis asks him during breakfast. Meal times are about the only times they share together now. Shiro did his best to learn cooking but it was never something he was great at; Curtis had been their chef, and Shiro had made up for it by taking care of all the dishes. And most other chores._

_Shiro pokes at his pancakes with the spear of his fork, pushing the little slice around through the syrup. He’s not sure either. He thought he wanted someone just like Curtis. But then- he had Curtis. Shiro needed someone who was… decidedly_ not _Curtis. Someone like Keith. But people like Keith were rare. Shiro could waste his whole life searching. A part of him wants to call the divorce off, selfishly, thinking that this would be his final chance at some type of happily ever after._

_”I- I don’t know...” He answers, honest._

_Curtis folds his arms into each other, stance wide, and shakes his head. ”You can’t even admit it to yourself.” He tuts, ”I... Feel bad for him.” He turns back to the stove and flips over the next pancake._

_”Who?”_

_But Curtis doesn’t answer that day._

”Shiro,” Lance hisses, ”Are you ok? Can you move yet?”

Shiro hears but he’s swimming in his head.

 _”Let’s face it, I was always just an excuse to get away from him. You couldn’t commit to him so you tried to use me to ease your guilt. You’re getting tired of running- I can tell. Divorce me,_ please- _you may not love me like a husband, but you do still love me, you care, so... let me go. Don’t keep me held down like this. Don’t keep yourself held down like this.”_

_Shiro weeps. Curtis holds him._

“Hey, guys, so I found this paper in one of the drawers-“ Hunk walks briskly through the doorway, waving it, “It says, “Make a decision.”

”I made one-” Shiro winces, ”and look where it got us.”

”Yeah, too bad Keith isn’t here to save you like usual. We need your knight. He’d swoop in and tear down the walls of the house if he couldn’t figure out how to get us out. Actually- no, he’d just try that right away.”

Shiro knows Lance is joking but the jab lands at exactly the right angle to burst open the dam he’s kept raised inside him.

”Don’t say that!” He snaps, ”I’m not a damsel- I.. I’m not.” Shiro has carried the weight of that this whole time. Keith saving him had been sweet the first few times, but after a while it became emasculating. It left Shiro feeling weak, dehumanized, and without agency. He’s tried not to resent Keith, knows the man had only done it in Shiro’s interest, but it still stings.

There were times when, in dark hours, where he was deep into a bottle of whiskey, he just wanted to hold Keith down by his neck, twist his arms behind his back and have the man pinned by the weight he places into his hand, and just-

Hold him down. Show him how it feels to be powerless. Hold him down and be the one to take the power of movement from him. Nothing more- not even the darkest places of him held will to do anything so heinous. 

Still- those thoughts only made Shiro find himself further into the bottle and come out the other side with the glass empty and mind drowning.

He was a monster. Especially knowing that while he had those thoughts, that very thing might have actually been happening to Keith by another man’s hand. Only worse than Shiro even imagined.

”Woah, calm down, it was a joke-“ Lance tries to placate him.

”I’m not _his_ , or _anyone else’s_ damsel, I’m the former paladin of the Black Lion and Captain-“

”Yeah, ok man. We get it. You’re a big hot shot. God. We. Get. It.” It seems Shiro wasn’t the only one holding something back. Lance is scowling at him.

”What-”

”No! You know what? I’m sick of you. You’re always moaning and moping and- it’s no wonder Keith has to swoop in. You think you were powerless? Do you know what it was like to always be just in Keith’s shadow? Unlike you, I never got the chance to shine. I was a cargo pilot who only got bumped up because _precious Keith_ washed out. Keith, _special fucking Keith,_ had to be half alien. Then you left and- Black rejected me. And you know what I got? My _own_ lion wouldn’t take me. I got Keith’s hand-me-downs AGAIN! It wasn’t like I had all these things going for me and I just dropped the ball. I wasn’t born cool and talented. All the things I got? I didn’t even get to earn them!”

”No. I just got whatever Keith had grown out of. How do you think _I_ feel? You talk about having no agency, but even my best efforts couldn’t get me to have my own lion.”

”You know what, Shiro? _Fuck_ Keith.”

Shiro hadn’t realized their paralysis had worn off until his legs brought him in front of Lance and his fist met Lance’s face with a sickening crunch. It throws his face sideways, and he falls to his hands. Then he’s to his feet and returns the punch as good as he got.

Hunk, who had been silent the whole time finally snaps to and gets between them, prying them apart and holding them at arm’s length.

”What’s your problem? I know you’re gaga over him but c’mon! Hasn’t he fucked both of us over? Always the hero while we’re nothing more than the steps he’s trampling on to climb –“ Lance snarls, leaning forward toward Shiro, Hunk’s hand holding him back by the chest.

”That’s not-”

”Oh, don’t you dare give me that, Shirogane. I’m sick of your denial! I think even _you’re_ sick of your denial. God, stand on your own feet, man. There comes a point where even with all that’s happened, you gotta get up and try to walk-”

”Lance-” Hunk warns.

”No! He needs to hear this. Shiro, we love you, we’re here for you. But we can’t help you if you don’t want the help. The longer you deny yourself admitting your hurts- the longer you’re just gonna mope around like this. The more you do that, the more you’re gonna piss me off.”

”You want me to open up? Fine. Yeah, I resent Keith. I resent him for not being the leader I wanted him to be. I resent that he couldn’t replace me. I hate that ever since I came back, he’s always been the one to save the day. It’s like he took everything I was meant to be, but he doesn’t even want it. He has everything and, yeah, ok, sometimes I can’t help but feel that he has all he does because he took it from me. Is that what you wanted?”

”You wanted me to admit that while I still love him, I also still have these stupid, complicated feelings that get in the way? That I feel so guilty for hating him at times? That I’ve been slowly burned away at by having everything taken from me, that it had been given to him, that I have to look at that face, that beautiful face, and know that I have these horrible feelings and thoughts about him? When I’m the one who singed that goddamn scar in his cheeks? I burned his face!” 

”Does that feel good, Lance? You get to win, _finally_. You were right, we’re both just pegs for Keith to use to help his climb up to the top. Is this exactly what you wanted? To see me so broken? Feel better for it, huh?”

They pause as his venom settles into their veins.

Hunk, quietly speaks, ”You know... I never complained about being a leg. I liked it. I knew it meant that, literally, I was beneath you, but I was happy. And before you left, Shiro? Before it was a mad scramble to get into Black? It felt like we were all equal. We were all perfect matches for our place in Voltron. It didn’t matter that I was literally beneath you all; there was no real hierarchy. And... then you left. And it wasn’t your fault- You had died- but... things changed. Our team broke when we didn’t have you. And I think we all did our best, with what we could, but the spirit of Voltron, the idea that five came together to form something greater than the sum of us, vanished along with you.”

Lance answers, voice small, ”I didn’t feel lesser in Blue, either, even being physically under Keith. Blue was the first time I had something that was just mine; not easy growing up in such a big family, or not ever being the best in anything I did. Blue... she made me feel like I had a place. Like -finally- I wasn’t just inheriting something, I wasn’t an afterthought. I was the first choice for her, of our team at least- the only choice.”

Shiro swallows. ”So much of my life was taken from me. I lost my parents. My body was deteriorating before I’d even become a teenager. I was losing control of my muscles. My life- I.. I was dying. The Garrison almost didn’t take me, and they’d signed my death certificate when they’d made Kerberos my last mission. Black was... She let me have control for once in my life. I didn’t want to _control_ , as in being controlling, but- being able to lead the team, to have Black allow me to pilot her- I felt... I felt like, for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t slowly dying, but starting to live. I figured the rest of my life would be short but... Black allowed me to think I’d get to die on my own terms, that I could die having left my mark, having changed things for the better, having control over _something_ in a life that had lacked it thus far.”

The whole room descends into stillness. The pain he had just bared makes his breath come easier and Shiro takes the opportunity to let it fill his lungs and all those spaces that nothing had been allowed inside before. It’s the light of the first morning of spring after a long, dark winter.

Hunk drops his hands from both of their chests.

”Keith said he doesn’t want to lead,” Hunk points out tentatively, ” So...” he looks at Lance, receives a nod, and looks back to Shiro, ”I think... I think Voltron needs a leader. ” Hunk wipes at his eyes, ”I’m a leg.”

Lance chuckles, a bit watery ”Me too.”

Hunk continues, ”And Pidge is an arm-”

”And Keith is...” Lance smiles softly, eyes tender, as he steps back into Shiro’s space, and pats Shiro’s cheek, eyes directly on his, ”he’s your right-hand man, isn’t he?”

Shiro nods.

”Well?” Hunk walks over to the table and plucks the ring up, laying it in his palm. He places it between two fingers and holds it out.

Shiro looks down at it, considers it, and then opens his hand for Hunk to place it in.

”And I’ll form the head.”

”Let’s get out of here,” Shiro grips the ring tight in his palm and walks into the bedroom. “You said the song was pointing towards the bed, right?” He kneels where the bed had split and asks the other two to pull it away.

Shiro looks down and - he’s sure it was whatever they had drank, allowing him to see it- there’s a tiny slot in the floorboards. A slot just perfect for the ring. He places it in carefully and turns it. There’s a click and the wall parts where there’s the seam from the paint. He looks back down at the floor. The ring is gone, swallowed up by it. He pats the place it was with his left hand and dips into his pocket to lay the other ring on top of it. Hunk extends an arm to his left, Lance to his right, and with their help he finds his legs and climbs to his feet.

”Come on, team. Let’s go join the others.”

They flank him and they all leave the room together.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hey on Twitter : > I post many 'a thread there, along with chapter previews!  
> [@fireside_keith](https://twitter.com/fireside_keith)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not yet Beta'd.
> 
> Big thank you again to [@ragdollrory](https://twitter.com/ragdollrory) for suggesting the escape room!
> 
> Also, if you are interested in zines and mpreg, there is a Pregnant Keith (sheith) zine that I'm modding, and we are still accepting contributor apps until April 15th. You can find us at [@pregkeithzine](https://twitter.com/pregkeithzine) on twitter. Details are in our pinned tweet. : >  
> Please share if you can as we want as many people who would be interested to be able to apply. Thanks <3
> 
> This chapter was getting too long at 12k and there were still many scenes left, so I decided to split it in two.

Their room is reminiscent of a Galran medical bay. There are two beds that are suspended above the ground with a mechanical arm that could lift or lower the bed. Metals claws are raised above the bed. They’ll snap down to hold a patient. Their surfaces aren’t anything comfortable- they’re made of a carbon-fiber material that refuses to warm up no matter how long you’ve been on it. Not too long ago, Keith had been strapped down to a bed like these ones.

His feet stumble a little as he goes to inspect things away from the beds.

Three medical bots are standing behind a little window, lifeless in the corner with their bodies hung forward, bent at the waist. He can’t see their faces though he knows it wouldn’t calm him any; they have two oblong eyes that glow yellow when activated.

His stomach clenches and he stuffs a shaky hand into a pocket, the other one pressing firm against his baby bump.

There isn’t much color or lighting in the room. The only thing illuminating things is purple-blue neon tubes that line the wall.

“God, it’s so hard to see in here-” Pidge complains but Keith can only hum a short reply, “Oh right, forgot. I’m here with aliens. I swear once we get out of here, I’m starting research on giving humans alien abilities.”

There’s a desk set up with a laptop on it but there's no cord. Keith wanders over toward it and presses the on button but it doesn’t power up. He slides his fingers beneath it and lifts it up to inspect the bottom of it and where it was resting. All he sees is the tag in Galran, and all it reads are normal specs. He places it back down.

The walls have control panels around them, all with various buttons and levers and print-out screens. Those do turn on, Keith finds out.

“Hey Pidge, do these mean anything to you?” he calls her over, finger tracing the data in the air as it scrolls through. He’s a pilot of instinct over numbers and the time has passed when he’d been able to interpret what it says. He wasn’t the intel officer with the Blades and when he was with Handror, he only left the planet for diplomatic meetings, during which everything was taken care of. He was as good as just being decoration even in those.

Pidge comes up beside him and leans close to the screens, her eyes squinting and pointer finger tapping the end of her chin. “It’s flight data- I’m sure of that but, I’m really not familiar enough with this system,” she points at a symbol at the top of the screen, “so I have no clue what exactly it’s reporting on. There are two planets and a satellite I’m gathering from the formula but… where they’re heading, to what, and why, I can’t say.”

He leaves Pidge to mutter to herself in front of the screen.

Allura is looking through the stand-alone cabinets. He can see bits and bobs in there; among medical supplies, there are crystals and notebooks.

Keith goes over to the compartments that are built into the room and opens one. There’s a mess of cords and empty medicine bottles, and a single pack of matches. He gingerly plucks the matches off the shelf and turns it around to inspect them.

They seem ordinary but he pockets them anyways.

When it becomes clear the other two aren’t going to look at the beds, he bites down his teeth and sucks in a breath, fingers curling into his palms and nails digging into the soft flesh there. He breathes out and heads over to one.

A small nameplate is on the front end of the bed, it reads, ‘patient 54.’ Keith cradles his bump as he edges closer to the bed. He takes small steps and pauses to breathe in between. The flat of it is clean and reflects the neon from the tubes on the wall.

He reaches a hand out while clutching the other against him- his fingers brush the bed. The cold of it makes him snatch his hand back, but nothing happens.

Air fills his chest and expands his ribcage wide.

He reaches for the claws and they don’t react when he touches them. His fingertips run along its smooth surface to the pointed tips that are made to lock into place on the other side of the bed.

He hears the echoes of his own screams from memories. Bleeding and split open and bruised- fingernails would scrape along the surfaces, but they were too smooth, there was nothing to grab on to. No amount of strength, not even Galran strength, could fight the hold of the claws. And the struggle was only more dangerous when he was locked down on his stomach. He’d almost snapped his spine in the beginning.

Keith grips the edge of the claw into a tight fist as tears leak down his face and fall to the sleek metal, trailing off it.

Breathe catches behind thick walls of emotion as he watches down at the empty bed.

The claw is still but its sight still makes him tremble with the fear.

He wipes his tears on his forearm and continues to be unable to shake the bed from his mind.

The robots draw him in as much as he’d like them not to. They stand out too much. In the room where everything is so sterile, they’re the only life to it that isn’t the trio. The closer he gets he swears he can hear the low hum of their circuitry and motors, but part of his head is still lost inside the memories.

A flutter tickles inside him-

He gasps and looks down. His baby…

The baby does it again and the sensation is strange. He breathes out like he was punched in the gut. His hand flies out to find something to hold up his weight, he doesn’t think he can remain standing for long.

“Are you alright, Keith?” Allura asks, drawing Keith’s gaze away just as something wraps around his wrist. She cries out but it’s too late- Keith turns back towards whatever it was that had caught around him and his body goes numb. It’s one of the medic bots. It came on and has got Keith in its grip.

Allura and Pidge rush over to him, the bot climbing over the window it was behind, leg by leg. They bang their fists on the bot, try to pry him away, but the bot reaches its other hand to them and there’s a bright flash of electricity that throws them against the wall. Portions of the floor open up and raise transparent barriers around the section with the bots and the beds.

Keith is screaming in his head, but he can’t get his body to move.

The bot drags him, his limbs not working leaving his legs to trail uselessly as they’re slid across the floor. He’s being taken to the bed. The other bots are slowly drawing awake too, their movements sluggish and jerky as they come to life. They turn to a cabinet and open it- the cabinet is filled with supplies and surgical equipment.

The feeling in his abdomen increases and the instinct to protect his unborn child breaks the bind his body was in.

He squirms in the hold on his wrist, tightening the muscles of his calves to dig his heels into the floor. The bot yanks where it has him and the floor is too slippery- too smooth- for his struggle to stop what’s happening. 

He’s tossed on the bed and the claw clicks into place around him.

_His eyes fly open and the bright white is a shocking transition from the comforting darkness behind his lids. There’s a searing pain- as if he’d had his insides scooped out and then haphazardly sewed back- in his abdomen. He goes to move his arms but there’s something stopping them. He strains against whatever it is, but it won’t budge._

_With an effort that has his teeth clenched, he lifts his head and-_

_He’s held down to the bed by metal straps._

_A sharp pain strikes him hot and blinding as he makes to move his lower half._

_Someone enters his vision, but he can’t make out who. “What did you do to me?” He manages but his voice comes out weak and it scrapes his throat to use it. But he has to know._

_“We’ve successfully implanted a womb in you.”_

_He doesn’t get to ask what for- he’s jabbed with a syringe and loses consciousness._

* * *

_Keith remembers the first time he saw Handror._

_Keith had entered the command center to report to Kolivan. He’d just returned from a relief effort on a planet needing some laborers to rebuild some houses. His muscles were sore from how hard he worked them, but he also felt accomplished. He loves working with his hands._

_When Kolivan saw him, he looked up from the screen of his holo tablet and nodded._

_Keith strolled over, reaching into one of the pouches at his hip and fishing out his comm device._

_“I’d like to report that our team was able to finish one house today- tomorrow we’re getting help from groups in the Kaamaluu sector. Some of my men are out right now getting more raw materials and I’ll have them rest at the camp for the first half of the day for taking these late shifts.” He flicked through some pictures to show off their work._

_“Have you rested these past few days, Officer?” His expression didn’t change but his eyes watched him knowing._

_“I’ve taken necessary breaks.”_

_Kolivan shook his head and let it fall back._

_“I’ll sleep tonight, stop worrying.” But he knew Kolivan won’t- can’t- stop. For all his demeanor, he cares about each and every one of his soldiers and officers. And, lucky Keith, especially held his concern. He wasn’t sure if it was because he was half-human- or that he was small and maybe that made him seem weak to the Galran man._

_In some ways, Kolivan felt like a father to Keith._

_“Keith!”_

_He turned around to the sound of his mom calling him, she’s stamping through the door and her hair is mussed and expression is stern. He folded his arms across his chest and stared down at the floor. His mom is a no-nonsense woman and she’s protective of him, likely from all that’s happened. Even after his missions largely stopped being dangerous, she still handled them with great concern._

_“I’ve received reports that you collapsed out there-”_

_He winced as he heard a huff escape Kolivan. Keith had hoped to keep that detail out._

_“Mom-”_

_“No, no- Don’t you, “mom,” me, Keith. You aren’t taking care of yourself as you should. It’s like ever since Shiro-”_

_“Stop!” He shouts and his hands tighten into fists which he throws down at his sides, finally lifting his face to meet her. “I forgot to drink water, that’s it. I was just busy and spaced it. That’s all.”_

_Her lips pressed tight together, but she did stop. With a long sigh and a quick ruffle of Keith’s hair, she turned to Kolivan. “He’s here.”_

_Kolivan looked to Keith and then back to her. “I see. And have we prepared him?”_

_She shook her head._

_Keith wanted to ask but the sound of the door opening drew away his attention- not everything was his business._

_The doors revealed a Galran man-_

_He was an imposing height even for a Galra- which was something because he’d worked with countless Galra at this point. He had a small tuft of hair atop his head, with the rest shaved closely to his scalp. Scars were carved along his face, some at his cheek, one directly split an eyebrow and trailed underneath the eye, still another drew a line from the top lip to bottom lip. His shoulders are broad and the muscles- oh God the muscles - defined a thick neck and filled out arms. He’d caught Keith’s eyes from the second the doors parted for him._

_At that point Keith hadn’t known his name or who he was, or why he was there._

_But that man had turned his eyes to Keith and the heavy pull of his brow into his eyes softened, the corners of his lips turning up so slightly. His eyes trailed down from Keith’s, sweeping his whole body, before slowly climbing back up to resettle on his face. It set Keith’s heart beating enthusiastically in his chest, his arm coming across himself and hand digging into ribs as he folded into himself a bit. The Galran man’s gaze didn’t waver- Keith had to look away first._

_Keith knows enough about politics to recognize the insignias and bars on the Galran man’s shoulders, this man is someone of importance. He’s flanked by lower-ranking soldiers whose faces are hidden behind masks. The masks are the same style the Empire soldiers wear._

_The Galran man steps out from the door and walks casually- posture straight but not strained- over to Kolivan, the Galra beside and behind him step in unison._

_Keith doesn’t know enough of the Galran language to understand the level of speech the man is using. He can only catch a few words here and there but not enough to gather context._

_Kolivan and the man turn to Keith._

_Keith turns to his mom, “What are they saying?” but Krolia raises a hand, her eyebrows tight with either concern or concentration, maybe both, and she steps away from Keith to stand by the two. Keith follows despite knowing getting closer won’t help him understand._

_The man’s eyes slip his way from the corner of his vision, the vivid amber is alight as it draws Keith in. They’re beautiful and entrancing and wild._

_Keith would be lying if he said the man’s confidence wasn’t making him feel funny. He’d be lying to say it wasn’t making him chew his lip absent-mindedly while white-hot heat burned itself inside his veins. He’d be lying saying that he didn’t want to be led from the room and into his bedroom and onto his back._

_The man’s lips quirk up- it must read on Keith’s face. But it isn’t making him back down his stare._

_Keith does his best to subtly adjust himself in his unfairly tight suit. Of all the days to not be wearing his officer uniform…_

_Krolia joins the conversation and he hears his name. Though they keep looking at him so it’s obvious they’re talking about him._

_Finally, after Keith loses himself to his thoughts, they switch to Terran Standard._

_“Black Paladi-” the man begins but Krolia cuts him off._

_“Before you begin, I want my son to know that this is something we will discuss together later and that it is his choice.”_

_“But of course, ma’am,” he bows to her before continuing, “Forgive my forwardness, I have shucked any decorum in my haste. Dear Officer and Black Paladin Keith, my name is Handror. It is a pleasure to finally acquaint with you after witnessing all you have done for our people and the universe,” he repeats the gesture, only this bow is lower- and he extends a hand to Keith and waits until Keith rests his atop it before kissing the back of it and tenderly returning it to Keith’s side._

_The thing is that it should feel insincere-_

_But the thing is that it doesn’t. There’s such a truth Keith can read in the Galran man’s eyes that it’s startling._

_The attention is doing nothing but warm Keith._

_“I am here to ask for your hand. I wish to throw off the shackles that have been placed upon my family by the former Empire. We wish to give some of our lands to the Marmora and solidify our commitment to the rebuilding. Our marriage would be a symbol of hope and destruction to the roots of the Empire that have tried in vain to grow amongst us.”_

_Keith is glad his mom won’t let him make the decision right away- he’d say yes so long as it meant being taken apart by this man._

_“Why me?” He can’t stop himself from asking._

_Kolivan speaks up, “You are the Black Paladin and a Blade Officer. You represent everything that works against the Empire. This alliance could not be mistaken for anything else than that statement. “_

_“That, of course,” Handror smiles as much as he can with the scar tissue around his lips and cheeks, “And, if you may permit me to say so, you are beautiful and courageous- fierce and unyielding- and any would be so lucky to wed you. I included.”_

_That answer turns Keith’s stomach in the best of ways._

_“Thank you, Handror, Kolivan, my son, and I shall discuss this and send word of our answer.”_

_Handror bows and bids them farewell, eyes flicking to Keith’s lips and back to his gaze. They hold the stare- Keith feels overwhelmed by it, but he refuses to back down first again. Handror smiles and looks away before turning and heading out of the room with his men._

_“Keith,” Krolia turns to face him and places a hand on his cheek, “I want to let you take the time you need to decide. We can discuss this later- both you and me, and then, perhaps, Kolivan. For now, I recommend taking a walk outside and thinking about this. Don’t just make the choice for what you believe will be the good of the universe. You’ve already sacrificed so much of your life for others- do this for yourself.”_

_“Thanks, mom.”_

_Keith bows his head towards Kolivan and heads out of the room and down the hallway. He runs into some Galra who are muttering about Handror. When they see Keith, they quiet down- word gets around fast on the base- and Keith’s posture crumples as they nod to him while he passes._

_He watches out the windows which become more numerous as he approaches the gardens. This base is on the Marmora’s key ones. As such, it is more developed than the others, giving it a feeling of being a small town more so than just a base. There’s a large shopping center here, along with food and clothing stands. One can get all the supplies they could ever need at the commissary here, which is a stark contrast from the bases he’s used to. He’s rarely on a base large enough to have anything beyond shelter and working power. Keith likes spending time in the extensive gardens._

_He had never liked the desert- had always wanted to live somewhere with rain and trees._

_With just a singular moon, and the planet having an atmosphere and weather, Keith can imagine himself being on Earth. As he’s watching out the window, he sees the clouds that promise of a gentle storm. It’s spring for this planet and they haven’t quite cleared the time of snow._

_The gardens are climate controlled with a glass dome over them and so he won’t have to worry about the cold until he visits the market later. He wants to have some food at one of his favorite stalls and with the oncoming weather there shouldn’t be a crowd._

_The walk from the conference room he was into the gardens is a good twenty minutes, the base is so large._

_The doorway parts for him and he’s greeted with the sweet aroma of flowers blooming and mist on petals and water-nourished soil. There are trees whose branches touch the curve of the dome and blossoms as tiny as Keith’s fingers, A cobblestone pathway lines its way between the sections of plants. Keith strolls through it, hand cupping his other hand behind his back._

_He stops in front of a tall flowering plant, its flowers are at the perfect level for his face and closes his eyes and leans into it, letting its soft petals tickle the tip of his nose. It smells somewhere between lavender and honeysuckle- but it looks like a hibiscus with long stems that peak over the middle of the flower. He reaches for it with the gentlest of touches, fingertips brushing the delicate velvet of the petals as he lets himself be absorbed in the flower._

_Someone wants to marry him._

_A handsome, large Galran man wants to marry him._

_Keith’s stomach flips in the most wonderful of ways. He didn’t think any man would marry him- though there was a time he’d been young, naive, and thought he’d take Shiro’s name. But he had grown, and he’d stopped having those fanciful dreams for some time now. The dreams were of waking up in those arms- of waking up to holding that man. Of kissing him and being kissed and sweet, gentle lovemaking and hard, passionate sex. Of spending his life with his best friend-_

Former _best friend._

_But Keith isn’t sleeping anymore, and those wonders have cleared from his head._

_He opens his eyes and steps away from the flower, continuing to walk and admire the garden._

_Something warm bubbles inside him at the thought of having a husband and being someone else’s husband. And even more that eventually he’ll start a family. He’ll have kids of his own._

_The thought makes him chuckle with mirth._

_He realizes that he’d already decided what he wanted the second Handror stepped through that door._

_He heads back inside with a clearer head and brings his comm device out to invite his mom to go get dinner at the stall._

_He goes back to his room to shower. One of the perks of being an officer is that his room has its own bathroom and he’s the only one in his room._

_He changes into his casual clothing, an outfit he’d bought when he was visiting Earth. It’s a red button-up and a pair of nice, dark wash jeans. It’s not often that he acknowledges the other half of his heritage- he already stands out enough as it is, and it’s been hard-won to get the other Galra to take him seriously as a Galra. Even still, after all he’s done, there’s a sense that he’ll never really be Galra; just like when he’s with humans, he knows he’ll never really be human. He’ll always be the other one depending on who he’s around._

_But he’s been studying Galran and right now that feels like who he is._

_Still, there’s no erasing that he grew up on Earth and that many of his comforts come from there. Wearing human clothing is a comfort. He throws on his leather jacket atop it._

_He walks outside his door and is greeted by his mom. She’s wearing a plain black tunic with wool pants beneath it, a long trench coat over it. It’s the outfit he brought her back from Earth._

_Krolia smiles with a chuckle at Keith, arms extending in front of her for her hands to rest at Keith’s biceps, her eyebrows are bunched together and raised as she looks him up and down, “You look so handsome- just like your father.” She sweeps him into a hug. Outside of battle, Galrans are touchy- something that took a while to adjust to. He raises his arms to fold around her and clutches at the back of her shirt. They don’t talk about his dad a lot but it’s clear they both still miss him._

_He holds his arm out for her to take and they head slowly for the stall arms looped. They’re quietly in their own heads until they reach it. Krolia sits down on a stool first and Keith sits next to her. He orders them some fried noodles with fresh vegetables and thick sauce along with a few sides. The savory spice fills the cool air in and around the stall. It’s started to snow but the (WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT COVERING THAT HANGS OFF PORCHES AND STALLS? VERANDA?) shields them from it._

_He hums and looks around them. The weather has kept most people inside- but still, a few are milling about doing some shopping and eating. The snow muffles the sounds of footsteps and conversation though, so it feels like it’s just him and his mom and the sizzling of their meal being cooked._

_Keith picks at the sides- some fried vegetables that are salted. Galrans eat with their hands and the warmth of it feels good on his cold fingers. He hums in delight at the taste._

_“Hey, mom?” He asks quietly between bites._

_“Hmm?” She blinks, drawing her finger through the leftover sauce on the plate._

_“Would you have married dad? If you could have?”_

_Her inhale is audible, and her shoulders fall forward. She pauses for a long time._

_The chef lays the plate of their noodles between them._

_“I… had to protect you, Keith. Staying with the Blades- carrying out my duty- it was the only way I could do something to keep you safe. The Empire was always going to show up on your planet, from the minute the Blue Lion settled there, but I had hoped to delay it-”_

_“Mom…”_

_“...Yes, Keith. In other circumstances, I would have. I loved Heath so much.”_

_“Would you ever date someone else?”_

_She shakes her head, “Heath was the only one for me. And I am alright with that. I don’t think I could love or be loved by anybody with as much depth as with him. “_

_“Is it bad to want to be married?”_

_“No, Keith. You have so much love to give, I would be more surprised if you didn’t want to marry. It’s alright to want that.”_

_“I’m gonna say yes.” He says without looking at her- he doesn’t want her to try and change his mind or say something about him rushing this. He can’t bear telling her that he knows this will be his only opportunity to marry._

_“Alright, Keith. I love you and I trust your judgment.”_

_A part of him kind of wishes she would try and change his mind._

_He’s scared and confused like he’s standing at the edge of a cliff and he doesn’t know what’s at the bottom and for once in his life, he’s not sure if he should leap when all he’s ever done was just that._

_“What’s it going to be like?” He asks her about the wedding and Galran traditions and she’s patient with him. The ceremony varies by planet and family and she can only tell him what the Blades usually do._

_It’s not wildly different from Earth weddings- at least not from what his mom is telling him._

_“It’s so weird how big the universe is and yet a lot of us land on the same ways of doing things,” Keith muses. “I guess you could say some things are just-... universal.” The joke reminds him of something Shiro would say. He shoves fingers full of noodles into his mouth._

_Krolia entertains Keith’s idea- they talk about how strange it is. They wonder. They try to reason. But ultimately, some things are just beyond them and they have to let them be._

_They finish up their meal and rinse their hands off in the bowl that’s put before them and thank their chef before making their way to Kolivan._

_Some Blades are speaking with the Galran man when they enter the room._

_Keith tries again to listen in- to practice his comprehension of the language- but there’s still a lot he can’t understand. He rubs his thumbs against the sides of his pointer fingers as he waits for Kolivan to finish up and dismiss who he’s talking with._

_“Should I be concerned with the haste in which you are willing to make this decision or at ease that you are displaying behavior typical of you?” Kolivan doesn’t chuckle but there’s a lightness to his voice as he waves Keith and Krolia over. “Although I realize now my speech will be moot, whatever it is you have decided- allow me to give it to you for the trouble of preparing it. Come, now. Have a seat.”_

_He leads them over to a small table with enough seats to fit four. The man sighs as he sinks into the chair. Keith knows that even though Kolivan chides him for not resting, the man himself is unlikely to take breaks._

_“As I am sure your mother has explained to you, this decision is your own. You have already served this organization, our people, and the universe, so well already in your short lifetime. That you have stayed and continued this work is commendable and not required. I have watched too many of my men and women lose their lives- there is so much pain that I must live with. For all the sacrifices, nothing would balm the wounds more than to see those who are still living lead happy lives. Whether they remain with us- or pursue other avenues.”_

_He clasps his hands together on the table._

_“If I might say-” he looks to Krolia, “forgive me, Lieutenant. But Keith, you remind me of my son. Before I lost him to the war… he was just as brave and as much an unpredictable fire. I see him in you. As such, unprofessional as this may be, your happiness is of particular concern to me.”_

_Keith looks to Krolia, she doesn’t face him, but she reaches a hand out to squeeze his knee._

_“But, of course, I cannot lie to you, Kit. This alliance would be a great advantage for us. The planets Handror’s family has control of are ones rich with materials that would help us help rebuild- and to cut off supplies from those who wish to resurrect the fallen Empire. But this is your decision and we shall stand by you either way.”_

_“I’m saying yes.” Keith snorts. “I was going to say yes before you told me anything. But- I… thank you. Thank you, Kolivan. No one could replace my dad, but I think of you like family.”_

_“Are you certain of this, Kit? Marriage is not a mission you can complete in a few weeks’ time. It is lifelong- should things go well.”_

_“No, I’m… I’m not certain. But I have to take this chance.”_

_“If you are sure, then I shall contact Handror and the preparations shall commence.”_

_“I am.”_

_Kolivan gets up and grabs his holo tablet from the desk and rests it in the middle of their table. He navigates through some menus and then the call screen comes up and it rings. The call connects and Keith’s heart rate instantly at seeing the Galran man again._

_“Koli- ah. Keith.” Handror looks at Keith and warmth spreads on his cheeks, “I trust your presence bodes well then. Not that I have any reservations about an opportunity to see your face.”_

_Keith tucks his hair behind his ears and brushes back his bangs. “Yeah,” he breathes out, “I… Handror, I accept your offer. I want to get married.”_

_“Oh, sweet Keith, that news fills me with immense joy. I have many matters to take care of,” he smiles tenderly into the camera, “or else I’d begin our time together. But it is enough to know I’ll have your hand.”_

_Kolivan clears his throat, “We shall meet with whomever you select to draw up the agreements. Once those are signed, the date for the wedding can be set.”_

_“Of course, Kolivan. Thank you. Now I must attend to things- but I shall be in touch,” he turns back to Keith, “Please feel free to send me messages, and I will reply as time allows. Good night for now.”_

_The papers and drawn up and signed. The wedding date is set. Keith gets overwhelmed by how much they have to do so quickly. Thankfully his mom and Handror are taking care of the details of the ceremony. Un-thankfully, there are some things that Keith needs to take care of himself. Namely, invitations._

_Most of them are being handled by Kolivan- there are diplomats and people of power that need to be there, but there are also allies to consider, and they want to invite as many people as need hope._

_But as far as Keith’s friends? He’s on his own._

_-describe New Altea and the journey there and have Keith internal monologue about the wedding and how he hasn’t gotten to see Handror much yet-_

_Kolivan sends him on a delivery mission to New Altea. They’re asking for some supplies to help with researching new technologies. Keith knows the reason he’s being sent is so he can hand-deliver the wedding invitation._

_He collects the invite and boards the next ship headed there, loading it up with the raw material requested._

_He enjoys getting to rest and have time for himself on the way there. Even with warp technology, it takes a couple of days to arrive- Keith spends it on catching up on videos that Pidge has sent him over the past months. They’re mostly ridiculous with indecipherable humor but he still laughs and has a good time._

_He catches up on sleep._

_He sends a few messages to Handror, but the Galran man is still busy. They don’t get far beyond basic pleasantries- which are never Keith’s forte. He can only hope that it doesn’t stay like this for long._

_His mom checks in on him and he reassures her that things are fine but does ask her if things were awkward with his dad at first. To which she snorts and lets him know that he is definitely her child. “It gets better, I promise, Keith.”_

_That quells a bit of anxiety._

_Finally, he arrives at New Altea and from the second the ship has docked and opened its door, Allura runs at Keith, crying out in joy, and throws her arms around him._

_“Oh, Keith, when I heard you were coming- I… Oh, it’s been so long. It’s so good to see you. Please- we can handle the unloading later, come have some tea with Coran and I. We need to catch up.”_

_Her mirth is contagious, and Keith falls into easy laughter as she guides him to a room overlooking the palace gardens. It’s spacious and lined with windows. There’s a sink and an electric kettle on one of the counters and next to are numerous tins of tea. She instructs him to sit at the table and fills the kettle with water. He’d rather help her, but he also knows she’s not really one to argue with._

_Coran enters through the door and looks at Keith, offering him a small wave, and then to Allura. “Ah, Princess, this must be the reason I was called for.”_

_“Indeed! Isn’t it wonderful to see Keith in person?”_

_“Aye, Princess.” He walks up next to her and helps her serve the tea._

_“We’ve heard so much about all you’ve been doing in the Blades. We’re so proud of you, my boy. What have you been up to, other than saving the universe?” Coran weaves his finger through his mustache, twirling it at the tip._

_“Well, I’m getting married.” He reaches into his pocket and takes out the invite, sliding it onto the table._

_Coran sets a mug of tea down in front of Keith, then Allura, and finally himself._

_The two settle into their chairs._

_“You are? To whom? I didn’t know you had someone in your life. Oh congratulations, I’m so happy for you!” Allura’s eyes sparkle in the light and she reaches a hand across the table._

_Keith meets her hand, holding and squeezing hers gently. “Thank you. I’m- it was sudden. His name is Handror. It’s… really sudden. But, I’m ready. I’m ready.” He says, staring into his mug._

_Coran bellows in tears and congratulates Keith too._

_Coran has to wipe at his tears. He congratulates Keith and lets him know that Handror is a lucky man._

_They catch up on how things have been going on New Altea._

_Rebuilding the planet is slow- but it’s an effort they are all working tirelessly at. They’re having to make not just physical infrastructures but also social and political. Alteans have been scattered for some time and they’re all bringing different facets of the old Altean culture as well as what has developed over the thousands of years._

_While the people consider her their queen, according to Coran, Allura is wanting to move away from monarchy rule and into something a little more democratic._

_“It’s hard to just… come up with an entirely new way of doing things. But I fear the type of rule the Empire had- That is not what I want for the people of this planet. I’m fine with ruling. It took me a while to trust myself and my leadership but I’m finally comfortable with it.”_

_Keith hums. “Well- on Earth we had presidents. I mean that seems rather weird- that non-humans would use that system, but it could be a start? Maybe you could go to study them. Or better yet, I’m sure Lance would be happy to give you lessons on Earth culture.”_

_“Lance…” At the name, her head tucks toward her chest and well-kept bangs fall into her eyes. The name is spoken wistfully, mournfully. “I haven’t spoken with him in… some time.”_

_Coran slings an arm around her and pulls her into a sideways hug._

_“Did something happen?” Keith asks._

_She shakes her head._

_“He left for Earth and I figured he just wants to leave this life behind. I’ve tried speaking with him, but the conversation never goes anywhere- like there’s something that’s holding him back from opening up to me. I fear I am just too much for him.”_

_Keith slams a fist on the table, rattling their mugs. He apologizes, “I’m sorry it’s just that- That’s wrong. You are wonderful, Princess. And never base your worth off someone else, especially Lance. He’s stupid at the best of times. But he’ll come around. Not that you should wait for him, but I know he’ll come to his senses.”_

_She sniffles and wipes at her eyes with her forearm. “Thank you, Keith. He is quite stupid, isn’t he?” She sighs and chews at the corner of her lips, the thoughts seeming to eat away at her. “I… Have to say… I don’t think he’s the only one that will have a change of heart.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“I mean that Shiro-”_

_“-is married and I am marry_ ing _.”_

_Allura brings her hands to chest level and cups one into the other. “I know. I’m sorry. Forgive me, Keith.”_

_He sucks in the soft inside of his lip and chews on it. He chews until his teeth break skin and he tastes blood. “It’s ok.”_

_It’s not ok._

_Keith lets Coran take up the conversation. He stays for lunch- at the insistence of Allura- but then excuses himself to go unload the supplies. They’re already off the ship by the time he gets there and so just tells Romelle, who had come to see him, to let Coran and Allura know that he’ll see them at the wedding, and to thank them for today._

_The trip back is not restful like it was on the way there._

_He doesn’t leave the ship when it returns to the Marmora base- he decides to stay on and deliver the rest of his invitations. He’d rather not slow down right now._

_He calls up Pidge and gets the location to their camp; it’s thankfully not too far from the base._

_“I’m on my way,” he hangs up before she can ask what for. She calls back a few times, but he just lets it ring with a snicker. There’s nothing that drives Pidge crazier than not knowing something._

_Pidge resorts to sending him more ridiculous videos- Keith watches them but only replies to her with various smiley faces._

_For her sanity, he’s glad it’s only a half day’s travel._

_As he enters the airspace of the planet, he’s hailed by the ships patrolling the atmosphere. Being so close to the former Empire, and where the last of its supporters reside, there’s a lot of security. Being a former paladin though- and a well-known Blade Officer- they only see his face come on their screens and he’s immediately escorted to a ship hanger._

_It’s a stark contrast from the peace and elegance of New Altea._

_The camp is still in construction and in lieu of the proud, sleek buildings of New Altea, there are short, clunky tents spread around. There’s a single building that’s permanent- but its design is more functional than aesthetic, with its boxy shape and sandy brown bricks._

_Keith hears a beeping, and it’s getting closer, but he realizes too late, just as he sees something about to land on his head there’s a loud explosion. He closes his eyes and braces himself for-_

_He opens his eyes and looks down at himself._

_Glitter._

_“Pidge.” He whines and swivels on his foot, searching around for the gremlin that just launched_ a glitter bomb _at him. “What if I hadn’t closed my eyes- or if I had my mouth open?”_

_“Serves you right, you asshole.” Pidge steps out from behind a tree with a wicked grin spread wide across her face. She has goggles on. And for good reason- there's a ring of color around the suction of them and the rest of her face is shimmering in the sunlight, covered in glitter._

_She dashes over to him and shoves him back before gripping the front of his shirt and pulling him into a hug. “Yo, Hunk, get your butt out here!” She yells and the man emerges from a tent behind her, equally doused in the minuscule, reflective pieces that Pidge and Keith are._

_“Keith? Keith!” He bellows laughter as he joins Pidge in hugging him._

_“Hey, Hunk. Pidge. It’s good to see you- though I could have done without the glitter.”_

_“Yeah, well, you should’ve answered your damn comm, mister.” Pidge breaks away from the hug and settles her hands at her hips. “What’s with the secrecy, anyway?”_

_Hunk hangs an arm across Keith’s back and lets it hang over his shoulder._

_Keith reaches up and takes hold of Hunk’s hand. Other than Shiro, Hunk is the paladin he was closest to. He’s the reason Keith got comfortable with touching people (who weren’t Shiro) in the first place. There may always be a small part of him that thinks he would have gone for Hunk if Hunk had been interested in men._

_He enjoys their friendship all the same._

_“I can tell you, but I’d rather show you,” he rubs Hunk’s forearm a few times before dropping his arm back down to get the invite from his pocket. He turns in the hold, bringing himself near chest-to-chest with Hunk and holds the envelope out for the man to take._

_Hunk chuckles and takes it, removing his arm from Keith._

_Keith watches his face as he opens it, drawing a finger through its seal, and shaking it out to straighten it and read it. He goes from grinning to smiling- then the smile falls a little, then a little more. Brows furrow. Expression falls-_

_Keith’s stomach falls along with it._

_Hunk hands it over to Pidge and takes a long, visible breath._

_Keith shifts from foot to foot, arms wrapping around his middle in comfort._

_Pidge looks serious. Her lips are tight against each other and brows are troubled and low against her brow bone. Her eyes scan the paper fast. Her expression doesn’t lift._

_“Oh.” She says and hands the invite to Hunk._

_“What?” Keith digs his fingernails into the flesh between his ribs. “What’s wrong? Why do you guys look like that?”_

_“Uh,” Hunk begins. His hand massages the back of his neck. “It’s just-” he looks to Pidge._

_“What Hunk means is… We’re… happy for you. But, it’s not what we expected.”_

_Keith scoffs, “What you expec- What_ did _you expect? Please_ enlighten _me.”_

_Pidge balls her hands into fists but Hunk shakes his head and she releases them. “What happened to Shiro?”_

_“God, what is up with you people? Did you just forget that he’s married? Did you just forget that he left me? That when he finally came back to us- he ignored me? When he was scarring me with his arm, I pleaded with him, telling him I loved hi-” his hand flies up to his mouth. He’s never told anyone what he said that day._

_“Keith,” Hunk tries, “You told him-”_

_“-It doesn’t matter! Clearly whatever he felt it wasn’t that, because we drifted apart after that. And he refused to answer my calls. Just- That. That is what happened to Shiro. And now I’m finally moving on with my life. Someone wants to marry me. And I’m..I’m,” his eyes are spilling over with tears and his vision is blurring and it’s hard to speak around the lump in his throat, “I’m wanted. Why can’t you be happy for me? I’m happy for me.”_

_“We are, Keith. We are happy for you. Congratulations, dude.” Hunk cradles Keith’s head into his chest, letting his soak his shirt with wet tears and snot. “You deserve the world.”_

_He lets Keith cry and when his sniffles dry up, they both cling to him and offer their congratulations again._

_“Are you gonna come?” Keith asks._

_“We wouldn’t miss it for the world, dude,” Hunk says with emotion wavering his voice._

_Pidge just punches Keith in the arm, “We’re gonna make it interesting.”_

_Leave it to Pidge to lighten the mood._

_Keith doesn’t leave until he gets her to promise that they won’t ruin the ceremony. It takes some bargaining- Keith is now laden with the task of bringing them back some computer parts from Earth when he goes there- but eventually, Pidge is talked down from it._

_They share a final hug and Keith feels lighter as he heads into his ship._

_That just leaves Lance-_

_And Shiro._

_This time there’s no escaping his thoughts. Earth is a whole week's journey- and he needs to stop between then to stock up on necessities and recharge the ship. It doesn’t have the energy to even charge his comm device; only enough to get him to the nearest swap moon while still keeping the navigation live._

_It’s just him, his thoughts, and the emptiness of space._

_When he was younger and he’d watch the stars with Shiro, they’d set out blankets and Shiro would bring a thermos of hot cocoa and they’d have a telescope. They’d look all around the night sky. And for some reason, maybe it was because Shiro was there, it looked so full of stars and planets out there. But when he had left for Kerberos- suddenly the vastness of the distance came crashing down upon him. Then, looking out beyond Earth, it felt like gravity had somehow increased around him and he hadn’t wanted to fight its pull. He wanted to lay out on the ground and let the Earth slowly claim his body, allow the wind to blow the sand and bury him until it was all he could breathe and soon his veins would fill with dirt._

_Right now, that’s what he felt like._

_Staring out in space- it just feels empty._

_He lands the ship at the swap moon, taking it to the recharging bay._

_He could make the trip fast, it only takes an hour for his ship to charge, but he wants a little distraction._

_He visits the food court. The mall is large and is abuzz with lots of people milling in and out of the shops. Setting his food down, he watches the people as he eats. There are couples that are holding hands and children running about with excitement. Teenagers slump from shop to shop in groups._

_Keith muses about being a teen. He’d given those years away- to the trouble he got into in the homes, to the time he waited for Shiro, to his time as a paladin. He’d never gotten to just be a regular teenager. The thought doesn’t bother him often though sometimes he’d dream about wandering around a mall, Shiro’s letterman draped around him, hanging off him from their size difference, as they held hands and looked at over-priced items and laughed and kissed and-_

_It was just something he’d dream of doing, with Shiro’s name decorating his back._

_But now he was already inching towards being 24-_

_He was finally settling down._

_A pregnant stranger catches his eye and he can’t help but melt. He couldn’t wait to have a family. He hoped that Handror wanted a large one, a busy one, a loud one. Keith couldn’t imagine any children of his to be anything but wild spirits and spitfires. Despite all he had been through and the fears it brought him about his ability to raise a family, it’s something he wants desperately._

_He watches the stranger walk out his vision, his eyes are drawn to the roundness of their bump. It is so beautiful._

_Cleaning up his mess, he decides he’s wasted enough time and heads to the shops for some food, water, and any knick-knacks or items he can bring back to his friends._

_While browsing for gifts he sees a little moon charm that reminds him of Shiro and quickly decides both that he’ll get it and include it with the invitation, and that it’s time for him to leave and not think about it. He brings it up to the register and asks them to gift-wrap it._

_Fully stocked and ship charged, he heads back out. Day one and a half down- only five and a half more to go._

_He sets the ship to autopilot and readies himself for bed, eager to narrow it down to five days._

_The dreams that sweep him away are of the first night Shiro came back to Earth after escaping from the arena. He remembers holding Shiro throughout the night, shushing him gently through his tears, and whispering nonsense so he could just hear Keith’s voice._

_Shiro would often wake up screaming whenever Keith was sleeping around him. He assumed it happened whether he was there or not. The Galra were cruel to him. Shiro had never told Keith the full story- but he had a good guess._

_When Keith wakes up he opens his comm device to see he missed a call from Handror._

_‘Sorry,’ he types, ‘I couldn’t charge my comm yesterday. Had to dock at a swap moon.’ And, because he’s feeling a bit frisky, he sends a picture of himself making a sad face._

_Handror replies near immediately, ‘It is alright. I am currently in a meeting and have my comms device below the table, so I cannot call. But I thank you for the lovely picture. I do hope to replace that frown with a smile though.’_

_Keith worries his lip with his teeth, trying to bite back the giddiness that’s working its way up to his throat._

_He rides the feeling all day._

_That night he has a nightmare about his fight with Shiro- the clone Shiro. Only, in the dream, Shiro successfully kills Keith._

_He wakes up screaming and frantically sends calls to Handror until the man picks up._

_He’s not really in the right mind to explain everything- Handror doesn’t make him- but the Galran man comforts him all the same. Keith falls asleep mid-call and wakes up late into the night to the call still on, only it’s Handror that’s asleep then. He whispers a soft thank you and turns back into the covers, falling into better dreams._

_Day four comes and Keith sends a message to Lance, preparing him for his visit. He doesn’t know where Lance lives now- now does he know where Shiro lives. Like with Allura, Lance hadn’t kept in contact with Keith either. Lance and Shiro had effectively pushed away from the whole team and their experiences from their lives._

_‘Who is this?’ Lance asks._

_Keith sets his comm aside and props his elbow on the little island in his small kitchen on the ship. He has his breakfast laid out before him, a bowl of simple broth soup and some rice he’d been able to nab at the Earth shop. Ever since Voltron consisted of almost entirely humans- Earth culture and goods had become interesting to the universe. It meant that Keith could find some goods here and there, but it also meant he had to see humans become a type of fetish. If not for his status as former Paladin, Keith is sure people would stare for the simple fact that he was human and that was attractive right now._

_He mixes his rice into the broth and shovels it into his mouth._

_When he’s done, he puts on some coffee and enjoys a cup while he curls into the pilot’s seat, blanket stretched out over him. He brings his comm back and sends a reply to Lance._

_‘It’s Keith.’_

_Lance hadn’t saved his number and while it shouldn’t surprise him, it still stung._

_Lance and Shiro had thrown everything away and Keith tried not to take that personally._

_Keith had only ever dreamed of the stars because Shiro had. Now, he couldn’t go back- he’d discovered he was part alien, the human part becoming more and more the part he identifies as being alien, and he’d found his place in the universe. Only, it lacked something without Shiro, without his best friend at his side._

_Lance gets back to him exclaiming his surprise that Keith would contact him and asking him why Keith wants to know where he lives. Unlike with Pidge, he doesn’t feel a great need to keep Lance in the dark._

_‘I have something to drop off. I’ll be there in 4 days.’_

_Lance sends him the address and nothing more._

_Keith sighs and sleeps the rest of the day and night. No dreams. No nightmares._

_Just emptiness._

_He’s antsy for the remaining days- thinking of Shiro and what he’s going to say when he sees Keith- if he’ll even see Keith. He’s not ready for the rejection he knows will come but he’s doing his best to prepare._

_Finally, Earth is in sight._

_He messages Lance, who had decided that he could just pick Keith up at the Garrison; it would be easier for Keith to just land there, where there’s already space for ships. He’d even gone as far as letting Iverson know that they could expect Keith._

_It’s strange being in a car with Lance. It’s strange seeing Lance. The man looks older and the glow he’d had to his skin has dulled. Where before it was hard to find Lance not smiling, his lips remain downturned._

_“So...uh… How are things?” Keith asks while watching the scenery pass through his window. He hates the desert._

_Lance chuckles humorlessly and grips the steering wheel tightly before he answers, “Oh you know, fine.”_

_“How’s...Shiro?”_

_“He’s... “Lance reaches up and adjusts his rear-view mirror. “He and I both made mistakes in staying here if I’m being honest. He’s not happy Keith- I’m not either. I was actually hoping you two could-”_

_“I’m getting married, Lance. That’s what I came here for- to invite you two to the wedding. “_

_“Married? To who- Keith, I didn’t know you had someone. Shit. Fuck.” Lance huffs and cranes his neck to see in the mirror. Keith can tell from his own side mirror that there’s nobody behind them. “God, Keith. Why?”_

_“What the fuck do you mean_ why _? Because it’s my life and I’m sick of waiting around for a man I’ll never have. What is up with all of you? Can’t you just smile and congratulate me. I’m moving on- I deserve to move on! Some friends you are.”_

_Lance doesn’t rise to the bait._

_Silence comes between them._

_Lance turns up the radio and they don’t speak until they get to Lance’s._

_It’s a small house on a plot of land with a farm. The field looks well-tended to and the animals bleat happily as they see Lance exit his truck. Keith walks slowly behind him, taking in their surroundings and trying to glean the type of life Lance has been leading. He appears to be the only one here._

_“Are you single?” Keith asks as Lance puts the key in the door, unlocks it, and then leads Keith inside. He hangs his keys upon a little hook above the light switch and then reaches down to turn them on._

_It’s well-decorated with a nautical theme, anchors line the walls and there are paintings of the sea, and his rug is navy blue and white striped. It’s cozy with portraits of Lance and his family spaced aesthetically between the nautical wall hangings. But there’s dust on everything and Keith can see some cobwebs at the corner of some frames. The light overhead is flickering- and one of the bulbs is already burnt out._

_“Yeah, but the real question is someone wants to marry you?” but Keith has long passed the time when Lance’s taunts got to him. Now they’re a sort of camaraderie._

_“I know, hard to believe. I’m still getting married before you, though.” He smirks as Lance smacks his bicep._

_“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Well, I’d better attend to see that this isn’t some prank. I’ll bet he’s old and gross looking- you’re just in it for the money, eh Mullet.”_

_“The look on your face when you see him will be priceless.”_

_They bump fists and draw into a short hug where they thump each other’s backs._

_Lance takes them into the living where there are a tv and gaming system. He invites Keith to stay for a few rounds and they fall into their familiar rivalry as they nudge each other and yell at the screen. It’s nice to spend time with Lance._

_As the evening begins to settle red and orange into the sky, Lance lets him know that he can take him to Shiro’s house._

_“Oh uh… Keith- before you go, I want to warn you. Shiro is uhm… things have changed. So, be prepared, alright? And- dammit, I can’t believe I’m saying it but, yeah,_ I am _happy for you. You deserve this.”_

_Keith can tell Lance is trying to cheer him up, to take his mind off things, because he’s rambling the whole ride there. He appreciates it- though he can’t quite focus on all the man is saying._

_Finally, Lance slows down and cuts the engine. He squeezes Keith’s knee, “I’m here if you need,” he says before saying goodbye._

_Keith stands outside his porch. It’s a large house with the classic white picket fence wrapping around it. The porch wraps around and is complete with a rocking chair on its wooden platform. Flowers are blooming from the front lawn and trail back into the backyard. Their mailbox is on a post at the edge of their property. What stops Keith is the wooden sign on the door that welcomes visitors to “The Shirogane Residence.”_

_Keith remembers when he’d dreamed that would be his name._

_He clutches the envelope to his chest and raises his hand to knock but stops before it can connect. His fist is trembling, and he lowers it. Before he can turn around- and away- the door opens, and he’s greeted by Shiro. The man’s eyes are blown open, wide and searching Keith’s face. He hadn’t expected to see Keith, that much was apparent, and Keith didn’t blame him. They hadn’t spoken since Keith left. Keith had sent so many messages but Shiro never returned them, so he had got the hint and stopped trying._

_“Keith- you’re crying.” Shiro reaches a hand out to cup Keith’s face and his thumb brushes at the tears Keith wasn’t aware were sliding down his cheeks. But then he seems to remember himself and rips his hand back down to his side. He clears his throat, but his voice sounds watery, “Uhm, uh. Hey. What’s… brought you here?”_

_Though Shiro took his hand away it felt more like Shiro had instead slapped him. “I…”_

_“Shiro, babe, did you already get the mail? Close the door, you're letting the heat-“Curtis appears behind Shiro, dressed in a robe, “...out. Hello, Keith.”_

_Keith swallows and panic sends lightning through his veins. He shoves the invitation, moon charm tucked inside its envelope at Shiro’s chest and slurs together a quick, “I’m getting married and you’re invited.”_

_Shiro looks down at the invite, expression pained but largely unreadable. “_ Oh _.”_

_Curtis steps closer and shoves Shiro away from the door, grabbing the invite from Keith’s hands, “Forgive my oaf. What I’m sure he means to say is, ‘Congratulations and my husband and I will love to see you walk down the aisle.’ Trust me, I speak Shiro.”_

_He nods._

Keith speaks Shiro too.

_“Thanks, Curtis. I’ll just- see you there. Thanks.” He waves frantically and runs as fast as he can from their door. And he runs as fast as he can down the street. And he runs and runs and runs until his legs threaten to dump his weight and he doesn’t know where he is._

_‘Lance, please come get me.’ he pings Lance his location._

_Lance arrives too quickly to have ever left the neighborhood._

* * *

_The journey back to the base is long and he spends it alternating between screaming in his head, screaming out loud, and banging his fists on whatever surface he can that won’t damage the ship._

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biggest thank you to my friends who helped me write this chapter.  
> Thank you once again to [@ragdollrory](https://twitter.com/ragdollrory) for suggesting the escape room!  
> Thank you to [@StaciRooWho](https://twitter.com/StaciRooWho) for helping me tighten up the beginning of the chapter.  
> Undying gratitude to [@wack9843](https://twitter.com/wack9843) for helping me tighten up the beginning of the chapter.  
> @wack9843 who went through the chapter and pointed out how I could really flesh it out. I felt like a toddler handing my crayon drawing off to a professional artist who really cleaned it up and made it a work of art. 
> 
> This chapter is not fully beta'd.
> 
> Trigger warnings:  
> This chapter explains rape, contains nonconsensual surgery, pregnancy as the result of rape, and is just generally really heavy.

_ He’s getting married today and it’s not to Shiro and he has to ignore that thought- because it’s the day he takes that hope and lowers it gently into the grave he’s spent these many years digging. _

_ He’s attended to by beautiful Galran women. They help him as he showers, insisting that he must let them as part of the ceremony, though he protests the need. They clean him uncomfortably thoroughly then draw a bath. _

_ When they’re finished he tries to scoot off, “Well, I’m clean now, thank you,” he says, but they inform him he must become oiled and scented. Which does not sound like things he’d like to be. _

_ He’s not going to risk angering his soon-to-be husband for refusing tradition though, so he lets them help him into the water. _

_ One of the women scoops the water into her pitcher and pours it over his head. One of them dumps a large number of sweet-smelling oils into her palm and moves behind the tub, lathering it first into his scalp and then working down through the tips of his hair. The scent is warm and earthy- like campfires and petrichor. The massage is soothing, his hair being worked through gentle fingers eases some of his tension. _

_ As sure as he about going through with this he’s still nervous.  _

_ He closes his eyes while listening to the idle chatter of the women and focuses on the lapping of the hot water along his stomach.  _

_ They drain the water and rub more oils, this time into his skin.  _

_ One of them takes a small bottle from a shelf, tips it onto her palm and dips her fingertips into it and disappears behind Keith. He yelps when they move between his legs and oil the outside of his hole.  _

_ “This will help with relaxation- it takes a while to soak in.” _

_ He waves off any further thought down that road. _

  
  


_ He gets dressed in his Black Paladin armor- save for the helmet because instead his head is adorned with a beautiful black lace veil, black flowers are woven into his braid, and his face has a light bit of makeup that matches his scar on the other side so that it seems like it was Galra markings he was born with. There’s a hint of pink blush across his cheeks and his lips are painted red.  _

_ He never wore that armor, not even when Shiro was gone, not even when Shiro was back and it was clear the man wouldn’t be returning to Black’s cockpit. But there he was, at the end of the long aisle in a venue packed with hundreds- if not thousands- of all manner of species and politicians and diplomats and-  _

_ Keith wanted to turn on his foot and run away but this was his opportunity to finally be loved by someone. He knew the chance would never happen again. And Handror was handsome and kind. He was lucky. _

_ He pats his mom’s knife that’s in its holster at his hip. Today it would no longer be his. It made him feel naked thinking of being without it but the ceremony called for its relinquishment.  _

_ The orchestra begins playing and he proceeds down the aisle, refusing to see who is in attendance, he keeps his head forward. _

_ Handror is wearing a Blade uniform; he’d gone through his trials as soon as the treaty and marriage papers had been signed. The wedding was a formality, an event solely for the public to come to celebrate. It would lift their spirits. It looks handsome on him. _

_ Keith gets up there and Handror takes his hands into his.  _

_ Handror looking into his eyes, with that gaze of tenderness, Keith finds himself able to breathe a little more. _

_ The officiant calls for Keith to bring out his knife. He reaches with unsteady hands for the sheath and his fingers skip along the surface of the handle twice before he manages a grip. Drawing it out, he relinquishes the knife to Handror, just as he was instructed to do. “My bloodline ends with mine, and begins with yours,” he says as Handror gently takes the knife from him. _

_ “As you have forfeit such- I shall care for you whom has entrusted upon me. Black Paladin and Officer Keith, today I take you as my husband. If you will have me, extend your hand.” _

_ Keith doesn’t move his eyes from Handror as he reaches out his shaking hand. Handror takes it, resting it on a palm and brings the knife to it. “I’m sorry,” he whispers so that only Keith can hear as he drags the blade deep against his palm. Keith grits his teeth around the sting of pain, trying to hold in the tears. Handror then slices his own palm and brings their wounds together. Keith hisses as he feels Handror bleeding into his hand.  _

_ “So these two are bound by blood.” The officiant says and, just like that-  _

_ Keith is married. _

* * *

_ They have their honeymoon and Handror lays him down and Keith has never felt more cherished. _

* * *

_ “Com _ e on, come on. There’s gotta be something h _ ere _ …” 

His hearing cuts out as a high-pitched ringing deafens it. 

Keith blinks and groans as the sensations of the room claw into him and rip him from the fog of memories. The light in the room was dim but now it has him fighting to keep his eyes open. There’s pressure circling him in three parts: across biceps and chest, his stomach just before the swell of his bump begins, and around his shins. He lifts his head for the few moments his strength allows him and sees the metal bars that have him caged in along with the iv drip and other equipment he’s hooked up to. 

He lulls his head to the side and sees Pidge frantically pressing away at multiple screens on the wall, ducking and reaching as she goes back and forth between them.

Sounds come flooding back to his ears- the machines are beeping steadily and Pidge is muttering and cursing to herself.

He doesn’t understand why she’s in such a hurry. But then he turns his head to rest on his other ear and he sees the bots are rifling through some cabinets and he’s been here before where he’s being prepped for surgery and-

The beeping picks up the pace and soon it’s screaming along with the beat of his heart as it’s desperately trying to punch outside its cage. 

The caustic smell of bleach burns in his nostrils. It’s the acrid stench of a sterile ward and it pulls his stomach into a tight knot. 

“Keith-” Allura’s voice is strained but she's trying to sound calm, “We’ll get you out. Don’t worry.” from the corner of his vision he sees her scrambling through drawers and cabinets, pitching its contents onto the floor. “Well,  _ I  _ will get you out. While Pidge was busy sorting through numbers, I’ve been searching for a way to break down that quiznacking barrier.” 

Keith clenches his fists and looks back at the bot. 

If they can’t break down the barrier in time-

Pidge growls, “Your way isn’t the only way,  _ princess.  _ There has to be something in this data. Not all of it is about the launch, it can’t be. I just need to keep looking. Which I could do if someone would calm the fuck down.”

_ Oh God, if they can’t break the barrier in time… _

Allura rips a drawer open and it flies out of the cabinet. “I would be calm if I had someone out here actually helping me, Green Paladin.” He sees her pluck something small from the scattered contents of the drawer, “See? I could have found this ages ago! Keith, I’m coming-”

_ They’re gonna operate on me.  _

_ My baby-  _

He can’t move. He can’t breathe. He watches numbly as Allura turns on the laser and cuts the barrier apart. It shatters and rains the carbon fiber glass onto the floor. A few of the pieces knick Keith’s skin.

The beeping is shrill now and coming quickly. He’s scared for his baby.

Allura steps in and tries the laser against the metal bars curving around him but it reflects onto the ceiling and then fizzles out. 

The bot finally turns to him with a scalpel in one hand and a vial of something in the other. It’s heading towards his drip but all he can do is scream in his head for Allura to stop it.

She springs to action, moving away from Keith and towards the bot. She tries the laser but it bounces right off it. She throws fists and feet and tries to knock the vial out of its grip but it keeps heading towards Keith unfazed.

“Pidge! Do something!” She yells out, wrapping her arms around the bot’s and tries to use her weight to pull its arm down. 

Keith watches unblinking. 

If he doesn’t move that bot is going to put him under. The bot is going to perform surgery. It’s going to risk the baby. 

He might lose his baby.

The thought allows him to summon the will to move. His fingers are tingling and his blood feels like it’s pricking his veins-

He moves his fingers.

Then his feet.

The arms. 

He gets his voice back, barely managing to cry out, “Help!”

“I know, I know, I’m just- It’s almost-  _ Wait _ …” Pidge trails off, “...Anesthesia,” her voice is distant, the bot approaches,”… patient 54…54- Xenon! Those lights are xenon! Of course, that’s used for anesthesia and also  _ rocket fuel _ ! Quick, Allura grab one of those tubes off the wall.” 

“But-”

“Just do it!”

Allura runs to the wall and climbs to her tip-toes, twisting out one of the neon tubes. “Shall I put it in that receptacle on the rocket?” 

“Yes- hurry!” Pidge rushes from the wall and to Keith. She grabs hold of the iv drip and rolls it as far away from the bot as possible. 

Allura dashes over to the wall where the rocket is and inserts the tube. The covering slides down and there’s the sound of shattering- an explosion- and then the bot tumbles to the floor, powered down. The vial crashes out of its hands, falling just beside Keith’s head. The straps over him release. He reaches to the iv and rips it out from his skin, tearing off the round sticky buttons on him that have him hooked to the monitors. He licks his lips to wet them, they’d chapped in his hyperventilation. 

He pushes to his feet but he sways and Pidge catches him. 

The room is silent but for their ragged breathing.

“Fuck,” Keith hoarses.

“You.. you seemed to go somewhere else. Keith- are you ok?” Pidge helps steady him. 

“...Yeah.” He says. “Let’s just keep going.” 

He waves Pidge off, saying he’s fine now, and that they should keep looking. 

He watches down at the bot, now lifeless, with the scalpel resting next to its opened hand and he bends down to carefully lift it up and inspect it. He tests it on a fingertip and, sure enough, it slices the skin clean. Pressing the wound to his tongue to quell the bleeding, he walks over to the counter where the bot was preparing the items and lays the scalpel down. There are other vials of medicine but Keith doesn’t know enough to be able to say if they’re real or not, but the bed had been the exact ones used on the ship he was imprisoned on and the scalpel had wounded him just the same. 

Allura and Pidge keep their distance from each other, staying on opposite sides of the room as they look for more clues.

“Well, it sure is a good thing I decided to check out the monitors, huh, Keith?” Pidge gets back to said monitors, scrolling and scrolling, eyes not leaving the screens.

“What is with this team and splitting up?” Allura grumbles as she walks past Keith. “We can’t all just do our own thing, can’t just all leave when we feel like it.”

Keith bristles at that, “Excuse me? Do you have something to say, Princess?” His nerves are too frayed for him to remain quiet. His hand is clawed where it’s clutching as his bump, fingertips digging into his skin through his clothes.

“Well, that was not aimed at you, but I guess we can discuss that as well. Considering you endangered the team  _ and the entire universe _ , I reckon we can actually talk about it.” Her arms fold across her chest and her lips stiffen into a firm line. 

“Oh-  _ my  _ endangering the universe? You do realize that we couldn’t form Voltron without all five Lions present, right? So how come it was that Pidge received a warm sending off every time she went to look for her family- but  _ I  _ get glared at for trying to uncover what Lotor was up to. Which, by the way, turned out more mission-critical than finding Matt. Or did you also forget the danger the team was put in when we had to trade for Sam?” 

The sound of something breaking throws Keith’s attention. Pidge has a monitor in her hands, wires still attached despite it being ripped from the wall, and the screen is cracked and sparking- there’s a slight dent in the wall behind it. She lets go and the monitor crashes to the floor.

“You would have me leave my  _ family, _ Keith? So, what- is it because you never really had family that you treat mine like it's expendable?” 

Keith’s entire body sets rigid. “My dad  _ died,  _ Pidge.”

“And your mom left you for the mission- which is what you left us for while we’re talking about this-, though you figured she was dead too so maybe you just don’t understand what it’s like for me having a living family in danger.”

His fingers crumple into a tight fist and he has to breathe to keep it at his side. He doesn’t want to hit  _ her,  _ he wants to shatter his knuckles on the wall.

Allura steps closer, arms falling to her sides where her fingers are shaking.

“MY mother and father have both passed on. How dare you say we don’t know what it’s like-”

“Allura, come on, you know that’s not what I meant-”

Keith gently places an arm out in front of Allura, to keep her from getting any closer to Pidge. 

He’s the one that gets closer.

“No? What  _ did  _ you mean, Pidge? You can be completely honest, no bad will ever touch you, because it never fucking does- does it? Even if you drag our dead parents into this...” Keith throws his hands wide and then brings them in so his fingers claw into his scalp. “You could never do any wrong, could you? I can’t imagine what that must be like. I breathe- I exist- and I’ve already fucked things up, people already hate me. You guys never wanted me on the team. Shiro was the only one that did.”

“Keith, that’s not true…” Allura huffs, her hands coming to brace her hips.

“No, it is. And… I mean. I  _ have  _ been trouble since day one. I… God, but that doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt. Pidge is right- I didn’t have family. Not until you guys.  _ You  _ were my family, but then you… then I- then I just, I wasn’t a part of that anymore.” Keith says and the fire slowly drains from him, leaving him aching and empty and bare. He crosses his arms over his chest and hugs tightly, eyes staring at the floor as he hangs his head.

“We… made terrible mistakes. But you pulled away just as much as we did, Keith. And- well,  _ no _ , I can’t really fault you for doing it but… it’s just so hard to get close to someone who is so prickly.” Pidge says.

Allura speaks quietly, “We can’t all be Shiro. None of us can be him, actually.”

His gaze finally lifts and he sees the hunch in Allura’s shoulder go slack, first they fall forward, but then they raise and slide back and ease. The tightness in her expression- that set of her brow- releases and leaves a tired, if sad, smile in its wake. She looks up, eyes meeting Keith’s and she has the look of a mother at him. When she turns to Pidge, he follows.

Pidge has her hands stuffed in her pockets, raising her feet to toe the front  heel of her sneaker against the floor. Her cheeks puff with a sharp intake of air and her head bobs from side to side. She releases the breath and hardness of her posture with it. She slumps though, unlike with Allura earlier, this signals a return to normal. 

Pidge looks up with her head still tilted down, one corner of her lip raised as she shrugs with her hands still nestled in her pockets. 

Keith sighs, “He was the one truly good thing on our team. Him- and Hunk. But the rest of us? I think we all screwed up.”

“Yeah. We’re all tools, in a way.” Pidge chuckles and the smirk explodes into a wide grin that overtakes her face. 

Even Allura lets out a laugh.

They take a collective breath. 

“So, Princess, I’m not really good at this leading stuff… Do you think you could lead us out of here?” Keith pulls himself upright and moves so he’s standing in front of Allura, easing as he sees the same ease wash over her posture and expression. His muscles ache and his head hurts but he feels strangely lighter. 

The smile that blossoms on her face is a flower popping slowly through the snow and opening itself to reveal its stunning petals. She’s always managed to be the warm promise of spring in the long winter of this war. She nods.

“Pidge, can we look through your data? I have combed this place from top to bottom and I… I think it’s a good time to give it a try.”

Pidge snorts and throws her hands up and out of her pockets in a gesture that says she’s waited for this and she waves them over. “Alright, so here is where I figured out the rocket fuel thing-” she navigates through some windows to get there, “See here? You know how the bed said patient 54? Well, that’s the atomic number for-”

Allura gasps, “Xenon.”

“...Yeah. Xenon is-”

“-54-”

“-Would you let me finish?” Pidge places her hands on her hips and cocks her head to the side as she fixes Allura with a look. Keith isn’t sure how so much condescension and cockiness can fit in such a small body, but Pidge manages.

“I’m sorry, it’s just-” Allura gazes down at the floor, her eyes squinting as she follows each tile from one side of the room to the other, muttering- counting- to herself as she does so, “I think I found our next clue. The planet Xenon 54, that’s where the 54th procession of the moon festival is held. It’s a tradition dating back thousands of years that involves a very specific dance.”

“So… what you’re saying is we’re going to have to dance?” Pidge asks.

Keith doesn’t like that, not after all the exertion he’s done today. Already he’s starting to slump and the extra weight in his middle isn’t helping. Quietly, he speaks up, telling them that. “I don’t think I can really move right now, much less dance.”

Allura looks softly at him and then Pidge, who looks back at her. They nod.

They each work an arm beneath him and hoist him so he’s standing straight. It’s awkward with their height differences, and Keith ends up leaning more on Allura, while Pidge helps him by supporting his midsection. 

“Alright, so the ceremony goes like this: we’re meant to line up with each other and take 54 steps to the right, in honor of Xenon, bend forward like the disappearing moons, then stand upright as they rise.” She looks around the floor, for what Keith doesn’t know, but he can tell when she finds it. “Over there, we’ll start over there.” 

They slowly move to where she waves her head. There are small tiles Keith realizes as he looks down- enough for there to be 54- and as he follows it to the right with his gaze he sees a little hobbit hole in the wall. “I’m… not sure I’m gonna fit through there.” He mutters quietly. 

Allura starts them off, taking Keith’s left side and counting each tile as they sidestep.

After 54 of them, they’re exactly at the hole. Allura crouches down and eases through first. 

“You might need to crawl,” Pidge lets go of Keith and elbows him as he’s trying to squat down. 

He huffs and then grumbles as he uses her to carefully lower to the floor and, on his hands and knees, he crawls through. On the other side, he rolls onto his right hip and shoulder and takes Allura’s offered hand to get back to his feet. He gives his bump a little rub. 

“Oh.” He says, breathless, staring at a door that he’s sure is the exit.

Allura helps Pidge up when she gets through. 

Keith laughs, “I want a nice hot bath and foot massage after all this.”

“Come on, let’s go.” Allura leads them out. 

* * *

They leave the facility and Keith spots Shiro. 

Seeing the man, Keith takes off towards him but he wobbles and he’d fall if not for Shiro running to meet halfway and reaching out to catch Keith with large hands and strong arms. Keith threads his arms around Shiro and clings. Tears pool hot in his eyes and he didn’t realize he needed to cry but it feels so safe now, tucked into Shiro like this. The man raises a hand from Keith’s spine and places it at the back of his head, cradling it and shushing him gently despite the own tears evident in the waiver of his voice. Keith tucks his head against Shiro’s chest.

“So- I’m guessing from those two...,” Hunk’s voice is hard to hear with his ears being surrounded by Shiro’s biceps, “You also had your room try to murder you.”

_ Shiro smells nice. _

“Is it just me or do you think we should get out of here?” Lance asks.

“I shall hail Coran- I cannot help but agree with you, Lance. Keith was almost forced into surgery. But let us talk about this when we are safely on the ship.”

_ He’s really warm, too.  _

_ He’s here- next to Keith, holding him, and it’s not a dream but then it is. It’s  _ all  _ Keith had ever dreamed about. Now it's real. And maybe it isn’t the right time but-  _ Keith pulls back and angles his head to one side, and Shiro angles his head to the other and then they’re kissing for the second time and it’s wonderful and  _ Shiro tastes so good and- _

“Finally! But also guys, uhm, maybe not here?” Hunk’s voice is easy enough for Keith to ignore, anything, everything is easy to ignore right now, but Shiro pulls away. He whispers an apology sweet across Keith’s lips and promises they’ll continue this later.

Coran arrives with the Atlas and Shiro helps Keith walk onto the ship by one hand at his lower back and the other holding Keith’s, the man trailing behind him, supporting him. 

Keith marvels at Shiro’s strength. The man could be a monster if he wanted- he’s big enough, strong enough- but he touches with the gentlest of touches, speaks with the softest of voices, and uplifts while still allowing Keith to stand on his own two feet. 

The hand at his back is grounding. Keith can feel the large spread, large span, of all five of those fingers. It’s Shiro’s human hand at the dip of his back and they’re so warm and firm and Keith’s muscles dance around the hold and something about it- the pull of muscles away from and the push of them into that hand, rhythmically alternating- that brings him to the present even more. He can feel the shifting of his spine and hips. Shiro’s hold does not waver. 

It’s not lost on Keith that the way Shiro is holding him with his other hand is akin to the way expecting partners get led into the delivery room. And at this moment all Keith can feel aside from Shiro is his pregnant belly, the weight of his growing child. A child that has quieted their movements at Shiro’s touch. 

Shiro’s metal hand is colder than his flesh one and Keith hopes to later bring it to his forehead to cool the stress-induced fever. 

His vision is hazy and his hearing is closed to anything but the sound of Shiro’s breathing or his voice but he feels safe despite because  _ Shiro is here  _ and he’s leading them both where they need to go. 

Keith shuffles along sluggishly but Shiro matches his pace without complaint.

They gather around the dining table. 

Keith clenches Shiro’s hand, using it to stabilize himself as he lowers onto the chair. 

Shiro sits next to him and reaches a hand over to smooth across his belly. 

Now that they’re side-by-side, Keith is able to take stock of Shiro. The man’s hair is a bit stringy like it had been sweat-soaked and then air-dried. His skin is a bit grimy too, again like he’d exerted himself and needed a shower. It was impossible to tell when he was walking with Keith that he might be just as exhausted as Keith was. But seeing the droop of his face and the sluggishness of his expressions, it’s clear he’s just as tired.

He catches Keith’s eyes from the corner of his vision and then turns his head so that he’s facing Keith. Something inside Keith jumps at the blatant attention. Shiro’s making it clear that Keith has his entire focus. The smile he offers is languid and it makes his eyes close slightly in what Keith can only assume is weariness. He pats Keith’s tummy with gentle drumming of fingers. 

Allura fills them in on what happened in their room. It catches Shiro’s attention and the ease of his expression and body hardens into a tension that draws his back straight and furrows his brows. His hand stills on Keith and then tightens seemingly unconsciously. 

Keith isn’t sure what exactly Allura is saying- the exhaustion is really settling into Keith and Shiro is soothing his frayed nerves, further lulling him into the pleasant buzz of napping. 

As Allura talks, Keith knows that tonight he’s going to have to explain things to Shiro. He’s going to come clean about everything- put words to actions that he’s terrified of, afraid that giving them name and thoughts and sound will strengthen them. 

Lance and Hunk take turns filling Keith’s team in. That, at last, is enough to garner some of Keith’s attention but he’s still finding, selfishly, there’s not enough space in him right now for digesting what he’s hearing. He’ll likely panic and seek Shiro out for reassurance that the man is ok, to return the favor of having been cared for after trauma, come morning. For now, it’s just something he’s storing for processing later.

“Do you think we were sabotaged?” Pidge wonders barely over her breath but it’s still enough in the room that he hears it clearly. 

Before anyone can answer- and he suspects all of them will affirm Pidge’s conclusion, himself included- he climbs to his feet, chair legs sliding loud across the floor, “I’m tired,” is all he offers before making his way out of the room. He hears another chair move and Shiro says, “Me too. You all can keep talking but let’s finish this formally tomorrow,” and Keith moves his head back to see Shiro jog quickly to his side.

“Can we head back to my room?” Shiro asks while leaning into Keith’s space to do so, hand coming to rest in the upper middle of his back.

Shiro must have sensed it too- that the talk they’ve been putting off has finally caught up with them. Keith reaches up to his hair and pulls his braid back along his shoulder and down his chest, he tugs at the end of it.

“Ok.” It’s all he can manage to offer when his throat is being strangled by withheld emotions. He’s suddenly more awake now.

He steps forward and Shiro’s hand follows so that it doesn’t leave his back.

Keith smiles to himself, “I’m fine now, Shiro. I’m steady.”

Shiro removes his touch and mutters a soft apology. 

_ Is this what it feels like to be loved?  _ Handror had loved him- but he hadn’t respected him. Keith had no agency with the Galran man, no choices or freedoms. Maybe what Handror had thought was love was actually obsession. 

They walk together and Shiro lets him lead despite Keith’s pace being slower these days. The hand doesn’t return and he doesn’t ask Keith if he needs help either. 

“Actually, can we go to my room? I kind of need my…” he pauses on the word, it’s still not something he says aloud often, “pregnancy... pillow. I’m getting too big to go without it.” He nervously draws a hand across the swell. 

“Of course, Keith, no worries.” Shiro looks down at Keith’s hand, at his stomach, and it’s still a vulnerability to Keith to have eyes on him like that. But, maybe, he decides, it’s ok to share this with Shiro. 

Their eyes meet and the skin at the corner of Shiro’s is slightly wrinkled, revealing the smile Keith knows he’d see if he could make his gaze lower. “I know this isn’t the most comfortable thing to go through, so any way that I- or anything- can help, just let me know. Keith… I… I know that it’s not just physically uncomfortable. For what it’s worth, I think this is beautiful and I don’t mean to stare or anything. You’re just,” he exhales with a tremulous laugh, “amazing, is all.”

It’s not the most tactful thing. Shiro doesn’t know the details of the pregnancy, but he’s smart enough that he has to have figured out the means were less than ideal. But seeing the shine in those warm, promise-of-sweet-rain grey eyes, and hearing the barely contained fondness in that deep, rich voice, Keith can’t help but find himself sharing in the awe and wonder of it all. Seeing himself through Shiro’s eyes, he is something beautiful and the baby growing inside him only adds to that. It quells the small voice in him that feels so guilty for being excited to have a child, a child born from his own body. 

Maybe, he decides, it’s ok to want this. 

“C’mon, let’s get inside, my feet hurt.” Keith wags his head at his door and opens it with his palm on the scanner beside it.

Keith walks in and heads for the bed, dragging his pillow up from beneath the covers and fixing it around himself as he settles his back against the wall. The pillow cushions his belly, supporting it above where his legs are crossed. 

Shiro looks around like he doesn’t know where he should sit so Keith pats the bed next to him.

“But, Keith- I don’t want to get your bed dirty. I should probably shower first, I mean I smell so bad and  _ oh no _ , I didn’t even think about how much worse it must be for you and-”

“Shiro, please. It’s ok. Just come over here.” Truth be told Keith’s sense of smell is still dampened from the fumes of the bleach. 

Keith adjusts the pillow so that it wraps around his back and his neck can lean against it. He knows he must look ridiculous all wrapped up in this fabric noodle but Shiro doesn’t laugh or comment- he just smiles at Keith as he gets comfortable on the bed beside him. Shiro brings his shoulder and cheek to the wall. He studies Keith’s face. 

“Do you- uh, do you want a foot massage?” Shiro raises his hands and wiggles his fingers.

It makes Keith just shake his head and curl into the wall so he can face Shiro for this. “Maybe later,” his voice rasps and he reaches out to take one of Shiro’s hands and lace their fingers together. “I… kind of wanted to talk about some things first. Some things I haven’t really been able to talk about yet. Today brought up some memories and- I think it’s time I told you what happened. With Handror. With the pregnancy. Is..is that ok? Do you even want to hear it?”

Keith gives Shiro the space to decide if he wants to or not. It’s hard for him to talk about and he knows it’s going to be hard for Shiro to hear. The silence is heavy but it’s brief-

“Of course I want to listen, Keith. I mean, I don’t want things to have turned out how they have, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. But- I also know that they have happened, despite those wishes. I want to be here for you- You shouldn’t have to be alone in this. Keith…” Shiro squeezes on their joined hands and brings his other hand up to cup Keith’s cheek and brush a thumb along his cheekbone, “Speak. I’ll listen.”

“So, I know you don’t think anything good about Handror. I..I can’t really blame you about that. But you have to know that it wasn’t always bad, that there was a time when I was happy. When he was happy- we were happy.” Keith shifts on the bed.

“In the beginning, he really took care of me. I was… I was still mourning the loss of you, really. I had held on to this idea that someday we’d- I just had feelings for you, y’know? And it had stayed with me all those years. When he’d wanted to marry me, I jumped because I thought I’d never get the opportunity again and that it would be a good way to move on from you.”

“When I’d dropped off the invitation, it broke me, Shiro, to see you and Curtis. It broke me. And Handror helped pick up those pieces of me. “

Shiro flinches and looks away for a moment, his lips pursing before he settles back and nods. 

“It felt good with him- it felt good to be...desired.” It’s Keith’s turn to look away. It’s hard to admit that a part of what was good about the marriage was their sex, it makes him feel cheap and dirty. 

“Hey, Keith, it’s ok. Wanting to be desired is ok, there’s nothing wrong with that. If you have a need for intimacy, then that’s not something you can help, and I’m…” he grits his teeth, “glad… you got that need met…”

“Sorry,” he whispers, “I just- Sorry. Uhm, so, well. I was happy for a time. But then he started to take me to diplomatic meetings. And you know how I’m not the most… reserved. He invested in private lessons for me- along with teaching me himself- on how to act and carry myself and, man, they had instructions for even how to breathe right; quietly, calmly. From there, things started to feel stuffy and like he had this vision of who I should be. At some point, I realized that even if his feelings were genuine, or he felt they were, the person he loved was the Black Paladin and Blade Officer, not Keith, not  _ me.  _ Though even then, he wouldn’t let me go on Blade missions and I had to retire.”

“There was one diplomacy meeting that I’ll never forget, it was really the beginning of the end for him and I- at least to me it was.”

He unlaces their fingers and brings his fingers up to Shiro’s forehead where he gently brushes aside his bangs. It doesn’t matter that he needs a shower- touching him is an anchor to the moment. And the soft closing of eyes and whispered sigh from him tugs at Keith and his overwhelming instinct to protect and nurture this man. An instinct he thinks was there before he’d even conceived. 

“Someone asked for my opinion, y’know, as the Black Paladin. And I answered…I can’t remember what exactly I said, all I knew was that Handror had shifted in his seat and the person who asked the question had said it was a bold choice.”

“When we got home, Handror lectured me a long time and then told me that I wasn’t taking my studies seriously so I wouldn’t be allowed to leave for a party I was going to attend, not until my tutor had declared me ready for the next meeting. I missed the party and never heard from my friend again.” 

“A few meetings later there was this person who suggested we just leave one of the planets in recovery to fend for themselves. Shiro- they had  _ no resources _ and their people were most too old to safely do any type of manual labor. I was, you know how I get when I’m angry, and I was angry, so I jumped to my feet and loudly exclaimed that what they were suggesting was inhumane.”

“Handror was quick to get up and apologize for ‘my husband’s behavior,’ and then he asked me to sit back down. But I wouldn’t- I couldn’t- so they called the meeting to a break. At that point, he asked me to go with him to the gardens. So I followed, and when we got there he lectured me about how I need to think of the family. That when I speak, I’m representing not just Galra and the Blades, or even Voltron, but him. As he cooled down he did tell me that he loves my empathy, but that we can’t collapse an entire system for one small planet.”

“Well, when we get back they decided to postpone the talks. Some of them were on my side and they had been able to convince the leaders that we at least needed more time to think about it.”

“The next meeting comes and that same person is up there again, writing the people of the planet off like they’re something expendable. _ I can’t take it _ \- I’m up and out of my seat but before I can say anything, so is Handror, and-” 

He curls his fingers into the softness of the pillow.

“He yanks me back down and puts a hand on my shoulder, digging his claws into me. He lets the room know there will be no more interruptions, and the person just nods with a smirk on their face.” 

He avoids looking at Shiro, just stares down at the blanket beneath them. 

“We get home after that and- there’s this look in his eyes that’s terrifying. I’ve never considered his size or scarred face as something that intimidates me but at that moment I felt like suddenly those things were dangerous. He storms to our bedroom, not looking back at me like he just knows I’ll follow along and he’s right. I follow him. When the door shuts he engages the lock through the scanner next to it. My stomach drops… I can’t seem to move.”

“He whips around, brings his hand with it, smacking my cheek so hard I get thrown to the floor. I fight back at first- I hadn’t had that instinct beaten out of me yet. But he’s so much bigger than me, so much stronger. He hits me and kicks me and I return it but it doesn’t faze him. Eventually, I’m too tired to keep trying and I’m sprawled out on the ground and the last thing I see is the bottom of a boot.”

“I left after that. I took an emergency pod from the ship bay and fled. But the planet Handror lived on is close to where the former Empire was. I notice too late, as if there was anything that could be done about it, that I’m traveling by an Empire ship. They scan mine- I could see the beam enter my ship- and they pull me in. They had this… sick delight on their faces when they saw me. They knew exactly who I was. I’m wrestled out of the ship and held down. I’m injected with something and then-”

“I go in and out of being awake for a while. I’m not sure how long because my memory is fuzzy. But when I finally wake up for real, I’m strapped to a bed. And in pain. And there’s a Galra there so I ask him what they’ve done. They performed surgery on me, Shiro. They gave me a womb.”

Keith rips the pillow from behind his neck and buries his face in it and screams loud and long and he’s in so much pain. So much pain.

But he can’t stop now.

“For some reason, and I haven’t been able to find out why, they wanted me pregnant. But instead of just… I don’t know… injecting me with it- They… Listen, Shiro, I- I tried to fight it so badly, I tried. I did. But there was nothing I could do. Shiro, they raped me.”

“Repeatedly. Brutally. They only stopped when I couldn’t handle it and that was only because they refused to put me into the pods. They raped me until I got pregnant- maybe after, too, I’m not sure when it took. I… somehow I escaped like I had done with Handror, only there was a fight this time and I got injured badly before I fled. But I got out. and that’s when-”

He swallows around the lump in his throat, “that’s when I showed up... On your doorstep.” 

It quiets.

“Shiro?” Keith braves a look up and it shatters him.

Shiro is staring distantly right at Keith, tears pouring down his face while nothing else moves. But then he looks down at Shiro’s hands and sees them trembling against his thighs. The gulps he takes are visible and look strenuous and he blinks and squeezes his eyes shut like he’s trying to come back down to the room. 

“Keith-” the name sounds garbled, like Shiro’s drowning amongst the sea and the water has filled his lungs but there’s air enough for one word- one final word- and Shiro chose it to be his name. 

Keith can’t hold himself together after that. 

He loses track of the room, only knows that he’s wrapped his arms around Shiro and Shiro has wrapped his arms around him, and they’re breaking apart, every seam they’ve stitched is being ripped up and the only thing holding them together is each other. 

Keith empties the tears and the pain they’re rinsing out onto Shiro and tries desperately to catch Shiro’s own. 

Shiro clutches Keith’s head, suffocating him against his breast. Keith claws unrestrained at Shiro’s back. Their thick sobs fill the air but it’s better than thin silence. Keith is screaming but now he can actually be heard and it’s not just echoing around the empty fog of his head. He’s burying his sound into Shiro’s chest, letting the man’s rib cage shelter it from escaping beyond the two of them. He can’t hear Shiro anymore- everything is muffled outside of his own noises. His hair gets soaked from above.

It’s a while before Keith calms down but he manages to before Shiro. 

He’s lived with this knowledge- lived through it- but Shiro hasn’t. It wasn’t something that happened over the course of years to Shiro as it had for him, but something that happened instantaneously, inside Keith’s room, from the moment the words left Keith’s mouth, and Keith has no idea how to handle having brought that pain to Shiro. He has no idea how to deal with the wounds being fresh because he himself had already scarred. All he can do is hold Shiro and let himself be held and whisper quietly soft things, promising that it will be ok, as he lets Shiro grieve. 

Tears dry up. Sobs quiet. Breathing settles down.

Keith pulls away when Shiro’s arms loosen and stares up at the face of the man he loves, has loved so desperately, so thoroughly, for so, so long. And maybe it’s not appropriate- not when Shiro’s eyes are red from crying, not when his cheeks are still freshly tracked from tears, not when his gaze looks so lost- but still, Keith straightens his spine and tilts his head and brings his lips forward to seal along Shiro’s. And maybe it isn’t the right time but Shiro presses into the kiss anyway, if unhurried, if not exactly passionate, but gentle and sweet. 

Keith keeps his face close to Shiro’s as their lips separate, and he glances up at Shiro’s eyes, warm-woolen-blanket grey, and maybe none of that matters. 

Keith sighs and returns back to his place across from Shiro. 

“So- tell me what it is you’ve been wanting to say.” Keith rests his cheek against the wall, drawing up his pillow so he can cuddle up on his side. “And don’t try and deny that you have something.”

Shiro manages a hint of a smile and mimics Keith’s position, settling so he’s mirroring him. “It’s not that I don’t- I’m just not sure if it’s the right time after all of that.”

“I don’t think there’s ever a right time, Shiro. I waited for you, telling myself to hold out for when the time would come. And it never did, because you just can’t wait around, or else that time will pass you and you’ll have nothing to show for it.” 

Shiro smiles softly, his voice going tender.

“You’re really smart about these things, Keith. I don’t think you get credit for that enough- that you’re… really good at knowing people and you’re very wise.”

Keith hums and absentmindedly brushes his palm over his belly.

“Alright, so. I...Nevermind this really isn’t-”

“-Shiro, just say it-”

“-Keith, after what we just talked about-”

“-Don’t baby me-”

“-No, you really don’t get it-”

“-Stop treating me like I’m glass-”

“-You stop treating me like I’m glass!” Shiro yells and immediately claps a hand to his mouth. 

That’s the first time Keith has heard Shiro raise his voice at him- 

“Ok.”

“Ok?”

“Out with it then, fucker,” the harsh word feels like too much but a small bit of ease blossoms in Shiro’s tight expression and Keith knows the message is communicated well even if the package was not ideal.

“I’m sick of being your damsel.”

Keith stills and considers that and though he’s confused he gives Shiro the space to keep going- is certain he’ll understand what the man means if he just remains patient and listens.

“Keith, do you have any idea what it was like for me growing up? From a very young age my body had started to fail me. My muscles showed early signs of dystrophy. By the time I was 10 I had to accept that my life was already about halfway over. My prognosis was that I’d get by relatively unscathed until about age 16- but from then on… Well, there was only so much that medication and therapy and even stimulators could do.”

“I hadn’t reached puberty yet but I was forced to face knowing that I likely wouldn’t see my 25th birthday. My throat muscles would probably seize up and I’d choke to death or else my heart would just stop one day.” 

He raises his Altean prosthesis and articulates each finger. 

“I made it to the Garrison, despite my disease,  _ I made it _ . And I worked my ass off, Keith. I was just like you when I first joined- just as much a spitfire and wild. But I had to reign it in if I wanted to be considered for piloting, or to even stay there at all. So I channeled my free spirit nature into applying myself to my studies. I had to constantly remind myself that if I learned discipline, I could make it up there- out here-” he gestures an arm around the room and above them, “one day.”

“I gave a lot of myself away there. And… it pains me to realize that in making you lead, I placed the same weights on your shoulders that I had so badly wanted to buck off my own back then.”

He grimaces.

“I went on missions. Became an officer. Met a plucky little boy with the promise of talent and who reminded me so much of myself. And as he was flourishing, I was starting to weaken. I needed to have a muscle stimulator implanted in me, just to keep my arm able to relax and contract. The Kerberos mission came up and I had to beg and plead to be considered- Ultimately I think it was Sam and Iverson putting in good words for me that allowed me to apply. But that was it. I knew it. They knew it. Kerberos was going to be the last time I went into space.”

“And then… we reached the moon and were abducted and- I became the Champion. Once again, the universe had taken any control of my life and brought it into its own hands. I murdered out there, Keith. I’m a murderer-”

“-It was war and it wasn’t your fault, I mean… We… We’ve all taken a life now, Shiro. As Voltron, we- did things that cost lives-”

“...Yeah. I… suppose we have. God, Keith, this is not the life I wanted.” 

Shiro pauses and takes a steadying breath, hand running through his hair. 

“Being a Garrison Officer, it meant so much to me.  _ Leading  _ had meant so much to me. I can’t explain why exactly, just that there’s this nagging feeling inside me that tells me I want to do it. Being a paladin helped me so much. Just being in the role where I could protect people, watch over them, guide them… I felt whole in a way I hadn’t my entire life. And then, in a way I never expected for it to happen, I died.”

Keith squeezes his eyes as tightly as they’ll go. He hates hearing that. He remembers when he’d met Shiro on the Astral Plane and the man had first told him that. Those were the worst words Keith had ever heard and still are the worst he could ever hear.

“How’s that for not having control? My consciousness went into Black and I had to watch the team continue without me. I was completely helpless, Keith. There was nothing I could do but wander that void.”

“But even when it wasn’t me, when it was Kuron, there was still this loss of power. I have his memories and I’ve gotten to see, and experience, all those times you rescued me. At first, it was… sweet. I- he- liked being able to rest after all that happened. He thought he was going to die out in the vacuum of space but then you came along. You saved him. And you tended to him as he healed up. That was beautiful, Keith, what you did for him. But after that, after he had to come to terms with being alive and among the team yet not able to be in Black, he started to feel like he’d lost purpose.”

“He was back in Black only because you had distanced yourself from the team, you had forced her to choose him. That thought ate away at the back of his mind.”

“When I came back… I was so thankful for it. Allura had made a tough decision and she had used her magic to save me. But still, it ended up that you got the credit.”

“Kuron rejected my consciousness, which was fair. Once again we were forced to do things against our will- share his body. To Black, we were an unholy being, unworthy of piloting her. We were no longer paladins- our consolation prize was Atlas.”

“But maybe the toughest thing for me is that you slew Sendak. He had taunted me about not being worthy of being a paladin and … he’d been right. So when the time came for me to face him, to face him as my captor and the man that haunted my nightmares, I held in my palm- for the first time- the power to fight against all that had told me I couldn’t.”

He quiets.

“...Then  _ I  _ dealt the final blow.”

“Then  _ you  _ dealt the final blow.”

“I’ve been stripped of my agency Keith. I have no problem asking for help or getting it- but you were there at every turn not letting me stand on my own feet when I so badly needed to stretch my legs. I was hurt for a long time. That was a big part of why I left you. I was angry and frustrated and felt like… I was nothing more than your damsel.”

“Shiro…”Keith croaks and reaches a hand out to the man’s knee,” I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright, Keith. I didn’t think you realized. And you can’t be all to blame. I had doubted myself a leader so much that I didn’t speak up when I should have. If you had known, I don’t think you would have done it. Especially because, in the end, you didn’t even want the things I had left for you to do and become.”

Keith’s body softens as Shiro once again joins their hands. 

“So… when I said we saved each other?...”

“That wasn’t untrue. Your life would’ve be-”

“-en a whole lot different if it weren’t for you-”

“- _ if it weren’t for me _ .”

Shiro had remembered that. He chuckles a bit watery, “That really stuck with you, didn’t it?”

Shiro scoffs and dramatically tosses his head away. 

“I guess I did save you a lot. I’m sorry- I… hadn’t known it made you feel like this. I can’t say I wouldn’t have done it, because I just wanted you safe, but I might have asked you first or done a little less handholding.”

“Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” Shiro draws Keith in by his hand and kisses him softly. 

They break away to smiles and laughter. 

The room is still, quiet around them. Keith can feel the gentle vibrations of the ship where his cheek is resting along the wall. Shiro’s hand, the Altean one, is cool in his grip and Keith marvels how nice it is to hold a hand and not get sweaty fingers. 

His sense of smell returns, unfortunately, and he crinkles his nose. “Shiro… We need to shower.”

Shiro fixes him with a look and breathlessly asks, “together?”

Keith feels his heart beat wild despite all its exertion that day and his stomach bottoms out and something about the idea just seems, like everything else that day, timely. 

It’s the final barrier between them- physical intimacy. 

“Yeah, together.”

Keith’s ready to remove that final brick of the wall he’d built around himself.

They scramble up off the bed and make haste for the bathroom. Keith had given Shiro all his vulnerabilities, so his hands were sure as they peeled his clothing off. Shiro’s eyes predictably went to Keith’s belly but then he got on his knees and kissed the crest of it before standing back up and stripping off his own clothes.

Keith had seen Shiro in the communal showers on the Castleship as well as the completely accidental peek when they’d end up in the bathroom together. Flaccid Shiro was still a sight to behold. Half chub Shiro was just unfair- all that man was packing and  _ still,  _ he was a grower. Keith feels a little guilty to be ogling him given the intensity of earlier, but Shiro is doing the same, and maybe letting off some steam is just what they need right now.

They shower fairly normally, each mostly keeping their body parts to themselves, but as they finish cleaning they start getting handsy. So Keith turns the water off and leads Shiro out of the bathroom and to the bed. Shiro places a hand at the center of Keith’s chest and provides the barest of shoves. 

“Is… this ok? Are you…” Shiro trails off as he chews his lip.

“A bottom? Yes. Is this ok? Also yes. God, Shiro, please-” 

Shiro commits to the action and has Keith on his back. He watches Keith from above, eye trailing over skin the way Keith wants his fingertips to. 

But then it becomes just that and Keith melts into the mattress with those hands exploring him. He cups Keith’s tender, swollen breasts and it earns him a few drops of what Keith has to explain as his ‘bonding milk.’ Shiro laps it up with his tongue and then suckles it from Keith and it’s heavenly and Keith begins to understand why his body would produce it and that it’s so aptly named. 

Keith of course can’t keep his hands to himself either. He revels in getting to touch Shiro’s bare skin, to draw fingers down his chest and over the tight muscles of his abs.

It’s not long before Shiro has to pull back and ask for lube.

Keith directs him to the bottom drawer where he keeps it. 

He’s in bliss until he sees the bottle in Shiro’s hands and he remembers-

Keith realizes Shiro is going to find out his worst secret. 

Somewhere along the way, being next to and underneath the comfort of Shiro, Keith had forgotten. 

“Wait, wait,” Keith holds his hands up in front of himself, “Shiro I… I’m broken now. I’ll never be able to satisfy you. I’m.. I’m sorry, I just forgot.”

“What do you mean, Keith? That’s not true. Do you... Should I stop? Is this upsetting you?”

Keith decides to let him find out on his own. He’s tired of explaining and tired of tears. Tired of something always getting in the way of him and Shiro being together. “No, I- sorry. Just nervous. Keep going.” Shiro still takes some coaxing and it warms Keith that Shiro could read his discomfort and that he wants to make absolutely sure Keith wants this. And, unfortunately, Keith does. Badly.

Shiro reaches a hand between Keith’s legs, asking if it’s ok, and Keith says yes. His fingers play gently at Keith’s entrance before slowly pushing in-

“Oh…” Shiro freezes. Not just his finger, but his whole body stops moving and his eyes are wide and eyebrows furrowed tightly. 

“Yeah,” Keith affirms.

Tears rush hot to Shiro’s eyes- there’s so much scar tissue inside Keith. They’d not only rendered him unwhole, but they’d left him disfigured. Keith hadn’t been able to play with anything more than a finger and not without a lot of lube and patience. Even going to the bathroom was painful. But it was so constant that he’d gotten used to it. It had just become a part of his life. 

Shiro carefully removes his finger. Visibly swallows sobs.

“They didn’t let me into the healing pods until I’d already scarred. I..I haven’t had the courage yet to see a medic. I don’t think there’s anything they can do now. I manage, Shiro. I manage.”

“Keith,” Shiro sighs and gently scoops Keith into his arms, lifting him so that he can settle on the bed with Keith curled against his lap, “I respect your agency.” 

Keith breathes in the smell of soap, clean skin, and fresh musky sweat at Shiro’s shoulder. Shiro isn’t going to force him to go see a medic. He knows that’s a sacrifice- that Shiro wants nothing more than to dress them right now and take Keith to the nearest clinic. So Keith is willing to sacrifice this, “I’ll go. But you have to come with me.” 

“Always.”

Keith eventually can’t keep his eyes open with how soothing it is to be curled around Shiro and he has to crawl away and grab his pillow and settle in for sleep. Shiro slots behind him, his Altean arm floating to the desk and deactivating, and his human arm coming to hold Keith close by the hip.

He falls asleep easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I hope you all are doing well!  
> I haven't responded to any comments in... oof, some time. I wish I could promise you a deadline of when I would get back to them, but things have been so busy lately. For now, what's important to me is to continue writing as much as I can, to give you as much as you can to read and ease things a bit (if you can call any of this easing anything).


	12. Chapter 12

Shiro wakes up to a warmth beneath his arm and something solid pressed against his chest. Where the day before there was an ache in his bones, and fatigue in his muscles, this morning he’s occupying his body. His strength is renewed and breathing is easier.

A soft inhale fills his nose with a familiar scent- Keith… 

Keith’s scent, which is woodsy like pine and soil but sweet like rain and smoky like a campfire. It could be days since the last time Keith had been outdoors but somehow the smell would cling like it had found a home in him. Shiro breathes it in, unable to find himself doing anything but finding himself doing the same.

Without rush his blinks his eyes open and he can just see the messy strands of black, pillow-mused hair below his vision. He wiggles his fingers and toes first, getting the blood to wake up and flow through him, and then makes subdued movements of his limbs. Keith groans and shifts under his arm but doesn’t seem to rouse otherwise. 

Shiro tucks his chin to place a kiss at the crown of Keith’s head. He hums, inhaling deeply, for the scent is stronger there. 

He buries his face in the silky hair for a few moments before deciding to finally start the day.

Slowly he presses up from the bed and scoots to the edge so as not to disturb Keith. He watches the sleeping man as he rises up; even the shift in weight on the mattress isn’t enough to rouse the man. 

Pregnancy must take a lot out of a body-

Just like long conversations of admitting horrifying abuse. 

Shiro clenches his hand into a fist to try and stop the memory of feeling all that scar tissue inside Keith. 

Getting dressed he makes plans to go see Coran after breakfast. He decides to leave a note for Keith, explaining that he’s going to find them some options for medics in case Keith wakes up before Shiro gets back. He includes a few lines about how much he loves the man and hopes he doesn’t wake up while Shiro is gone.

He heads to the kitchen and meets Lance along the way.

“You’re up early,” Shiro elbows Lance in the chest. 

“We aren’t all cooking a baby up so- just kind of got used to it,” he shrugs, “you, though, are just up late.”

Shiro itches the scruff of hair at his chin, “long night.”

“Gross!” Lance shoves at him and they go back and forth rough-housing and laughing all the way to the kitchen. 

Allura and Pidge are at the stove stirring pots of what look to be porridge. Allura’s mixing spoon turns easily but Pidge’s struggles to move. Allura doesn’t turn to Shiro and Lance as they enter but Pidge does. There are dark marks beneath her eyes and her face is pale. 

“‘Sup losers. Keith still sleeping?” 

Lance makes a gagging noise, “Don’t you dare ask, Pidge. I’m trying to keep my appetite.” He slides onto one of the stools at the island and props his elbows up to hang his head in his hands. 

She gasps dramatically and the spoon flies out from its pot, though the porridge just sticks to it like glue. “Oh my God, Keith finally got your dick? Con-fucking-grats, bruh,” she extends a fist, and Shiro steps close enough to bump it, “Get it.” She snickers and it melts into a cackle.

She’s doing it partially to rile up Lance- but also partially because she’s probably the dude-iest of dudebros of them all. But there’s still that exhaustion to her expression, in the droop of her eyes, and the weakness of her smile and some of it might just be that this is a welcome reprieve to the reality amongst getting chased.

Shiro takes the stool next to Lance and groans at getting his legs some rest. 

“Shirogane, I will smother you with a pillow in your sleep if you don’t stop. I do not want to know about you clapping his cheeks.” 

It was not his intention to portray that- his legs just hurt from being curled beneath him so long yesterday. But, maybe like Pidge, he’s happy to milk the situation for all the relief it can provide. It’s easier to pretend he and Keith had gone at it than it is to think about learning that Keith had been brutally and continually-

“Alright, alright. Don’t be mad just because you aren’t getting any. I’ll stop though.” Shiro winks.

Lance’s face turns red.

Hunk shuffles in, his slippers making a soft sound amongst the easy quiet that settles in the room. 

Allura still hasn’t left her attending to their breakfast. Pidge’s, however, starts to burn. 

Shiro wants to ask if Allura is ok but she’s a lot like him in that it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie. 

Hunk takes over for Pidge, throwing out what was in the pot and starting over. He chats casually with Allura as he makes his porridge. Pidge and Lance bicker. And Shiro is content to watch them bonding so easily. Their time in the escape rooms seemed to do them well, despite what had happened. The air feels cleared and it’s like they’re back as Team Voltron when there was a genuine sense of friendship.

Shiro wishes Keith were there, but everyone asks about him and he still comes up in their conversation. 

Though maybe that’s more beautiful- that he doesn’t need to be present for him to still be in the room with them, still in their thoughts, still a member of their team.

Shiro excuses himself just as breakfast gets served, “I need to see Coran, so I’ll be back to get bowls for Keith and I.” he grabs some for Coran along with a cup of juice.

He finds Coran in the control room and sets the food down. 

“Ah, my boy, how are you faring? The Princess and I were a tad concerned when we didn’t see you earlier. You’re usually the first of us to rise. I trust our dear Number Four is still getting his rest.” Coran draws a finger through the swirl of his mustache and offers a tender smile that crinkles the edges of his eyes. He thanks Shiro for the breakfast and eats it with gusto. 

“I’m alright. I was just spending time with Keith and we didn’t fall asleep until late. I think he’s doing ok, he was still sleeping when I left. His pamphlets had said it would be normal and expected. Though, about him- we’re wanting to find a medic to see. I’m hoping it can be someone not affiliated with the Blades, for his privacy.” 

“Of course, Number One, I can begin that search in a jiffy- our databases are currently running through the data on those rooms. So far we haven’t been able to find any breaches, but it’s still early to say. I can ping you through your comms device when I’m ready to switch. Though, we will probably hold a team meeting shortly after finding out what happened.” 

He thanks Coran and excuses himself, heading back to the kitchen only to stop in the hallway as he hears Keith’s sweet laughter paired with Allura’s. His heart aches in the best of ways. He waits a while drinking in the sounds of joyful conversation amongst everyone in the kitchen. 

It really is like they’ve gone back to when they were an actual team. 

“Keith”, he thinks, “you are loved.”

“Hey, Keith, you’re up.” He enters the kitchen and Keith is sitting at the booth, the other four around him. His spoon is halfway to his mouth when Shiro gets his attention and his expression softens at Shiro.

“Morning,” Keith’s voice is raspy.

“Morning,” he pauses, letting the moment have space for just him and Keith, their eyes lock and the rest of the room might as well be empty. Light glows soft along the height of cheekbones and tip of the nose and rose births beneath skin. It’s just a second- all they have is that second, but it’s enough to watch the universe begin and end- before he has to address the rest of the room. “I spoke with Coran and he’s looking for whoever was responsible for the attacks on our escape rooms.”

Pidge jumps to her feet and throws her pointer finger at him, “Except we already know who- it’s those damn people that have been following us since the start of all this.”

“Pidge,” Allura speaks softly, “I think you are absolutely right. But now we just need to know who exactly has been following us.”

“And why,” Keith digs his spoon into his porridge and sighs at it.

Shiro waits, looking amongst them. Their gazes have fallen to the table. 

Something near-imperceivable whispers across Shiro’s consciousness, like a small ripple that travels through the expansive pond of his mind. A pond that had been troubled for so long. Now that its waters are still, he can feel…something. 

Something is there.

That something licks the wick of a bomb.

“We need to find Black.” He blurts out.

Pidge straightens at that. Her eyebrows draw taut and she looks to consider that. “But Shiro, we’ve  _ been  _ looking- we can’t even find any clues or signs or hearsay. It’s like Kolivan said; Nobody knows where she is and that’s by design.“

“Actually, I have been thinking about that,” Allura ponders aloud,” perhaps we need to ask the Lions. When Keith finishes his breakfast, I say we go over to the hangar and try.” 

“Good idea, Allura,” Shiro nods, “I’m going to get a head start if that’s alright with you. I’ll meet you there.” He waves and turns before there can be any protest. 

He hums beneath his breath as he shuffles down the hall. 

He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his Atlas uniform pants. 

The feeling from earlier seemed like it came from Black herself. It’s been so long since he’s felt her.

He realizes now that’s his fault. He pushed Black away and let Keith deal with the mess.

It hurts to have to admit that. 

But if he doesn’t then Keith will be burdened again and Allura won’t be able to lead. He reaches the bay and his heart pounds as the door opens.

He makes his way to the center of the room where the Lions stand unfathomably tall with a heavy presence. Standing amongst the Lions, them towering over him, he folds his arms over his chest and slowly turns in a circle as he regards them all. 

The earlier whispering is louder in his head and there’s a thrum vibrating through his bones that has nothing to do with the ship. His nostrils fill with the scent of burning ozone and singed flesh and his vision flashes purple. Pain flares in his head and it causes him to double over, fingers tearing through his hair. Keith’s screaming echos in his hearing-

“No-” Shiro cries out weakly, fist banging his head, “that wasn’t my- our fault.”

As sudden as it came - everything quiets and the headache stops.

He stumbles over to Red’s paw and lowers himself clumsily onto her. Placing a hand over his heart he can feel its wild beat slamming against his palm. His breathing is shallow and too quick to really get air. Settling onto her, he maneuvers so he can curl sideways against the metal of her strong leg, the coolness of it is refreshing to the heat of his face. 

Faintly, distantly, he hears her purr in his mind. 

He chuckles, “it’s a busy day up here, apparently,” he raises his hand to tap at his temple. He swears Red huffs the barest bit of laughter. “Wait-” he stiffens and his back pulls straight, he hops to his feet and steps back to tilt his face up towards her, “I can hear you.” 

“I can hear you! But… Wait- is it because of him? Because of Keith?”

The thing about the Lions was that don’t use words in the same way humans do. It is more feelings and instincts that they are able to communicate, rather than language. 

Even then, it isn’t always clear what they are trying to tell him.

But at the thought of Keith, a warmth had washed over him that felt like it was coming from something beyond him. 

“Yeah, I love him too.” He pauses and looks into her eyes, though they’re still not lit up. “Do you know where Black is?“

There’s confusion mixed with affirmation.

“So...not exactly? Alright. Can you tell me? We need your guidance, we have to find her.”

She grunts.

“One thing at a time, my apologies. Can you tell me?”

Rejection.

“Ah.” his stomach bottoms out, “Can you tell Keith?”

Affirmation.

“Alright just… one last question then, and I understand if you can’t answer this. It’s not really my place to ask. Besides, you may not know, either. It’s probably the least of our concerns-”

She huffs.

“Rambling… Right. You know, you really remind me of Keith. I don’t think he was suited for Black in the end. You both did what you had to.”

There’s pain there and an emptiness.

“Do you think Black will have me back?”

Silence.

He chews on his lip and crosses his arms over his chest, “I think I’m as meant to be her pilot as Keith is to be yours. It’s just a feeling I have. Anyways, thank you, Red. Keith and the others should be here soon.”

The others arrive and it’s odd to feel affection for Keith coming from someone other than himself. 

“What’s got you so smiley?” Lance chuckles.

“Still riding that afterglow-” 

“Pidge!” Shiro admonishes and rubs sheepishly at the back of his neck.

She shrugs and sticks out her tongue. 

The two play shove each other until they part at their Lions. 

Hunk offers him a shrug as he heads to Yellow. 

And Keith-

Keith walks slowly up to him, there’s an ease to his gait and not a wrinkle on his face. Shiro swears he can feel the power that walks along with Keith, which seems to engulf and emit off him- it’s not too dissimilar to the zap of electricity. It’s a quiet current that runs uninterrupted inside his nerves.

Life radiates off Keith and everything in the room stills as he walks past it. It threatens to consume Shiro, steal his air, in the same breath it promises to fill him with oxygen and bend the universe around him-

Him, and Keith-

Everything bends around him and Keith.

Keith’s footsteps are silent even as they take him right in front of Shiro. 

“C’mon,” he says, voice roughened with a rasp soothed by sweet honey, as he extends a hand out.

Shiro looks at Keith’s hand, fingertips rough with callouses but skin smooth and soft looking everywhere else. 

“It’ll be ok,” Keith waves the hand a little. 

Shiro lets him take hold of his hand and bring them in front of Red. She opens her mouth and lets them in.

Red doesn’t say anything more or try to shut her jaw on Shiro.

Keith just guides them both in surely. 

Keith settles into the pilot’s chair with a warm laugh, “It’s good to be back,” he flexes his hands on the armrest and then drums his fingers along the control sticks. 

Shiro can feel how right this is- he can see it on Keith’s face, that the man belongs in Red, and always has.

Keith’s eyes slip closed and he breathes in a breath that lifts his chest and then lets it out slowly; The grip on Red’s controls tightens and relaxes with it. Shiro can feel the connection he’d had with Red earlier close off; whatever she has to say now is between Keith and her alone. He walks over so he can rest his back against her frame and watch Keith’s face-- lookout for any clues as to what they’re discussing, what she’s telling Keith. 

Shiro has never been more grateful that Keith wears his emotions in plain view. 

Keith’s eyebrows lift and scrunch together and once more those hands clutch at the controls, lip worrying between his teeth. But as soon as it had come on, all the movement and expression drains from Keith and he goes still.

The air inside Red feels charged but the buzz of it isn’t unpleasant or threatening-- just powerful, all-present, and alive. 

Keith gasps and jerks out of the paralysis he appeared to be in and tosses his head around, eyes searching, before landing on the comms. He turns them on and the line crackles as it connects to the other Lions. Sweat is forming at his brow and he’s nearly stuttering, “We need to go to Dzaroon.”

The team tries to speak but Keith cuts the connection off immediately. He’s panting and shaking, head slumped forward like he’s about to vomit. 

Shiro rushes to Keith’s side. He gets down to his knees and tentatively places fingertips along the clammy skin at the back of Keith’s hand. “Are you ok? What happened? Have you ever heard of this planet before?”

Keith shakes his head.

“It’s ok, we can talk later-- or not. Do you need help getting up?” 

Keith’s breath shudders audibly as he nods.

“I’m gonna go slow, you look like you’re gonna be sick.”

Shiro helps Keith up with steady and careful movement, slinging the man’s arm around his shoulder and supporting him by a hand wrapped around his hip. Keith seems in no rush either. Shiro has to jostle him a bit to pull him to his feet. They leave Red and the others are waiting outside her. Lance goes up to them, finger pointed and expression tight, until he seems to get a good look at Keith. He asks Shiro what happened but all Shiro can provide is an honest, “I don’t know,” and Lance respects him enough to drop it. 

“You guys should go meet up with Coran and fill him in. I’m gonna take Keith to a po-”

“I’m fine, Shiro,” Keith croaks, “Take me with you to the control room.” 

Shiro pauses a moment before replying with a quiet, “ok,” and leading the team to the control room. 

Keith is slow to walk in his pregnant state and much more so that he’s sick, but the others follow behind leisurely without complaint. 

“Man, I can’t wait to fight these cowards.” Pidge declares and Shiro can imagine her shaking her fist along with her words.

“They’ve been baiting us this whole time but even with just four Lions, they won’t bother to tango,” Lance clicks his tongue, “Once we have Black and form Voltron? It’s gonna be all over for them.”

Hunk hums and then replies, “I mean, what do they even have against Voltron? It would make sense if they were part of the Empire but-- their ships didn’t look that way. And from what we can guess from...Keith’s situation... The Empire is good and alive right now. Maybe they’re like a task force?”

“It does seem peculiar that they would not be outfitted with Empire ships. It concerns me then, if a small group is after us, what does the Empire at large want with us?” Allura’s words freeze the blood in Shiro’s veins; What plan could be more heinous than taking out team Voltron?

They make it to the control room and Coran meets them at the entrance. 

“I was just about to call you-- we’ve found something of the people behind all this on Dzaroon.” 

Pidge barks out an incredulous laugh, “Keith, whatever the fuck Red told you, she was on to something.”

Coran looks at everyone with confusion. 

“Red spoke to me,” Keith’s voice is raw and he gently pries Shiro away and stands up to his full height, “She told me that we should go there.”

Coran hums and strokes his mustache. “Well, then, perhaps all things are pointing towards doing just that.”

“Well what are we waiting for?”Lance gestures.

“Uhm, Lance, maybe we shouldn’t just go in without a plan,” Hunk says.

“He is right, we do not know what exactly we are up against or if they are waiting with a fleet of the Empire there. It is best we spend time observing the planet and formulate a strategy.” Allura says.

Shiro nods, “I agree with Allura. They may be expecting us and Dzaroon may be their base. There haven’t been signs of them, so let’s take this time to gather intel.”

He looks to Keith, who looks back. Keith nods. 

“Actually, Coran - everyone -, Keith and I thought it was time for his check-up with a medic. I understand the risk of us traveling, especially to places we’ve already been before, but we were thinking of finding a medic nearby. It’s kind of a formality but I wanted to ask if everyone is ok with that.”

A shine brightens Hunk’s eyes, “Of course, Shiro, Keith, we want the baby to be healthy. I’m fine with holding down the fort.”

“We’ll reign in our trouble-making… for now,” Pidge snickers and elbows Lance who scoffs but nods.

His real concern though is Allura, but there’s nothing but softness to her face. No doubt this brings to mind the times Keith had been on missions with the Blades and they needed him. But with the look in her eyes, he can tell that times have changed. 

Things are different now.

And maybe that’s because Voltron can’t be formed yet-- but Shiro can’t help but feel it’s something different. 

Her posture straightens and her shoulders roll back and widen and he’s reminded again that while she is their friend and teammate, she is a queen. 

“We can handle this while you two are away.” She smiles and steps into Shiro’s space, laying a strong, elegant hand on his shoulder. Then she turns to Keith and repeats the gesture. “I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for your sacrifice in this. You are with child and it would have been understandable had you wished to leave-- I can’t imagine what it’s like to be put through all this danger when it’s too evident that you love your child and want the best for them. In Altea, we would have presented you with a medal for your valor and sacrifice. Keith, thank you, and do not worry. Go where you are needed.”

Keith then does something Shiro has never seen him do without prompting-- he sweeps Allura into a hug. It makes her eyes go wide and then settle down, tears spring from them as she returns the gesture with a hand cradling the back of his head. It’s brief, over before Shiro can really process it, but it leaves behind it an adoration blossoming ever further inside Shiro’s chest. His chest squeezes almost painfully.

“Thank you, Princess.”

It leads to Hunk initiating a group hug that lasts longer and draws laughter out from everyone, a sound that fills the entirety of the room and breathes life into the cold of the metal around them. 

They eventually break apart but as Shiro walks with Keith out of the room he still feels that connection. 

With Shiro’s hand firmly at the delicate curve of Keith’s back, the two chatter warmly as they head to Shiro’s room to pack and find a medic.

* * *

Keith and Shiro find a medic that’s an hour away by small ship. Keith had wanted to take Red, but it was decided that she would be too visible and leave them both vulnerable as they ventured out and away from Atlas alone.

It’s hard for Shiro to deny his unease- being far away from the others, with Keith so pregnant, so vulnerable -- but he recognized that he’d need to remain calm for Keith’s sake. For all the times Keith had been his rock, Shiro wanted to be Keith’s- the way he had been in the days before Voltron.

He keeps a hand on Keith the whole ride there.

It’s the perfect opportunity for Shiro to ask him questions about the pregnancy. Keith answers most without hesitation. Shiro learns that cravings are very real and they only seem to get stranger. Keith, though seems loath to admit it, comes clean that he is feeling really tired and he hopes the medic can prescribe something to help him not sleep so much. 

Shiro just doesn’t have the heart to admit that he thinks it’s just time Keith slowed down a little more. 

They arrive at their destination. When they exit the ship, the gravity on the planet is slightly heavier than Shiro is used to but he’s been training so much that he’s proud to say it isn’t slowing him down. Keith, however, is struggling and stopping every few feet to press his palms to his lower back and try to balance himself. His face is set in determination but sweat is running down his forehead and his breath is labored.

“Keith…” 

“No, Shiro, I’m fine,” he says but he’s breathing heavily between each word and his head is drooping forward. 

“You look about as fine as I looked when I came back to Earth after the arena.” 

“Hey!” 

Shiro chuckles and waves his hands in placation, “You’re right, I’m sorry. You still look…” he inhales, word sticking in his throat, “gorgeous.” That makes Keith go quiet. “It doesn’t make you weak to need help, Keith. You’ve helped me- let me help you, ok?” He extends an arm to Keith, who looks at it and then takes it. 

To Shiro’s relief the area is quiet and the clinic even quieter- there are only a few people inside and he looks to Keith and sees his shoulders relax and free hand move to rub his belly. 

“Why don’t you go sit down, I’ll check you in, ok?” He’d sent them a message to Kolivan through the holopad on their ride there. Kolivan had arranged the spur-of-the-moment appointment. It felt a little bad using connections to get faster service, but he’d do anything for Keith. Kolivan may never say it, but the Galran man would too.

It does speed up the process. 

Shiro only has to approach the counter and the receptionist smiles at him knowingly. Though she has the respect to let him tell her who they are and what they’re there for. 

  
  


The clinic is simply decorated with paintings that hang on white walls that have rose gold trimmings. Soft instrumental music is playing in the background. There’s a water dispenser that Shiro goes to grab one for him and Keith. Keith knocks it back in two gulps and Shiro hands him his, taking Keith’s to get refilled so he can have some water. 

A small woman who looks more heavily pregnant than Keith sighs and elbows the man sitting next to her, “See, that is how you treat someone pregnant with your child.” 

Shiro is mid-sip and he chokes on the water. He’d deny it if not for having swallowed down the wrong pipe. His eyes meet Keith’s -- whose heightened hearing must have caught it -- and… Keith shakes his head. 

Keith doesn’t mind them mistaking the baby for Shiro’s. 

“Keith”, he feels his heart clench, “you’re gonna let me help you raise this baby as if he were our own, aren’t you?”

The nurse calls them back and Keith outstretches his arms for Shiro to take. 

They go back and Keith’s vitals are taken by a scanner. Shiro can’t help but ask how things are looking. 

“While I can’t say from just this, I understand how worried you must be for your child and partner, so I can say that -at least- his vitals are looking good.”

“Thank you,” Keith rasps.

She takes them back to the room where the doctor will see them. “Would you like your partner to come along, too?”

Keith nods. 

“Alright then you two, the doctor should be in shortly.” 

Keith climbs onto the exam table with Shiro’s assistance and wiggles back onto the pillows. They make a slight crinkling noise accompanied by the sound of fabric ruffling. 

The room is spacious with many clear-windowed cabinets stocked with equipment and medications. There are pictures of Galran babies and smiling mothers. Keith’s eyes are locked on one of the babies and his hand fists the sheet beneath him. 

“It’ll be ok,” Shiro whispers though he isn’t sure he believes it. He should have said he’d do everything he could to make things ok- but that didn’t sound as certain. 

He didn’t want Keith to worry.

The doctor enters with a clipboard and a kind expression. “Keith? How are you doing today?”

Keith chuckles weakly, “‘m tired.”

She walks over to a counter and pulls out some equipment, “Well, at this point, I would be more worried if you weren’t. Though-” she turns to face him and fixes him with a look, “not getting enough rest and overworking oneself can definitely contribute undue drowsiness.”

“So you mean there’s nothing you can do?”

“Depending on what your results show us, that could be a yes or a no.”

The medic scans Keith and, to his great disappointment, he’s healthy. “So, I’m just stuck being tired? How am I supposed to get anything done? What about when the team needs me?”

“Your baby needs you right now and your team will just have to figure things out-” the medic looks to Shiro and he nods.

“It’s ok, Keith. You’re pregnant. I know you hate being slowed down by anything but-- you really need to slow down for this.”

“My thoughts exactly, thank you Mr. Shirogane.”

They do the rest of the check-up and everything comes out well. 

“Now, Keith, you are a long way off but I have to make sure things are in place. Excuse me for having to bring this up, with another in the room, but it is imperative to your health and the health of the baby that I do so. Is your team aware of the birthing plan?” 

Shiro perks up. He had been wondering how- well, how Keith was going to give birth. Now that he had seen every part of Keith, Shiro could only wonder more. 

Keith doesn’t turn to face Shiro but his eyes flick towards him, “Shiro- I opted to not get… another surgery. Not one to change my body again. I don’t know if I’m even going to keep the womb,” he squeezes his eyes shut and rubs them with his palms, “I’m sure you figured it out but I don’t have anything for the baby to come out of. Which means I’ll have to get surgery for the baby to be taken out. So when my due date comes, I need to remain in a pod to be put in stasis while I get transported to a hospital. Otherwise, the baby is going to rip through my body and potentially kill me.”

“But- why would they not…?”

“This whole thing, whatever purpose it was for, they wanted me to suffer, Shiro. Which… brings me to a question I have for you,” he turns to the medic, “is there anything that can be done about the scar tissue?”

“The easiest option would be surgical removal-”

“-I don’t want surgery-”

“However, I understand that can be invasive and so the other option would be for you to massage it. Massaging the scar tissue will help it soften and become more pliable. It will likely never go away- but it will be easier to live with. Either you or someone you trust, can take some oil and very slowly, gently, work at the tissue. Now, if you do have another person do this, please be aware that it can bring up memories. They would need to respect that and be understanding.”

Keith looks at Shiro, eyes soft with trust but brow troubled with worry. 

‘Of course,’ he mouths at Keith. 

They finish up the appointment and the medic sends Keith home with some natural herbs to help with his energy, even if there’s not much that can be done, and some oil to aid with the massaging.

There’s electric energy between them as they travel back. Neither dares say it but they seem to be able to both feel it; they’re going to try again that night- which is quickly settling in Shiro notices as his eyes flick up to the clock reading on the navigation screen. 

A part of him wonders if it is appropriate to be excited-- this is more than just sex-- but Keith keeps looking at him with lowered lashes and a mouth that’s parted slightly and Shiro nearly dares not to glance down, except he does and- 

It seems more than appropriate for him to be excited.

The team of course greets them warmly and has questions on Keith’s health.

Keith grumbles that everything is ok, but that he’s tired and just wants to go to bed. 

Shiro quickly pops out an excuse that he’s going to check and make sure Keith gets to bed alright, but Pidge wiggles her eyebrows and Hunk sighs as Lance scoffs. Allura and Coran share a look and then bid Shiro a good night with soft expressions. 

The nerves follow him down the hallway as it really hits him what he’s about to do. It’s different than last night, different than when it was just passion and the promise of getting to experience something so intimate with Keith- something he had tried for so long to not want, to not think about, but ultimately had ended up finding him time and time again. It was more than pleasure. There was pleasure with Curtis. There would always be a way to find pleasure. 

But connection? Love? Sharing his body and being shared with as more than just a way to chase a high or release? That he’d be letting himself be entirely vulnerable to the one person who it truly mattered what they thought? 

Suddenly there were stakes. 

Suddenly, he was no longer the confident man he’d known himself to be. He may have been insecure but he was not blind and he knew that he was attractive. As hard as it was to admit, he knew it. 

But he wasn’t chasing just any man now. With Keith, all of the faux confidence he has just vanishes and it’s like the man always manages to get him naked emotionally. Keith tears him open and leaves him raw without even meaning to. He’s a wild ride of emotion. Any bravado melts the second Keith’s gaze falls upon him.

He’s not going to join himself with Keith tonight, nor for a long time he predicts, but he’s going to lay beside him and whisper sweet things and hold him if he cries and Keith’s body is going to know the gentlest touch Shiro will have ever given. He’s going to help Keith finally-  _ finally-  _ heal. And it’s going to heal some of Shiro’s own wounds in the process.

His heart aches in the best of ways that he gets to be there for Keith.

He enters their room and Keith is sitting upright at the edge of the bed, hands folded over his lap- as much lap as there is with the baby being so big.

Keith looks up at Shiro and those hands tighten their hold on each other. “I’m nervous,” Keith says in that way he always says what’s on his mind even when it’s obvious. Maybe he does it because he craves the same openness.

“I’d be more worried if you weren’t. I’ll take it slow though, ok? Let me know how you’re feeling, though I’m gonna do my best to read you. This is all at your pace, baby. All at your pace.”

Shiro steps next to the bed and gets down to his knees before Keith. He takes in the sight of Keith, how swollen his belly looks from down there, how soft his skin is, and how vulnerable those deep violet eyes are looking at him.

Those eyes flick down and Shiro can feel them trace a line down to his lips. The light catches those irises and the pupils are threatening to swallow their beauty whole. A pain strikes down Shiro’s spine- an ache, a need- that at once has everything to do with laying Keith back gently and burying inside and nothing to do with it at all. It’s heady and thick but it’s intimate and soft.

It’s a compulsion beyond the physical-- Shiro can only recognize this to be what it feels like to want to couple with someone for love, for sake of joining bodies. He could cry out into the quiet room in this desperation.

The desperation to love Keith.

“I know this isn’t about sex, but would you like to be warmed up?” The last thing he wants is for this to be clinical. But this isn’t about him.

“Please,” Keith rasps and unclasps his hands to cradle Shiro’s cheeks between them. “I want to satisfy you. Make love to me.”

He rises to meet his lips to Keith because nothing he says can convince the man that he already has.

Keith's lips taste so beautiful and Shiro wants to drown in them- drown in all of Keith, from the salt of his sweat to the no doubt addicting tang of his spend. Tiny but strong fingers weave through Shiro’s hair and grip tight as they lose themselves to the movement of lips and tongues and the melody of sweet moans and gasps.

  
  
  


* * *

They leave the bedroom some hours later and make their way to the control room to speak with Coran. 

Coran perks up when they enter, ”I was just about to call you. We’ve found something. It’s vague but there’s... a signal coming from a quadrant right here.” He presses buttons on the console and the map projects some constellations. He gestures through the hologram and enlarges the stars. It zooms until a section is highlighted. 

Keith walks forward and reaches out. 

”You know that place?” Shiro asks.

He shakes his head. He’s not familiar with this system at all.

”What led you to this, Coran?”

”Well, my boy, we scanned our team to see if the rooms left traces. And, sure enough, there were trace elements that came from each room. Turns out there was an element that isn’t naturally found and the way it’s been refined is a technique special to engineers in this cluster.”

”Is that as much as we could surmise for now?” Shiro steps up beside Keith.

”Yes. We are headed in that direction but it’s still a vast spread of space. It’s going to be a while before we get any closer on where to look.”

And the days come to drag. They drift slowly through the stars because they have no clear direction. In the meantime, Pidge works with Allura to track down any intel on the bandits.

But things start to settle a little. At least, it settles enough to where Shiro and Keith feel more comfortable spending time alone and working on Keith’s scars. 

It’s a process and sometimes Keith ends sessions because he enters a flashback and he kicks out and screams. Other times it’s sweet and gentle and lulls him to sleep. A few times, it leads to intimacy - just not penetrative sex. It’s still nice to experience sex as something positive and loving.

Those times are Keith’s favorite.

Keith and Shiro lose themselves in it. They get to be just two young people wildly in love. Keith can finally live out all the dreams he’s ever had of falling asleep and waking up beside Shiro. 

It happens one day during breakfast. 

Keith is sipping on his tea when there’s a tugging sensation. It knocks the mug from his grip which then hits the table and the floor, shattering. 

He clutches his head and gnashes his teeth to fight the intensity of the feeling. 

His vision loses focus. 

He barely registers Shiro’s hand wrapping around his shoulder. 

Keith brings a hand down to the table to stabilize himself and mutters through gritted teeth that he’s fine. He collapses to the floor.

”Get me... get me to Coran.” 

He groans when they ask him to go to a pod. He feels like he’s being pulled somewhere far beyond the ship. The last thing he wants right now is to be stuffed into a pod.

It’s impossible to orient himself when he’s pulled to his feet. It’s unclear who even helps him. All he knows is the world is swimming around him and his mind feels like it’s ripping from his skull.

He barely remains standing as he’s helped to, what he hopes is, Coran.

After some time he can make out Coran’s voice but not what he’s saying. 

“Open the map,” Keith’s vision returns to him to see the stars hovering in the air. 

He doesn’t touch anything and neither does anyone else but still, it moves. It’s like it’s reacting to that sensation in his stomach because the movement on the map mirrors it. When the map stops the sensation does too and he has to catch himself from falling by leaning palms on his thighs. 

“...Keith? You- uh- alright?” Lance is the first one to break the silence and move. 

“I don’t know how to explain it.” He says through labored breaths.

“Did you just control the map with your mind?” Pidge is quick to come up to him. She tilts her head and inspects him. The press of her brows tells him that she’s already losing herself to theories. 

“I don’t know.” He just wants to lie down.

They ask him a few more questions but his answer remains the same each time. 

They even ask if he knows anything about the planet on the map. He doesn’t. 

“I’ll pull up any data I can find on it,” Pidge assures them, “Coran, you want to do the same?”

“Good idea Number 5.”

Pidge sits down in front of a computer and types away furiously. She makes noises and faces.

“You’re shitting me.” 

“What is it, Pidge?” Shiro asks.

Pidge lightly smacks the monitor, “One Dzarood served fresh and hot.” She wiggles out of the seat and approaches the map. 

“Right there,” she points to the star in the middle. 

“Coran, I think it’s time we made a plan to visit.”

* * *

  
  


They arrive on the planet that Coran pinpointed.

Well- more like they get pulled into the atmosphere, sucked into a storm, and crash land in what looks to be like the only semi-forested area. The Lions burn down some trees but gusts wind pick up sand that put the fire out quickly.

It’s a desert climate planet, not unlike from what Keith remembers from his time being raised in New Mexico. It’s not entirely without flora, but what it does have is more gray than brown. The air is dry and the sun beats down hot. 

Keith doesn’t feel like walking about, he’s got a headache and feels dizzy. But he’d rather not suffer the team worrying about him. Besides that, they aren’t sure who Black will respond to now and they want both Keith and Shiro, figuring it’s likely to be either of them if anyone.

The planet is a relatively developed one at least. The buildings are brick and the streets a cobbled stone. There are roads and vehicles and they aren’t the only ones about. Stalls and street vendors line the road in one direction and the aroma of food beckons Keith in. 

“Keith-” it’s Shiro-- of course it’s Shiro-- who notices that Keith can’t take his eyes off the stalls and has a fist clenched atop his belly, “Are you hungry?”

He grits his teeth and nods. 

“Everyone, why don’t we stop and get something to eat.” Shiro proclaims loud, causing the group to stop and look at him.

Allura turns to Keith and then back to Shiro, lip worrying between her teeth, “I must apologize, but I do believe it is best we head straight to the inn Coran has directed us to. I imagine we can eat once we are there.”

Pidge grumbles as she taps hard against the screen of her comm, “Yeah, once we get there. Stupid electromagnetic storms have our comms all scattered still.”

”Should we ask them if they know where the inn is?” Lance jabs a thumb in the direction of some dog-like, humanoid aliens passing by. 

Which only makes Keith think of Galra being “space cats”. 

Keith’s loath to admit it, especially to Lance, that  _ yeah _ , Galra are maybe a bit space cat-like. The universe tends to recycle its successful designs. And if Galra are space cats, and this species is space dogs, well--

The locals are making him feel a touch... edgy. 

Pidge snorts. ”Uh, yeah,” she changes the pitch of her voice, imitating Lance poorly, ”Excuse me but-”

”I don’t sound like that!”

Pidge snickers and shrugs.

Shiro cracks a smile, which makes Keith feel gooey inside.

”Pidge, be nice. Lance does have a point. I think our best bet is to ask around. Though, what for, I’m not sure. None of us can contact Coran right now and I don’t remember the name of the inn.” Shiro looks around as if surveying the people, and figuring out how they should approach them. 

The passersby’s Lance had pointed to are already gone.

But their decision is made for them when one of the aliens, a tall and stocky one, saunters over toward Keith.

If Keith had fur, his hackles would be raised. The alien is looking directly at him, the closer they come, the more Keith shrinks into himself. 

They step into his personal space.

”Hello there, I couldn’t help but notice-,” their voice is deep, their eyes rake Keith up and down and land where Keith would rather them not. He has to fight the reflex to cover himself because that might draw more attention to his stomach.

The alien sniffs and leans in a little closer. Keith raises his hands to keep them from coming any nearer. ” I haven’t seen you around here before.”

Shiro’s arm shoves between Keith and the alien.

Keith looks around, everyone else is looking shocked with pink cheeks. Then he looks to Shiro. Shiro’s expression is hard.

”Yes, we just landed. We were actually looking for-” Keith opens his mouth before he can stop himself. The alien pauses, looking down at Keith, their chin nearly tucked fully against their chest in order to make eye contact from their height and how close they are to him.

It wouldn’t be wise to tell a stranger what. Though they had joked earlier about it, no one had made the move to actually ask someone, and it felt like a silent agreement that it could cause danger. Keith has an idea, and it’s not one he particularly likes.

But it’s an idea.

Keith gently nudges Shiro away from himself. He turns back to the stranger and smiles in a way he hopes looks sheepish. 

He reaches a hand out and lays his hand on the stranger’s arm. This was part of why he hated leading the team; he didn’t like diplomacy and the facades that came with it.

What he hadn’t learned as leader of Voltron, he learned as the husband to Handror, in order to be paraded around.

”You see, I’m in need of some food and a place to rest my feet,” Keith gestures down at his belly, ”We’re trying to find an inn for my friends and I,” he motions around and doesn’t meet Shiro’s gaze, wanting to gag as the stranger’s eyes shine a little brighter at the word friend. 

Keith leans in closer, draws his fingers down to the stranger’s hand. ”I --  _ we  _ \-- could use your help.”

How many times has Keith had to play flirty to soothe some dignitary? It stings how easily it comes now. Handror trained him well.

”Runurn--my name that is,” Runurn turns their hand in Keith’s grip and raises Keith’s to their lips while bowing. ”Assisting you would be my... pleasure.”

Keith wants anything but to give them any satisfaction, much less pleasure. But one of those wants is finding the Black Lion.

”Thank you,” Keith extracts his hand and tucks it into his pocket. “My name is Yorak.”

Runurn comes beside Keith and leads Keith with a hand at the small of his back. They try to make pleasant small talk with the rest of the team, at least, as they walk. 

Though they make a point to ask Shiro how long he’s been friends with Keith.

”I am glad we crossed paths. If you’ll excuse me saying, with this storm right now, it is no condition for you to be out in, sweetheart.”

He hears a sharp inhale behind him.

Keith wants to throw a punch at Runurn’s fuzzy face, knock that mouth with harsh knuckles, make him shut up. He can’t manage to thank them, though he knows he should, but he does run a hand over his bump and duck his head with a shy flick of his gaze up towards them.

”Don’t you worry, I quite know how to treat one in your condition properly.” They turn their head back towards the team, and then back to Keith. ”Not everyone is as gentle as they need to be.”

And some are more gentle than they should be.

Keith chuckles high pitched and soft. He’d rather not have someone’s hands on him. The hand gives him a few pats.

He’d  _ really  _ rather not have someone’s hands on him.

The inn looks like what Keith would expect from seeing the rest of the town. It’s homey and roomy; the lobby is spacious and has a fireplace and various benches all around. There’s a back counter and bar that’s well-stocked. The air outside is cold and the sky is turning orange, and it makes the inn feel cozier. 

Keith’s almost certain it will start to fill with people soon.

Runurn urges Keith to sit by the fire and lays their jacket next to him. Shiro sits on his other side.

”I’ll bring us some ale,” Nunurn excuses himself.

As soon as they’re gone to the bar, Lance opens his mouth, but before he can speak Keith cuts him off.

”Later,” he fixes Lance with his most serious stare. This is intelligence gathering, and he can’t have anyone mess up what Keith’s working so hard to get. As pissed as he is, he’d be even more pissed if he suffered the alien for naught.

He looks at Shiro for just a moment. It’s long enough to see that the man is glaring hard at the hands he’s folded onto his lap.

Runurn comes back and hands Keith the first mug of ale. They assure Keith that the drink is light enough for him to safely have. Which does nothing to stop Keith from not wanting to drink it.

He sips it.

It’s sweet and also earthy. It warms him, makes his toes curl in his boots.

“I was not expecting visitors for 58th Procession of the Moon this year given the weather,” Runurn crosses a leg over his thigh and downs a hearty swig and a look from the corner of his vision. “Xenon had to cancel their ceremony as well.”

Keith taps a pointer finger on the mug. It's ceramic rings in the space of silence that came into the conversation. His eyes flick up to individually meet the others. The Procession of the Moon. Like the one they had performed at the escape room.

”We’ve been dreaming of attending the festival.” He thinks he remembers Coran mentioning one 

”I see. We have been getting more visitors over the years for the Procession as Xenon has become more and more abandoned. My apologies that the weather is as such- we have tried to send a beacon out to inform potential visitors of it. It is expected to last the duration of the festival. The city will raise its shields, however,” Runurn waves his hand. ”The commencement feast will begin later tonight. Until then I am happy to show you around.”

Keith agrees and lets the man ramble about the festival while he finishes his drink.

Runurn doesn’t leave Keith’s side as they exit the inn. Even with Shiro plastered to Keith and their arms bumping until he places a hand at Keith’s lower back, Runurn hovers. 

Runurn leads the team through the alleyways and it’s a few streets before Keith can see people setting up for the evening. There are stringed lights being strung from building to building. Decals are affixed to the windows of shops. Excited chatter fills the streets and it’s hard for Keith not to lean into that joy. It reminds him of the shops at Christmas time back on Earth and makes him wonder how long it’s been since he’s celebrated it properly. 

It makes him wonder when he’ll be back on Earth and if Shiro intends for them to settle there. 

As they walk through he sees beyond the buildings where they’re setting up what must be the shield they talked about. 

Keith looks up at the sky- the storm does seem to be lowering.

A nagging feeling prickles at his neck and causes him to swivel his head until he finds the source. 

”What’s that way?” He asks.

Runurn hums. ”That would be the trading stalls. Come, let us venture there. We have time enough to tour the whole city.” 

The storm is finally over them. The shield begins to lift around them and a ship barely makes it through. 

”Runurn, are ships able to leave through the shield?”

”I am afraid not. Even if it were possible navigating ships through that storm would prove disaster* for most makes.” 

Keith just nods. On their way to the market, he takes a mental inventory of the team’s weapons. His time as an officer in the Blades has him evaluating the area.

The market is filled with all manner of trinkets that sparkle and shine. There are swords and daggers, that have Pidge and Hunk rushing over. Jewelry catches the eyes of Allura and Lance. Shiro stays with Keith, as does Runurn. 

That feeling Keith had felt in the navigation room returns. It’s stronger here- though not as debilitating. The tugging sensation is more of a rough pull now. 

He follows it to an unassuming stall. 

The wares are odds and ends that Keith recognizes are from all over the universe. They’re small, cheap items. He looks around for the source of the feeling. On a shelf in the middle of the shop, he notices it. It’s an old, garish ring. He picks it up and when his fingers make contact there’s an electricity that buzzes through him.

Shiro squeezes his shoulder. 

“You alright?” Shiro asks quietly.

“Yeah, this-” he’s still wary of who might be listening, “caught my eye.”

He purchases it with the currency they’d stopped off to get on their way there. Sliding it into his pocket a calm sense washes over him.

He looks to Shiro. Shiro nods.

They meet back up with the others who have purchases of their own. 

Other stalls get Keith’s attention from the smell of their food. Even with the feast later, he stops off to get some snacks. Then they meet back up with Runurn and the others to head back to the Inn at Runurn’s suggestion to free their hands for the feast later. 

He offers to escort Keith up the stairs but Shiro is quick to intervene. 

There’s a quickening of his pulse at the thought of letting the ring go. It surprised Keith that Runurn had let him have space when the team was in the marketplace. Unease and distrust still marr his opinions of the alien.

He follows Shiro up the stairs, still wondering what brought him to the planet. 

Soon, he realizes, everything will become clear. 

The room he’s sharing with Shiro is small despite Runurn having bargained with the Innkeeper to give them the best available. 

The room is cozy at least. And Keith would take that over fancy and sprawling any day. 

There are two beds but Shiro is quick to move them together. 

“What happened out there?” Shiro asks quietly despite them being alone in the room.

Keith plops down on the bed and removes the ring from his pocket, holding its cool metal in his palm. There is a single, round stone on it. It’s a glowing purple that seems to find the light no matter which angle it’s at. The material looks familiar but Keith can’t place where from. The streaks of light that bounce off the ring and onto his skin are yellow.

“I don’t know. The feeling came back and something wouldn’t let me leave without this.”

Shiro reaches his hand out and Keith tentatively places it in the man’s palm. He’s not sure the reason for his own hesitation - the thought of parting with the ring just twists his stomach. 

“I wonder if this is what brought us here,” Shiro holds the ring up to the light with trouble in his brow. Keith is almost positive that Shiro recognizes it too. “No, I’m sure it is. The question is why?”

“You recognize it too, don’t you?”

Shiro licks his lip and purses them before speaking hoarsely, “Yeah. I can’t remember from where, or what it is but there’s something… familiar and unsettling about this. It must be memories of what feels like lifetimes ago now.”

He hands it back to Keith and hums his ascent. 

Keith eyes one of the low bedside dressers but he thinks he’d rather keep the ring with him. 

There’s a strange wholeness he’s getting from having it on him and instincts are telling him to not let it out of his sight. 

”There’s something more to that, isn’t there?” Shiro points to the ring in Keith’s hands. “You hesitated when you gave it to me.”

Keith can’t stop turning it over in his hand as if he’ll find the answers to his questions hidden somewhere on the ring. ”Yeah. I can’t explain it. I don’t think it’s a good idea to put this down.”

”You’ve always been more in-tune. If anyone should follow their instincts it would be you.” 

Keith nods and stuffs it back in his pocket. “We should put it through the scanners in Red tonight, hopefully, her communications with the Atlas will be back up by then.”

Keith sighs, knowing that with that out of the way there is something else to address.”Shiro, look, about Runurn-”

“It’s fine,” Shiro says but the words have a bite to them.

“Shiro, don’t do this.”

“I just didn’t expect an act like that from you of all people. I get why you did it though. I hate it but that’s my own demon to handle.” 

Keith looks carefully at the man. His arms are crossed over his chest and expression sour. But Keith believes that Shiro knows it’s necessary.

“I hate it as much as you do,” he pats the bed beside him, “I hate lying and pretending. It’s never been something that came naturally to me. I can’t stand how easy it is now. Runurn took so much of who I was from me. I’m not someone I feel I can look in the mirror anymore.”

Shiro sits down and is quiet. He rubs his hands together on his lap. He rubs his face in his palms. Hangs his head down. 

“We’ve changed Keith. And that’s… ok. We can’t do anything about that. We’ll never be who we were back then. We are who we are now,” he takes a breath and looks over to Keith, dark circles beneath his eyes and loose exhaustion in his expression “But we can work towards becoming better as we move forward. Yeah, there’s so much I wish to undo, to un-become, but I have to let go of that. Of the past. What really matters is the future, from here on out.”

Keith reaches a hand over to Shiro’s thigh. “You’ve grown.”

Shiro chuckles softly, “As have you.”

Keith pulls the man in for a kiss that is sweet and warm and soothes his nerves. 

“C’mon, let’s get cleaned up. Can’t start my future with you feeling like I rolled in the mud.” Keith sticks his tongue out and climbs to his feet, extending a hand to help Shiro up.

* * *

  
  


Shiro and Keith head down into the lobby freshly showered and changed. 

The other paladins are meant to file in soon but only Runurn is there which makes Shiro grumble under his breath. Keith touches the ring beneath his clothes; it still feels like it’s humming with life.

Runurn leads the whole group out of the inn and just a few hours of cleaning up (followed by intimacy in Keith and Shiro’s case) was enough to see the town transformed. 

There are lights and smells of food and more people on the street than it seemed it were housing. From outside the dome shielding them in is a dark and greenish storm that blinks with lightning.

Shiro extends an arm and Keith takes it.

They are led to what was the open town square but is now lined with tables and seating and an unimaginative amount of food. Keith sits down where Runurn directs them. He tries to hold in the huff of relief at getting off his feet. There’s no way Shiro can hear it over the chatter but the man still looks at Keith and brushes his braid flat against his back. 

As the seats are mostly taken, some people stand.

Keith notices people with clothing that is more lavish, accessories more ornate, call for silence. 

One woman, whose face is adorned with markings in the shape of leaves, remains standing as even the others take their seats. 

Her voice is kind as she thanks everyone for being present. 

”It is always a shame when foul weather befalls ceremony and merriment- but these are times when we can muster gratitude; for there is safety and joy even in a storm. May the raging heavens go silent as the sounds of merriment drown them out.” 

The people cheer and Keith offers some claps too. 

He turns his head to Shiro who smiles at him. 

The feast begins with waiters who walk*up and down between the tables, filling plates and goblets up. 

Keith plays footsie with Shiro beneath the table while they eat. 

They’re in their own little bubble surrounded by the people they love and the people he’s sure he could love. Galaxies away and Keith always finds his heart aching. He’d defend the universe many times over for all these people. But maybe, most importantly, he’d do it for Shiro. He’d do it to give the man a universe to explore and discover and get lost in. 

As he watches Shiro’s attention get grabbed by Hunk, Keith wants to whisper to him that everything, all of this, was for him. 

After they eat they’re led out beyond the town and onto a path cobbled and lined with trees. 

A whole expanse of natural hot springs spreads wide in front of them.

The people stop and strip their clothes and Keith puts the ring on and follows without hesitation. The other paladins- 

not so much. 

”I have heard the behavior of humans is inclined towards hiding the body in shame. Though it would seem you are well oriented to your Galran roots,” Runurn walks up to Keith, “Indeed if the tales are true of your service in the Blades after the war, I would be surprised if you had not encountered these types of ceremonies. We inherited this tradition from early Galran settlers after all.” 

Keith lowers into the spring. Their hesitation left Keith alone with Runurn. 

”The Galrans gave many cultures their traditions,” Keith rasps. The water is soothingly warm without being scorching and it’s hard to hold anger when his body is getting relaxed. He’s annoyed by the other but intent on enjoying this experience anyway.

Runurn hums.”I cannot deny this. I sometimes wonder how much of what I consider being of my people is actually artifacts from these Galran that came so long ago.” 

Silence hangs between them for a moment. The springs are large enough that despite all the people, there is plenty of room between everyone. Keith listens to the quiet, joyful chatter around them.

He doesn’t blame anyone for their harsh opinions on the Galra. If anyone understands what harm they are capable of causing, and have caused, it would be Keith. Both from his own experience and seeing what they did to Shiro.

”It took me a long time to come to terms with being Galran.” 

Confusion scrunches Runurn’s face. 

”They had taken everything from Shiro. I… I didn't want to be one of them.” he tilts his head back and watches the storm raging through the gaps in the crowns of trees. 

”And what do you feel now?”

”That equally I can't change who I am and that I owe it to the universe to try and undo the wrongs as best I can.” the lightning flashes angry from beyond the safety of the shield, ”How would you feel if you learned if half of you had been a species that conquered the universe?” 

”I agree that would be awful. But what, then, do you feel about Voltron? Was that not also a form of conquering?” 

That takes him aback. He looks the alien in the eyes. It was a sincere question. 

And one Keith had never sincerely considered.

Years ago he would have snapped instantly. But he’s learned to listen. 

”I see the doubt in your face, but I appreciate you not lashing out.”

The other paladins finally join them. 

”Would you like to hear my reasoning?” 

”What are you talking about?” Shiro swims close and eyes Runurn hard. 

”Voltron’s destruction.” He returns Shiro’s cold stare. 

Shiro’s teeth clench, ”They saved the universe.”

Keith knows the insinuation stung Shiro. Of all people, Shiro would be the most hurt by an accusation that Voltron did harm. Shiro, who had borne the burden of being Champion - that same burden that had led Shiro away from the team, from Black, but most importantly from who the man had always wanted to be.

”Did they, now? And what of the people who were killed because they were caught in between the battles? Or those who didn’t try to save themselves because they were waiting for Voltron?” Runurn’s tone is still even despite the words becoming more malicious. Keith thinks he’s genuinely speaking objectively. 

And Keith hates to admit that he’d not really considered this before.

”It was war. Ideally, no one should have died, but Voltron was just one weapon. It couldn’t be everywhere at once. They did their best.” It takes a lot to get someone like Shiro angry, and even more to get him to show it. But Runurn is hitting Shiro at his weakest spot. 

“Shiro’s right, they answered every call of distress they could,” Keith says.

”Who decided they needed to be anywhere at all? I do not recall ever being asked to be saved.” The neutrality in their voice is slipping. 

”But you got saved anyway.”

”Did we now? We were a bustling planet- a hub of commerce and culture. Even after the Galra has thinned out our own traditions, we’ve still retained many. There were countless cities and settlements on this planet and our flora was lush. But the Empire drained us of our quintessence and Voltron destroyed cities in a cross-fire against the Empire. ”

”Hey-” Keith cuts in, swimming between them and holding a palm out at either of them. ”Can this wait? We’re all exhausted. I just want to enjoy the hot springs.” The aches of pregnancy have settled in well in Keith’s body. 

With them being stranded until the storm passes, the last thing they need is to cause trouble with Runurn or his people.

He gets why Shiro is defensive. 

But he also feels conflicted. In that light, he can see why Voltron might have caused more damage than it prevented or fixed. If anyone was sympathetic about coming to terms with something like this it would be him.

Shiro for his part backs down immediately. His expression rearranges. His eyebrows draw up instead of the down they were set in. His eyes are searching Keith’s face. He reaches a careful hand out and cups Keith’s cheek. 

”I’m fine. Just sore.” 

Shiro’s breath visibly expands and contracts his body before he nods and paddles over to the edge of the spring. He waves for Keith to come rest against him. 

Runurn is quiet beside them and Keith dare not look his way. 

The conversation eventually picks back up. It changes to Keith and the pregnancy. He’s asked how far along he is and he answers with a tender smoothing of his hand along his bump. 

”I’m about halfway there.” 

Something on Runurn’s face softens- ”Congratulations. Is this your first one?”

”Yeah,” Shiro’s voice is a little breathless, a little raspy. His arms wrap around Keith. 

Shock crosses Runurn’s face and red blooms beneath their cheeks. 

But Keith isn’t paying attention to that- 

Keith could weep. He could- but he’ll save it for later when his tears can get brushed away and forehead kissed and he can have Shiro curled around his side. 

Shiro had claimed the baby as his own.

The atmosphere changes at that and while the tension doesn’t completely melt away a lightness sweeps them up. It’s baby talk now. 

Keith hadn’t realized it but more and more he was becoming excited to be a father. The baby was a joy. Maybe they shouldn’t be but they are. The circumstances surrounding their conception are heinous but Keith is strong and Shiro has proved he’ll be there should Keith need. The excitement manifests itself in speech. He’s aware that he launches into rapid chatter but he can’t stop himself. It’s been hard to keep the joy contained. But he’s been afraid to express it lest those around him once again coddle and reduce him to just his pregnancy. 

For their parts, Runurn doesn’t stop him or seem to visibly bore and the rumble of Shiro’s noises acknowledging Keith vibrates through his back. 

Eventually, the other paladins swim up and join the conversation. 

They ask about names (Keith says it’s too early) and they ask about how it feels being pregnant (It’s alright) and they ask what his plans are after the baby is born (He has no idea, and the frustration must come across because Hunk turns the questions around). He asks the team what their plans are and if any of them wants kids. 

Lance nearly jumps to answer, ”I want a large family! Just imagine a whole gang of Lancitos running around.” He laughs. ”Though hopefully, they’ll take after their mama.”

Pidge snickers, ”If they’ll be half as much trouble as you then let’s hope their mom is more cautious.” 

Which of course gets them to bring to attention that Pidge isn’t one to talk. 

Keith notices though that Allura is watching Lance with soft eyes- has been since he answered the question. Keith hates trying to guess people’s behavior outside of diplomatic facades, he never felt good about the results. But there were some things about emotions that he felt through intuition that was spot on. 

He thinks to himself that Allura will be so happy. 

Lance, he realizes, has finally grown into a man worthy of her. 

Runurn gets out of the water to collect drinks for them. 

The evening winds down for the team. Even though there are more festivities, they collectively decide to turn in for the night. Keith is exhausted to the point he lets Shiro carry him back to the inn and up the stairs to their room. He allows the man to lay him gently on the bed and slowly undress him. When Shiro massages his feet, it’s nothing but surrender from Keith.

* * *

Keith falls asleep for about an hour. 

It’s a nice breather, at least until the man jerks awake.

Keith speaks softly through pants,” I had a dream I’m in the Astral Plane and-- I feel like I should be able to make something out but I just...can’t. There’s something in my hands but my vision goes blurry as soon as I look down.”

“Are you having a flashback to when we-” Shiro straightens up and squeezes the feet still in his palms.

“-No! It’s just a dream, Shiro. God.”

The weight next to him relieves, feet pulled away and he hears a thump as they hit the floor. 

Shiro squeezes his eyes shut and rubs them with his palms. Dread strikes him cold.

Keith paces.

“Look, Shiro. I’m… I’m sorry. This-” he pauses and Shiro’s eyes have adjusted enough for the wide gesture of his arms to be seen in the darkness, “It feels important. I feel this pressure- this presence and I’m trying to make it go away.”

Shiro’s blood chills. “When you say presence, do you mean like Hagar?”

The name gets Keith to stop his movements. “No. It doesn’t feel  _ evil _ , just overwhelmi- why? Shiro, are you having thoughts again? Do you want to do some deep breathing with me?”

“No, I’m fine.” this time he pauses and in it he can see the searching gaze of Keith’s eyes that is there. “I’ll be fine. But, you’re my concern right now. If you think this presence might not be bad then have you tried letting it do whatever it is it needs to? Like you’ve done with Red?”

Keith’s instincts are to fight first, make friends later. Shiro wouldn’t doubt if Keith were to have pushed the thing away at the first sign of it. Not that Shiro would do any different, not after everything that happened anyway.

It would be a miracle for a friendly presence but Shiro would never doubt Keith’s intuitions. 

Silence.

But equally- this is no hour for any mysteries. Loathe to admit it, Shiro is human and the day has been long and thoughts of Voltron are nagging at him. He just wants rest.

“Baby, why don’t you come to bed with me? We can do that deep breathing and I’ll hold you and maybe you can give whatever it is a chance?” Shiro doesn’t wait for an answer before lying down.

“You just want to get back to sleep, don’t you, Old Man?” Keith climbs in beside Shiro and curls against his side.

“Would you like harsh honesty or a gentle lie?” He wraps an arm around Keith. 

“Shut up, I’ll make you take a deep breath through my pillow.”

Shiro chuckles and hums, rubbing Keith’s shoulder which fits in the palm of his hand. 

The room stills and all he can hear is the quiet inhales and exhales Keith takes. The breathing presses Keith closer to him, too, so he can feel the rise and fall of his chest. He moves his cheek to the crown of Keith’s head. 

He doesn’t fall asleep but at least it’s easier to deal with the self-hatred having Keith to hold.

* * *

Keith comes to with everything around him swaying in his vision. He rubs at his head or tries to, but he can’t manage to coordinate his hand where he needs it. His head feels like it’s stuffed with cotton.

Groaning, he slowly manages upright and lets the solid wood of the headboard support him.

Shiro is fast asleep beside him. 

Runurn is standing at the door and all Keith can make out is their imposing figure. His fingers clench the blanket into fists.

”Keith.”

He mentally surveys himself for weapons. Finding none, he scans the room for anything suitable.

”I don’t remember ever telling you my name-” Keith begins with caution.

”No, it was your friends, when they were talking to you.”

Keith’s vision wobbles and he can’t keep focus, ”No. Nobody said my name.” 

”Of course I knew your name,” they sound frustrated,” It’s a small universe, Paladin. Small enough that you need to be more careful. If I hadn’t laced your drink earlier-”

”You drugged me.” Cold washes over him, the wave of it pulling him under.

”I wouldn’t put it that way, but, yes, and had I not, you would have been killed - or worse. You are all wanted men, yet you walk about as if you are safe. I have ’drugged’ all of you with a slow-acting poison when we drank. I needed to remove you from their eyes.”

Runurn pauses.

”At this moment, they are gathering on this street. They have watched you, and us, the moment you landed. Now, I apologize for my behavior. I’ve heard...” they pause to wet their lips, as their eyes fall to his stomach, ”I’m sorry.”

”Don’t pity me.” Keith, no longer under the pressure to temper himself, launches at them. Only he’s too out of it for his punch to do anything but bounce off their chest. Which just ramps up his anxiety. He’s sure if he stood he would fall. 

He can’t fight back. 

Shiro isn’t waking.

”Oh God-” Keith whimpers.

”I’m going to give you and Shiro the antidote first. I believe Shiro may calm you down. Again, I am sorry, Keith.”

His headache from earlier is back and he still can’t really see. He feels something in his stomach tugging him towards the side table next to the bed. He turns over on the bed and grabs the ring.

”Your instinct shall prove invaluable. You felt that ring from far enough away that it led you here. We had hoped it would. Now let me give you the antidote.”

Keith snarls. ”How do I know I can trust you?” He sits up as tall as he can but his muscles are still fairly lax and his head droops.

”I... suppose you don’t. I don’t believe I’ve given you much reason to-” Keith snorts at that, ”indeed, I wouldn’t if I were you. My intentions were never pure.”

”How is that supposed to help?” He picks his head up and stumbles out of bed and props himself by a hand on the wall.

”I’m sorry, Keith. We’ve followed you and the other paladins across the galaxies since you had reawoken the Lions. It was never personal-”

” _ You’re _ one of the people who chased us?” 

He nods, ”We were trying to take down Voltron, not specifically you.”

”Why?”

”Because Voltron did terrible things and we didn’t want it to form again. We’d heard rumors of the Empire persisting in the shadows and that they planned to take Voltron back.” 

”Well that’s stupid. We scattered the Lions and Black was hidden beyond reach.”

”Scattered. Voltron  _ was  _ scattered. But now four of five Lions are gathered together. Where we had hoped to stop its uniting we had actually brought it about. But that is no matter, it would have been reunited one way or the other.” He looks at Keith's belly again. Pain comes across his expression.

”The Galra who wished to put Voltron back together was your husband.”

”Handror?” 

It shouldn’t surprise Keith but it does. It delivers a sick punch to the gut. If he weren’t already wobbly he would be then. 

He swallows and shakily brings himself back to the bed to sit down on. 

Runurn purses his lips and unhooks a tiny flask from his hip. ”Here- just one drop will do. I couldn’t give you as much and risk the baby. It should take no more than a minute to settle in.”

Keith takes the offered vial and pops it open with his thumb and drips a tiny bit on his tongue. It doesn’t taste bad, nor good. It tastes earthy. He swallows it and hands the vial back.

Runurn meets his eyes. ”My people wanted me to kill you. Do you know why you could sense the artifact? It is your quintessence-sensitivity. It was a hard decision but we thought that we could spare countless lives in return for your single life. A decision, I’m sure, you understand diplomatically.” 

Keith just nods because if he tries to speak he’ll sob. 

At least feeling and control are returning to his body.

”The artifacts are linked to former pilots of the Black Lion. Your sensitivity and connection were needed to locate them. Or, at least the other two. If you were gone then there was reason to believe it would take the Galra long enough to find them to buy us the time to destroy them.”

”Why didn’t you destroy this one? How did you even find it?” 

”We tracked your movements, assured it would call to you, and guide you to it. We eventually found it and, when we did, made a retreat back to here to prepare. To wait for your arrival. We needed it to lure you in so we could finish our mission.”

”The mission to kill me.”

”...The mission to kill you.”

Keith slaps his hands over his face and screams into them. Which turns into sobs. Which turns back into screams. Shiro doesn’t wake- the poison keeps him asleep, Keith realizes. Though he’d rather have no witness to his breakdown it’s better that it’s kept the minimum amount of people. For the first time since everything went wrong, Keith is letting his grief and frustration out. Runurn for his part just quietly lets Keith. 

Making him a better audience than Shiro, whom Keith wishes desperately to shield from this pain.

A small part of him feels there would have been a mercy in his death. 

It could have all been over. No more struggling. No more hurting. He wouldn’t have to deal with Voltron or the Blades or Handror or his situation anymore. 

But the baby moves like they too are sensitive to quintessence. Like they can feel the heartbreak. 

And Shiro makes a small huff beside him and it draws his attention. 

And memories of the team- not as they first were, but as they are now- come to embrace him. 

He has so much to live for. 

”So, what now?” He composes his voice and wipes tears on his forearms. ”No doubt they’ll be expecting us dead.

”Now I administer the antidote to the rest of your team and I aid in your retreat.” 

”You’re letting us go? But- what changed your mind?”

”I saw you. I saw the love your team has for you. The love Shiro has. And I saw the baby growing inside you and knew they would be loved; that they deserved to grow up alongside you, under your care.”

Keith warns Runurn that he should step out of the room and let Keith administer the antidote. 

Keith takes a moment to collect himself. He’s not sure what he’s going to tell Shiro. There’s so much he hasn’t even processed. 

He uncorks the vial and wedges an arm beneath Shiro’s neck. Tilting his head back he presses it to the man’s lips and tips in a few drops. 

And then recorks it and waits. 

’Shiro,’ he rehearses, ’our chasers are here. And Handror-’ 

He sighs and drags a hand down his face. 

’Shiro, it’s a lot to explain. Now isn’t the time. Just... trust me, ok?’ 

Shiro’s face twitches. Keith runs his fingers through the white of the man’s hair. If there’s one thing he can say it’s that he trusts Shiro to trust him. 

Eyes blink open. There’s a groan. 

”Keith?” 

He smiles and ruffles the man’s hair. ”Shiro, I know you just woke up but I need you to listen to me. We need to leave.” 

It’s bitter to see Shiro immediately wake up at that. There’s panic in his eyes- and Keith just wishes he could tell him it’s alright when it isn’t. 

”I sense you’ll tell me later?” 

Keith nods.

”Alright. I trust you. Tell me what to do.”

  
  


They get dressed and join Runurn in the hallway. 

It’s a harder sell for Pidge and Lance but Allura looks at Keith and then nods to them. 

”I assume you have a plan, do you not?” She steps forward and places hands on her hips. 

”They will be expecting us. Or rather, they will expect everyone except Keith. And they won’t be willing for the rest of you to take off in your Lions. Our best bet will be to slip outside while we still have time..” 

They safely exit the back door as they hear the others entering and sprint following Runurn’s lead. Keith struggles with keeping up and losing his breath. Shiro slows down to take his hand and help him run. 

The buildings blur as they fly behind them. 

Keith recognizes the direction they’re going as the one where he saw the barrier close and the ship squeak through. It's less built-up than the rest of the city. The brilliant flashes of green from the storm above strike the trees. 

Thoughts of Handror and the man’s betrayal twist Keith’s stomach. Try as he might he can’t get the conversation with Runurn out of his head. 

He stumbles* but Shiro’s strong hand keeps him upright and able to catch himself. 

The trees open up to another patch of an open field. In the distance, he sees the Lions buried in a dense patch of trees that have been charred with their emergency landing.

”There they are!” Pidge shouts excitedly as they approach their Lions.

But those aren't the only ships there. 

Right next to it is a Galran ship - but not just any Galran ship, 

it’s-

”Handror?” Keith trips over his feet and Shiro’s grip loosens and yanks away and he’d fall if not for the large arms that come around him. 

Everything in his vision moves slowly: the rest of the team is grabbed by Galrans who seem to appear from nowhere and it takes two to wrestle Shiro into their hold. 

Keith tries to kick and move his arms and scream but there’s a sharp jab at the back of his neck and his vision blurs and his limbs weaken again. It has to be the same drug they used on him in the facility. With a sob that never makes it out of his throat, the world darkens and he loses consciousness. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it has been more months than I would have liked.
> 
> This story was meant to be finished after the summer semester in May- but I lost a dear friend to suicide. He was a light in the sheith community and no doubt wherever he went. He was helping me beta and we were going to work on this final* chapter together. I had worked up to a volume of 10,000 words in one sitting at the time but lost all motivation to write since then. Slowly, I am starting to be able to sit still. 
> 
> This chapter is no beta'd, I just wanted it to finally release. This fall was meant to be the release of my next project. 
> 
> The sheith Keith-mpreg zine I started is getting ready to ship out within some weeks. We are a zine of mostly new creators and I'm so excited for everyone to see how wonderful it came out!
> 
> The PDF is still available for purchase though. The proceeds go to charity - The Trevor Project, in honor of our friend. So please consider purchasing the PDF or keep your eyes open for leftover sales. I don't want us to lose any more people, which is why this charity is so important to me.  
> [Zine PDF](https://creationzine.bigcartel.com/) [Zine Twitter](https://twitter.com/PregKeithZine)
> 
> *There will be one more chapter. While I intended to do a 30-50k epic ending (who knows it may still be long), I decided to break it up at the suggestion from my friend. 
> 
> I have another beta now, [Watermelon Tuesdays](https://twitter.com/WTuesdays), she is working with me on editing the first chapters and will be helping with these last two. Be sure to check her work out!!!! Also, I do not plan on releasing the final chapter until the first few have been edited.
> 
> Thank you for reading and still supporting this fic. This community is full of such hope and may we always be kind to one another. 
> 
> If you need someone to talk to, come poke me in DMs on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/fireside_keith). I'm not on often but will try and keep an eye out.
> 
> love, Socks

**Author's Note:**

> So here’s my next project.  
> Mpreg has been and will probably always be my special interest. 
> 
> I hope to one day finish my first long mpreg fic but I’ve hit walls and can’t find a BETA so I have no idea what to do with it. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for all your support! Y’all keep me so motivated to post my works <3


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